Prologue
Elio
I know how cruel it is to squeeze my eyes closed at the sound of her screams. If I could cover my ears and block it all out, I would. I should be stronger for her, but I’m a coward.
I want to look in her eyes and promise her that I’ll find a way to save us both, that I’ll devise a way to put an end to the pain he’s caused her—we’ve—we’ve caused her.
We were careful, so careful, sneaking around. I’d keep my eyes lowered at school, would go above and beyond not to draw any attention to her. I could love her in the darkness. Despite it causing so many fights between us, I did it to keep her safe.
Until my initiation, I didn’t heed many of the rumors about how we were required to prove our loyalty to the Severino family.
Killing someone, especially a girl, we knew, was absurd.
No one was that cruel. At least that’s what I thought until Alessio, the oldest Severino brother, whispered in my ear and told me to pick one while I stood on the edge of the dance floor at mine and his younger brother Marcello’s senior prom less than six months ago.
The quiet is so loud it forces my eyes open. Her chest rises and falls, telling me Maya’s still alive, but it doesn’t bring the relief it should. I know how this night ends. I know I’ll never be the same, and with that comes a swarm of guilt and a burn behind my eyes.
I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her.
I shouldn’t have thought I could have something of my own.
That loving her was worth the risk of losing her.
Her love, that peace I sought, comes at a price, and I wasn’t even man enough to warn her.
Instead, I made promises of a future, whispered in her ear all the things we would do together in the lifetime I knew I couldn’t give her.
Each word was a lie, a fantasy of my creation.
I want to beg for mercy, to plead with Marcello to just get it over with because I know begging for her life to be spared would be a waste of breath.
I know he feels betrayed. We aren’t supposed to love.
We aren’t supposed to make connections with anyone outside of the family.
When it’s time for us to settle down and marry, their father is the one responsible for telling us who that is.
I haven’t gotten my orders, despite my sister being almost a year younger and already being promised to the man that’s placing a soft hand on Maya’s subtly swollen belly.
I choke back a sob, the first one I let escape since all of this started.
He knows, I realize when I lock eyes with him.
“Please,” I beg.
The word is broken. I’m broken.
As he presses his knife to her flesh, I can only fucking pray he kills me next. Living without her is a torture I’ll never survive.
The only way to endure any of it is to never love again.
By the time I reopen my eyes, I’ve managed to shut all of it down. The pain, the self-hatred, the need for vengeance, all of it is gone. I’m blank. The part of me that had the ability to give a shit about anything is gone.
Numbness is all that’s left, and as her heart stops beating and Marcello smiles at me, I realize he was successful. His plan worked.
He turned me into the monster I pretended to be for so long.