Chapter 39
Alani
I press my fingers to my kiss-swollen lips as I stand a few feet behind him, recalling the way he kissed me in the truck, threatening a second later that he’d fuck me right there if I didn’t get back in my seat and put my seatbelt on.
He didn’t bring me to that filthy motel we first hooked up in. Instead, we’re at the more expensive one the Cerberus people put Ayla and me up in for a night.
The woman behind the counter is going extremely slow, but I realize why when I catch her looking up at me several times.
Donavan isn’t like biker cool. He isn’t going to smile to try and reassure anyone that he isn’t a psycho.
I do smile at her, however, because she looks like she’s seconds away from calling the cops.
I press my body to his back, leaning my cheek against his bicep. I feel him freeze because it’s just as out of character for me as it would be for him to experience it.
We aren’t soft and cuddly. We aren’t the type of people who hold hands or whisper sweet nothings, but there are probably very few people who would understand this dynamic between the two of us.
Eventually the lady accepts his cash payment and hands over the keycards for the room.
“The only room available is right beside the elevator,” she says, earning a scoff from Donavan before he turns around and leaves the front desk.
“She was letting you know that if you scream for help when you hear the elevator that someone would hear,” he says once we’re on our way up to the fourth floor.
“Good to know,” I say, trying to sound teasing, but honestly, I’m a little worried.
I’m not foolish enough to think everything is fine. His claim on me doesn’t mean much when he doesn’t know all my secrets. There’s a very real chance he’ll bolt the second he does.
He holds the door open for me, letting me walk in ahead of him, and it’s just weird.
Wrong, actually.
To go even further, he doesn’t pounce on me the second the door closes. Instead, he uses the light coming in from the gauzy curtain to guide him to the lamp on the bedside table. When he clicks it on, it casts the room in a soft orange light.
“We need to talk,” he says. “I didn’t want to do this shit tonight, but we have to lay it all out.”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt.
He freezes, his eyes dipping to where my hands are clasped in front of my stomach before drawing back up to mine.
“What?” he asks, as if he somehow heard me wrong.
“I did it on purpose. I mean, I couldn’t predict that you’d fuck me without a condom again, but you did, and yeah.”
He takes a step forward. “Do you realize what you’ve fucking done?”
He seems to be vibrating with energy, but as much as I want this man, I still don’t know him well enough to predict which mood I’m going to get.
“I was going to give you a fucking option, Alani. Even with all of that you’re mine shit in the truck, I was going to walk away if that’s what you wanted.”
“It’s probably best,” I say, my throat working on a swallow.
He shakes his head. “I would’ve struggled with it, but I would’ve done my best to give you what you wanted.”
I chew on the corner of my bottom lip, backing up when he inches forward.
He lunges, his hand somehow reaching out and softening the blow to the back of my head when I smack into the door.
“A fucking baby,” he whispers, his breath warm on my lips. “That changes everything.”
“For me,” I offer. “It doesn’t have to change anything for you.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, baby. I had that chance before, and it was literally ripped out of my fucking hands.”
My eyes close, the threat of tears more real now than it was before. I knew there was someone else before me. Sometimes I felt like he was punishing me because I wasn’t her, or at a minimum, he was upset that I didn’t meet his expectations the way she would’ve.
Before this exact moment in time, I wanted to know everything. But as I’m facing it, I realize I was wrong. I don’t want to hear his confessions of lost love. I don’t want him comparing me to her, knowing I’m only going to come up short in his eyes.
“My life before this one was dangerous,” he says, his lips moving against the soft skin on my neck.
“I was just a boy, barely eighteen. I thought my love could protect her, but I was wrong. She died because of it. The baby we created died because of it. I was a changed man after that. I couldn’t let a single fucking thing inside of me, not even the love for my mother or my sister.
The pain of losing her ate me from the inside out and left nothing behind.
It had to be that way. I wouldn’t have survived it.
Most days, I don’t know why I even bothered trying to live.
Maybe it was my way of punishing myself. Staying alive was harder than dying.”
“I don’t—” He presses his lips to mine, but it really isn’t a kiss, more of just enough pressure to shut me up.
“I’m five seconds away from fucking you, Alani. Let me get this shit out because I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk about it again.”
I nod, tears trailing down my cheeks.
“I had a guy in the organization I was a part of help me fake my own death. He was with me when we wrecked. The plan was to crash the car and then set it on fire, but I knew I couldn’t leave a witness.
I shot him in the car, expecting him to just fucking die, but he had other plans, and made me wreck worse than planned.
The gas we already bought caught fire, and it fucked me up pretty badly.
My skin was melted by the time I crawled out of the car.
I didn’t know if it was going to work. All I knew was I had to get away.
I do vigilante shit for money now because as evil as the men I was connected to were, they started something inside of me I have to feed on a regular basis.
I’m basically a gun for hire, a mercenary of sorts, and there aren’t many rules or laws I don’t break regularly. ”
He pulls back a few inches, his eyes searching mine. I know everything he’s telling me should freak me out. I’m having a baby after all. I should put the child first and walk away, but I know he won’t let me.
“So you want the baby because of the one you didn’t get with her?”
He presses his forehead to mine.
“I’m fucked up. I’ll never deny it, but I want our baby as much as I want you. I don’t deserve a fucking second chance, and there will be nothing fucking normal about what we’ll share, but I’m too selfish to let you leave. I don’t even think I could try to let you walk away.”
“So you’re saying I don’t get a choice?” A zing of awareness rages through me.
“I’m saying I’ll lock you in a fucking dungeon if I have to in order to protect you from the world.”
“And who protects me from you?” I whisper.
A slow, feral grin spreads across his face, but I know better than to think it’s coming from a place of happiness.
“No one.”
“Is it crazy that I don’t want to walk away?”
He shakes his head.
“Our darkness feeds each other. I think I knew that from the first day. I just didn’t want to accept it.”
“If I can’t leave your sight, how do I attend classes?”
“I told you that you aren’t going back to campus.”
“I’m your prisoner?” I verify.
His eyes dip back down to my lips.
“I’ve got extravagant tastes.”
“I plan to give you anything you desire, Alani.”
“You’ll fuck me slow and gentle?”
He shakes his head, no hesitation.
“You and I both know you don’t want that.”
“What do you think I want?” I challenge, knowing he’s going to do exactly as he’s promised.
Not only will this man nurture me and give me everything I need to survive, but he’s also going to feed those parts of me that seek danger and adventure. But he’ll do it in a way that keeps me and his baby safe.
His grip in my hair makes me squeal in pain, and my lower half clenches with need.
“Take my cock out,” he growls, stepping back only enough that I can get my hands between us.
He doesn’t bother taking a stitch of clothing off before he bends me over the bed.
My tights rip further under his fingers, but I don’t have time to complain before he pulls my panties to the side and slides his thick cock inside of me.
He’s possessive and territorial, unrelenting on my body. I come before I can even announce it, but it doesn’t stop the growl from his throat.
“Always such a whore for my cock. Your greedy cunt will be the death of me.”
I whimper, my body begging for more.
“Donavan,” I scream when his fingers find my clit.
His hips ram forward over and over, my body taking everything he gives because it was fucking made for him.
“Goddamn,” he growls as my fingers try to gain purchase on the bed.
Before I can argue, he flips me to my back, shoving inside of me immediately. His hand tangles in my hair as I lift my knees high up on his sides. He pulls me forward, curling over my body until our mouths are nearly touching.
“Tell me you love me,” he demands.
I shake my head, my tears renewed. It feels like a fucking trap, like he’s trying to find a reason to shove me away.
Every time we’ve fucked, he doesn’t waste a second running from me.
“You better,” he growls. “Because I fucking love you. Mmm… Goddamn, baby.”
His mouth hangs open, his hips slowing as if he’s trying to postpone his own release.
“Fucking say it!” he roars, his cock kicking inside of me.
“I love you, Elio.”
His eyes widen, his throat moving his Adam’s apple under his beard.
“Baby,” he whispers just as the pulsing of his cock begins deep inside of me.
Dampness hits my face, tears falling from his eyes as he looks down at me.
“I’m never leaving you,” I promise.
If this man is going to dedicate his entire life to me, then I plan to offer the same in return.
His lips find mine, and this kiss is somehow more intense, needier than every one that came before it.
“I’m going to have beard burn on my face,” I say when he pulls away.
I clamp my hands on his face, and I can tell it doesn’t make him exactly comfortable.
I think he has a long way to go before he’ll let me actually love him.
I imagine he’ll fight against it, no matter what he’s told me here tonight because he doesn’t think he deserves happiness.
I’ll be here to prove him wrong, to scratch and hiss when he fights back too much.
He pulls his hips back, slipping from inside of me, and I have to fight back a groan of pleasure.
“If you run away from me right now, I’ll never forgive you.”
“Don’t want to crush you,” he says, falling to his back and pulling me on top of him.
“How do we do this?”
“You press your feet to the mattress and bounce,” he says, guiding himself back inside of me.
I slap his chest.
“I mean you and me.”
“One fucking day at a time,” he says, licking his thumb and pressing it to my clit.
THE END