Chapter 5
She whispers in her sleep.
It’s a fucking miracle I haven’t climbed in that bed to hold her, to tell her it’s okay.
But I can’t move. If I do, the rusty metal frame inside of me will shatter.
It’s not nightmares. It’s something much worse. A nightmare would be something I can fix.
"I always wanted a pony when I was a kid,” she says, her expression turning sad. “Silly, but I thought it would be my friend."
Jade sighs and says the same thing she did moments ago. “Wanted to name her Ruby, even if it was a he.”
A sad smile ghosts over her face and I almost leap out of the chair.
Fuck. Fuck!
No. Don’t touch her. I scrub my hand over my face, forcing myself to stare at the wall as another knife blade drags through my chest.
Goddamn her father. Goddamn the world for scaring the shit out of this gentle woman.
The shift in the bed sounds different this time and I’m aware Jade is awake before turning to look at her.
I fight the need to see her pretty eyes until I can’t any longer. The space seems to shrink as we look at each other.
"You’re here," she says, voice soft in the hush of the bedroom.
"I didn’t want you to wake up alone in a strange place."
She hesitates a beat, shifting her gaze from mine as she draws in a quick breath. "Thank you."
Her attention bounces to the other twin bed and snags there for a few seconds. I imagine her realizing I was close. Probably too close while she was vulnerable.
"Did you rest?"
"No," I reply, caught off guard by her concern. "I stretched out."
"How do you feel?"
She snaps her gaze back to me, ignoring my question. "Aren’t you tired?"
"Only thing that matters is whether you’re still tired."
Jade looks down, her hand slipping into her hair to gather it at the nape of her neck. For a second I worry she’s fighting tears.
"I’m sorry..."
"You’ve got nothing to apologize for, Jade."
Tension lifts her shoulders as if she struggles with her emotions for a second.
"I guess I’m used to having to say that."
"It’s not necessary here. With me, with my team, you say what you feel, and you don’t apologize unless you’ve done something that really needs apologizing for. Wrecking someone’s car. Shooting them in the foot. Busting up their favorite motorcycle."
Her eyes are soft when she glances at me this time. There’s a hint of humor in her tone when she says, "Noted. I’ll try not to do any of those things."
"Wouldn’t really matter if you did. Well, maybe the shooting them in the foot. That’s a pain to heal from."
"You know this firsthand?" She glances at my boots.
"Something like that." I’m not going to tell her about the knife I took through the foot on a deployment.
When her finger brushes her face, almost absentmindedly, she winces and all the humor I felt a second ago is ash.
"Tender?"
"They’ll go away," she makes a dismissive motion with her hand. "I heal fast."
I’m out of the chair, closing the distance between us before it registers to all my cells we’re moving out.
"That guy won’t get another chance to hurt you. I’ll make sure of it."
A fracture appears in the bravado, before she quickly goes into lockdown mode.
"Men don’t talk like that. Especially where I’m from. There, women are objects to be ordered around. A lot of men think differently than you, Ryker."
"I’m not them."
After staring at me for a beat, her lips part, but she doesn’t reply, just shakes her head. When she pushes the blanket down, my focus locks onto the bruises.
Color rides one side of her face, the inside of her upper arm, around her wrist.
My fist closes, but my job right now isn’t violence. It’s to stay in control, to show her there are better men.
I lower to a knee, putting us eye to eye.
Jade doesn’t pull back, but she asks almost nervously, "What are you doing?"
"Coming closer."
The flare in her eyes makes it harder to think. It’s not fear, it’s that curious longing she’s shown me in flashes before.
It fits inside me like a puzzle piece, locking into place. I reach for her. Slowly. Careful not to startle her.
"Don’t accept that from any man." I look her in the eyes when I tell her this. "Ever again."
She nods and the entire safe house feels like it holds its breath.
My chest is in a steel band. Hers seems to be too. Because nothing breaks the silence as I stroke my thumb over the unbruised skin.
What I feel is insane.
This can’t be love.
No fucking way. Not in hours.
I give myself a mental shake, and lower my hand to her shoulder. "If anyone even looks at you wrong, you call me."
Jade drags her teeth across her bottom lip, watching me, and I wonder just how much she can read.
Does she see how fucked up I am?
"Too bad I didn’t have someone like you before," she whispers in a tone that doesn’t help the tide of feeling building inside of me.
The impact caves part of me in. I need to get out of here, give her some space.
Get my shit right.
"I’ve got a deployment tonight," I tell her, standing up. "You’ll stay here with the other women and some security team members."
The wall that slams down between us is made of ice.
Her reply is tight, instant. As if it’s practiced. "Of course. It will be good to have some company."
The last thing I want to think about is her here alone. I don’t care if the entire Agile Team is standing guard. It’s not me.
"We have food here for you."
When I motion to the desk she’s already moving from the bed. "I didn’t eat much this morning."
Another fist to my own stomach. "I should have fed you before you slept."
"Oh, no. I needed that much more." She pauses, reconsiders, and I hate that she feels like she has to hold back. "I haven’t rested well in a long time."
"Ever?"
She reaches for a cookie on the tray Allison prepared.
"Once upon a time, maybe."
I decide then and there she’ll have whatever it takes so she can sleep without fear from now on.
My intention was to leave, give her some space, but when she folds into the desk chair, I pull the other chair closer and grab a few cookies off the tray for myself.
We eat in silence.
She grazes, picking some pieces of cheese and when she reaches for an orange, I pick it up first. "Here, let me."
As Jade watches me peel it, that tension simmers between us again.
I want to feed her. Physically.
Jesus.
Instead, I place the orange slices in front of her one by one.
She grins at me, apparently amused by my discomfort. "Thank you. I can officially say that no one has ever done that for me."
"Well... I guess you can say, I’m original."
Her gaze slides over me. "That, without a doubt, is the truest statement that’s ever been spoken."
This fans a fire that’s been sitting at the base of my throat. "You think so?"
"I know so." She pushes an orange slice toward me. "I mean who else would turn into the knight in shining armor in the middle of a donut shop."
I glance at the closed door. "Any one of our team would."
"That’s nice..." She smiles, then turns serious. "But I don’t think they would have watched over me while I slept."
"You’d be wrong."
She toes my calf with her bare foot. "Ryker..."
I chew the orange slice, mindful not to choke when that’s what’s about to happen. "What, sweetheart?"
"I like that you’re humble."
Ha. I chuckle. "Never been called humble before."
"It’s true. You’re much more than you give yourself credit for."
I lean back, putting some space between us. "I’m not what you think. I am not a good man, Jade."
Her expression stays serious as she glances at my scarred hands. "I’m not afraid of what you are. I actually like it. You don’t use violence like the men I’ve known my whole life. I can tell that."
This sits like a boulder in my esophagus.
I reach for the food, picking up some of the chocolate covered whatever, because I NEED something to do with my hands instead of reaching for her.
"I want your help, Ryker. The files I told you about. I can show you right now if you have a laptop."
My marginally relaxed demeanor is gone as I reach for the laptop on the corner of the desk. "Show me."
After three tries, Jade gets logged into a dummy email account she used to transmit the files to another dummy email account. Which was brilliant.
"Dangerous," I say, unhappy she was so risky. "You could have gotten caught, but this was a smart way to do it."
"I know, but I had to do something."
Her expression darkens as she opens the file.
When I slide the chair closer, hemming her in with my thighs, she doesn’t pull away. If anything she seems to relax.
"See, look at these names."
Hearing about it on that sidewalk was one thing. Seeing it is something else entirely.
A dozen names. Men and women, alongside their ages. Dates that could correspond with disappearances. The words confirmed and placement sitting on the page like a goddamned indictment.
"Have you cross-checked them to see if they’re missing?"
Clicking on another email, Jade shakes her head. "A few I know are, but honestly, I was afraid to do any online searches because I didn’t know what someone might be able to see."
"Smart girl." I reach around her, moving the cursor, enlarging the next document.
There’s more than what she described. I zero in on what appears to be a dark web link. Someone’s written it down across the bottom of a printed document.
My blood goes cold.
"I want our guy on this."
She looks at me. "You think this is enough to make Trevor do what he did today?"
I open the first document again, alarm going off inside my head like there’s an incoming missile strike. "Yes. And he won’t stop if he thinks there’s any chance you’ve told me."
Her face pales. "I did tell you."
"Which is exactly why you’re staying right here."