Chapter 36
Penis-to-the-eye meet-cute
Zoey
The knock at my bedroom door woke me from a dead sleep. Gage was already halfway to it, completely naked, before I reached for my phone.
“Shit. Wait, it’s not a murderer,” I called a split second too late as Gage threw open the door.
“Happy b—whoa! I see there’s a strong Bishop family resemblance,” Hazel said, admiring my sex partner’s below-the-belt region.
“We’re lucky girls,” I said on a yawn as I felt around for my discarded sweatshirt and shorts.
Gage jumped back, using his hands to cover as much of his impressive nakedness as possible. “Hazel, what the hell are you doing breaking into Zoey’s apartment at midnight? I could have hurt you.”
“Yeah. Good thing I wear glasses. Otherwise, I could have lost an eye.” Hazel grinned. Then her expression changed, and she got that faraway look in her eyes.
“Now you did it,” I said, handing Gage the bedsheet and giving him a sleepy kiss on the cheek. “Your penis gave her a meet-cute idea.”
“What’s going on? Why is she in pajamas, holding a cupcake?” he asked me, wrapping the sheet around his waist.
“It’s nothing. Just a little tradition. Go back to sleep.”
Back from her imaginary penis-to-the-eye meet-cute, Hazel whipped out a lighter and lit the candle atop her cupcake. “As I was saying. Happy birth—”
“Let’s take this out into the living room,” I said, pushing her through the doorway.
“It’s your birthday? And you didn’t think to tell me about it?” Gage said, his voice raspy from sleep and annoyance.
I didn’t want Good Guy Gage—who I’d accidentally fallen in love with—to feel obligated to make my birthday less sucky than it always was. There was no need to involve him in the mess I’d made. “It’s a long story. Don’t worry about it,” I said.
“She hates her birthday because her parents are terrible,” Hazel filled in. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell him.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thank you, Megaphone Mouth. Give me a minute.” I shoved her the rest of the way into the hall and shut the bedroom door in her face.
“I swear to you I’m not putting you through some kind of ‘will he remember my birthday’ test. I don’t celebrate it.
It’s actually a day of torture that I prefer not to acknowledge.
Hazel knows this, and every year, she shows up at midnight and we have our own little pajama party before things go to hell. ”
“I’m gonna need a hell of a lot more information,” Gage said grumpily.
“Yeah, well, it’ll have to wait until breakfast. Please go back to bed.”
“Can I have a cupcake first?”
I sighed and opened the bedroom door.
“Cupcake me,” I said. Hazel handed me one, which I delivered to Gage. “There. Happy?”
“Still confused but also happy,” he said before giving me a kiss on the top of the head, ruffling Hazel’s hair, and closing the bedroom door.
“The resemblance is uncanny,” Hazel said. “I wonder if Levi is the same in the penis region?”
“Let’s go break into his house to find out,” I suggested. “We could be in jail before my parents even get here.”
“You’re not going to my brother’s house to look at his dick,” Gage grumbled through the door.
“Party pooper,” Hazel called back.
We headed for the privacy of the living room.
“Sorry about crashing your postsex sleep,” she said. “I thought you two were keeping things casual. I wasn’t expecting to find him naked in your bed.”
“That’s the nice thing about casual sex. It’s very energetic, and we just keep falling asleep after it,” I said. “Okay. I’m ready now.”
Hazel grinned and retrieved the cupcake with the candle from the bakery box. She lit it again and cleared her throat. “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Zoey. Happy birthday to you!”
I leaned in, closed my eyes, and blew out the candle.
Hazel handed me the cupcake and took one for herself. We settled ourselves on the living room floor with the traditional bottle of champagne. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she said, taking a swig directly from the bottle.
“Where else would I be?” I shoved the cupcake into my mouth.
“I mean, I know you want to go back to New York. I just…I can’t imagine not getting to be there for your birthday. I can’t imagine not having our lake lunches or laundry days. I just love you so much.”
I frowned. “Are you PMS-ing?”
“No. I’m just stupidly happy,” Hazel said with a sniffle.
“If you start crying right now, I’m gonna be pissed,” I said through a mouthful of cupcake.
“You’re my best friend. And right now I feel like I have it all.
I have you, I have Cam, this town. I’m just scared thinking about how things can change.
What am I going to do when you leave? What happens if this book flops?
What happens if your parents finally push you over the edge and you murder them and go to prison and we only get to hang out during visitations? ”
I stole the champagne from her and put my arm around her shoulders. “I’m the one who needs you, not the other way around, remember?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to make your birthday all about me, but I see everything you’re doing to support me and this town that I fell in love with.
Nobody is going to champion me the way you do, and I feel like I owe all this to you.
I’m so happy and so fucking scared that it’s all just going to go away again. ”
“You’re so pretty when you’re being an idiot.”
Hazel looked down at my pajama shorts. “Hmm, those don’t look like your mean pants, yet here we are.”
“It’s my birthday. I’ll be mean if I want to.”
“Why does having it all scare the hell out of us?” she asked, reaching for another cupcake.
“You’re a real downer on my birthday.”
“Yeah, well, I’m sorry for not syncing up my creative crisis with Arbor Day instead.”
I heaved a sigh. “You’re scared because you’ve also lost it all before.
You know what that rock bottom feels like, and it sucks.
But you have to remember, you’ve already climbed back out once.
You’ve already been lonely and blocked and wounded.
You made it through, and you managed to find an even better kind of happy than before.
If something changes, you’ll just do it again.
Just like you’ve already proved you can. ”
“You’re my best friend, Zoey.”
“Duh. You really should expand your horizons.”
“I’m serious. I need you to know how amazing I think you are. Even when you’re wearing your mean pants.”
“The birthday ass-kissing is appreciated but not required.”
“I wouldn’t be here without you. I wouldn’t have any of this, and I just want you to find your happily ever after.”
“Haze, you’re my best friend. I’d do anything to make you happy, including letting you drag me away from my entire life so you could find your inspiration. But not everyone gets an HEA.” I couldn’t take that chance again, be that burden again.
“You deserve one. A good one. And I know this sounds crazy, but I think it’s here. I think we’re both happier here. I just worry what would happen to both of us if you move back to New York.”
I dropped my head back on the couch cushion and groaned. “You’re the worst. ‘Hey, Zoey, here’s a birthday cupcake and a side of emotional blackmail.’”
“Just because I personally benefit from you staying doesn’t mean that I’m being completely selfish. I see how you’re fitting in. I see what you’re accomplishing here. And I think you’re enjoying it. Admit it.” She drilled a finger into my ribs.
I slapped her hand away and stole her half-eaten cupcake. “Fine. As per the midnight birthday honesty clause, I haven’t been hating my time here as much as I thought I would.”
“I bet that naked hunk of Bishop in your bed wouldn’t mind if you stuck around.”
“The man lives in a barn, Hazel. A barn. I know opposites attract works out in your books, but we both know I’m not going to trade Sephora for skunk baths.”
“All I’m asking is that you promise you’ll consider the possibility of staying.”
“Ugh. Fine. I will add slowly rot into old age with no access to a local Sephora to my list of options.”
“Great! Now, what’s a skunk bath?”
“Let me give you some advice. If Meetcute ever runs after a black-and-white cat, don’t follow him.”
I filled her in on Nana’s antics and Pepe’s ridiculous crush while she took six pages of notes.
I thought about the prom, the home-cooked meals, the dimes, the vagina-defining sex.
Maybe I was living the life of a romance heroine right now.
But things never stayed good for me for long relationship-wise.
There was always a point where I got to be too much for the beleaguered hero.
“How did you know Cam was worth the risk?” I asked her.
She got that dreamy look on her face that was usually reserved for her fictional couples. “He showed up for me like you always have. Different but the same. If I know one thing, it’s that no matter what happens, you and Cam will always be in my corner.”
“Damn right we will.”
“And I’ll always be in yours,” she promised me. “Because you’re more amazing than you know.”
“People keep saying that. I’m starting to get suspicious.”
“Maybe you’ll start believing it.”
“Yeah. Sure. When bald eagles bring my bra back.”