Chapter 40 Shenanigans
Shenanigans
Zoey
Me: Stop panicking.
Hazel: How did you know I was panicking?
Me: Because it’s release day. You always panic on release day.
Hazel: I hate being so predictable.
Me: We can’t both bring unpredictable chaos to the table. Remember, we only have our careers and the future of this town riding on how well this weekend goes. No pressure AT ALL!
Hazel: Har har.
Zoey: I’ll pick you up later. Don’t dress like shit.
This is Curly Calamity to Little Mule. What’s the status at the farm?” I said into my walkie-talkie. Story Lake had graduated from last summer’s selection of donated children’s radios to the cheapest ones the general store could order, and honestly, it felt like a win.
Opal snorted next to me at the welcome booth. It was nine in the morning, and we were set up in a shady spot near the lake’s parking lot.
“Hey, laugh all you want. I still got you out here volunteering for the early shift.”
“I believe it was more emotional blackmail than volunteering,” she said, fanning out the coupon packets across the table.
“This is Little Mule for Curly Calamity.” Isla’s voice crackled over the radio. “We’ve got a full barnyard. Repeat, a full barnyard. Opening up the lower pasture for more parking now.”
“Excellent. Call me if you need anything. Curly Calamity out,” I said.
I crossed off the half hour check-in with Bishop Farms from my minute-by-minute checklist Felicity had developed and turned my attention back to the picnic tent that was going up next to the lake.
If I dropped the ball on something this weekend, it wouldn’t be for lack of trying. That was for damn sure.
I hit the button on my radio again. “Logistics Lover, this is Curly Calamity requesting a weather check. I want to leave the tent walls off if possible.”
“Logistics Lover reporting for duty.” But Felicity’s voice wasn’t coming from my radio. It was coming from behind me. I whirled around on my metal chair to see Felicity standing behind us in her Story Lake Reader Weekend T-shirt.
“What are you doing here? You know we were fine with you handling the communications from home,” I said, jumping up to greet her.
Her eyes darted from side to side, and her arms were crossed. “I know. But this is important. And for once, I wanted to be there to witness it in person. Besides, I baked a dozen potatoes in case Dominion shows up today,” she said, pointing at her backpack.
“That is very brave and generous of you, and that’s all I’m going to say about it. Why don’t you take over here with my friend Opal so I can go check in at the bookstore?”
Opal harrumphed at Felicity. “We’re not friends. She blackmailed me to be here.”
“I did not. And stop saying that before someone tries to investigate me for elder abuse,” I warned.
“I’m actually here for the revenge plot against Dominion,” Felicity said.
“Excuse me.”
I looked up and found a woman with a nose ring and a smile looking at me. “Are you Zoey?”
“That depends on how much trouble I’m in.”
“I’m Audrey. Gage’s friend-slash-client. I’m here to volunteer.”
“Here’s a shirt,” Opal said, throwing a staff T-shirt at her.
“Please excuse my crabby acquaintance,” I apologized. “Thank you so much for being here. We could use some extra hands in the bingo tent.”
“Perfect,” she said.
“I’ll walk you over as long as you two promise not to scare anyone off,” I said to Opal and Felicity.
“Can’t promise anything,” Opal harrumphed.
“So you’re dating Gage,” Audrey said as we headed for the tent.
“Oh, well, I wouldn’t say dating.”
“Well, whatever you’re doing, it’s putting a smile on his face, and I love to see it. He’s one of the good guys,” she said.
“He really is,” I agreed on a sigh. He was my good guy. For better or worse.
“I can’t wait to find one of my own someday,” Audrey admitted. “Divorce,” she explained, holding up her ringless left hand.
“Congratulations,” I said. “There’s nothing like a fresh start, is there?”
Audrey grinned. “That’s what this weekend smells like. Fresh starts.”
She wasn’t wrong. I deposited her at the bingo tent and decided to check in on the businesses on Lake Drive to see how they were holding up to the increased traffic.
The whole town was putting its best foot forward.
Storefronts sported fresh paint, pretty greenery, and hand-lettered signs.
I could see the coffee shop was already doing a brisk business thanks to a few dozen readers all sporting their Reader Weekend totes.
And Garland was on the scene at the lodge, reporting that another gaggle of readers was having breakfast and exclaiming over how cute the town was.
I was just passing Gage’s office and looking up to make sure I’d closed my living room windows when I ran into a wall of man. I’d have known him by his scent or at least the feel of his cardigan without even opening my eyes.
“Well, this is a pleasant run-in,” Gage said, rubbing my arms. His green eyes were warm and affectionate this morning. It made me feel like I had a belly full of honey and a heart full of burn.
Damn it.
I, Zoey Moody, had gone ahead and fallen in love with a cardigan-wearing, dog-dadding, law-abiding, blue-collar hottie. I kept hoping the feelings would just go away. That I’d wake up and everything would be back to normal. But nooo. Every day, I just got sucked in deeper and deeper.
This was going to mess up everything.
“Hi.” I managed to get the word out without choking on it.
“You left early today,” he said, plucking a piece of lint off my Reader Weekend Committee shirt. “I thought I’d have time to wish you luck.”
I’d been avoiding having any non-naked, non-unconscious time with Gage until after this weekend while I sorted out our most recent potentially life-altering conversation. But a girl could only pretend to fall asleep after sex so many times before the guy got suspicious.
“I had a lot of things. To do,” I added hastily in case it wasn’t clear. Oh God. I was turning into a blathering idiot. And I was going to stay here in this town and marry a man who made me say stupid things because his hot niceness threw me off. “So you’re looking handsome and stuff.”
Way to save it, me. Way. To. Save. It.
Thankfully further embarrassment was temporarily delayed by the walkie-talkie on my hip. “Come in, Curly Calamity. This is Marvel Mayor. We have a situation at the lake.”
“I’m on my way,” I said.
“I’ll come with you,” Gage volunteered.
“Um, thanks?”
“I’m only doing it because you think I’m ‘handsome and stuff.’”
“Come on,” I said with an eye roll and the pitter-patter of panic in my chest as we made a U-turn for the lake.
Situation didn’t even begin to cover what we saw when we crossed the road into the lake parking lot.
Nina Vampic, looking evilly beautiful as always, was watching four people in Dominion Dominates T-shirts unload several animal crates and carriers from two vans.
“Why does she have different minions every time?” I wondered.
“Probably because no one can stand her for longer than a day at a time,” Gage guessed.
It was the only acceptable answer.
“What the hell is this?” I demanded, pretending to consult my clipboard. “I don’t have ‘Arrival of Queen Assface’ on the schedule.”
Darius held up his hands. “Mayor Vampic was just explaining—”
“You mean lying to our faces,” Felicity cut in helpfully. I didn’t see her backpack, but I knew her potato stash couldn’t be far.
“The mayor said there was a water main break at the shelter, and she needs us to take in all their strays for the weekend,” Darius said.
Nina flashed one of those viciously fake smiles that made me want to punch her in the boob. “I figured you do-gooders would have plenty of time on your hands after your silly little book reading event bombs.”
“Why are you so unlikable?” I asked. “I mean seriously. You’re so pretty. All you’d have to do is just not open your mouth, and you could have all the friends you want.”
“I don’t know why you think you can speak to me that way. But I do know you’ve got fourteen cats and dogs to deal with. Good luck with that, publicist.” She gave a loud fake cough.
No one moved.
Nina cleared her throat, then pointedly coughed again.
“Did you swallow a bug?” Darius asked.
“Damn it, Gary,” Nina said. “Do the thing!”
One of the minions, with glasses and a beanie, looked up.
“Oh right. Sorry. Oops. I fell over and accidentally unlatched this cage,” he announced as he slowly lowered himself to the ground.
With an exaggerated flail of his arm, he reached for the door of the closest crate and, after some fumbling, managed to pry it open.
Whatever was inside didn’t move a muscle, but it did let out a pathetic whimper.
“Damn it, Gary! I told you to open the Jack Russell’s crate. That little son of a bitch can run like the wind.”
“Sorry, Nina.”
“Okay,” Gage said, taking a preemptive step in front of me. “You have to have another option. We all know you’re just doing this to wreak havoc and distract us.”
She gave a dainty shrug. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Of course, if you can’t handle them, you’re welcome to take them to the next-closest shelter. It’s high-kill,” she said with a creepy smile.
“You’re, like, a legit monster, you know that? We’re going to make stuffed versions of you to put up in our gardens to scare away the pests,” I said, peering around Gage’s shoulder.
“Easy there, Disaster,” he said quietly.
Darius stepped forward. “We’ll be happy to help you out. For one hundred dollars per animal per day.”
Nina’s smile faltered for a moment. Then she smirked. “Whatever. Send me a bill.” She whistled shrilly. “Let’s get back to Boozetag, Dominionites!”
“Hmm, sounds forced. Why not Domineers?” Felicity suggested.
“I like Dominoes better because we get to knock. Them. Down,” I said, baring my teeth.
“Nobody asked you, Curly Sue,” Nina snapped.
“All trash talking aside, this feels like a real half-assed attempt at messing with us,” Gage interjected.
“He’s right. Summer Fest involved actual sabotage. But this seems like a plot that second graders came up with,” I observed.
One of the Dominionites eased closer. “We were going to ‘accidentally’ launch fireworks into your town square, but we set our own fire department on fire during the practice run, and then we broke the fire hydrant, and that’s what flooded the animal shelter.
So now you just get a bunch of displaced pets. ”
“Ah,” Gage said. “Makes sense.”
“Amateurs,” I muttered.
Nina flipped her icy-blond hair over her shoulder. “Oh, and by the way, most of the animals are really old and need medicine around the clock. So have fun with that.” She slapped a garbage bag full of pill bottles to Darius’s chest. “Ta-ta, losers,” she said before strutting back to the vans.
“I’d like to potato her entire town,” I muttered.
“What are we going to do with fourteen dogs and cats with special medical needs?” Felicity said.
I crossed to the open crate and peered inside. A skinny silver pit bull in a pink collar shivered pathetically in the corner. She was curled into a ball, the tip of her tail covering her little heart-shaped nose. Her brown eyes locked on me, and I again felt that strange warm glow in my chest.
“It’s gonna be okay, little girl,” I promised.
The tail tapped hesitantly against the crate’s plastic floor.
I straightened and faced the crowd. “Okay, people. We can handle this. A couple of cute animals is better than illicit fireworks exploding in town square.”
“You know who’s good at taking medicine all the damn time?” Opal said as she limped toward us.
I grinned. “I do, and that gives me an idea.”
“I had it first,” Opal insisted.
“Fine. Let’s go.”
Forty minutes later, I was sitting in the passenger seat of Gage’s truck with the little pit bull on my lap, my phone glued to my ear.
“Yeah, we’re going to need play yards, baby pack-and-play things, whatever we can use as a bunch of doggy and cat jails.
But, like, friendly doggy and cat jails,” I said into the phone.
“I need this to look like an adoption fair, not a police operation. Oh, and something the cats can’t climb out of. ”
The dog that I had quietly nicknamed Buttercup after The Princess Bride wriggled in my lap and bathed my chin with kisses. I was absolutely not falling in love. Again. No. Nope. No way. I was staying focused on the task at hand, which was…something important.
“Look at you,” Gage said when I hung up.
“What?”
“You’re holding a dog in your lap while organizing a last-second adoption fair. You’ve come a long way from running out in front of my truck, screaming about eagles and snakes.”
“And you’ve gotten to see my boobs since then,” I reminded him.
“It’s been a good couple of months for us both,” he agreed, giving me a pointed look.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m still thinking,” I fibbed.
I was done thinking. This was what I wanted. A chaotic Saturday spent with a good dog and a good man. There was no amount of temporary professional success that was going to make me feel as happy and satisfied as this moment. I wanted more, and I wanted it with Gage Bishop.
I just needed to figure out the perfect grand gesture to tell him, because I was nothing if not dramatic.
“Can you hurry it the hell up?” Opal demanded from the back seat, where she was wrestling a bonded pair of cats back into their crate.
“I told you not to open it,” I said smugly.
“What was I supposed to do? They were meowing their little faces off. Maybe someone with a cold, shriveled heart can ignore that, but I can’t,” she complained.
She’s going to adopt them, I mouthed to Gage, who grinned and turned into the Haven’s entrance. Behind us, Levi’s truck did the same.
“Okay, people. Let’s make this work…somehow,” I said.