Chapter 44
Puke in the petunias
Gage
Cam: Haze and I are on our way. I vote we disinvite Gigi. He sucks.
Hazel: I hope he chokes on his toothbrush.
Pep: Oh dear. I was afraid of this.
Frank: Has anyone seen my going out jeans?
Levi: Gonna be late. Still trying to remand the prisoner to the county jail. I hate you all.
Laura: Is this about Gigi being an embarrassment to the family name by losing his shit last night?
Cam: Yep. Stupid jackass.
Levi: He’s the worst.
Hazel: I’m going to crush him with a pumpkin in my next book.
Mom: Everybody calm the hell down.
Dad: Seriously. Where are my jeans?
My hangover was bad enough I seriously considered (A) throwing up in the shower and (B) not showing up to brunch.
But after Mom’s late-night visit, I knew I’d only end up with a bunch of Bishops on my doorstep if I didn’t show my face.
So it was with great amounts of determination and ibuprofen that I managed to get dressed, feed Nana, and get out the door.
The morning sunshine mocked my bloodshot eyes, making my head pound even harder as I steered toward town. I dialed Zoey’s number, knowing an apology was in order. I’d been an ass at the bonfire, and then I’d just abandoned her there like an emotional little asshole.
My call went straight to voice mail. I winced.
Flowers. I’d stop at the plant shop and get her flowers. A lot of flowers. I pulled over at the curb and got as far as the front door before realizing I’d left my wallet at home.
Shielding my eyes from the sun with one arm, I sent Zoey a one-handed text.
Me: Sorry about last night. See you at brunch?
When I arrived at the lodge, I found the parking lot packed. Just what my hangover needed. A loud restaurant with a lot of weird smells. But I deserved the discomfort.
I kept my sunglasses on as I navigated my way through the lobby and bar area, barely noticing that my friends and neighbors were all avoiding eye contact with me.
I spotted my family at a long table along the windows overlooking the lake, too close to the smells of the buffet for comfort.
“Hey,” I rasped, taking one of the three remaining seats.
“Sunglasses indoors. Seriously?” Laura asked with a smirk.
“Rough night,” I said, reaching for the coffee carafe.
Cam glowered at me from across the table.
“What’s your problem?” I demanded.
Hazel scoffed and crossed her arms. “As if you didn’t know.”
I rubbed my temples. “Look. I’d appreciate it if everyone would just let me suffer through this hangover without adding any other bullshit to it.”
“Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Cam said.
“Yes. I would.”
“Where’s Zoey?” Dad asked, looking up from the buffet menu.
“Yeah, Shithead McCrapFace. Where’s Zoey?” Hazel said, crossing her arms.
“What?” I asked, not sure if she was talking to me.
Hazel just glared at me like I was something of the feces variety tracked inside on the bottom of a shoe.
“Looked like she took a pretty good shot to the face last night,” Laura said. “How’s her arm? I can’t believe she took a knife for a woman she barely knew.”
I squeezed the bridge of my nose. Forget a bouquet. I was going to need to plant a field of flowers.
“She’s fine. Except for her heart, you shit waffle,” Hazel announced. She dramatically pushed her chair back, jumped to her feet, and threw her goblet of orange juice in my face.
“What the f—”
I didn’t even finish spitting the juice out of my mouth before Cam came around the table and hauled me to my feet.
“What is your fucking problem?” I demanded.
“You’re my fucking problem,” he said.
“Did I miss the ass kicking?” Levi asked, appearing next to the table.
“Okay. Take it outside, boys,” Mom said as she calmly poured herself a cup of coffee.
Cam’s fists gripped me by my citrus-soaked shirt and dragged me out onto the patio. He spun us around and pushed me into a flower bed. “Why the fuck don’t you ever listen to me?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I rasped.
“Did I not tell you not to fuck around with Zoey?” he demanded.
“Can confirm. He did tell you,” Levi chimed in, holding a cup of coffee.
I kicked Cam in his shin and shoved him backward. “Why are you being such an asshole?”
“Because I had to put two angry women to bed last night and then go sleep in a guest room with the damn dog and cat,” he complained.
“Maybe you should try not pissing Hazel off so much before the wedding,” I suggested, straightening my shirt.
“She’s not mad at me, dipshit. She’s pissed at you for dumping Zoey. And I’m pissed at you because I told you not to date her in the first fucking place. But you never fucking listen to me.”
“He did tell you. I remember,” Levi added.
“For fuck’s sake! I didn’t break up with Zoey,” I insisted. “I may have said some stupid shit…” I winced at the memory. “Okay, a lot of stupid shit.”
“According to Zoey, you broke up with her after she knocked herself out to make this weekend a success. Not just for Hazel but this whole damn town. And then she single-handedly stopped your client from being kidnapped by her ex. What the fucking fuck is wrong with you?”
Levi grimaced. “That’s fucking stupid, man. What were you thinking?”
“He wasn’t. Because he’s an emotionally stunted idiot,” Cam said.
“We didn’t break up,” I insisted, patting my pockets for my phone. “We had a fight. I was a dick, but I didn’t break the fuck up with her. I just told her that what she did was stupid and impulsive or something like that.”
“Are you an absolute fucking idiot?” Cam demanded.
Apparently I was.
“Dude.” Levi managed to pack a reproving punch into the monosyllable.
“What? So I’m not perfect, okay? I said something stupid, and I went home to regroup. Is that so wrong?” Of course it was fucking wrong. Even hungover me knew that had been a shitty thing to do.
“Yes,” my brothers announced.
“What exactly did you say?” Levi asked.
“I don’t fucking know. I was pissed and scared. Fuck.” I wiped a hand over my face. “I said something like she was stupid and selfish and I was done.”
My brothers both threw their hands up and turned away from me like I was a bad football call on TV.
“Christ, Gigi. What part of that doesn’t sound like a breakup to you?” Levi asked incredulously.
“I fucking told you,” Cam said, drilling a finger into my shoulder. “Why doesn’t anyone listen to me?”
“We’re not broken up. I asked her to stay. She was considering it. She just adopted a fucking dog yesterday,” I said, yanking my phone from my pocket. I dialed her number again. It went straight to voice mail again.
I dialed again and got the same result.
Then I checked my texts. Not only hadn’t she responded to the one I’d sent, she hadn’t read it.
“No, no, no,” I chanted while I started pacing. “This isn’t happening.”
“No offense, but this isn’t some random thing that ‘happened.’ You did this,” Levi pointed out.
“What part of that am I not supposed to be offended by? Christ. I wasn’t thinking straight last night,” I insisted.
“So you decided to use every weapon you had against her?” Cam cut in.
“What are you talking about?”
“Is he seriously this stupid?” Cam asked Levi.
Levi rolled his eyes. “He’s hungover. His brain cells need time to recover.”
“Your girl tells you she’s felt stupid all her life and is afraid of being abandoned because she’s ‘too much,’” Cam said.
This time, I didn’t give him shit about the air quotes.
“And how exactly do you know this?” I demanded.
“Because I fucking listened to the woman crying in my house because you broke her fucking heart, you walking turd.”
“So you basically imploded your relationship on purpose using everything you knew would hurt her?” Levi questioned.
“No, I—” But that was exactly what I’d done. I’d panicked, and in that state, I’d lashed out, using everything she’d confided in me against her.
“I fucking hate men,” Cam muttered.
“We’re not all complete dickheads,” Levi contended.
“Thanks, Livvy,” I said gratefully.
“I wasn’t talking about you. You’re definitely a dickhead.”
“Let me get this straight before I turn your face into ground beef,” Cam said, crossing his arms. “She didn’t want to be in a relationship in the first place?”
“Yeah. So?”
“Because she was scared you didn’t have the staying power to handle her,” Levi added.
Fuck my life.
“It gets even better. Dumbass here wore her down with his hero act. She was going to tell him last night that she was going to stay,” Cam said to Levi.
“Shut the fuck up,” I said.
“I swear on Gram’s lemon squares. She told me after the signing. She and Haze did this bouncy, screamy victory dance and everything.”
“I think I’m going to throw up.”
After I finished vomiting in the flower bed, I went back inside to guzzle two cups of coffee standing up.
Was it the hangover paranoia, or was everyone looking at me?
Kitty Suarez was violently stabbing her knitting needles through what looked like a dog sweater as she stared at me.
Gator glared at me over his pitcher of Bloody Marys before pointing two fingers at his eyes and then at me in a threatening “I’m watching you” gesture.
The conflict-avoidant Darius was actually hiding behind a potted plant with his waffles.
Shit. News sure traveled fast.
“Everything okay?” Mom asked brightly, as if she hadn’t just watched me puke in the petunias through the wall of glass.
“I’m reserving my punches for when he’s sober so he’ll feel them more,” Cam said, returning to his seat.
“I have no regrets about the orange juice,” Hazel said stubbornly.
“I thought you really liked her, Gigi,” Laura said in that quiet disapproving mom voice that was a thousand times worse than when she yelled.
“I did—I do. I’ll fix it.”
“Did you guys try the chocolate chip pancakes with the strawberries? It’s like heaven in my mouth,” Dad said, shoveling in another bite of breakfast.
“Frank,” Mom said, kicking him under the table.
“Ow! What?”
She pointed at me.
“Oh, right.” Dad cleared his throat. “Son, sometimes we do stupid things, and when we do—”