Chapter 45
Howdy fucking doo, dumbass
Gage
The woman avoided me for the three longest, most potato-filled days of my life.
Every time I showed up at her apartment or Hazel and Cam’s house or Opal’s place, I’d just missed her.
Zoey was an expert at pulling a disappearing act, and I was just the bumbling idiot dazzled by her magic.
The flowers I’d sent, all four bouquets, had been returned to sender.
Not that the plant shop gave me any refunds.
Wednesday, I arrived at my office after a long morning of fighting. First with suppliers, then my brothers—who were consequently barely speaking to me—and finally the eight-year-old kid who’d cut in front of me at the coffee shop and gotten the last chocolate croissant.
Even Nana hadn’t wanted to come to work with me.
I’d opened the door and grabbed her leash, and she’d shot me a disappointed look before slinking off to the living room.
To add insult to injury, I’d been the victim of a drive-by potatoing when George rolled by on his mobility scooter outside the bungalow I’d been working on.
It appeared as though Story Lake’s traditions had infiltrated the retirement community.
“You look mad,” Declan observed when I stomped into the office.
“Really? Because I was having the best day ever,” I snapped.
“You also sound mad.”
“I’m fine,” I enunciated. “I’ll be in my office.”
I closed the door with deliberate calm and leaned against it. At least in here I was safe from judgmental glares and flying potatoes.
The sound of something being dragged across the floor upstairs caught my attention.
She was up there. I almost ran for the door but decided I needed a game plan first. The knocking and shouting apologies through doors hadn’t worked so far.
Maybe I could get Declan to knock on her door with some landlord business, and then I could jump out from behind him? I scrubbed my hands over my face.
God, I sucked at this. I was much better at avoiding mistakes than apologizing for them.
And a simple apology wasn’t going to cut it. I needed to make a case and prove how sorry I was.
It was an obsession, ruminating about the mistake I’d made.
I’d forgotten to shower two days running.
I had the unintentional beginnings of a beard and had to buy deodorant from the general store between client appointments.
Not only had Laura not given me the family discount, she’d charged me double.
I paced the carpet, listening to the signs of life above me. Was she rearranging furniture or working out? Maybe she’d lost something and was looking for it? Maybe I could help? If I could remind her that I was at least useful, maybe she’d agree to hear me out.
I could argue my ass off in court, sway juries, mediate tricky divorces. I just needed the opportunity to get Zoey to listen to me. She’d see where I was coming from and understand how sorry I was.
“You’re pathetic,” I announced out loud and threw myself down in my chair.
There was a neatly folded piece of paper sitting in the center of my desk. The word Landlord was scrawled across it in Zoey’s haphazard handwriting. I pounced on it, unfolding it so aggressively that I tore a chunk off the top corner.
“What. The. Fuck?”
Paper in hand, I stormed out to Declan’s desk. “What the hell is this?” I demanded, slapping the paper down on his desk.
Declan blinked, unimpressed. “A piece of paper.”
“When did this piece of paper arrive, and why didn’t you stop her?”
My paralegal took a leisurely spoon of plain yogurt. “Zoey dropped it off this morning. I didn’t know I was allowed to physically detain tenants. That seems illegal.”
“She thinks she can just move out because I made one mistake?” This was not how things were going to end between us. I was going to make her listen to reason.
“It was a pretty big mistake,” Declan said without sympathy. “Did you even thank her for standing up for client 0347? I mean Audrey.”
“Declan, I appreciate the work you do here more than I can say, but now is not the time for criticism. I am hanging on by a goddamn thread.”
“Understood. I was just making sure you know that you’re the responsible party.”
I was mid-growl when I spotted Hazel’s SUV stopped in the street for a group of slow-moving Haven residents and caught the flash of reddish-gold hair in the passenger seat.
Zoey was on the move, and I was going to put a stop to this once and for all, even if it meant kidnapping her off the street.
I snatched up her notice and ran for the street. I crashed through both doors and dodged my way around the cluster of senior citizens to jump in front of the vehicle.
Hazel’s eyes narrowed at me through the windshield, and I held up my hands.
“Wait. Just wait!”
My command was drowned out by the throaty rev of the SUV’s engine as it lurched forward to smack solidly into me.
I slapped my hands on the hood. “Seriously, Hazel?”
Zoey looked like she couldn’t decide whether to be horrified or amused.
My future sister-in-law rolled down her window and stuck her head out. “I just want you to know that wasn’t an accident. I did it on purpose, and I want credit for it!”
“You can’t just play bumper cars in the street.”
“And you can’t just go around breaking people’s hearts!”
Zoey unbuckled her seat belt. “I’ve got this, Haze. Just give me a minute,” she said.
“Put that thing in park right now,” I told Hazel.
Zoey got out of the SUV and faced off with me in front of the hood, her arms crossed. She wasn’t wearing any makeup now. The bruising on her cheek had shifted from a dark, ugly purple into more green tones. I felt the anger rising up in me again.
“Is there a specific reason you’re blocking traffic?” she asked flatly.
“Yes. You. I’ve never broken the law before in my life, but I will lie on top of Hazel’s hood if you don’t talk to me.”
“Pretty sure I said everything I needed to say.”
I reached for her, but she put her hands up and took a step back.
“Don’t even think about it,” she warned.
“I was an ass Saturday night. I’m sorry. Let me explain—”
“Look, I don’t need an explanation or an apology. I’m not mad,” she said, cutting me off. “In fact, I should be thanking you.”
This felt like a trap. “Why?”
“Because you reminded me of an important lesson I’d forgotten.”
I definitely didn’t like where this was going. “What lesson is that?”
“That I’m the only one I can count on. Maybe I temporarily fell for your whole ‘aww shucks, I’m one of the good guys’ schtick, but you reminded me that anyone can be good when things are good.
It’s when bad things happen that you see who a person really is.
So thank you for reminding me of that before I made a gigantic mistake like moving here permanently. ”
“I’m going to murder you in fiction for that,” Hazel yelled from her open window.
“You were going to tell me you wanted to stay…with me,” I said to Zoey. “And I fucked it up. I made a huge mistake, but I can fix this.”
“Look, I’m not going to be pissed at you for reminding me that I was right. We both knew this was going to be a colossal mistake. We’re both responsible-ish adults. But I will say this. You might think that I’m too much, but the reality is you’re just not enough.”
Every apology and request for a second chance died in my throat. I stood there frozen to the spot, and she took the opportunity to climb back in the car.
This wasn’t how it was going to end. One mistake wasn’t going to destroy the best thing that ever happened to me.
“I’m going to make this right, Zoey,” I announced.
“Good luck with that,” she said, securing her seat belt.
Hazel laid on her horn. Several other horns behind her joined in.
“We got a problem here?” Levi got out of his truck across the street and sauntered up.
“Shithead McCrapFace is blocking traffic and creating a dangerous hazard, which if I’m not mistaken is against the law,” Hazel yelled helpfully through her window.
“Don’t you dare, Livvy,” I said to my brother as he continued to advance on me.
“Been waiting to do this for a while,” he admitted, reaching for a pair of handcuffs.
“I’m warning you. If you come near me with those things, I’ll make sure you get reelected for the rest of your life.”
He clicked one cuff on my wrist, and I knew better than to resist.
“Worth it. Smile pretty for your perp walk,” he said cheerfully.
It was as he secured the second cuff that I noticed the suitcases in the back of Hazel’s SUV.
Laura: Junior Wallpeter just told me that Gage staged some kind of protest on Lake Drive and was arrested.
Cam: Hazel called. Said she did something that I personally find hilarious but for inappropriately traumatic reasons I can’t say in front of Larry.
Laura: SHE HIT HIM WITH HER CAR? Wow! Nice. Golf clap hands.
Levi: I can’t decide if joking about this makes you the healthiest or the most mentally unstable sibling in the bunch.
Laura: Did you really arrest Gigi?
Levi: I detained him to assess the threat. Less paperwork. The suspect has been released on his own recognizance. Here’s his unofficial mug shot.
Gage: You assholes know I’m in this message group. Right?
Laura: Yep.
Cam: Howdy fucking doo, dumbass.
Levi: Don’t leave town.
“I brought whatever the hell this is and my last container of buffalo chicken dip,” I announced as Nana and I entered Cam’s garage.
It was nine o’clock at night, and I’d been invited to take part in a brothers-only raccoon stakeout. Nana trotted over to Meetcute and Buttercup, who was obsessively chewing on a squeaky toy hammer in a dog bed.
“Why do you have Zoey’s dog?” I demanded.