Chapter 48 #2
“I want you more than all the things I thought I wanted before I met you. I didn’t realize how much until you were gone.
There are a lot of things I didn’t realize.
Like how much light and color you brought into my life.
Everything before you was black-and-white.
I had no idea how much I was missing out on. Until you.”
“Uh-huh. Are you going to eat that?” I asked, pointing my fork at his untouched steak.
“Yes, I am, but there’s another steak on the grill. I screwed up. I made a catastrophic mistake, and I underestimated the hurt that I caused you.”
I closed my eyes and took a breath. “Gage, really, it’s fine. People get their feelings hurt all the time. People break up all the time. There’s no reason why we can’t still be friends.”
“Yes, there is. I’m not having sex with and marrying my friends.”
I choked on potato. “Jesus, man.”
“Zoey, I lashed out at you when I was feeling vulnerable. In that moment, I lived up to every one of your low expectations of me. And I’m so sorry for that.
But the thing I’m most sorry for is that somewhere deep down inside, you expected it.
You believe you have some kind of internal failing or you don’t measure up, and that’s why people you love keep letting you down. ”
“Maybe, but I’m pretty sure I blame you for this,” I said, pointing the knife in his direction.
“You should. But you don’t. At least not completely.
You’ve been hurt enough times by the people who are supposed to care about you to believe that you’re the problem.
And you’re not. You never were. It’s not your fault.
Not me taking out my insecurities on you.
Not your parents treating you like the source of all their problems. Not that idiot Sam leaving when you needed him most. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. None of it is your fault.”
My throat went dry and tight. “I think relationships are a two-way street. Nobody is completely innocent.”
He reached out and took my hand. “Zoey, the realization that I hurt you keeps me up at night. I can’t sleep.
I can’t think. I can’t fucking breathe. Not because you won’t forgive me but because I made you doubt how I really feel about you.
I get how badly I hurt you, and I get why you wouldn’t want to give me a second chance.
But I can promise you I’ll never do that again.
I’ll find new ways to fuck up. But I will never again make you feel like you were too much for me. ”
I wanted to believe him. Every piece of my heart wanted it to be true.
But I owed it to myself to stay strong. Not to put myself in the position to be hurt like that again.
“Gage, look, you can’t be responsible for my feelings.
So I’m more sensitive than the next girl.
That’s my thing to deal with. Not yours. ”
“There is no next girl. I don’t fall off the roof for just anyone. You’re it for me, Zoey.”
“We’re too different,” I argued, hanging on to the last shreds of self-preservation.
“How?”
“I’m disco balls and no underwear. You’re calendars and meal prep.”
His grin was victorious. “I’m glad you brought that up. I have some evidence to present.”
He pulled me to my feet and towed me toward the door. The dogs scrambled to get there first, pressing their wet noses against the glass before Gage slid it open. They dashed ahead into the darkened living room. I caught the faint scent of fresh paint.
The dogs scrambled past us and headed for the kitchen.
“Here,” Gage said, handing me a remote control without letting go of me. It felt so right to be there, to be touched by him.
“You wanna watch TV right now? Aren’t we kind of in the middle of something?”
“Just turn it on.”
“Turn what on?” I grumbled, hitting the power button.
Light and color twirled to life above our heads.
“Oh. My. God,” I said. There, hanging from the center beam in Gage’s living room, was a disco ball silently spinning. “You didn’t.”
“I did. Do you like it?”
“Do I like the giant disco ball you hung from your living room ceiling? Yes, Gage. I do.” I pulled away from him to turn in circles in the rainbow of light. “You did this for me?”
“Everything is for you,” he said, stopping me mid-spin.
“Hey. You got throw pillows. Wait. Those are my throw pillows! That’s my blanket. And my candle,” I said, noticing my possessions mixed in with his.
“There’s more.”
“More?”
“Come with me.”
I allowed myself to be dragged into the bedroom, mildly disappointed when we didn’t stop at the bed. Confusion set in when we headed into the bathroom. But I was dazzled when he opened the door to the closet.
“You didn’t,” I breathed again.
The unfinished closet was unfinished no more.
Shelves, cubbies, and clothing rods. There was an island—no, a continent—in the middle of the space with a pretty stone counter and drawers galore.
Gage’s clothes, his sexy suits and scruffy work clothes, still occupied their original space in the front corner, but the rest…
the rest was mine. My clothes, my accessories, my entire wardrobe was organized by color and displayed like we were in some high-end retail space.
“So you’re the one Levi has to arrest for theft,” I said.
“He’ll have to arrest himself since he helped me move everything. I wanted to make a grand gesture, but I didn’t want to make it creepy by stealing everything you owned and moving it here. So I stuck with the biggest wow factor.”
“Everything looks so nice, and you know how I hate packing and unpacking.” I turned to face him. “This is emotional manipulation.”
“Damn right it is. Is it working?”
“Maybe,” I hedged.
I spotted it then. The tin of dimes tucked out of the way on a shelf in Gage’s section. The evidence that no matter what, deep down, Gage Bishop was a good man.
Damn it. What was I supposed to do now? Accept his apology?
Start trying on all my own clothing in the mirror?
Suggest we step out of the closet and into the bedroom?
I’d never been here before, at the beginning of a second chance.
I wished I were one of Hazel’s heroines so I’d know what to do, what to say.
“Zoey, I love you. I want a life with you. Together. It doesn’t have to be here. If you want to move back to the city—”
I bit my lip. “Manhattan doesn’t have closet space like this.” Or men who collected dimes to hide for their grieving sister to remind her she was loved.
The dogs pranced into the doorway, noses sniffing all the newness.
“Or backyards for dogs,” I pointed out. I needed a sign. Something to tell me how to do this. “Holy shit. Is that my bra?”
There, hanging by itself on a bedazzled hanger, was my three-hundred-dollar pink sequined bra.
“How did you get another one? They were discontinued six years ago.”
“It’s the original,” Gage said. “Goose gave his blessing.”
I turned to face him. “You’re saying the bald eagle that stole my bra returned it to you?”
“When you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous. But it’s true.”
“This is a lot to take in,” I admitted, looking around me.
“I was kind of hoping to emotionally overwhelm you and sweep you off your—where are you going?”
“Stay right there,” I ordered. “I’ll be back.”
The dogs followed me like I had steak in my pockets. I stepped out on the deck, grabbed my purse, and stomped back to the closet. Gage was in the same spot.
“I wasn’t sure if you were coming back,” he admitted.
I reached in my bag and plunked the roll of dimes down on the counter.
“I know about the dimes. The thing you do for Laura. I’ve known for a while, and it’s pretty much the only reason I didn’t junk punch you when you deserved it, because anyone who would do that for their sister isn’t a completely terrible person. ”
“Uh, thanks. I think,” he said, drumming his fingers nervously on his thigh.
I blew out a breath. “I just found these in the door panel of my car on my way here. Like some ridiculous, over-the-top, flashing neon sign from the universe or something.”
We both stared at the roll like it was some kind of religious artifact.
“It’s definitely a sign,” Gage said with authority, his voice thick.
“Okay. Fine. It’s a sign. Then I guess there’s only one thing left to do.”
“What’s that?”
I launched myself at him, wrapping my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck. His mouth found mine in a frenzy as he managed to shut the door in the dogs’ faces.
“I really love you, and I’m not just saying it because I’m closet drunk,” I promised. “Even though the closet really helped.”
“Thank fucking God,” Gage murmured. “I thought you were going to kick my ass for stealing your stuff.”
“Still might depending on how the night goes.” I reached a hand out to steady us, but he spun me around.
“Don’t touch anything. Some of the stain is still tacky. It was a photo finish,” he said between breathless kisses.
“Shut up and take your pants off.”
He pulled back again and looked at me. “Just so you know, I’m planning to propose.”
“Yeah, okay. Great. Let’s get married. Now get those pants off, mister.”
“I’m not proposing tonight. This was already a lot of decisions tonight, and I don’t want to pressure you into something that big.”
“Makes sense. I’ll panic about it later. Now, speaking of ‘that big,’” I said, looking down pointedly.
“Also, I was thinking we could use the den for your new office, and I’d like your thoughts on adoption. I mean, I’m happy as long as I have you, kids or no kids. But there’s options, and we can talk about them later.”
My heart tripped over itself and fell into my vagina. “I would really like to talk about those options later,” I admitted.
He grinned, and in a flash, I envisioned our future together. Dogs and kids and way more animals than I was comfortable with. Family. Lazy days on the lake. Books. So many books.
“I’m going to need bookshelves,” I announced.
“Zoey, I’ll build you an entire library.”
“Okay, cool. Glad that’s settled. Now stop with the grand gesturing and put your cock in me!”
“I’m all yours, Disaster,” he said, unzipping his jeans and depositing me on the counter.
“Wait wait wait,” I said, planting my palms on his chest just as he notched himself into place between my legs. “Are you sure about this?”
He dropped his forehead to mine. “Sweetheart, you’re so easy to love, I’ve never been more sure of anything.”
“Damn, that’s a good line,” I sighed. “What kind of ring are you going to get me?”
“The sparkliest one I can find.”