Chapter 43
Chapter Forty-Three
Cassius
I stop breathing, wondering if I heard what I think I heard.
“Did you just say—”
“You don’t have to say anything back…”
I push up to look him in the eyes. We’re still chest to chest, his heart pounding against mine.
“You love me?”
He gives me the softest look I’ve ever seen—from him or anyone else. “I do. Is that okay?”
“Fuck,” I breathe out, tears welling in my eyes again. “Of course it’s okay.” I rest my head on his chest and listen to the rhythmic thumping of his heart.
“I think I love you too,” I say so quietly I don’t know if he hears me.
But the small whoosh of breath that sounds almost like a laugh tells me he did.
“You think?”
I run my fingers along his side and over his ribs, hard enough that it won’t tickle, but gentle enough he knows I’m trying to be sweet.
“I’m not sure that I know what it means to love someone who isn’t family, but what I feel for you… it’s pretty serious. So, it has to be that…”
Harmon takes my face between his hands and makes me look at him. He’s always making me look at him, and it used to be hard. But… it’s getting easier.
“I never knew what love was either, not until you. Until this. I didn’t know it could be like this with someone.”
“Neither did I,” I admit, taking in a shaky breath. “It’s a little scary.”
“I agree. But I trust that we can figure this out together.”
“We can.”
He kisses me, a soft peck of his lips, and I rest my cheek on his chest. His fingers find my hair.
We’re quiet for a while, enjoying being close. His body is firm and warm beneath me, his heart lulling me into the most calming space I’ve ever been in.
I could get used to this. Laying with him, being this close, every night.
For the first time since I’ve met him, I allow myself to think of a future.
Not only with him, but for me. Just me. I don’t think about Cammy or Chrissy.
I don’t think about what I am going to do for them or how I am going to help them get through their lives and their struggles. I think about me, and what I want.
It’s easy to imagine a future with Harmon.
I can’t picture it here, in this house, but a smaller one in a nice neighborhood.
White picket fence with a dog. I see Christmases and Halloweens and Sunday dinners with my sisters.
I see us getting up in the morning to go to work together and falling asleep every night in his arms. My heart aches, and yet I’m happy at the same time.
Maybe it’s a good ache. Maybe it’s my body telling me yes, this is the right move.
I don’t resent my sisters for needing me to take care of them—I chose to do that.
No one made me. I did it because I love them.
Though I do hate and resent my mother for not stepping up and being a shitty person.
There is so much time and a lot of experiences I will never get back.
I love my sisters, but it’s time to worry about myself.
Even if it’s a little. Just this one thing.
“Harmon,” I whisper.
It takes a moment, but he responds with a questioning hum. “Hm?”
“Do you really think that we could figure this out? As like… a long-term thing?”
“Yes, I do,” he says simply. “And I never thought I would say that.”
His fingers run up and down my back gently, soothing the little bit of anxiety popping up over this huge stage of my life. So much has changed, and I know there is still so much more to happen, even if I can’t see it yet.
“I’ve been so caught up in the whirlwind of handling everything these last few months that I didn’t take time to think about it—really think about it. Not until right now.”
“And what do you think?” he asks.
“I think…” I take a deep breath and let it out. “I think I can see a future for us, and I like that.”
Harmon squeezes me and kisses the top of my head. “Tell me what you’re thinking about. Paint me a picture of this future with your words.”
I huff a laugh. “You don’t want to hear all my cheesy thoughts.”
“Oh, but I do, Cassius,” he says, his voice holding a lilt of sadness. “Please, tell me.”
Since the beginning, Harmon has been the one in control—the confident one.
The one who handles everything and takes charge without thinking.
But maybe he needs a break. Maybe this moment is him needing to let someone else take over—take that big step.
Maybe he’s scared too… to think about a future together when he never thought he would have one like this. It’s my turn to be brave for him.
I fold my hands together and lay them on his chest to rest my chin on. I watch him. His eyes are closed, he’s breathing softly and slowly, as his fingers run along my back and sides.
Be brave, Cassius. Tell him what you think.
“We should buy a smaller house. Something cozy. Just for us though, so not right now because of Chrissy, but maybe in a few years when she has her own plans. We could get a dog. A golden retriever or something like that. A big yard. A pool. Hot tub, too. We could have Sunday dinners with my sisters. Have late movie nights together. We’d sleep together every night and wake up in the morning together.
Go to work together. We could take vacations and…
settle into a happy life. Do whatever we want, whenever we want, but do it together. ”
His eyes open, and he looks at me with so much care. “You’d want that?”
“Yes,” I say firmly, holding his gaze. “All of it. With you.”
He blinks, and I swear through the darkness I see tears in his eyes, but his hands cup my cheeks and he urges me up to kiss him. It’s gentle and sweet, like a promise sealing our dreams for the future.
“There’s only one thing I would change,” he says.
“What’s that?”
“You said we’d need a big yard,” he says, letting me rest my head on his chest again.
“And we would, because I’d want an in-law for your sisters so they could be close.
” My smile is immediate. “They’re your family, and because of that, they’re mine too.
I want to make sure they’re cared for, for the rest of their lives. The same way I’ll care for you.”
“Harmon—”
“Family was never important to me, Cassius, because I had an awful one. I didn’t know why family was important—or why it should be.
And you may think yours isn’t perfect, and maybe it’s not, but to me it is.
You and your sisters, you care about each other.
You’re loyal and would do anything for one another.
I’ve never had that before and seeing it… it brings me so much joy.”
“You do have it, Harmon. You have it now. We are your family. We can be a family together.”
“I know that, baby.” His arms come around me. “I know that.”
The bed is empty when I wake up. I stretch my hand to either side of me, considering we don’t have sides since I slept on top of him, and find them both cold. There is no clock in here, so I have no idea what time it is.
I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom to take care of morning business, and I hop in the shower.
I find a pair of sleep pants that belong to Harmon and shove them on before going in search of him.
I think I know where he is, so I head that way and I’m not at all shocked when I find him in his office, at his desk, behind the laptop.
“Morning,” I say.
“Morning,” he responds, smiling as he turns in his chair to face me. I walk to him and sit on his lap, leaning in for a kiss. His arms come around my waist as his lips meet mine, then move to my jaw and neck.
“Why are you working so early on a Sunday?”
He chuckles. “Eleven is hardly early.”
“I’ll admit, I thought it was earlier,” I say with a laugh, leaning in to kiss his neck. I rest there, enjoying his warmth. “I love the way you smell”
“How do I smell?”
“I can’t even explain it.” I take in his scent. “Past the soap and cologne, it’s just you. Something I’ve never smelled before and couldn’t begin to explain. But I love it.”
He squeezes me tighter.
“Are you hungry?” I ask. “I know it’s nearly lunch, but have you eaten?”
“I had breakfast already. Yours is in the warmer, though, by now it’s probably no good.”
“I do know how to cook, you know.”
“Do you?”
“Yes, which will come in handy when we have our house because I don’t want a chef.”
“No chef? How will I deal with that?”
“You’ll just have to learn.” I smirk. “My cooking skills may not be Michelin Star worthy, but I can make a mean grilled cheese.”
His laugh is deep and husky.
“I look forward to home-cooked meals more than you can begin to understand.”
“I do understand, though,” I say. “Because I didn’t get them either. I’ve grown up eating cereal and cheese sandwiches because sometimes we didn’t have electricity for the stove to work. Sometimes I’d eat a bowl of plain rice because it’s all we had.”
“I’m sorry, Cassius. You didn’t deserve to grow up that way. You deserved a mother who loved you and cared for you.”
“So did you,” I add.
He nods. “My mother… tried. She did her best with what she had. It’s not her fault.”
I grab his chin and make him look at me. “You still deserved better.”
His smile is sad, and he leans in to kiss me.
“Go eat something. I’ll finish up in here and meet you down there. I have a surprise for you.”
“For me?” I ask as I get up. “What is it?”
“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise. Now go,” he says playfully.
I roll my eyes as I leave the room and go to the kitchen.
I’ve been here many times, but I’ve never had to cook anything.
All I’ve done is grab the food from the warmer and set it up for him to eat.
I glance at the food in there now, and he wasn’t wrong.
The waffles are like hockey pucks, all dried out.
I do eat the fresh cut fruit in the fridge though and grab the eggs to scramble.
I make a cup of coffee and clean my mess when I’m done, along with dumping the old food so it’s not sitting there.
It’s nearly twelve when I’m done, and it hits me… the chef isn’t here.
He is usually here by now, making lunch for Harmon, who likes to stick to a strict schedule. I wonder if this has something to do with my surprise.
Harmon isn’t in the dining room when I get there, so I head back to his office. I stop when the doorbell rings. Frowning, I go to it and look at the screen beside the door.
“What the—” I pull the door open. “What are you doing here?” I ask my sisters.
“Harmon had someone bring us here. He said we’re going out,” Chrissy says.
“Yeah, so can you let us in?” Cammy says.
I step aside, and from the corner of my eye, I see Harmon coming down the stairs.
“Good afternoon, ladies. I hope you’re ready for a busy day.”
“Busy?” Chrissy says. “You said it was going to be fun.”
“Oh, it is going to be fun, but it will be busy.”
I stare at Harmon with a raised brow. All he does is smirk.