Chapter 53
Chapter Fifty-Three
Harmon
Working from home has been an adjustment.
I miss the view. My home office gets stuffy quickly, and no matter what I do, there isn’t enough light.
It’s enough to work for a little while, but handling day to day things isn’t great.
I’ve had a few people ask why I’ve switched all meetings to virtual when I used to hate them, and I’ve had to lie and tell them I’m under the weather and it’s best I don’t see anyone in person.
I do not like lying, though it’s not entirely a lie.
I feel awful. Not just mentally, but physically too. My whole body aches. I am sluggish all the time, no matter how much sleep I get—which is a lot more than it used to be. It’s almost impossible to work out in the gym; I don’t have the energy for it.
I’m done with my meetings for the day, and I’ve just finished a late lunch. I should consider it dinner, but that will be around ten tonight—when I can’t sleep. It is amazing how easy it was to slip out of a routine I’ve had for years.
I put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and pour another cup of coffee.
Caffeine is the only thing getting me by these days.
I’m about to take a sip when the doorbell rings.
I hadn’t noticed the alert that someone was at the gate.
I pat my pockets—must’ve left my phone in my office.
I put my cup down and go through the kitchen, dining room, and out into the foyer.
The screen on the side of the door shows me who’s standing on the other side of the door.
And it knocks the wind right out of me. My hand instinctively reaches for the knob, but I yank it back. Cassius being here isn’t good. It could mess everything up. It’s best I ignore him. He’ll get the hint and go home.
The bell rings again, and I stare at his face through the screen.
Still so handsome, so perfect. And I stare too long because before I know what’s happening, he’s punching in the code to the house.
The one I didn’t change. The lock beeps and disengages and he pushes the door open.
His eyes widen when he sees me standing feet from him.
“Oh, I—” he starts.
“Sorry. I was in the other room,” I say quickly.
“It’s okay,” he says simply, stepping right up to me. “But we need to talk.”
He’s exuding confidence… which is odd for him. Don’t get me wrong, it looks good on him, but what does this mean for me?
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I step back, trying to hold his gaze but it hurts. So, I blink and stare at a spot on the wall past his head.
“We do, Harmon. I know why you did it.”
I shake my head. “No, I—”
“I heard Oliver talking on the phone today. I don’t know all the details, but I know enough. It has something to do with him, right? He threatened you?”
“Cassius,” I breathe out. “This isn’t your problem. Please don’t get involved.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Harmon. This is my problem. Because I love you, and I am not giving up on this. Tell me what happened. Let me help.”
“It doesn’t matter. There’s nothing to be done.”
“You’re wrong!” He throws his arms up, letting out a humorless laugh. “Harmon, you’ve done so much for me since we’ve met.” He takes a step forward, toward me, putting his hand on my chest. The heat of his palm burns through my shirt, searing my skin. “Now let me help you. Please.”
“There is nothing you can do,” I state firmly, but my voice shakes.
“If you think you’re protecting me, you’re not. All you’re doing is hurting me.”
My chest aches. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
The words spill out of me.
“Then tell me what is going on so we can fix this. Together.” His eyes plead with me, but I can’t make my mouth work. This is too dangerous. There is too much at stake.
“We can’t do this,” I say, pushing his arm off me. It takes everything in me to do it, but I have to. I can’t think straight with him touching me.
His brow furrows. “Let me guess,” he says in a harsh tone.
“I pieced a lot of it together as I drove here. Stop me when I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure I’m solid.
” He steps back a safe distance so we can see each other fully.
“Someone, I’m guessing Oliver, threatened to expose your sexuality, which he said would ruin your company.
And see, I thought that was enough at first, because of everything you told me about your childhood.
I can see how that would affect you, but there had to be more.
It couldn’t be just that. So, then I came to the conclusion: it involved me.
Oliver found something out about us, right?
And not us as in dating, but before. The contract.
He threatened to out you? Tell everyone what you do in your spare time? Drag me through the mud, too?”
My breaths are coming in shallow pants and my head is dizzy.
“I’m going to be sick,” I mutter.
The disappointment and confidence in his tone is… new. I’ve never heard that from him before, but it’s what I deserve. I let him down. I did this. I failed him, and I did it willingly. I could have chosen to fight, but instead, I rolled over and took it.
“Am I close?” he asks, his voice raising.
I say nothing, and that’s answer enough.
He takes a step toward me again, lowering his voice. “Did you ever, for even a second, consider what coming out might mean for your company?”
The emotion there… it’s raw, deep. He’s hurt. So hurt and it’s all because of me.
“Yes,” I blurt. “That’s why I had to stop this.”
“And I’m going out on a limb here and saying that every scenario you came up with was negative, right?” he snaps. “You’d lose customers. Money. Investors, too, maybe? Employees?”
With each point, he steps toward me and I step back until I’m at the wall.
“People would boycott my brand. Sales would dip drastically. It would be a catastrophe.”
He nods, chewing on his cheek. “Now let me ask you, Harmon Stone,” he says, and for the first time he doesn’t sound sure.
The armor he threw on to come in here is cracking.
I get it, Cassius. You do that to me too.
“Did you consider all the good coming out could bring? All the gay-supporting people who would learn of your brand? Talk about it? Support it because of you being gay? A brave CEO of a billion-dollar company standing up for gay rights because he knows what it’s like?
” He scoffs. “Yes, you may lose money, but if those people don’t support who you are, do you even want it? ”
“I—”
“I already know the answer,” he says, shaking his head, his tone turning bitter.
“It’s no. You didn’t consider any of that.
Instead, you made a decision to keep yourself, and me, in the closet.
You chose to hide both of us. You made a decision for me without even asking me.
You silenced my voice. And no, maybe I don’t have a say in this because it’s not my company, but I at least deserved a conversation, Harmon.
I’m worth at least that.” His voice breaks at the end, his palm pressed to his chest. The tears in his eyes fall, streaking down his face.
It’s hard to swallow. My eyes burn.
“I’m—I’m sorry,” I manage to get out. “I am a weak man, and I—”
“You’re not, though,” he says with a huff.
“Nothing about you is weak. And you don’t have to lie down and take this.
I don’t care about the repercussions, Harmon, and neither should you.
Lean into this. It’s time you are allowed to be who you want to be.
Stop hiding.” He watches me, wiping his tears.
“You’re not a child in Texas anymore. Just like I’m not a kid in a trailer park anymore. People change. We move on. We grow.”
I don’t know why he thinks I’m strong enough to handle this. I’m not. It’s my biggest fear come true. The secret I’ve held onto for my entire life—I can’t let it out now. Not now.
“I know you’re scared, Harmon. Trust me, I lived in fear every single day of my life.
I know what that’s like. But I can promise that you won’t start truly living until you learn to be brave.
” He puts both hands on my chest this time, looking up into my eyes.
“And I know you can do that. I believe in you.”
“I can’t be the reason this falls apart,” I say, the words so true they hurt.
“It won’t… if you don’t let it.” I stare into his gorgeous eyes, and so badly want to disappear inside them forever. “You don’t have to do it today. Tomorrow. Not even a week from now. And if you still want me gone, I’ll—”
“No,” I growl, my arm going around his waist as the first tear falls from my eyes. I bury my face in his neck. “No,” I whisper. “Stay. Please. Don’t leave me.”
My other arm slides around him and I hug him tightly, afraid he’s going to shove me off.
He lets out a shaky breath, his hands sliding up my chest and linking around my neck.
He plays with the hair on the back of my head and the smell and feel of him is enough to have my heart settling.
This may not last, I know I fucked up, but if I can feel him for just a few minutes… maybe I’ll be okay.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I admit.
“Then it’s a good thing you have me to help you. I’m great at figuring things out.”