Chapter 10
MARK
The mind can play tricks on you. It’s been several days since Auden and I had a very thorough discussion in the bedroom where Bennett slept, and I swear, I’ve felt him watching me just out of sight many times.
Clearly, I have a problem. Not because I’m constantly thinking he’s watching me from the shadows, but because it turns me on.
I’m walking around with a half-hard dick all day now.
I’ve had to adjust my underwear type and wear clothing that can hide a chubby better.
It means I’m running short on jocks and I’ll have to do laundry more frequently.
Maybe I’ll just order more.
The first time I had to text ‘meeting’ to Auden felt very surreal…
and also a little foolish. We haven’t actually done anything yet.
I mean, we’re still fucking every night, but none of the scenarios we’ve talked about have happened, so it feels really weird telling him when I can’t be interrupted for sex.
I’ve also had to talk my brain down that he’s not watching me every single second of the day. That shadow behind the car is just a shadow. He’s not actually obsessed enough with me to stalk me. He works.
I’m excited and nervous, and a little terrified for the first time. Maybe I need it to happen so I don’t lose my nerve. I’ve typed ‘chase’ into our text conversation no less than a dozen times, but have chickened out every time.
I know he’s turned on by me. I know he’s attracted to me enough to fuck me thoroughly. That’s not the problem. My guess is he’s doing this on purpose. Waiting. Part of being stalked is the psychological torture, right?
On the other hand, Rhodes has calmed way down since he took the pack on a hunt.
I think he needed that time as much as the pack did.
They all returned far more relaxed and at ease, even when Bennett woke up and asked for more ibuprofen.
Rhodes simply got up and brought him one and then took him in his arms to hold him.
Maybe he had a conversation with the pack and came to terms with the situation. He found himself again. He went into great detail about how the pack toyed with the guy in the woods. I think Auden and I were both surprised that they let the guy go.
Rhodes once told me that hunting isn’t always about the kill. It’s about the hunt. It’s about the pack learning to hunt together and working as a unit to reach the common goal. It’s about creating structure and affirming pack hierarchy. Honestly, Rhodes and his pack are fascinating.
When Rhodes hadn’t called me in today, I took it upon myself to check on Bennett. Not because I’m worried about his progress, but because it felt weird not to hear from Rhodes. Unsurprisingly, they were both fine.
I step into the hall and pause. Auden said there was a secondary primary bedroom on this level, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious. It’s not my house, and I have to remind myself that I don’t have permission to explore.
My feet feel rooted to the spot as I look down the hall toward the corner where the stairs are hidden from view. The hall ends at a large floor-to-ceiling window. With the way the hall is decorated and built, you wouldn’t know that there are stairs down there. Purposeful design.
Auden isn’t home, though. I watched him drive off several hours ago. That doesn’t stop me from pausing at the front door when I reach the first-floor landing and peeking into the driveway. Where Auden’s vehicle is usually parked is empty.
Maybe when he’s home, I’ll find the courage to send him the chase text.
I turn around and head for the kitchen, toward the laundry room, where the back door is.
Almost every room in this house has large windows, and the kitchen is no different.
I’d think being deep in the woods would be slightly unsettling.
Especially alone. I’d always feel like there’s someone watching just out of sight. Especially at night.
My feet slow as I walk by the wall of windows, and that feeling settles over me. I tell myself I’m only feeling that way because I’m waiting for Auden to stalk me. He’s not really there. My mind is playing tricks on me when I think I see movement.
I turn determinedly toward the door and walk outside. The forest is quiet. Birds sing. Rodents chirp. Leaves rustle. Normal forest sounds. I can’t help myself as I follow the path a short distance away to the cabin I’m staying in and look around. Nothing. Nothing moves.
My feet suddenly pause when I hear the unmistakable sound of a twig snapping. My heart jumps.
Only my imagination. I’m just waiting for Auden. My mind is playing tricks on me.
Swallowing around the nerves in my throat, I stare resolutely ahead. My cabin is just in view now. I don’t rush, even though my racing heart wants me to. I know this is just a trick of my mind.
The cold metal under my hand as I grip the doorknob relaxes me.
I step inside, quickly glance behind me, and shut the door.
I don’t usually lock it. Auden rarely locks doors.
He’s surrounded by hundreds of acres that are all his.
He has trail cameras and security alarms stationed all over the property.
There’s no need to worry about someone showing up unannounced.
Even so, the way my skin crawls has me locking the door. It’s just a game. All in my head.
I turn to face the interior of my cabin. There aren’t fewer windows here, but they’re smaller. They let in less light. The entry I walk into is a little dark, so I almost always flick the light on while I slip out of my shoes so I don’t fall on my face.
The light doesn’t turn on. I glance up at the bulb and wonder if it’s just blown. No big deal. No big deal until I walk further into the house and find that the clock above the stove is out too. I try the light switch anyway and realize that the power is out.
Intentionally? Is this part of Auden’s stalker game, or should I call him to tell him? Where are the breakers? I can check it myself.
I walk further into the cabin and note how ridiculously quiet it is. Is that normal? Is it usually this quiet? Is my unease so loud that I can’t hear anything over it? Am I just projecting my fear onto my surroundings?
“There’s nothing here to fear,” I remind myself. As if there’s someone around the corner, I whisper so my words only meet my own ears.
Deciding that I’m being ridiculous, I go about my usual routine. Into the bedroom to grab my laptop from my messenger bag. I set it on the desk in the little vestibule just outside the bedroom and then head to the bathroom to take a leak. Every movement I make sounds loud right now.
The flush of the toilet. The water as I wash my hands. Even when I hang up the hand towel, it sounds loud.
I make my way to my laptop again and turn on the lamp. I roll my eyes at myself. No power. Which means no Wi-Fi. Which means I’m not actually going to work on my laptop.
Sighing, I turn and come face-to-face with a hulking figure. A strangled shriek leaves my mouth before a hood lands over my head. I struggle to get out of it, shoving against the big body.
In my head, I remind myself that this is Auden.
This is the game we decided on. We talked it to death.
We covered every detail of what’s allowed and what’s not.
Even knowing that, even as this big man makes me feel like a rag doll while securing my hands behind my back in one of his and shoving me into the bedroom toward the bed, and the way he handles me, the way he feels against me has my body recognizing him as Auden—even with all that, fear floods me, and I struggle to get away.
My heart races. I jerk myself forward, but his grip is tight.
He keeps my hands at my back as he shoves me, face down, into the bed.
My pants come down a second later, exposing my bare ass to the cold air.
I’m very aware that I’m wearing a jock today.
A little voice in my head tells me I’m asking for this.
That’s why I’m wearing a jock. That’s why I’ve made exposing my ass easy.
The man growls like a predatory animal. The sound is terrifying. I’m sure my fear is heightened because I can’t see him. I’m sure I’ve heard that sound from Auden before, but I can’t. See. Him. He sounds completely different right now without a face.
My legs are locked together with my pants around my thighs. It cripples the leverage I had since I no longer have use of my legs.
His fingers—perhaps all of them—shove into my ass, and I choke out a scream. I’m not sure if it’s the pain, the sudden violating intrusion, or because I’m simply surprised, but I try to jerk free with more insistence.
“Keep fighting,” he says, and for just a second, I freeze. That doesn’t sound like Auden! My fear turns into dread.
“Let me go,” I command.
He laughs. Low and dark, chilling. I think for a split second that maybe it is Auden, but the seed of doubt is growing bigger and bigger.
His fingers leave my body only to be replaced once more. “Let go,” I demand. “Stop.”
My words are ignored. When his fingers leave my body this time, his entire body weight comes down on me. My arms are trapped uncomfortably between us to the point where it hurts. I feel his big dick between my ass cheeks, and panic has tears in my eyes.
I can’t fight. He’s easily overpowered me. His hand comes around my mouth, and in the next second, his cock is shoved almost violently into my body. I scream into his hand as he fucks me roughly.
More roughly than Auden ever has.
His lips are at my ear. I hear his heavy breathing, even through the hood, it’s loud. Tears streak down my face as he fucks me hard. Ignoring the way I try to fight. To tell him off. Ignoring my tears.
It hurts. It hurts more than I thought it would. Yet my body isn’t getting the memo that it’s not supposed to take pleasure from this. My orgasm bubbles bigger and bigger as my body is used against my will.
If I say my safeword, will it stop? How can I say it?
As if he can hear my thoughts, his hand comes off my mouth, and my choked screams fill the room again. “You want this, don’t you? Wearing that pretty little jock.”
“No,” I cry and struggle to catch my breath. He’s so heavy. I can’t breathe.
Now, with the ability to say ‘red,’ the word won’t leave my mouth. I don’t want it to stop. I’m not entirely sure it’s Auden, but that’s the point, right?
“Come on, pet. I know you’re going to come for me. Even if you don’t want to, you will. You want to be raped, don’t you?”
I can’t get away from it. I can’t make it stop as my orgasm climbs and climbs, and suddenly I’m screaming and crying for another reason. I feel dirty. I shouldn’t like this at all. It’s sick and wrong and terrifying.
For just a second, once my orgasm is over, I feel like I’ve left my body, and I do nothing but cry. Then it stops. The weight of the man leaves me. I try to breathe through my tears as my brain begins to clear.
When a hand touches my shoulder, I jerk and then wince at the way my arms hurt. Gentle hands remove the hood from my head. Auden stands over me. Completely dressed. As if this never happened. He’s watching me with an unclear expression. Waiting to see how I react.
“We didn’t talk about aftercare in this scenario,” he says quietly.
I nod. “Yes,” I rasp. “Please.”
He kneels on the bed until he’s lying beside me and gently takes me into his arms. “You did good, Mark. You know that?”
A shiver moves down my spine.
“Is it everything you imagined?”
The word in my mouth tastes gross, but it spills out anyway. “Better,” I whisper.
He hums, and I close my eyes. I understand kink. I do. But it’s really difficult to believe there isn’t something wrong with me right now.