Chapter 14 Mark
MARK
I’m not going to lie. I don’t know what I was actually expecting. I’ve been with Auden in bed before. We’ve had sex quite a bit at this point. It’s never gentle. Never soft. Never slow.
Maybe it’s because I’m fighting. It’s the adrenaline in my veins. It’s the fear in my mind. I had no idea that I could actually feel fear toward Auden. I’m not scared of him. Being chased, even when you know your pursuer, has a way of fucking with your head.
From a medical perspective, I already know that. Going into this situation, I knew what to expect. Every sexual interaction I’ve had with Auden has been borderline predatory and forceful. That’s what I asked for. That’s just what we do.
I don’t know why it hurts so badly when he shoves his cock inside me. Maybe because I can’t suck in a breath. He’s heavy. His big body doesn’t just trap me; it practically smothers me. I can’t breathe as he begins fucking me with force.
It burns. Stings. Yet, it’s somewhat slippery. Not as friction-filled as I imagined. I don’t have the presence of mind to truly hang onto that thought as he fucks me harshly.
Auden doesn’t pin down my hands. He lets me struggle. Giving me the ability to try for freedom. It’s just one more thing about this situation that tells me how helpless I am. Not weak, but he’s still so much stronger. So much so that he doesn’t bother restraining me in the least.
One of his hands is gripping the top of my head. I’m not under the impression that he’s doing so to keep me there. Based on the way his arm remains flexed, it’s keeping me from sliding up with each rough thrust as he tears into my ass.
I don’t know where his other hand is. I can’t think straight enough to be conscious of his touch on me. I gasp, tears trailing down my face. My glasses dig into my skull, adding to the pain that he’s creating.
To be honest, it hurts more than I thought it would. Because he’s taken me much like this before. All the time. Who would have thought that another pain would be added on top of it?
“My little slut,” Auden growls. “This is what you want, isn’t it? You want to be raped. You want to be forced while you fight. You like it.”
If he wasn’t actively fucking me, his words might fill me with shame. Especially when he uses that word. Rape. He’s not wrong in using it. That’s what CNC is—rape play. It’s a role play of rape.
He’s also not wrong that I like it. My dick is hard, though I’m not filled with arousal. No orgasm is building. I think my fear is burning through it. There’s nothing to be afraid of, and yet I recognize the fear clouding my thoughts.
“Watching you run from me is fucking hot,” Auden says. “Hunting my prey. Overtaking you like you’re nothing more than a cute little bunny. Fucking you as you fight. And you like it. Don’t you? Tell me how much you like it, Bunny.”
I can’t speak. Even if he’s serious in wanting an answer, I can’t speak.
Not with the way I’m struggling to breathe with his heavy body on top of me.
Holding me in place. My fingers hurt as I dig into the ground, trying desperately and in vain to get away.
I’ve stopped trying to push him off me. He’s too big.
Too heavy. Too strong. While unlikely, trying to drag myself away is much more likely.
“You want to run again, Bunny? Is that what you want?” Auden is suddenly off me. His cock out of my body. His weight gone.
As if he’s slammed onto me again, my lungs suddenly exhale before I drag in a deep breath.
I struggle to my hands and knees. Without looking over my shoulder, I attempt to scramble away.
My body hurts. My arms hurt from the tension of trying to pull myself away.
My lungs hurt from trying to breathe. My ass hurts.
I don’t get far before his hand is wrapped around my ankle. I cry out as he hauls me backward. Dragging me against the unforgiving ground. Sticks and twigs dig into my palms. I grab onto a tree root, and I’m momentarily stopped.
Auden is toying with me, though. He’s there, and his cock slams back inside me. This time, my scream into the trees isn’t muffled or choked. It’s loud. My entire body feels it. My arms shake as my muscles seize.
“Let me go,” I demand. I can’t see. I don’t know where my glasses went, but my vision is blurred enough that everything is a little foggy.
Auden laughs. It’s that kind of laugh that you dream about from a villain.
I’m surprised when he does as I tell him to. This time, he lets me get to my feet, though I get no more than a dozen haphazard steps away before he has me shoved against a tree, fucking me.
I don’t know how much time passes as he treats me like a wild animal he’s playing with before devouring. Lets me free only to force me down again.
Eventually, he locks down and fucks me in earnest until he’s spent. Then he lets me go, and I struggle to get away. At this point, I’m breathless. My body hurts. Everything feels so damn weak. I collapse and close my eyes.
Ow.
For fuck knows how long, I lie there in silence and listen to my body protest. Tears continue to streak down my face. The only thoughts in my head are how much I hurt. Fear lingers, but my adrenaline is fading. The air feels cool and is getting colder.
The noise of the forest slowly penetrates my foggy brain. I jerk when a hand brushes my face. My eyes snap open, and I see the blurry shape of Auden lying in front of me, on his side, facing me. He has my glasses between us as he watches me.
With a shaky hand and muscles that feel like my glasses might be too heavy, I affix them to my face so I can see him clearly.
“Okay?” he asks.
I nod. “Yeah,” I croak and then squint my eyes at my voice. He grins.
“That what you had in mind?”
“It’s… yes.”
“What were you going to say?”
I shake my head a little. “I don’t know. It is, and it’s not. There’s a lot I didn’t expect to feel. I also didn’t expect every muscle in my body to hurt like this.”
He chuckles. “Can I hold you now, or do you need another minute?”
Sighing, I nod. “Yes, please. Hold me.”
Auden is careful as he brings me to his chest. He sits up, bringing me with him, and removes me from the forest floor so I’m huddled in his lap, wrapped in his arms. I feel child-sized as I lie limply against him.
“You did good,” he says after a minute.
My face heats. “Jesus,” I mutter.
He laughs. “I like it when you fight. I like forcing you down to take me.”
“I did too. It kind of feels gross to like it.”
“Somewhere in your head, you know it’s fake. You know I would never actually force you into anything. You know that there’s a way to make it all stop.”
Auden’s right. “I wonder if I would have remembered that had I actually wanted you to stop. It’s so…
strange. I wanted to get away. I was truly struggling.
That was a real fight, real fear. Yet, I know you’re right because somewhere I knew that this was just…
pretend. Like I wanted you to stop, but not really? ”
Everything that comes out of my mouth sounds contradictory. I shake my head, unsure how to explain myself.
“I know. I was literally talking myself up before texting you. My stomach rolled because this is rape play, and I’ve never had the desire to actually force someone who was unwilling and unwanting.
It’s such a paradox that I can’t fully understand.
I keep thinking, what does this say about me that I enjoyed it? ”
I snort. “Yeah, I know. Why do you think I’ve never done this before? A doctor interested in CNC!”
His arms tighten. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“I know. Logically, I know that. Just as there’s nothing wrong with you.”
Auden hums.
“Kink is kink. Our shame is a reflection of the world around us—everyone having an opinion on how we should live our lives as pious little sheep while they perform debauchery with every judgmental thought.”
Now he laughs. “Tell me how you really feel.”
“I’m just saying. Even if you’re strong and confident, you’re still a victim of the everyday indoctrination of societal expectations of right and acceptable.”
Auden nods in agreement. A slow, constant nod of his head before he rests his chin on the top of my head. “You okay though? Did I go too far?”
“I’m good. Sore. Everywhere is sore. Inside and out.” I look at the palm of my hand. “I should probably get my hands cleaned up, though.”
“Maybe the trees aren’t the best place to play,” he observes. His hand covers the back of mine, and he moves it so he can study the gouges and dirt.
“No. I think it was a great, realistic place to play like this.”
“Not going to fill you with nightmares knowing that we’ve spilled a whole lot of blood in these trees?”
I look around for any hints of those activities. “Now it is.”
Auden’s answering chuckle is reminiscent of that villainous sound.
We sit in silence for a long time until I’m very aware that my bare ass is still exposed to the world around us. I realize that there’s no one here to see us, but I feel like someone could just happen upon us at any second, and they’d be subjected to seeing my raw, used hole.
“Sun’s going down,” Auden comments, and I glance up at the canopy.
Now that he’s pointed it out, I realize that it’s getting dark. While I think I’m with the scariest predator in the woods, my heart beats a little harder knowing that we’re going to need to find our way back in the dark when the carnivores come out to hunt.
Auden gets to his feet, bringing me with him.
He holds me while I regain my balance and then watches me as I pull my ruined pants up.
I’m sure in proper lighting I’m going to be horrified by my appearance.
As the world dims, it’s only the stark contrast of my once-white pants and the dark swatches along them. There’s a hole in the right leg.
“You fared better than I thought,” Auden says as he examines me while I continue to right my clothing. I meet his eyes. “Your glasses are in one piece.”
“I’m thankful for that.”
“I hope you have spares,” he says as he turns and waits for me to join him. I wince with the first few steps I take.
“Yeah, though there’s only one spare with me. It’s easy enough to order more if need be.”
“Perhaps you order some that you don’t care if they break and carry some on you at all times,” Auden suggests.
I glance at him. We’re moving slowly. No doubt because I’m being slow, internally taking inventory of all the aches and pains, noting that they’re going to feel a whole lot worse tomorrow. “At all times?” I ask somewhat absently.
“Now that I know how much I enjoyed this.” Auden grips my elbow and turns me to face him. It feels much darker suddenly, and his eyes glint. “Now that I know, I’m fucking ravenous.”
A chill of excitement and maybe a smidgen of trepidation runs along my spine.