Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
SEBASTIAN
“I think I’m gonna go home tonight.”
I glance across the manor kitchen where Sasha circles the table, clearing up the dirty plates from dinner. “Is something wrong?”
I don’t know why I ask. I already know the answer. We’ve barely spent a night apart, and Sasha has been subdued all evening, distracted from the moment I collected her from work.
“No.” She dumps the dishes by the sink and sighs. “Yes. I don’t know.”
I watch, disturbed by the unsettled feeling creeping up my spine and the way she’s not looking at me properly. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Another pointless question.
“So much is going on in my head and I can’t figure out what to do. I think I need some alone time, to think some things over. Consider my next steps. Maybe wallow in self-pity for a bit. Is that okay?”
The thought of any time and distance away from Sasha sits uncomfortably in the pit of my stomach, but I nod anyway. “Of course it is. I know you need your space sometimes.”
“I’m not—I’m not running away or ending this, so we’re clear. I don’t want you to think that. I’m just feeling a bit?—”
“Overwhelmed?”
“Yes.” She sags in relief, seemingly grateful for my understanding.
“It’s okay, Sasha.”
“Well, it’s not because Charlotte asked me not to break your heart, and I’m not doing that.”
Charlie said that?
My chest warms. “You’re not.”
It might break if she doesn’t come back though.
I cradle her cheeks and draw her up for a kiss. Soft. Slow.
She opens for me slowly at first, caressing my tongue with her own. It takes seconds to turn sloppy and desperate, wet and tinged with goodbye, but I push that fear out of my mind. No one can run from this kind of passion and intensity, and if they do, they won’t be running for long.
Sasha pulls away and caresses my cheek, staring at me for a long while.
“Can I wear your coat home?” she whispers.
I break into a smile. “Of course you can, sweetheart. As long as you bring it back to me.”
“Always.”
I’m settled by this for some reason, even though I’m not sure why, and I let that wash over me as I help Sasha into my coat and walk her to her car. I kiss her goodbye again, long enough for us both to clutch at each other and moan, then stand in the driveway to watch the headlights until they disappear.
On the way back inside, I scowl as the mistletoe above the porch sways in the wind and catches my eye.
Itchy with restlessness and squandered plans, I head straight to the crystal decanter of whisky on the side table in the living room, pouring myself a hearty measure, gulping it down, and pouring another.
“Is Sasha not staying tonight, dear?” Gran pipes up from her seat in the armchair by the fire. Her feet are propped on a cushioned stool and there’s a hardback book open face down over one arm.
“No.”
She pauses at the sound of my glum tone, her sherry glass mid-air. “Oh. Have you had a falling out?”
“No, nothing like that.” I sink into the sofa, slumping back against the cushions. “She did ask for a bit of space though.”
“I see. I take it from your somber mood that you’re upset by this? Your relationship must be real now if you’re that broken up by a bit of space.”
I straighten immediately, pulse flaring. “What?”
“What am I saying?” Gran chuckles, fluffing the air with one hand. “Of course it’s real now, with the sounds the two of you make at night and sometimes in the morning. You’re both quite vocal, you know. I just meant have you actually talked about it and confessed your feelings. That’s what’s important here. Maybe she needs the space because she doesn’t know how you feel. Something to think about.”
“Gran. Can we go back a couple of steps. You knew about that? The whole fake dating thing?”
She sends me a look that says puh-lease, look who you’re dealing with . “Of course I did. You went from disliking each other to dating within days. I’m no fool, Sebastian.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because it’s exactly what I wanted to happen. It was all part of the plan.”
“ That was your plan?”
“Well, not the fake part. We just wanted a way to push you two together. We knew you and Sasha were perfect for each other and needed a little nudge in the right direction. You can lead a horse to water or so the saying goes.”
I let out a sigh. “Gran.”
“My methods might not have been the best?—”
“You told me you were dying,” I say flatly.
“But it worked, didn’t it?”
“I can think of better ways.”
“Come now. It’s not as if you really believed me. You knew I was up to something. It was written all over your face. You’re not subtle.”
“Neither are you.”
“I know.” She seems charmed by this. “Must run in the family.”
I can’t help but laugh, even if I don’t particularly feel like laughing.
“Don’t fret, dearest. All couples need a bit of space every now and then. It’s hardly the end of the world.”
“I know. I’m not worried about that.” And I’m not. Deep down I feel certain about the connection between us in a way I’ve never felt before. It has roots now, burrowed deep in the heart of me. “I’m worried about Sasha.”
“Oh. Why?”
My hesitation plays out in the quiet. “She’d kill me for saying anything.”
Gran gestures around the room. “Who am I going to tell?”
I knock back the rest of my drink, sliding the glass onto the coffee table before I have the chance to pour myself another. Gone are the days I can drink four alcoholic drinks and still feel fine afterwards.
“ Mistletoe & Mine is in trouble,” I admit. “Sasha thinks it’ll have to close in the new year. She’s pretty devastated by it.”
“Oh no. This is terrible news, not just for Sasha but the whole village.” Gran struggles for a moment to sit upright. “We have to do something.”
“I’ve been trying, but she doesn’t want to hear it.”
“That’s not shocking. Sasha is very much her own person, headstrong. Doesn’t like to depend on anyone and feels like she should do everything herself. It’s half the reason Rose left her the shop in the first place.”
“I know. But it’s hard when I can solve everything just by writing a cheque.”
“I know, dear. But it might make her feel uncomfortable to accept money from you, especially now that you’re together. Money is a touchy subject for many people.”
I let out another sigh, swiping both hands down my face. “When you put it like that, it makes sense.”
“Besides, some of us take a little longer to accept that we have people to lean on, that there’s people who love us that much that they want to help without anything in return. Sasha will come around.”
“What makes you so sure?” I ask quietly.
“Because it’s you. Others will surely call me biased because you’re my grandson, but you are marvellous. I’ve always thought so, from the second I held you in my arms. Absolutely marvellous. When you came to live with me when you were sixteen, well, I couldn’t have asked for anything better.”
I smile at her words and let them settle, warm and soothing in my chest. “Is that your way of telling me I’m your favourite grandchild?”
“Only if you don’t tell anyone.”
I tap the side of my nose. “It’ll be our secret.”
We share a fond smile across the room, engulfed in silence while the fire crackles in the hearth and the whisky burns in my throat.
Eventually, Gran sets her empty glass aside and points at her mobile phone sitting on the coffee table.
“Right, that’s enough wallowing from you,” she says. “Pass me my phone will you. We’ve got a shop to save.”
“How exactly do you plan to do that? I already told you. Sasha doesn’t want my help.”
“ Your help, yes. She didn’t say anything about mine.”
My eyes narrow, but I hand her the phone anyway, curious and a little amused. “What are you up to?”
Gran grins, and starts pressing away at her screen. “You’ll see, dearest. You’ll see.”