Chapter Twelve
“Alone at last.” Reid closed the door of Prudence’s room, shutting the two of them inside. “Brent and Emmeline are an adorable couple. But I’m done with adorable.”
“Oh really?” Prudence glanced at him.
“Yes. I want magnificent. Come here.” He held out his hands, waiting for her.
“You’re very sure of yourself.” She put her palms in his and let him draw her close.
“I’m very sure of us,” he answered. And kissed her.
Oh how he kissed her. It was everything she’d ever dreamed of, ever imagined a kiss should be. It was passionate, loving and demanding, his lips taking her into their own private world where nothing and no one existed but them.
Turning, moving, touching and holding, Pru had no idea how long the kiss lasted, but by the time it was done, and they drew apart, she was breathless, a little dizzy and shaking from head to foot.
Raising a hand to her lips, she just looked at him, loving how dishevelled he was, how the colour in his cheeks had risen and how his eyes were languorous as they stared at her.
“Reid.” She spoke his name with reverence.
“Pru, when I couldn’t find you – my heart nearly stopped.” He held her again, rubbing his hands up and down her back as if to reassure himself she was real.
“I’m sorry, Reid. Really sorry. I shouldn’t have left you like that.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” He snuggled her into his embrace. “But I’m going to assume you had a good reason. And that’s what I really want to know. Why you left our bed and left me alone.” He let her go at last. “Were you unhappy, love?”
She walked away from him, knowing that now was the time for honesty.
And dreading it.
“No, Reid, no. I wasn’t unhappy. Quite the contrary. I have never been as happy as am I in your arms. And in your bed.” She held up a hand as he made to move toward her. “But I have come to realise that there is something special between us, and I don’t know if I can allow that.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know. And I will have to tell you. So please, sit. Let me tell my story in my own way. And then we will see where we stand.”
He hesitated but then nodded. “Very well.” He took the chair, and she sat on the edge of the bed. “Please. Tell me what you think I need to know.”
She swallowed and nodded. “As you know, my mother passed away at my birth. But what I didn’t tell you, and what very few people know, is that my father was not the man she was married to at the time.
” She looked away, unable to watch his face as she spoke the fatal words.
“I’m a bastard, Reid. An illegitimate child who does not know who her father is.
That’s why I was sent to Aunt Dorothea.”
She looked at him then, seeing him regarding her steadily.
“I had to wed Eldridge. He was the only man who would accept me, although my aunt did her best to keep my past buried.” Her gaze dropped to her hands, folded in her lap.
“He knew, of course. But he was desperate for an heir. And a housekeeper. I served both functions, though his efforts to sire a child came to naught. However, his house was spotless.”
Reid made a sound at this, a kind of grunt. But he did not speak. Perhaps he was trying to think of a way to leave the room politely. He would do it politely, she knew. He’d try not to hurt her, but he would leave. It was inevitable.
“So there you have it. I’m nothing but an illegitimate impostor pretending to be a lady. And as such, Reid, you can now understand why I’m completely wrong for one such as you.”
“Such as me?” His voice was level but gave nothing away.
“Yes.” She stood and began to pace. She could remain seated no longer, since her unusual nerves were starting to make her apprehensive. It was unlike her, but this was a situation unlike any other she’d experienced.
“Reid, you are a Chillendale. You have centuries of heritage and tradition behind you and duties you owe to your name, your family and your tenants. You’re every bit as bound to your name as are the Spencers or the Devonshires.
There may not be a grand title and a house in London with the Chillendale name on it, but your traditions are every bit as rooted in the past as theirs. ”
“I see.”
“I don’t know if you do. But think about it.
We enjoy being together more than anything.
Whatever has happened between us, has happened and there’s no denying it.
But we can’t follow through any further, Reid, no matter how much either of us want to.
You cannot marry a bastard, to be blunt. You simply cannot.”
“Says who?”
“Me.” She lifted her chin and looked at him at last.
He stood. “My love, ‘tis a sad story, I’ll give you that. And I’m sorry you had to go through such degradations as Lady Eldridge. Not an uncommon situation, but unpleasant nevertheless.”
“Indeed.” She watched him with a certain amount of caution. There was a sense of something coiled like a spring within him and she wasn’t sure what it was.
“But I have to say I’ve never heard such a load of codswallop in my entire life.”
“Reid.”
“Well it is, you goose. This is not some fanciful novel where true love is separated by circumstance, and everyone acts forlorn but does their duty. That’s tripe and you know it.”
Her anger rose in her throat. “I’m not a goose. I’m trying to be sensible and practical here, unlike someone else I could mention.” She glared at him. “Even if you are unable to see the truth of what I’m saying, I will bet my best hat your family will.”
That gave him pause for a few moments. “Nonsense.” He stood and walked to her, taking her in his arms. “They will understand”
She fought a sob. “This is hard enough for me. Please don’t make it any more difficult.”
He held her, cradling her as one would a child. “One question, Pru. Just one question.”
She sniffed. “What?”
“Do you love me?”
Oh God. He would ask that.
She hid her face in his jacket. “Mmmrlrppmmfff.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear that.”
“Stop it, Reid, please. Just stop.” She fought against tears, a weakness she deplored.
“Sweetheart, if you love me then everything is possible. Because I love you.”
“You shouldn’t.” She plucked up the courage to look at him. And then wished she hadn’t because he hadn’t lied. His eyes were full of his feelings, and she was melting under the love in his gaze.
“Too late. I knew as soon as you leaned over me and touched my face. Your hair was like silk against my skin, and you smelled of spring.” He took a breath. “You still do.”
“Lily of the valley,” she murmured. “I wear it all the time.”
“I’m glad. Keep wearing it. I have grown to adore that fragrance. It will always be you in my mind.”
She drew back with a sigh. “You are so very kind, Reid. But we are in a mess here. I have explained why we can go no further. And I am completely sincere. When you have time to consider the matter, I do believe that your common sense will help you come to the same conclusion.” She walked away from him.
“I will not be just your mistress, my love. That I cannot do.”
He frowned at her. “If you think I would ask that of you, then you don’t know me at all.”
She turned. “I don’t think it. But it had to be said. You and I must be honest with each other, Reid. If not, then we have nothing.”
He nodded. “I agree.”
“So what do we do next? Should I leave? I can arrange it, even though Brent seems likely to be staying in the area now.”
Reid thought for a few moments. “Here’s what I’d like to suggest. I want time to consider what you’ve told me, and I want you to think about us and the future.
To me, your history is no impediment whatsoever and I’d marry you tomorrow if I could.
But you’ve made it clear that you have deep reservations.
So I’d like you to take some time and consider if what you feel for me can overrule those reservations.
I will talk to my parents as well, because they’re sensible people and will understand.
If we both come at this with clear heads and loving hearts, I do believe we can find a way that will satisfy us both. ”
“So I should stay?”
“Can you? At least until the Mistletoe Ball. Is that too much to ask?”
“No, and it’s probably a good idea. Brent has some other friends in the area and has asked me to accompany him on a couple of visits so I shall pass the time quite well. And I expect I shall get to know Emmeline even better.” She tried for a smile.
He picked up his cloak. “I don’t want to leave you. But I know it won’t help either of us if I stay.”
Prudence felt a sharp gash open in her heart at the thought of not seeing him again. It was a possibility if his period of consideration led to a different decision.
For a few moments her resolve wavered. All she had to do was say yes and she could have the very thing she’d always dreamed of. A man who truly loved her and would take care of her. A man she would love back every bit as much.
But then reality intruded on her dream, and she returned to being practical. Being illegitimate was a mark, a brand, that could destroy Reid and bring down the Chillendale name.
It would only take one breath of such a scandal to seriously impact the market for their ale; especially in those exalted places where nobody ever sinned.
Such as the many London distributors whose carriages regularly delivered barrels of the stuff to the best gambling clubs and brothels.
Places where many diverse sins were committed under the cover of titled privilege, but where a bride of unknown parentage could ruin a man in weeks.
Reid was still looking at her, his cloak over his arm. “You’re thinking, aren’t you?”
She nodded. “Yes. Too much perhaps.” Straightening her shoulders, she walked to him, put a hand on his chest and leaned in, giving him a gentle kiss. “Go Reid. Let us take the time to consider the future. It is important, you know. To more than just us.”
“I know.” He smiled. “You are as wise as you are beautiful.”
She snorted. “Out, Mr. Chillendale.”