Chapter 1 #2
My sister Willa has always had a gift for spot-on intuition.
My other sister, Rowan, is an apothecary and yoga instructor, who I fill in for occasionally.
Both are really beautiful and successful.
I don’t have the same gifts they do; in fact, I don’t have any gifts.
People widely know and respect our mother, Lilith, as the town sea witch.
Do they ride on brooms? No, but they all definitely have gifts.
I’m just Ivy. The girl who has had dozens of part-time jobs and can’t seem to get her shit together and find herself.
And today, getting kicked out of the town home that Derek and I shared and moving back to my hometown is just another failure I guess I can add to the list. Poor Ivy can’t keep a job or a man.
I sit up higher in my seat as we pull into the drive for Bennett Tree Farm.
It’s like something out of a snow globe.
A big, beautiful red barn dusted with fresh powder comes into sight, surrounded by towering evergreens wrapped in string lights.
A hand-painted sign reads “Cut Your Own Joy.” I don’t know who painted it, but I want to hug them.
I glance back and realize maybe Junie did that. It’s adorable.
“This is like...if Hallmark had a baby with a Pinterest board,” I breathe. “Wow. Remy has done a lot to the place in the past few years since he took it over.”
“Welcome to your new life,” Willa says. “You’re going to have so much fun here. I love living out here, too.”
“I don’t even know how to nanny. What if Junie decides she doesn’t like me?” I say suddenly, feeling nervous.
“Last year, you made a giant gingerbread replica of Hogwarts for fun.” She glances over and laughs.
“What?” I say with a shrug. I guess I am a big kid at heart.
“It’s hilarious that out of all the jobs you’ve had, being a nanny is the one job you haven’t had yet,” she teases. “I feel like I’m dropping you off for your first day of school.”
“All right, not fair.” But it is ironic, I guess.
I am notorious for having had a ton of part-time jobs everywhere.
I’ve done it all. From dog walking, pet sitting, serving, bartending, cleaning houses…
I’ve mostly done it all. Some would say I’m a jack of all trades, but I just haven’t found what makes me happy.
Willa is successful with her bookstore and coffee shop, Wisteria Books they’re so cute. Crazy cute. I knew Derek wasn’t for me when I saw how good it was for Tate and Willa. And I want what they have someday.
Someday.
“What are you guys doing here?” he asks me, still holding Willa.
“Today’s Ivy’s first day as Junie’s nanny,” Willa says as she grabs the cat carrier and loads up Cobweb. “I’ve got to get to the bookstore. Mom’s watching things for me, and she’s probably rearranging everything as we speak. Can you take Ivy up to the house with you on the side by side?”
“He hired a nanny?” he asks, giving me a confused look.
“Ummm…well, yeah. What do you mean?” I ask nervously, feeling my emotions roll over me.
Tate shrugs, “I didn’t realize he hired someone. Actually, you know what, this is great. He’s been having to miss a lot of work, and he’s been really stressed out lately. This will be a big help to him.”
I shrug. “Donna said it was okay, and I assumed—.”
It’s about that time that I realize that Donna probably set us up. I should’ve known. Great.
Heat crawls up my neck. My smile feels pasted-on, and I picture Remy walking in and finding me here, uninvited, like a stray cat who wandered into his kitchen. The old worry flares fast.
You do too much.
You’re in the way.
You read the room wrong.
I think of my suitcase by the door, how easy it would be to zip it, mumble an apology, and disappear before anyone has to say it out loud.
I can already hear the story I will tell myself in the car.
No harm done. You tried. It was a misunderstanding.
Only it wouldn’t feel like a misunderstanding. It would feel like proof.
I try to breathe. The house feels warm and safe, and for a second, I let myself want it. I want to belong here. Then doubt slides in again, quiet and sharp. If he didn’t say yes, if he didn’t say he wanted me here, then I’m trespassing on the softest parts of his life.
I glance toward the doorway, half expecting Remy to appear with that guarded look he wears. My chest tightens. I could make a joke. I could spin this into something breezy and charming. That is the old reflex. Smile. Minimize. Make yourself smaller so no one can hurt you when their jabs land.
I straighten instead. If I’m going to be here, it has to be because he wants me here.
Not because his mother nudged the chess pieces around and called it fate.
The thought steadies me. I can ask him. I can risk the answer.
My heart knocks against my ribs like it’s trying to get out, but I lift my chin anyway.
Please let him want me here. And if he doesn’t, let me be brave enough to hear it.