CHAPTER THREE
Jenna
“Holy shit. There is a lot to unpack here. You’re right to be confused.
That last letter. Phew! I’m burning up.” Hayley fans her face, bouncing on the couch.
We abandoned our half-eaten dinner as soon as the girls suggested reading the letters, and now we’re spread out in my living room, letters all over the floor.
“He was so innocent early on. And can I say, a little bit dorky?” She cringes and I try unsuccessfully to suppress my giggle.
“That’s Jack. He still has his dorky moments.”
“I like him,” Blair adds, her cheeks a little more crimson than they were before she started reading what I’m calling Jack’s “dirty” letter. “He seems sweet. But every now and then he changes. As though the real Jack was dying to come out and reveal himself, only he wasn’t sure if he should.”
“You think that’s the real Jack? The last letter?”
“You don’t?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I called for help.” Why I’m considering some drastic measures.
Blair rubs at her forehead and we both turn to Hayley, hoping she has some great words of wisdom.
“What I love is that he actually edged you in that letter. I’m dying. What was he going to do next?”
“Right?!” That’s why it made me so goddamn wet. I don't think I realized that he knew me that well. That intimately. “It’s confusing. I’m confused.”
“I’ll bet. What are you going to write back?”
“I have no freaking idea.”
“Why didn’t you send him a Thanksgiving letter?
” Blair asks, changing the topic. “If you’ve never missed a letter in eight years, why’d you miss that one?
Was he right? Was it because he asked about your mom?
” The concern etched into her features has me cringing.
Trust her to focus on that part of the letter.
“Will you accept that I forgot?”
“Definitely not.” She laughs gently, the concern still there.
“Me either.” Hayley sides with Blair. “We may not have known you that long, but you’re no flake.”
Dammit. She’s right. I’m no flake. And I didn’t forget.
The truth is, my mom disappeared on me. Again. Just when I was getting used to having her around.
I was looking forward to another white Christmas in Vermont. Counting down the days. I’m not due to start my next project until January. The timing was perfect. She’d promised it would be the two of us this year, and it’s been years since that happened.
Sure, I’m an adult now. Old enough to have my own kids if that’s what I wanted.
Only, what I want is my mom. I shouldn’t be letting her get to me so much, but every time she walks back into my life, promising me that she’s done with the shitty men in hers, I believe it.
And every time, she finds another douchebag and makes him her whole world, leaving me behind.
Forgetting she has a daughter.
It’s been that way since my dad died. In the past, she claimed that she needed someone to help take care of me. Because she was always in and out of work. But I moved to LA when I was eighteen. She can’t use that excuse nine years later.
You’d think I’d be used to it by now. And I should be. Only this time, she disappeared to France, leaving her landlord my details to collect rent.
I wanted to write to Jack. But with that, and everything that happened with Blair and Zane these past few months, I wasn’t in the right headspace.
The last thing he needs is me complaining about the drama with my mom during the holiday season when his parents are dead. At least I’ve got a parent in my life.
“If I tell you, you’re not allowed to feel sorry for me, or harp on about it. Our focus today is Jack and his latest letter, not what I’m about to say.”
Hayley nods, while Blair hesitates. “Um. I—”
“I never pushed you to talk about your past,” I remind her and she blows out a breath.
“Okay. Deal.”
“Thank you.”
I fill them in on my upbringing and the latest shit show with my mom, and Hayley gives me the response I was after. “God, some parents suck.”
“That they do.”
Hayley’s told me a bit about her parents back in Australia, so I know she understands a little of what I’m going through. Blair’s parents, on the otherhand, are amazing. I’ve only met them once, but I would love for them to adopt me like they’ve all but adopted Zane.
Blair’s quiet, and when I glance over, she’s sucking her lips into her mouth, her watery eyes highlighting the depth of her sadness. For me.
And now I feel bad.
“Okay. Get it over with.”
“Oh, Jenna.” She leaps up from her seat and rushes over to give me a hug. “Hayley’s right; some parents do suck and I’m sorry you were dealt a shitty hand.”
“Thank you.”
“Is there anything we can do to help? How about you come to Jacksonville for Christmas with my family?”
I cringe at the thought, and wish I’d seen her invite coming because I would have hidden my involuntary response.
“As wonderful as that sounds, I’m okay.” I had a short fling with Blair’s brother and would prefer to avoid him if I can.
It’s not that we ended badly or anything.
It was casual sex and we both knew that.
But he joked about us “doin’ it again sometime” and that’s not what I do.
“I’m actually thinking of getting away. Maybe heading abroad. ”
I smile innocently, but they both see right through it. “Oh my God,” Hayley squeals while Blair’s hand flies to her face with her gasp.
“You’re going to Australia?” she questions, her jaw parting in surprise.
“Australia? I hadn’t really decided on a location. Australia could be nice. It's summer, right, Hayls?”
“It is.” Her lips purse as she suppresses a smile. “Christmas is the perfect time to visit.”
“Well, I mean, if you’re both suggesting it.” I shrug and Blair snorts out a laugh.
“Come on. What are you going to do? Confront Jack?”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking. You can’t send a letter like that and expect me to do nothing.”
“He was probably expecting you to write back. I’m sure he guessed, rightly so, that it would get a rise out of you.”
“A rise? Oh B, if I was a guy, my cock would have been at full mast while reading that letter. And Jack knows me, meaning he knew exactly what he was doing. The more I say it aloud, the more I think I need to confront him.”
“Yes!” Hayley cheers. “I am so here for this.”
“I don’t know.” Blair hesitates. “What are you going to say?”
“I’m going to knock on his door and ask him to explain himself.”
Hayley’s smile widens. “Please tell me you’re also planning on screwing his brains out?”
“I’m considering it.”
“Nooo.” Blair shakes her head vehemently. “What if you sleep together and it ruins your friendship?”
“You have a point. We’ll have to set ground rules.”
“That doesn’t work.” Hayley leans forward, her expression pinched. “Reed and I tried. The boundaries make it more enticing.”
“Hmm. It does give it a forbidden feel.”
“Exactly.”
“What if you’re soulmates?” Blair blurts suddenly, silencing us both.
“What?” Laughter bubbles out of me and I shake my head. “He’s not my soulmate.”
“How do you know? I tried really hard to pretend Zane wasn’t my forever, and look how that turned out. Think about it. You tell each other everything. The banter is on point. He obviously likes you, and the fact that you continue to respond means that you like him too.”
“Oh,” Hayley cuts in. “Yes. I can see that. The final letter is him shooting his shot.”
“By telling me all the dirty things he wants to do to me?”
“Yes. It shows how well he knows you. The key to your heart is through your clit.”
“Hayley!” Blair scolds jokingly, failing to hold back her laughter.
“Am I wrong?” Hayley gloats, a sassy smile pulling at her lips.
“Nope. You’re spot on. That’s why I’m still single. I haven’t found anyone that knows the exact way I like my clit serviced. My hand is still number one.”
Blair scoffs, determination set in her brow.
“I don’t believe that. You haven’t settled down because you haven’t found someone that sets your heart on fire.
Someone you think about twenty-four seven.
A guy or girl who knows everything about you because they pay attention, not because you told them.
Because you’re their entire world and they’d do anything to make you happy. ”
I stare at her for a beat, rolling her words around in my mind. Is that true? Is that what I’m waiting for? An image of Jack's letter comes back to mind and I shake off my thoughts.
“Nah. It’s definitely the pleasure I’m missing.”
Hayley erupts into laughter while Blair sighs dramatically.
“Can you at least wait until you have it all before you settle?”
“Does that actually exist?”
“Yes!” They cry out in unison, and I rear back from the outburst.
“God, you’re both so loved up it’s nauseating. But I can’t deny that you have great men. For you.”
Hayley smiles brightly while Blair glances away, seemingly lost in thought. My brows furrow, patiently waiting until she nods a few times and turns back to face us.
“Okay. I’ve mentally weighed the pros and cons while we’ve been talking, and I think you should go to Australia.”
My lips twist in amusement and I gesture for her to elaborate. “I’m listening.”
I've all but made up my mind, but it can’t hurt to cement my decision. Blair is the queen of pros and cons lists, and I have no doubt it will be well thought out.
She raises a finger, her face creasing into a proud smile.
“One, it would be cool to experience Christmas in Australia. Two, if you’re planning an escape either way, then at least you’ll be around someone you know.
Three, I heard the chocolate there tastes incredible and that’s reason enough in itself. ”
While the first two are take it or leave it, she has a good point about the third. I’d go anywhere for incredible chocolate.
“Four,” she continues and I bite back a smile, “your favorite swimwear brand has a physical store there, somewhere on the east coast. If it’s close, you’ll be able to pop in and try on the different styles.”
“B! I hadn’t thought of that. Even if it’s not close, I’m going to have to visit.”
“Yes! Ugh, I’m jealous. There are so many amazing stores in Australia that you don’t get here. Mainly beachwear.” Hayley starts naming a few brands until Blair stops her.
“What if they’re all in different states?” she asks, always the practical one.
“He’s in Sydney, right?” Hayley turns my way. “I think he mentioned that in one of his letters.”
“That’s right.”
“Well, you’re in luck, as most of the ones I know are in Sydney.”
“Perfect, it’s settled. I’ll go shopping first and stock up on swimsuits and summer outfits ahead of my beachy vacation.”
“Does Jack live near the beach?”
“He sure does. He described it to me in one of his earlier letters, maybe one you didn’t read. Though, I guess he could have been lying this whole time. We’ll soon find out.” I laugh and Hayley joins in while Blair merely smiles, and there’s something off about it.
“What’s wrong?”
“I missed something on my cons list.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“What if he’s been lying to you this whole time?” She repeats my words back to me, but while I was joking, she’s definitely not.
“Oh, B. I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”
“And if that is true, you bet your ass I’m boarding the next flight out of here to help you kick his ass,” Hayley adds, her expression murderous but adorable, if that’s possible.
“Thanks, Hayls.” I smile warmly and turn to Blair. “Thank you both. I appreciate you helping me through this. Good list, Blair.”
“I actually have one more.”
“Wow, you are on fire.” Hayley squeezes her arm.
“I do these a lot.”
“Let's hear it.”
“Okay. Five, Jack might be your soulmate.”
I laugh, a little hysteria in my voice, as Hayley snorts beside me. “B, I swear you weren’t this corny when you were dating Nathan.”
“Then look at what finding your soulmate does. It turns the pessimists into optimists again.”
“If that’s the case, I’m going to make it my life’s goal to avoid mine.” I wink as though I’m joking, only I’m not sure that I am.
“Stop.” Blair manages a small, tentative smile. “You love it. But just in case, do you want to hear the rest of the cons?”