CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Mason
Carols fill the air as one of my dad's best mates, Charlie, boasts about his daughter’s achievements over the past year, specifically her engagement to a guy we went to school with.
I smile and nod at all the right moments, but it’s impossible to give him my full attention.
Not with Jenna’s beautiful smile shining from across the lawn, her infectious laughter hooking me in.
She’s currently dancing to “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town,” and her beaming happiness matches the children showing her the moves.
She’s ten years old again, believing in the magic, and I wish I knew her back then. To experience more of this version of her, or any version where her eyes sparkle, her expression full of wild anticipation.
The longer I watch her, the harder it is to remember why her being here is a bad idea.
There’s a reason I don’t welcome anyone into this part of my world, and one of those reasons is standing in front of me. The other is God knows where, shirking his responsibilities, once again putting himself first.
“Mason.” Charlie waves a hand in front of my face and I snap to attention. “Are you listening at all? Or are you busy planning your future with that gorgeous lass over there?”
“What?” I half laugh, half choke. “I’m listening. Jessica is engaged to Carl, and I missed my shot at marrying into your family.”
“Well, well, well, who knew you could do two things at once?” He pats me on the back, his deep jovial laughter drawing a crowd, most of them shocked or uneasy.
Only, they’ve got it all wrong. While Charlie may look tough as nails with his long greying beard and sleeve tattoos, he’s actually a softy when it comes to the people he cares about.
And since my dad died, I’m near the top of that list.
“So…” He edges closer, his demeanour morphing from his lighthearted nature to serious concern in less than a heartbeat. This is the part I loathe. I love Charlie like family, but he always manages to kill my mood, every time we speak. “Is Jack doing okay? You’re still taking care of him, right?”
“Jack is fine. And yes, I’m still there. Whenever he needs me.”
You’d think he was a fucking child with the way everyone treats him, including me.
The sad truth is, he can’t take care of himself.
As much as I love my parents, wherever they are, I hope they realize they’re to blame.
If they hadn’t spoiled him growing up, he’d be better equipped for this life.
Although, I guess I have to take some of the responsibility.
I’ve never asked him to grow the fuck up.
I know I should. And lately, I’m so close to the breaking point, that it could be soon.
“You’re a good kid, Mason. Better than most. Your parents would be proud.” There it is. The reason I haven’t sent Jack packing.
“Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Charlie. I try.” I put on my best smile and hold out my hand to shake, feeling the weight of expectation in his firm grasp.
My phone buzzes, and he makes himself scarce, finally allowing me to breathe.
Until I read the message.
Jack: Have you seen Jenna? I just got home and she’s gone
Is he kidding me? It’s almost three! He left her alone for most of the day and what…now he cares?
Spinning away from the crowd, I massage my temples and count to three, inhaling deeply.
“What’s wrong?” Jenna’s voice makes me startle as she grabs my arm, turning me to face her, concern etched in her features.
“Nothing,” I lie. “Why?”
“You look like you want to kill someone.”
Oh. That. I do. I really fucking do. “Would you believe this is my resting bitch face?” I smile with exaggerated force, and she erupts into giggles, until she seemingly realises where we are, frantically glancing around.
“Watch your language.” She shushes me.
“My mistake. Has anyone ever told you you’re a completely different person around kids?”
“Believe it or not, I figured that out for myself. What about you? Has anyone ever told you you’re a marshmallow when—”
“They wouldn’t dare.” I mock anger and Jenna’s face splits into a grin.
“You’re not as grumpy as they say.”
“And you’re not as badass.”
“Oh, yeah?” She steps forward, getting in my face. “Say that again. I dare you.” The corner of her mouth tilts into the beginning of a smile, but she hides it away, and my chest aches for her.
I have never wanted to steal a kiss more than I do right now.
My heart hammers against my rib cage as an internal battle rages inside me. Why should I hold back? Why do I continue to put Jack first when he’s never once offered me the same courtesy?
Oh, right, because I’m “a good kid” and my “parents would be proud.” Charlie’s hardened voice plays through my head, and God-fucking-dammit. I’m never going to escape it.
My phone buzzes again, but I don’t bother checking my notifications before responding to Jack.
Mason: She’s here. WHERE YOU SHOULD BE. We’ll see you when we get home. If you’re there
He responds within seconds and my temperature rises.
Jack: Come home NOW. I want her back
The fuck? I pocket my phone, my breath burning my throat as I secure a mask firmly in place, stifling my rage.
“Hey.” Jenna squeezes my bicep, her face marred with a frown. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m good. Never better. Is it time for Santa?”
I fake a smile and Jenna attempts to smile back at me. Gone is her youthful happiness, and a wave of guilt takes over me. Fuck. I did that. I brought her here to get her out of her funk and I put her back in it.
“Jenna, I—”
“Maasse.” Kai cuts me off, stepping in front of us with a guitar in hand and a rebellious expression that has my stomach in knots.
“Kai,” I warn. “What are you—” The opening riff of “Jingle Bell Rock” answers my question and I narrow my eyes, my throat constricting as I struggle to take in air. He wants me to play.
“Kai?”
“I’m pushing your boundaries.”
“Why here? Why now?”
“It’s time.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal before his eyes flash to Jenna for the briefest of seconds, and my entire body tenses.
“You told her?” I accuse, my gaze bouncing between them, my simmering fury coming to a boil. “You were barely together an hour. What the fuck, Kai?”
“Mason…” Jenna grabs my arm but I shake her off.
“I can’t do this now.” Jesus Christ. I can’t do this ever.
Pressure builds in my chest and I storm away, ignoring the waves as I pass my dad’s crew, their faces blurry in my blind rage.
“Mason, wait!” Jenna’s faint panic enters my mind, but I can’t stop. If I don’t get out of here, I’ll never be able to breathe.
I’m vaguely aware of footsteps behind me, yet it’s not until I reach my bike that I bother to slow down. Why the fuck do I do this to myself? And why is it worse now that Jenna’s here?
After pulling my keys from my pocket, I pause and curse myself for leaving my helmet in the truck. I can’t stay here. I’ll ride slow, take the back streets and—
“What the hell are you doing?” Jenna grabs my shoulders, pulling me away from my bike, and the warmth of her hands soaks through my skin. “I get it. I do. But I can’t let you go. I won’t.”
The emotion of her voice works to calm me, but still, I shake my head. “You don’t get it. You can’t.” My breathing picks up again and she steps closer, squeezing my arm almost painfully.
“Breathe for a second, Mase. Please. Forget what happened back there and breathe.” My eyes focus and her expression sharpens, her flushed cheeks coming into view. I do as she asks, my eyes locked on hers, my heartbeat slowly returning to normal.
“Thank you,” she whispers softly, her voice shaky. “I’m sorry about Kai. I didn’t know he was going to do that. I should have told you he mentioned it.”
“It’s not your fault. He’s not the only reason I had to get away.”
“Am I the reason?”
“No.” Not exactly. “I…” I trail off, unsure what I was going to admit, and her face drops.
Letting out a long sigh, I close my eyes, hiding from her sympathetic gaze.
Only it lingers in my mind. I overreacted.
My thoughts are so fucked right now, I can’t see straight.
I know she cares. I can feel it. “Kai wanted me to play,” I admit, glancing back at her again, finding her dark eyes full of my pain.
“I used to play at this event. Before my parents died. Kai mentioned he’d seen a change in me lately, and I guess he thought I was ready. ”
“But you’re not?” Jenna’s response comes as a question, but her fiery gaze tells me she knows the answer, and she’s angry on my behalf.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. Though I can’t blame him for trying.”
“Why?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.” She steps closer, backing me into the alley behind us.
“You think your thoughts are fucked up; you should spend a day in my head. We only just met and yet I feel like you know me. Isn’t it only fair that I know you in return?
I want to… I’ll take anything you’re willing to give me, but it needs to be real. ”
She’s trying to make me feel good about myself, only it has the opposite effect, her words highlighting the asshole I truly am.
I do know her. Deeply. And I really fucking shouldn’t.
Only I’m done doing the right thing. I always do the right fucking thing. If she wants real, I’ll give it to her.
Spinning her around, I walk her backward until we’re away from the road, the party we deserted no more than a distant rumble filtering through the air.
“I want you, Jenna.” I cup her face, staring into her wide, wistful eyes. “Just this once, I want to be someone else, someone with passion, ambition, life. I want to be the one to fuck the girl who refuses to leave my mind.”
Jenna blinks a few times before a blaze takes over and her hands curl into my tee, her knuckles white from the tightness of her grip. She feels the same. But I want to hear her say it. I need to hear her breath hitch as she whispers my name.
“I want you too, Mason. God only knows why. I want you to take me now.”