Chapter 19
Maddox
S weetie! Sweetie!” Sadie runs through the apartment above the bookshop, finding me scrubbing the new tile floor in the bathroom after school. She jumps into my arms, waving a white envelope above her head.
“Oh, my goodness. What’s all the excitement about?”
“I got it.”
“That’s great. What is it?”
“The part.”
“Part of what? A puzzle? An apple? A car?” I tickle her belly, making her giggle, but she’s too consumed with her announcement to play. Setting her on her feet, I kneel ready to listen.
“No, silly. A part in a TV show in California.”
“What?” I crumble to the floor, the day Carmen left swirling through my head like drunken wasps. The memory stinging as sharply as it had back then. “You’re going to California? For how long?”
“Not sure. My agent says I could be in movies next.”
I stumble through my devastation, picking up the words she wants to hear along the way. “I’m so happy for you. You’ll be amazing.”
“I need to tell Nana.” She pecks my nose and takes off.
I can’t believe this is happening … again. I can’t believe Carmen and Nana didn’t tell me this could happen… again. Everyone acted as if I had nothing to worry about. That my inability to let go of the past was the problem. The way I see it, I have every right to be cautious and guard my permeable teddy bear heart with a fucking titanium cage.
My phone chimes, and I nearly rip my jeans pocket pulling it out with a force to match my fury.
Dottie: I’ll be home in an hour. I can’t wait to see my sweet baby. I’ve missed her so. Can you bring her to me?
When the universe has you under its heel, it just keeps on kicking. My trembling fingers type the opposite of what I want to say.
Me: Sure. Meet you there.
I need air. I need to get out of here.
“Maddox,” Nana calls from downstairs. “Can you deliver my pies to the fire hall?”
Jumping up, I gather Trixie and her stuff and race downstairs, grabbing the box of pies sitting the counter on my way out. I don’t wait for instructions and take a chance on having to answer questions about yet another drastic mood swing. I can’t hear more about Sadie’s news. I just want to run away.
Arriving at the fire station, the first person I see is my father, standing outside a closed garage bay with his arms crossed, like he’s been impatiently waiting for me to show up after curfew. “What the hell?”
I park the truck and let it run—half to keep Trixie warm, half for a quick escape.
“How’s it going, son?” he asks as I climb out.
“I’ve got Nana’s pies.”
“You can put them in the BINGO Hall, but that doesn’t answer my question.”
“Dad, I love you, but I’m not in the mood for another lecture. I’ve already gotten one from Mom and Nana today, and I have somewhere to be.” Stalking past him, I head inside and hand off the pies to the baking contest volunteers.
“Hi, Maddox. It’s good to have you home,” someone I either don’t know or don’t remember says on my way out.
Home . I was beginning to think I’d found that elusive place until it all was yanked from my grasp in the same way with the same dream. I can’t pretend my world isn’t falling apart again. The parking lot blurs, but I trudge on until two strong arms catch me mid-stride. My dad is almost my size, and at my pace, contact with him feels like slamming against a brick wall.
“Son, breathe.”
“Dad, I just want to—”
“You’re not running today, my boy. Sorry.”
Shaking my head, I find my balance, but his hand stays on my back for support. “I’m fine.”
“You sound like you say that a lot.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s okay not to be, you know?”
“So everyone keeps saying.”
“What can I do? Buy you an ice cream cone, take you to the park, throw a football?”
His mustache tips up at the corners in a smirk. It’s the goofy expression I remember from my childhood and cools a few charred nerves. “I’m not a child,” I say in stubborn protest.
“I’d still do it if it would help.”
Somehow, I feel better knowing that. “Thank you.”
“Where are you off to?”
“Dottie’s on her way back.”
“Oh. You better get Trixie there before she arrives.”
“I know. I’m just not ready to lose her, too.”
“Who else did you lose, son?”
“Doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Alright.” His big hand slaps against my back before vanishing inside his coat pocket while he takes on a no-nonsense fatherly stance beside me. “You’ll be home for dinner tonight, right?”
He wants a promise that I won’t hit the road in my mood, but he won’t get it. “We’ll see.”
On my way back to the truck, a text arrives.
Carmen: I miss you. Join us for dinner tonight?
“One problem at a time,” I say to myself and fling the phone onto the passenger seat.
◆◆◆
Carmen
“Hi, baby. How was school?” I ask Sadie after work and plop down on the couch next to her. It’s Dad’s turn to close the shop, giving me plenty of time to cook dinner for our get-together … if Maddox ever responds.
She closes her book and crosses her arms. “Where have you been?”
“I had to pick up some inventory in Moyer’s Ridge and scheduled a few gigs while I was there. Did you need something?”
“Sort of.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“I did. You didn’t answer.”
“Sorry, babe. Service is spotty there, especially in the warehouses. What’s up?” I tuck the strands of hair that had fallen into her face behind an ear. “Why are so sad? Talk to me.”
She pouts, and I’m gearing up to comfort her when she points at me with a wide smile. “Gotcha.”
“Yes, you did. Been practicing your emotional acting, I see.”
“Yep. I need to be ready.”
“For what? The play isn’t until spring.”
“I got the TV show.”
“You did? Oh, sweetheart. That’s amazing. Although, I’m not surprised. Your audition was a no-brainer.” This time, she lets me bring her into a hug and cover her face in kisses while she giggles. “Let’s celebrate tonight.”
“Can Maddox come?” she asks, and I love how she wants to share her life with him as I do.
“I’ve already invited him, but he isn’t responding to my texts.”
“That’s weird. He acted a little weird when I told him, too.”
Air catches in my lungs, making my next words squeak out shakier than I’d like. “What did you say to him?”
“That I was going to be on TV in California.”
Thick and jagged tears blur my view of her. I can only imagine what Maddox is thinking and hope Sadie’s surprise hasn’t hurt him beyond repair. Fear presses against my lungs. I should have told him. I expected her to get the job and knew how it would affect him, but I’d been too focused on rebuilding our relationship and didn’t think ahead.
“What’s wrong, Momma? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, of course not. I’m so happy for you. You’ve worked hard for this and deserve it.” I kiss her forehead to piece myself back together. “Let’s have dinner backwards and celebrate with dessert while we wait for him.”
“Yay!”
“What do you want?”
“I’ll see what we have, or maybe Nana has a pie downstairs.”
“Good idea.” She hops off my lap. “You go check with her, and I’ll call Maddox.”
She runs downstairs, and my frantic fingers can’t call him fast enough. I punch the wrong app and contacts in my haste, finally hitting CALL when I get it right. Waiting for him to answer, I curse myself again for blindsiding him. It didn’t help that Sadie’s eight-year-old understanding of the world didn’t tell the full story, surely giving him an unnecessary and painful bout of déjà vu.
Of course, I get his voicemail. I call again. Nothing.
Me: Please call me.
I try his mother next.
“Hi, Carmen,” she says in answering
“Hi, Marilyn. Is Maddox there?”
“No. He went back to Boston.”
I take a few seconds to breathe through the shock wanting to paralyze me. “He went— Why?”
“He didn’t tell you? I swear.” She lets out an audible sigh. “Everything okay?”
“I’m worried.” Needing somewhere for my energy to go, I pace the room.
“What happened?”
“Sadie told him we’re moving to California.”
“She got the part?” Marilyn’s excitement would be heartwarming if I wasn’t panicking about Maddox’s interpretation of that news.
“Yes, but I’m sure it feels like my eighteenth birthday all over again to him.”
“Oh no. And with the news about Adrian,” she trails off, empathizing. I recognize the concern in her voice, and it only amplifies my own. I could be patient if she’d been cool and confident that everything would be fine. But she knows something, pushing me until I’m one nervous jitter away from jumping in the car and driving to Boston to find him.
“Who’s Adrian?”
“His friend and former partner at work. He was shot early this morning and in surgery when his captain called. Maddox wanted to be there when he woke up.”
“How terrible. Did he go alone?”
“That’s what he’s used to doing. So stubborn.”
“I hate that.” His friend is fighting for his life, and Maddox has no one to turn to for support. He’s probably worried and hurting, both for Adrian and because he thinks he’s losing Sadie and me. “Do you have his address?”
“You’re going to Boston?”
“I have to. I’m not letting him go through this alone, thinking I’m leaving him again.”
“Alright. I’ll text you the address. Why don’t you bring us Sadie? She can play with the twins and ride with them to school in the morning.”
“Thank you, Marilyn. Do you know if he has Trixie?” If so, at least he’d have her for company.
“No. Dottie returned today.”
“Dang. He was attached to her.” Yet another loss for him to absorb. “Sadie and I will be over soon. Thank you.”
Before packing a bag for us both, I send a text to Maddox.
Me: See you soon. I love you.