Chapter 13 #2
“The first time I saw you,” he starts, his muscles rippling beneath my palms as he takes a shallow breath.
“I felt something deep inside me that I tried to ignore but couldn’t.
I’ve thought about you every fucking day since.
And then you showed up on my list, and I took the opportunity to use your punishment for my own gain. ”
I watch him as his words sink in, a strange feeling building in my chest. “What?” I snap, pushing him away, and this time, he steps back. “What are you fucking talking about? What first time?”
He averts his eyes for a moment, seeming to collect his thoughts before looking back at me. “The first time I saw you, nearly twelve years ago, in your childhood home... with your mother.”
My heart races, pumping blood through my body at lightning speed, flushing my cheeks. “Why would my mother be on your list? She’s never done anything wrong in her life. And she’s fucking ill.” I avert my gaze as he stands motionless before me, his hands clenched at his sides.
I think back to all the nights she slept on the couch in front of the Christmas tree, the one she refused to take down, as if she were waiting for Santa to slide down the chimney and bring back her joy. I watched for years as she started to change, seeming to wither away.
Breaking.
My eyes snap up to his, another surge of fury flooding through me. “Were you the one she was always waiting on?” I choke out. “The reason for her misery?”
His brows are knit together when I finally look back at him.
“I visited your mother... often,” he admits.
“However, I can assure you that I was not someone she was waiting to see.” He visibly leans forward as if his body is being pulled toward mine.
“And if I could have helped it, I would have never come to see her again.”
“Then who was she waiting for?” I snap, taking a step toward him. “If it wasn’t you, then who the fuck was it?”
He shakes his head, his long black strands catching on the harness strapped across his chest. I reach out and grip the warm leather, jerking him toward me. I stare into his eyes, searching for answers—for his lies.
“My mother is a good person,” I growl. “So, tell me, Krampus, why was she on your list so often? What did she do that was so terrible that she was forced to endure your torture? Was it because she birthed a monster like me? Married one like my father?”
He looks down at where my hand is, the veins in his forearms darkening as he clenches his fists tighter at his sides, but his face remains solemn.
“I’m not always told the crimes of my victims,” he says lowly.
“I am instructed by the list on how harsh to make the punishments, and I’m inclined to listen. ”
“And how harsh was hers?” I ask, my hand trembling as I grip the harness tightly. He stands silently, his body stiffening as he breaks our gaze. “Tell me,” I say desperately, shaking him. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Kryx.”
His eyes flick back to mine as his shoulders slump. “Torturous,” he whispers, pain clear in his voice.
I let my hand fall away, the sound of my heart cracking audible in my ears. “You... you broke her,” I say, a sob working its way up my throat. “You did this to her.”
“There’s a reason she was on my list, Nicolette,” he says flatly, replacing the pain that was once so evident in his voice. “Whether you are to believe her a good person or not—”
“Your list was wrong,” I shout, and a sob finally escapes me. “You were fucking wrong.”
He steps closer, grabbing my shoulders as I try to push him away, hot tears streaming down my face. “The list is never wrong,” he says softly. “I’m sorry, little vixen. I am.”
“How could you?” My words catch as a sob, the fight slowly leaving my body, turning my anger into sorrow.
He pulls me close and wraps his arms around me, leaving me no choice but to lean into him.
“I’m magically bound to that list, Nicolette, and I fought to defy its orders when I saw your mother becoming ill and her mind slowly slipping away.
However, I have no choice but to cross her name off, or the magic will eventually force me to do so.
After I finished, I took her memories and as much of her pain as I could, similar to what I did with you.
She woke up knowing she had had a nightmare, but she didn’t remember anything about it.
I tried to stay away for as long as I could, but eventually, the list left me no choice but to follow its commands. ”
I curl my arms around his torso, resting my hands on his back and curling my nails into his skin, tearing it open and anchoring me to him. The cracks in my heart continue to grow with every breath, splintering the edges and making it even more jaded.
“Who comes up with the list?” I ask from where my face is pressed to his chest. “Maybe they can explain what her crime was.”
He glides his hand up my back, gently lacing his fingers through my hair, while his other arm stays firmly wrapped around my waist. “It’s not a person, but dark, ancient magic that creates the list. It goes far beyond any power Nick and I have.
It was put in place so we would remain equals and could not influence the other to put someone on our lists.
” His chest vibrates with every word, my body thrumming as if in reply.
I tilt my head back and look up at him, his gentle gaze meeting mine. “Is my name still on the list?” I ask, his fingers tightening in my hair.
“Not anymore,” he says quietly. “The punishments I’ve doled out have more than sufficed.” I catch a ghost of a smile on his lips, a twitch happening in the corner of mine.
“Then why are you still here, Kryx?” I ask. Even in my soft tone, the question sounds harsh, but I don’t mean it that way. If he’s bound by magic, then he should have moved on by now.
“Like I said, I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to, not since...” He trails off as the wind outside picks up, smashing against the side of the house. I stay silent while he searches for the words.
He takes a deep breath, his eyes meeting mine as warmth fills my chest. “I've felt this unending pull toward you ever since I first saw you, Nicolette. I tried to ignore it, but the feeling only intensified. It wrapped around my neck like a noose and pulled me toward wherever you were.”
He pulls his hand out of my hair and hooks a finger under my chin, tilting my head back even further.
“It wasn’t until I stood outside this cabin that my control snapped—the need to have you overtook me, and all the jagged pieces fell into place.
” He slides his hand up, cupping my face as if it’s something so precious that he risks it crumbling in his hand.
“What pieces?” I ask, my brows stitching together. “What are you talking about?”
His mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water, seeming to suffocate on his words.
His body tenses as he squeezes his eyes shut, with a deep crease forming between his brows.
“Why do you think that I can hear your thoughts, Nicolette?” he asks, the words flickering brightly like the fire crackling in the living room, a gust of wind blowing through the dampener.
“Because you're a demon and demons can read minds,” I reply as a chill runs up my spine, his shadows curling around us like featherless wings.
He snorts, nostrils flaring. “While it’s true that I’m a demon, I cannot hear everyone’s thoughts, little vixen. Only yours.”
“Why only mine? Is there something wrong with me?” I ask as his hand slides to my throat, running his finger across my jaw.
“No. There’s nothing wrong with you, little vixen,” he says with a chuckle that eases some of the tension. “The reason I can hear your thoughts and feel your most profound emotions is because you are my—”
His words are drowned out by the wild wind outside, along with a sharp knock at the door. We both turn and step out of the bathroom, Kryx positioning himself in front of me as a blast of frost-bitten air blows past us, extinguishing the fire and plunging us into darkness.