Chapter 4
“ Glo!” Was as far as he got before a ball of energy, sass, and apparently pissed off Brown Witch of Peace, Protection, and Eternal Love, who just happened to be the woman made for him by the Universe, ran out the door and into him like a runaway train.
Taking a step back, he held on tight–and that’s when it happened.
The heel of his boot hit the tiniest patch of ice, and that was all she wrote. Feet moving as fast as Scooby's Doo when the famous cartoon hound and his gang were being chased by the ghoulie, ghosty, gruesomeness of a bad guy causing all the trouble, he did everything in his considerable power to stay upright–but it wasn't enough.
One foot went forward and the other went backward as he tried everything he knew–and a few things he didn’t–to wrap his much larger body around Glo’s to keep her from getting hurt. Airbourne, flying backward, it was as if someone great and powerful had flipped an almighty switch and the world was suddenly moving in slow motion.
Mouth open wide, he screamed aloud and mentally, “Rioghnán! Do something! HELP!”
But nothing happened. Not one damn thing. It was as if the Dragon King with whom he shared his soul was taking an afternoon nap, watching his soap operas, or for the sake of all that was holy, having a damned cup of tea. Whatever was going on, the one being in all the world with enough Magic and Strength to stop the catastrophe that was about to happen was proverbially Out. To. Lunch.
Preparing for the inevitable thud, bump, and crack of his tailbone, Chris pulled Gloria even closer, held her tighter, and pushed all the Enchantment he’d ever possessed and whatever he could channel from good Old Mother Nature into the ever–diminishing space between his ass and the cold, hard ground. Squeezing his eyes shut as tight as they would go and his arms tighter still around the Witch the Universe made for him, the Guardsman held his breath and counted backward. “Three… Two…”
And nothing happened.
One eye flew open. Then, the other one joined the party. And before he could get his mouth open, he landed on the snow-covered sidewalk as if he were a feather floating to the ground. It was then he felt the dichotomy of Glo's Magic filling the air all around him. She had stopped the inevitable crash. She had saved his ass. She was everything he'd ever needed, and all he wanted to do was tell her he loved her.
But that was not to be because that was when all hell broke loose.
Feet kicking, knees punching, and hips wiggling, Glo's tiny fists beat on his chest in a furious succession that made it hard for him to breathe–but he wasn't about to let go. He'd dreamed about having her back in his arms since the day he and his brothers left Nowhere, USA, and there was no way he was letting go now.
The reality of having her in his arms was so much better than the ten–year old he used to be had ever imagined. Gloria Angelica Brown was his and he was hers. That’s all there was to it, and he needed to tell her all that and more that very minute.
However, the blood was rapidly leaving his brain, bypassing his heart and heading south at a high rate of speed because the more Glo’s luscious curves wiggled and squirmed and frantically swiggled against his body, the more everything from his waist down awakened. It wasn’t the time or place he’d imagined for all those years, but he had his Mate in his arms, and his body was ready to go, go go!
Unfortunately, Gloria was not.
Moving one way then the other and twisting and contorting her body in ways he’d never imagined, she finally got her hands free with a huff that he felt all over his face. Slapping her palms against his chest with a push of Magic that set the hair all over his body on end, she shoved with the strength of ten Witches and a couple of Dragons, seething through gritted teeth, “Chris! Stop! Let me go! I gotta Beetle to kill! Let me go! Let me go! LET. ME. GO!”
Instantly dropping his arms open, there was no doubt in his mind that he looked like a child getting ready to make snow angels, but none of that mattered. What his Mate wanted, she would get–or he would die trying. He'd been away from her for too long, and that shit ended right then and there.
It was everything he’d ever wanted. She was everything he’d ever wanted. His dreams were coming true. Everything was…
"Wake up, Christopher!" Glo shouted, snapping him out of his stupor. Giving his chest a final one–two swat, her fury only got louder. "I gotta go! Get up! Move! For the sake of the Great Goddess's gold sequined Go-Go boots, do something!" Digging her knees into the ground on either side of his hips, the heels of both of her hands hit him right in the center of his six-pack as she pushed up onto her feet, took off running, and shouted over her shoulder, “Get outta that snow! You’ll catch your death!”
“Aww, she does care,” he smiled, even as he struggled to catch his breath.
But his revelry was very short-lived when Hillary K. Hippo raged from her place on Gloria's shoulder, "Move, Dragon! Move! That nasty ass bug ain't no hero on a half-shell! That bitch is killin' off all the Mistletoe! Get your ass in gear and help us or get the hell back to wherever you've been for the past four years!" The Pygmy Pepto-Bismol pink hippo's snarled command was accentuated by a high-pitched wheeze and a grunt that had her already large nostrils flaring to epic proportions, allowing him to get a look all the way down to the inside of her toes–and it wasn't a pleasing sight.
Finally, fully awake and more than a little confused, Chris was up on his feet, turned around, and racing after his Mate and her Familiar in the blink of an eye. Chasing them as they rounded the corner of her house, he yelled, "But Glo…! Hill? Somebody? Anybody?"
When neither his Witch nor her Familiar answered, he poured on the speed, doing his damnedest to win the imaginary race. Catching up before he was completely out of breath, he put one foot well in front of Glo's forward motion. Shifting his weight onto the ball of that foot, he shoved off with his back foot, spun to face her, and put up his hands with the hope of stopping her forward motion. Not one to ever be deterred–and this time was no different–Chris saw the determination in Glo's brilliant blue eyes when, with more than a little oomph, she bent at the waist as he switched tactics and tried to, at the very least, catch her hand.
Faking to the left, she did a side step to the right, spinning way out of his reach quicker than he could blink his eyes. If he hadn't known better, Chris would've thought Gloria Angelica Brown had the spirit of the fantastic WBNA point guard Arike Ogunbowale somewhere within her. She was literally moving at the speed of light or sound or whatever was faster.
Looking left and right, then left again, the Guardsman pretty much imitated his Mate's spin and then had to run to catch up to her all over again. Getting close enough to inhale her sweet scent, he was so lost in thoughts of Gloria and wanting to be with her that he was almost cold cocked by the swinging door of the shed in her backyard.
Skidding to a stop right outside that red wooden building with white accents and a black shingle roof, he got as far as, “Glo, can you just…before he was forced to scream, “Whoa!” And take cover.
Dropping to his stomach, he not only got a mouthful of snow but just barely missed being taken out by an oversized snow shovel the color of Concord grapes, an old broom three times as long as his Mate was tall, three gallon–sized mason jars filled with dark, brown, sludge he could not–nor did he want to–identify, and a huge bright green cauldron that flew from the inside of the small barn with wild abandon. Back on his feet as fast as he could move, he mentally growled, “Anytime you can wake up and tell me what the hell is happening would be good, ya’ old fart!”
As the aforementioned Witch's accouterments landed with a thump, bump, and more than a little crash, he waited until nothing further had been flung from the shed for a full three seconds before getting to his knees. Ready to ask his Beloved what was happening and whose ass he could help kick, Chris got as far as opening his mouth when the Dragon King with whom he shared his soul finally woke up and chuckled, “ Not the homecoming you expected, Lad?”
“Shut up, Rí,” he growled. "And thanks for finally paying attention, Asshole." Then, aloud and before his Dragon King could throw a witty comeback his way, Chris called to his Mate, "Sweetheart. Glo? Gloria?! What can I…?"
Of course, there was no answer. For at that moment, his One True Fated Mate appeared from the darkness of that little red wooden shed with something that slightly resembled a massively oversized Shop-Vac with limp, hanging tentacles on the end of the wand and a tank precisely seven–and–a–half times as big (and as round, but please do not share that information) as Hillary K. Hippo and painted just as shockingly pink.
Looking more determined than a four-year-old pushing a chair across the kitchen floor in order to climb onto the counter to reach the cookie jar full of freshly baked chocolate chip goodies without getting busted by her Granny, Glo gave a single, sharp, unwavering nod. Before his heart could beat one more time, the air filled with wonderfully warm Brown Witch Magic. Hillary gave an enthusiastic fist pump, and the monstrous machinery his Witch carried in her hands roared to life.
Waving the wand left and right, then above her head and ending with a wide circle, she narrowed her gaze, and her brilliant blue eyes glowed as she concentrated. Zeroing in on the swiggling appendages, Chris nearly hit the deck for the second time when laser beams shot from the eyes at the end of wormy things–the eyes he hadn't known existed until that very moment.
“Nope! Won’t work!” Glo snapped before he’d even had a chance to refocus his attention.
Watching as she tossed the Shop-Vac thing to the side, the motor shut off, and the wiggly tentacles went back to sleep, he tried a different approach to get the attention of the only woman he would ever love. Forcing a chuckle, he called out, “Hey, Glo, can I…?”
Sadly, that was as far as he got. His Mate had already disappeared back into the shed, and the grumbling conversation between Witch and Familiar was once again in full swing.
Following after her, determined to say a proper hello and find out what fresh hell had befallen Purdy Petals and the Witch made for him by the Universe, Chris made it exactly three strides before the double door once again swung open, and he was forced to step back– one more time .
“Can you just get out of the way, Christopher,” she spat a split second before appearing in the doorway of the shed dressed in something resembling Neil Armstrong’s space suit with huge pockets covering her thighs and holding tools straight out of a Dr. Suess book.
"But Glo," he emphatically and enthusiastically cheered. "I'm home!" Throwing his arms open wide for what felt like the umpteenth time, Chris plastered on a smile he hoped showed his Mate how excited he was to see her and got as far as "I have missed you sooooooo…" Before the rest of his heartfelt sentiment was out of his mouth, the Guardsman was shocked right out of his BVDs when the blunt end of what looked like a high pressure rainfall showerhead attached to a three-inch PVC pipe painted glossy, shiny, metallic silver was shoved into his gut–in exactly the same place that Glo's hands had pushed just a few minutes earlier.
“Woohoo!” Glo scoffed, rolling her eyes and sucking her teeth. “Strike up the band! Chris Archer is back! And lookie there, Folks. He’s finally come to visit us people in the cheap seats.”
“But I…”
"Lemme guess," she deadpanned, her big blue eyes damn near spitting fire through the thick lenses of the industrial-sized safety goggles covering almost the entirety of her beautiful face. "You wanna tell me the one about 'The Boys Who Finally Came Home'? Or maybe you think I haven't heard the story called, 'We Really Do Have Magic.'" Swatting at the air with her free hand–the one covered with a glove made of metallic material that was at least five sizes too big–she hissed, "Better yet, how about you give me your version of the tale, ‘Hey! Did you know I’m a Dragon Shifter and one of the famed Dragon Guardsmen?’” Huffing out a breath that momentarily fogged up the lenses of her goggles, she ground out through gritted teeth, “I’ve heard ‘em all from your brothers. I don’t wanna hear them from you. YOU CAN KEEP YOUR LAME ASS EXCUSES.”
“But I…”
Showing him the palm of the same free hand, the sun shone off the silver surface as she cut him off and snarked, "What, Chris? Just what? Can it wait? I'm tryin' to…" Shaking her head, it was as if all the wind had suddenly been stolen from her sails.
Unsure what to do as he watched her chin fall to her chest and her shoulders slump forward, it was Hillary K. Hippo who woke his ass up and spurred him into action. Whisper–shouting directly into his mind, she commanded, “Get over here, you scaly assed reptile! Give our Girl a hug! Tell her everything is gonna be okay! Tell her you've missed her! Tell her you love her! Tell her you'll slay the massive bitch, Twiggy Girdler, and her all-Twig Beetle army. JUST. DO. SOMETHING, YOU BIG DUMB DRAGON!”
Closing the distance in one giant step, he wrapped his arms around his Mate, held her as tight as he could around her outrageous outfit, and poured all the love and adoration he had for her into the bond they shared. Focusing on Glo, the woman made for him by the Universe, the only woman he had ever or would ever love, Chris immediately knew he needed to stay quiet.
Gloria didn’t need words–she needed him , and even better than that, she wanted him–no matter what her attitude and words had said a few seconds earlier. Standing in that moment in time with her in his arms was everything–and he never wanted it to end.
Then things got so much better, but first Chris had to steel his facial expression when Glo lifted her head and went to step back. No matter how much he never wanted to let her go, he knew he had to follow her lead.
“Because you always have,” Rí chuckled. “Even when you were small children. That Girl led you around by the nose, and we were both happy to follow.”
Unable to answer as his sassy little Brown Witch shoved the heavy-duty goggles atop her head and her eyes met his, the Guardsman knew what she was going to say and wanted to stop her. He wanted to tell her that everything was his fault, and he would spend the rest of forever making up for anything that had happened since he and his brothers left Nowhere, USA.
But Glo was quicker.
“Nope, don’t say a word,” she honestly acknowledged. “I am so sorry."
“No. Glo. Stop! I need…”
Shaking her head, she closed her eyes and sighed. Then, looking up at him through her impossibly thick lashes, she continued, "I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. I love you, you big dope."
“I love you too,” he gushed, the words coming out of his mouth so quickly he truly prayed that Rí, the Ancients, somebody, anybody was paying attention and making sure he didn’t deliver the biggest faux pas of all time.
"Yeah, so you took…” Glo interrupted.
She wasn’t listening. The beautiful, strong, independent, fantastic woman made for him wasn’t paying one iota of attention to what he was trying to say. He needed to make her stop talking and hear what he was trying to say. He had to tell her that she had nothing to be sorry about. That it was all his fault. That he had been an idiot, and he would spend the rest of forever making it up to her.
He needed to…
And inspiration struck. He knew just what to do. Grabbing the crazy contraption from her gloved hands and tossing it to the side in one fluid motion, he knew there was no time to waste. If he gave Glo even a split-second opening, he would never be able to do what he’d wanted to do for so very many years.
Reaching forward as he closed the distance between them, and gently placed his hands on either side of her face. Lifting it toward his the second she stopped talking, he laid his lips to hers and poured all the love, adoration and yes, even the regret, filling his heart and soul into that one kiss.
The beat of his heart accelerated, slowed down, stopped completely, then started again in perfect sync with hers. It was heaven. It was miraculous. It was more than he ever could have imagined, and he never wanted it to end.
Feeling their hearts and souls reach for one another and his mind open completely to his One True Fated Mate, he showed her everything. He wanted her to know him, to see where he’d been and what he’d done, to understand and hopefully forgive him for being the biggest, dumbest, idiot that ever walked the Earth or flew through the sky.
And most of all, he wanted her to know with all her heart and never doubt that he loved her with every fiber of his being–always had and always would.
Trying not to groan at the loss when Glo slowly ended their kiss and just slightly pulled back, Chris opened his eyes to find her smiling sweetly, her kiss-swollen lips making her even more beautiful. Opening his mouth to speak, Glo beat him to it when she giggled–something he would never get tired of, “You just think I look good ‘cause you’re the reason my lips are all sexy and puffed up. Thinkin’ you’re a big stud, aren’t ya’?”
This was what he’d missed, not as much as just being in Glo’s orbit, but her quick wit and endless hilarious sarcasm had left a hole in his heart for damned near two centuries that in that one little witty quip was being refilled.
“Now, will you listen to me for just a second?” He asked, opening his eyes wide and nodding.
She returned the nod. Then before he could get started, she quickly added, “But only if I get my turn when you’re done.”
“Of course, Mo chorí, and this is the last time I will ever go first.”
“Now, don’t get crazy, Dragon Man. I think we better take the leadership role in our relationship on a case-by-case basis.”
Chuckling so much that his shoulders were bouncing, and he had to take a few extra breaths, Chris started to speak and let his heart lead the way, “I am not gonna bore you with any excuses or stories about what has happened during the time we’ve been apart. I know that my brothers and cousins have done nothing but regale y’all with anything and everything that happened over all that time. Hell, I was there for some of those stories, and…”
“And you opened your mind to mine. So, all your memories are my memories and vice versa.” Tapping her temple with the silver-covered tip of the index finger of her left hand, she nodded, “Trust me, the Reader’s Digest version will do me just fine.”
Reaching forward and running the top of that finger down his stubble-covered jaw, she winked, “After all, we’ve got forever.”
Gently wrapping his much larger hand around hers, he held it over his heart and started again, “Girl, I tell you with all honestly, you are my kryptonite. All you gotta do it bat those baby blues, and I am a goner. It’s the same now as it was when were kids. But this time…” He paused for dramatic effect. “…I need you to hang on just a second and let me get all of this out. I really need to…”
“You really need to do this.” She nodded. “I got it. I’ll be good.”
“Well, you’ll try,” Hillary snorted. Then to Chris she huffed, “Hurry up and make with the explanation/apology. We were kinda busy when you showed up.”
“Oh, shit!” Chris boomed. “I completely forgot. We can…”
“No, we cannot!” Gloria adamantly objected. “Twiggy Girdler and all her bullshit can wait a few more minutes. She is such a scene stealer that she couldn’t even stay dead. That Beetle’s a pain in the ass. I don’t care if she singlehandedly kicked Lucifer’s ass and crawled on her hands and knees–if she even has hands and knees–out of the Underworld. Whoopty–freakin’–doo! She needs to learn that she is not the center of the universe. She can wait until I’m ready to deal with her this time.”