Chapter Three
At least he now had a name to the woman who had exposed a good portion of her leg when she rode by the window, but Sterling had not expected her to be old enough to be a mother either.
He’d really only glimpsed the leg and long dark hair.
What had been missed was that she was nicely formed with a full bosom, long neck, plump red lips, and large expressive brown eyes framed in thick dark lashes.
Did she have a purpose in the household or were her duties limited to her father’s home, and did she make it a habit to allow her daughter to go where she wished?
“I do insist that you join me to tea.” His mother’s voice broke into his thoughts.
Sterling had intended to remind his mother that she had no right to insist on anything from him, nor did he want to sit and force pleasantries with his mother, but when the service was delivered by a footman and he noticed the small sandwiches of ham, cucumber, and cheese, scones with clotted cream and jam, and small cakes, his stomach grumbled.
He’d not eaten in hours and meals on the ship were not always appetizing, especially after being at sea for nearly three months, and reluctantly he took a seat across from her.
It was only because this would satisfy his hunger until dinner.
As his mother poured, he filled a small plate with one of each item provided.
“What stories did your father fill your head with to make you hate me so?”
He looked up and into her blue eyes. “He did not need to tell me anything. You abandoned your family.” And he did not hate her. Just resented her decisions.
“Is that how you saw it?”
“There was no other way. Father returned to England; you remained here.”
She nodded and took a sip of tea.
Perhaps this was the end of what he feared would be a fractious conversation and he would be able to enjoy his tea and sandwiches in peace.
“Did he offer no explanation?” she inquired.
“We asked, of course, and he only said that you stayed behind.”
His mother harrumphed. “Did he tell you that he was the one who left me here?”
The cup was halfway to his lip when Sterling stilled. Was she going to blame Father?
“Why would he do so?” Sterling could think of no reasonable explanation for why his father would leave his wife behind.
“He was eager to return to England and I will admit that I was not,” she offered.
Even though he had always known that she had chosen the Cape Colony over Southampton, it still hurt to hear her admit it.
“I missed my sons, terribly, but not England. I also knew that the visit would likely be the last that I had with my family.”
Yes, it took practically half a year to sail to and from Wyndview Farm to England, but that did not mean that his mother would not have another opportunity to visit.
“We argued, but I knew that despite my wanting another sennight with my family that I would be required to leave with my husband at the date and time dictated by his schedule.” She set her cup aside.
“We were packed and I was ready the day before the ship was to sail. That evening, I went to visit my parents in the home they had built down the road. Your father knew that I planned on sleeping over because I anticipated a late night as we said our goodbyes. He was not pleased, of course, because he feared that I was the cause of a delay.”
That sounded very much like his father, who had liked to keep an exact schedule.
“I woke the next morning before the sun and allotted myself more than enough time to return, said my tearful goodbyes and hurried home,” she continued. “He had already left.”
“Father was punctual,” Sterling reminded her.
“Yes, and we had allowed for more than enough time to leave here and arrive at the ship before it was set to sail. However, he left earlier than he intended and informed the servants that if I did not arrive at the ship in time that he would leave without me.”
“Why would he do so?” Sterling demanded.
“I assumed that it was because he was angry with me. He accused me of making decisions difficult for him when all I wanted was a little more time with my family.”
Sterling’s heart thawed, but only slightly. He understood and he would have been sympathetic to her reasons, but the fact that she never returned to England was inexcusable.
“By the time a footman found a wagon that could be used, and then had it loaded with my trunks, which your father also left behind, and drove to the port, the ship had sailed.”
Sterling frowned. How long had she been delayed?
“After I returned here, hurt, upset, and uncertain as to what to do, I found a note from the captain on his desk stating that they intended to sail hours earlier than originally planned and gave a time that we should arrive at the port.”
“Father cannot be faulted for you not being punctual.”
“Yes, he can!” she nearly yelled. “That missive was received after I had gone to my parents. He knew what time I intended to return and he could have sent word but he never did. It was a test to see how punctual I would be.”
Bloody tests!
Father had become fond of them after they moved to England.
He had gone from being a gentleman farmer who laughed with his wife and enjoyed time with his children the Cape Colony to a strict task master of schedules and responsibilities to be adhered to by all in the household in England.
That was when he began giving tests to see how prepared each of them were for the slightest shift in circumstances.
If he had intentionally not told Mother of the change in sailing time, then he intended for her to fail.
Or had he expected her to arrive home earlier than she had because being early was better than being punctual, as it allowed for the slightest unexpected delays to be overcome?
As she did not plan for such, she had failed.
However, that still did not change the fact that she never returned to England, and something he must remember despite the reason why she had not been on the same ship as his father.
“I waited for him to come back for me and truly thought that he would.”
“You could have gone to him,” Sterling reminded her.
“I feared that our ships would pass and he would arrive here as my ship docked in England, but after a year, I had to accept that he would not come for me.”
“That is when you should have returned home,” he insisted.
“I wrote and asked if I should or even could,” she said quietly. “He never responded to any of my letters. Which, I suppose, was answer enough.”
Her words momentarily halted all other thoughts until he started to doubt her words. Why would his father ignore her requests? Why wouldn’t he want his wife home?
“I considered returning anyway, but your father no longer wanted me and I had served my purpose. Not only had I provided an heir and a spare, but an additional three sons.”
“Who would have liked to have had their mother at home,” Sterling insisted, his resentment returning.
He could forgive her missing the ship for the reasons she claimed, but not for what came after, even if his father shared some of the fault.
She should have boarded the next ship and returned to her family but she hadn’t.
Instead, she’d lived these past eleven years at Wyndview Farm while her husband and five sons lived in Southampton, England.
“For what purpose? It was not as if I were needed,” she argued, much to his shock and dismay.
How could she say such a thing when five children had waited for her?
“When we were in England, everyone was away at school. I was lucky to spend any time with my sons when they returned home for the few weeks of holidays each year. And you, you stopped needing your mother long before your father and I sailed with Hallaway and his family. You were your father’s first born, the heir, and he commanded your attention.
I was given a kiss on the cheek when you returned home right before you disappeared into the library with your father to learn all there was to know about being the Earl of Wyndham and Trade Wynd, as did Damian and Elliot.
If you weren’t in the library, you were riding the estate or spending your days in the Trade Wynd offices near the harbor.
I saw you at dinner and when the holiday was over, you kissed me on the cheek, said a goodbye and were on your way again. ”
Bitterness laced her tone.
“As for Jules, he could not wait to disappear into the former woodcutter’s cottage at the back of the estate to sculpt and Avery, well, he preferred to read the latest scientific texts and check on his experiments in the conservatory and gardens.
As for the rest of the year, it was spent living with a man who had no time to spare because his duties were too demanding and who thought so little of me that he left me behind. ”
Guilt churned and absorbed some of the bitterness created by her abandonment.
Sterling had spent little time with his mother before she was gone because he had been at school and his father had demanded his time when he was home.
Still, she was their mother and should have been there if one of them needed her.
“Your brothers have written. You are the only one who never did. I assumed you were too busy, now I believe it was because you hated me and I suppose you still do.”
“My brothers wrote?” Was that how she knew that Elliot enjoyed living in Madeira?
“Not until they had completed their schooling, mind you, even though I sent regular letters to them.”
He received letters as well but stopped reading after the first three because she never offered a reason for not living with them. He also never wrote her back because he’d been so angry.
Sterling did not like this at all. He had arrived bitter and determined. Now he experienced guilt for how he had ignored her and sympathy for what she had endured. However, she could also be trying to manipulate his emotions by providing a version of events that suited her better.