Chapter Fifteen
There had been the strangest shift in Caroline’s mood as they waltzed. had gone from being happy to nearly downhearted.
His dancing was not so bad but Sterling could not think of another reason.
The conversation had been of little importance other than learning that this was the first time his mother had forced her to a ball.
Was she worried that there was a particular reason?
As the song came to an end, he bowed again to her curtsey then led her away from the dance floor to the refreshment table where they selected a glass of wine, then he turned her to the open doors leading to the gardens.
While it wasn’t as hot outside, it was not cool either, but there was a relief from the noise and conversation of the crowds.
“Would you like to sit?” he asked after spying a bench set off and away from the entrance.
“Please,” she answered with a grateful smile. “It has been years since I have worn dancing slippers and stood for so long.”
Sterling led her to a bench and joined her after she was seated.
“Is all well with you, Mrs. Sutcliffe?” He asked the same question he had inside because he was not certain her answer had been fully truthful.
“I grow tired,” she answered.
Tired did not explain sadness, which he noted in her eyes while they were still within the well-lit ballroom.
“That is all?”
Maybe he should not press for a full explanation, but Sterling could not help himself.
Caroline sighed. “I had forgotten what being at a ball could be like. It has been years. Not since…”
“Since your husband,” he finished for her.
That was it. She missed her husband.
Had she been so deeply in love? Did that explain why after three and a half years she had not wed again and had been reduced to being a companion for his mother?
“Do you miss him so very much?”
Maybe he shouldn’t have asked such a question but Sterling needed to know if she had been so in love that she was now married to a ghost.
“I miss the companionship,” she answered quietly. “Not that we had much time for such since he was off to war within three months of our marriage…maybe I miss the promise of what could have been.”
Ah, it was not so much a deep love as it was a future she was denied and for some reason he was glad that her heart had not been buried with Peter.
Caroline then shook her head and chuckled. “You must think me terribly silly. I am certain that I am only tired and not used to a night of standing, conversation, and dancing.”
He may not know her well, but Sterling was convinced that there was nothing silly about Caroline and likely never had been.
“I am not used to this either,” he offered.
“There were no balls on the ships, and few entertainments during my travels.” Except, there had been dinners and soirees, but he made excuses to leave each early because he was more intent on his purpose of continuing lucrative trade for Trade Wynd, not forming distant friendships or gaining temporary lovers.
Sterling was not bothered that he had not taken more opportunities to enjoy himself either but was disturbed by her words because they awoke something deep within him.
He envied his friends who married well. Not only a woman they loved but also someone who was a friend and companion.
He had hoped for the same, but as the years passed and when he had not met a woman who could be all those things, Sterling had accepted that his would simply be a marriage of common values, respect, and of similar ranks for the purpose of an heir and a spare.
In fact, it is what he preferred because then he would not have to suffer through emotional upheaval.
How much of that had been a lie to himself so that he would be more accepting when he did enter a loveless marriage?
Not even the excuse that he didn’t want to go through what his father experienced held any weight.
He had witnessed that marriage from when he was a child, and how happy both had been.
The changes only occurred when they were forced to give up their life at Wyndview Farm.
His mother hadn’t been the only one who would have preferred to remain at Wyndview Farm.
His father had been happy here too, but duty had required him to return to England, and each day that passed after he took of the mantal of the earldom and running Trade Wynd a little more of his humor and happiness faded until it was gone completely.
Sterling glanced through the glass doors leading to the ballroom and at his mother. She was laughing with whomever she was speaking, happier than she had ever been in England.
He had judged her too harshly and he understood so much more now, not that he had discussed the matter further with her, but she also wasn’t aware that Father ignored her letters and Sterling wasn’t certain if he should even tell her.
Maybe, but she had also not returned to her children.
Except, she hadn’t believed she was wanted any longer.
Sterling shook the thoughts away. It no longer mattered because the past could not be changed, and maybe he should try to better understand.
At least Caroline had been able to enjoy love and companionship for three months. More than he ever expected to have.
Blast! Now he was as maudlin as she had appeared at the end of their waltz.
But it also forced him to reevaluate the type of wife he would seek once he returned to England.
Maybe she wasn’t in a ballroom but in Southampton.
He had failed to attend entertainments there because he made excuses for being too busy.
That would need to change and he might just find the perfect wife for him at a local assembly, dinner in the home of a friend, or even in church, if he bothered to attend.
*
Caroline could not believe that she confessed her sadness to Wyndham. Those were private concerns and should not have been shared with a gentleman who was barely an acquaintance. Had she not been tired, or perhaps in a melancholy state, she likely would have pretended all was well.
“Tell me of your travels,” she said to move away from their depressive discussion. “Where all have you gone since leaving England?”
He chuckled but then began to tell her of being in France, Italy, Greece, Portugal, and Spain.
Caroline sighed with envy as she would have loved to have visited each of those places but it was not her lot in life.
Therefore, she lived vicariously through his descriptions of all that he had seen and done in less than a year. More than she would in her lifetime.
Her wine was long gone, and she had cooled from being away from the ball, but Caroline kept asking questions, which he readily answered.
He even laughed when he described mishaps or when they were misdirected and at other times his blue eyes darkened with descriptions of the ruins in Greece and cathedrals in Italy. Caroline could almost see them herself.
Wyndham was not at all like the gentleman she judged him to be when they had first met. In fact, she liked this version very much. He was charming and witty, and painted pictures with his words.
“I have been looking everywhere for you two.”
At Lady Wyndham’s announcement they both straightened as if they’d just been caught misbehaving when all they had been doing was having a conversation.
“It was only when I heard whispers that the two of you had disappeared out here over an hour ago and not returned that I became alarmed.”
An hour! Caroline could not believe they had been absent that length of time. Had this happened in London she would have been ruined or, at the very least, gossiped about. Thank goodness she did not make a habit of visiting the residents in Cape Colony and remained at Wyndview Farm.
“How can you ever meet someone worthy of courting you, Caroline, if you are out here with my son?”
Caroline blinked at her. That was the reason Lady Wyndham insisted that she attend! Had that been her plan when she first began asking Caroline to attend balls with her?
“And you, Sterling!” his mother scolded. “There are English misses and ladies inside who would like to make your acquaintance and possibly dance with you. They will not always live here and many want to return to England. And, as I said earlier, it is time you found a bride.”
Caroline slid a look to the Earl of Wyndham to note that any humor or even happiness that he had just a few moments ago was gone and replaced with a firm set of his mouth and narrowing of his eyes—no different from the gentleman she had first met.
“I had hoped that you were above matchmaking, Mother, but hear me now, there is not one woman inside that I wish to come to know better.”
“You have not even met everyone,” she argued.
“Nor do I intend to. I will find my bride in my own time and in a place of my choosing.”
“Did you ever consider that the nearly three-month voyage back to England might be more pleasant with a companion?”
“Yes, I have.” He stood. “For that very reason, I will not be seeking a bride here because I will not be in the Cape Colony long enough to know if a woman would suit, which could make for a most unpleasant trip to England without an escape if she does not.”
“You are the one who insists on leaving as soon as possible when there is no reason why you cannot remain long enough to make certain that your bride is not among the guests.”
“I have already been gone too long and will not prolong my journey for courtship. I need to return to England as soon as it is convenient for me to meet with Mr. Hallaway.”
Caroline wanted to shrink into herself and wished that she had not witnessed the argument between mother and son, but there was nowhere to hide and they did not seem to mind that she witnessed them.
“Oh, very well. You are as stubborn as your father,” Lady Wyndham said right before she turned her attention to Caroline.
“Come along, dear. Just because my son does not care if he has a happy future, I insist that you do. It took me long enough to get you to a ball and I do not want you wasting your time out here when there are prefect candidates for a courtship inside.”
Why did the woman suddenly want her to wed?
The topic had never been mentioned before but now it seemed extremely important.
Did she even realize what could happen at Wyndview Farm if she wed and left the estate?
Or did Lady Wyndham hope that by the time it happened William would have full control of the estate manager’s duties and therefore Caroline was no longer needed?
No longer wanted!
Slowly she stood and joined Lady Wyndham and began their return to the ball.
“I know that there are several men who have land and estates here,” she was saying. “I will not introduce you to those who might return to England because I am certain you would not want to be parted from your father and brother.”
“That is very kind of you, Lady Wyndham, but I have no intention or desire to wed again.”
“Nonsense. You are young and have a daughter to support, therefore, you need a husband.”
Caroline glanced back at Wyndham, helpless and not certain how to make Lady Wyndham stop what she was doing, but he was too busy glaring at his mother to be of any assistance. Caroline was on her own and would have to do her best to discourage anyone who may want to call on her.
Well, unless there was someone of interest.
Maybe Lady Wyndham was correct in that she should marry again.
At least she would have a companion who could turn into more.
As Caroline stepped into the ballroom, she glanced around at the male guests and for the first time truly considered if she should remarry, after her brother was installed as the estate manager, of course.