Chapter Thirty-Six
Sterling found himself chuckling at various times as they climbed down the mountain only to have Caroline look back at him over her shoulder and glare.
Oh, if only she knew the sketches he had made, she would be furious. They were certainly different than what a boy of fourteen sketched, and far more scintillating, and they were his.
Nobody would ever see what was within those pages because they were his memories of a remarkable woman. There was no doubt that in the years to come, when he was back in England, he would likely look through the pages often, simply to remember her.
His heart ached at the very idea of leaving Caroline…of leaving Wyndview Farm.
Was it because of her that he wanted to stay, or did he also want this life? The one he had been denied.
When she glanced back again, her dark eyes narrowing, he knew in that moment that it was mostly because of Caroline.
Despite his earlier insistence that it would be impossible to know someone well enough to determine if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, it had happened.
He had fallen in love with Caroline and he wanted to be with her whether it was here or in England, or both as often as they managed to sail between the two.
Once they were again headed back to Wyndview Farm, they spoke little.
In fact, they were all exhausted from the climb.
Kaya and Malik had fallen asleep, as well as Caroline, who had drifted off, her arm cradling her head on the side of the wagon while Sterling was coming to accept that he had fallen in love when he thought it was something that he would be denied.
He also wasn’t certain what to do with such information.
Did he tell her?
What if she rejected him? What if she only saw him as a temporary lover, and that was all she wanted? Then what would he do?
It was likely best to just wait before he told her. The harvest would begin tomorrow and instead of confessing his heart, he would do his best to make her fall in love with him too.
He still wondered why his mother kept sending him away, and he had a new question. Why did she always insist that Caroline accompany him?
He had been under the impression that his mother was going to try and arrange a match for her with a local gentleman or military man? Did she now want to play matchmaker for him and Caroline?
Was it her plan that Sterling decide to never leave and forget about the earldom and leave Damian to manage Trade Wynd in his absence? Or did she expect him to take Caroline with him, which included her daughter Livia?
Or maybe her sending him off was for reasons he did not understand, which meant that he needed to ask her directly because Sterling knew she was up to something, he just didn’t know what.
Therefore, as soon as they arrived back at Wyndview Farm, he jumped out of the wagon and strode into the house, leaving everyone behind and went in search of his mother who he knew would be in the lavender sitting room.
“What are you about, Mother?”
“Whatever do you mean?” she asked innocently.
“Almost from the moment I arrived, you have been sending me places. First, I had to accompany you and Mrs. Sutcliffe to a ball. Then you sent me to Stellenbosch, also with Mrs. Sutcliffe.”
“It was for Kaya and Malik,” she insisted.
He would wager that they had been used as an excuse.
“When we returned, you suggested that Mrs. Sutcliffe and I visit Boulder Beach and then today, you sent us to Table Mountain. My question is, where do you plan to send me tomorrow and will you insist that Mrs. Sutcliffe accompany me?”
“Her presence is a convenience because she knows the area better than you and if I am to be honest, I worry about Caroline.”
Some of his irritation slipped away. “Why?”
“She has taken on more responsibility than you could possibly know. Wyndview Farm is her home and nothing is more important to her, except for her daughter.”
“Wyndview Farm is her father’s responsibility,” Sterling reminded his mother. Caroline’s father was the estate manager, not her.
“I think she fears that she might be asked to leave if she has not created a position where she is needed. I also think she needs a purpose. She was rather lost when she arrived.”
“If she is so devoted to Wyndview Farm, how did you convince her to leave so often?”
His mother’s cheeks started to turn pink.
“When I questioned Mrs. Sutcliffe, she gave me the impression that she knew what you were about.”
His mother gasped. “Caroline would not dare betray my confidence.”
“Aha! You do have an ulterior motive.”
“What did Caroline tell you, dear?” she asked calmly as she folded her hands onto her lap.
“Nothing. What are you about, Mother?”
His mother drew in a deep sigh. “I worry about you as well, Sterling.”
“Why? I am perfectly content.”
“Content is not happy.”
Bloody hell!
“It is preferable to miserable, which I am not, so there is no cause for you to worry.”
“Of course there is,” she argued. “I want to see you happy.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and studied her. “Why do you think that I am not?” he asked out of curiosity.
“Because when you arrived, you were just like your father after he lived in England.”
He would like to argue, but his mother was correct.
It was no different from when he conducted business with those he had not met personally.
It was important to establish that there was no time for triviality in business dealings and that he expected all matters to be completed as expeditiously as possible.
After all, not only was he an earl, but he was respected because of the power of Trade Wynd, a lucrative import and export business rivaled only by the East India Company.
Trade Wynd was influential politically but had no part of the military, which was preferrable as it allowed them more freedom to trade.
So, yes, he had been arrogant and expected Hallaway to report to him almost immediately. And that was when his intentions and expectations started to change.
“Such behavior is not a benefit to you or anyone around you. Do you really want to turn into the same strict taskmaster as your father with schedules to be kept, which meant that being early was on time and demanded exactness from everyone?”
No, he did. He just hadn’t truly realized just how rigid and unforgiving he had become.
But he also knew that he had changed since that first day.
Whether it was from being here or remembering a time when his family had been happy, being without responsibilities or Caroline, or everything combined, he did not know, but he was happy.
Happy with his life, fortunate that he had come to Wyndview Farm, elated to have met Caroline and glad that he had forgiven his mother.
Sterling nearly sucked in a breath.
He had forgiven her and all the anger and animosity that he had carried for so many years was gone.
“The reason I have been sending you places is because I wanted you to remember how he was then. How we were. How you could be.”
“Mrs. Sutcliffe knew your plans, did she not?” he asked.
“Yes. She was reluctant to help because she believed she was needed here, but in the end she agreed.”
“So, you have been manipulating both of us.” Caroline thought she was assisting his mother, and him apparently, while his mother hoped he would find happiness and because she worried about Caroline.
“Yes, I have,” she admitted without guilt.
Sterling pinched the bridge of his nose and blew out a breath.
He wanted to be angry with his mother for directing their lives but could not find it in himself.
But, if he thanked her, it would only encourage her to keep on interfering and he wanted his relationship to continue on its own terms to see where it would end.
Besides, the harvest began tomorrow and neither one of them could be gone.
“Very well,” he finally said and turned to leave, not certain what else he could say to her, only to find Caroline standing in the doorway, concern in her brown eyes, and hand on her chest.
Sterling nodded to her and left the sitting room. They would talk later, when they were alone, though he was not yet certain that he was ready to reveal that he had fallen in love with her.
*
Caroline feared that Sterling would be angry when he learned. After he had asked her yesterday what his mother was up to and she confirmed that it was something, but would not tell him, she knew that he would demand answers but didn’t think that he would wait a day.
Except, he didn’t appear to be angry. Maybe frustrated but not upset as she would have expected after he had first arrived.
Caroline had no idea how he had been as a child, so she had no comparison. But he had become more approachable and less arrogant since his arrival. Further, he was an excellent lover.
She was also falling in love with him, which scared her. Would her heart mend after he was gone? It had taken time before she could think of Peter without hurting. How long would it take for her heart to recover from the loss of Sterling?
She closed her eyes and pushed her thoughts away. It would do no good to worry about a future when she had no intention of changing her present, knowing just how much she was risking her heart every time they were together.
Lady Wyndham smiled, quite pleased with herself, or maybe it was relief that she and her son had a conversation without anger. “I am certain that you want to retire early tonight since the harvest begins tomorrow.”
“I do,” she admitted, knowing that it was unlikely to happen if Sterling came to her room again tonight.
Lady Wyndham stood and let out a sigh of content.
“I will bring Livia to you in the morning.”
Lady Wyndham nodded as she walked to the window overlooking the gardens. Then she suddenly tensed and sucked in a breath.
“Lady Wyndham, what is it?”
“Caroline, dear, I need you to remain calm,” she said slowly. “You cannot rush out there, do you understand?”
She had no idea what Lady Wyndham meant and slowly crossed the room to see what had Lady Wyndham worried.
“Sterling is there,” she said quietly.
“I do not under…”
Her blood ran cold and she turned to run from the parlor but Lady Wyndham grasped her wrist.
“Calm, Caroline. If you rush out there…”
Oh God, how could she remain calm?