Chapter Fifty
Elliot had spent a good portion of the day with Sterling, but he refused to talk about Caroline, and when it came time for dinner, insisted they return to their mother at Wyndview Farm to dine.
Sterling had wanted to, but he couldn’t risk seeing Caroline. It would hurt him too much so he told Elliot to visit him tomorrow, if he could find the time.
But, what if, with Sterling out of the way, Elliot decided that he wanted to court Caroline?
He had said she was beautiful, which she was.
If not Elliot, then another man would call on her.
His stomach knotted with the very idea of any other man kissing Caroline.
Jealousy was an uncomfortable emotion and he did not like it very much.
With those thoughts, he opened the door to a tavern, entered, and found a table in a dark corner and ordered a meal.
When a pitcher of ale was placed on the table, Sterling almost rejected it, but instead, he poured himself a glass. He swore that he would not drink half as much as he had the night before.
He had just pushed his plate away when Elliot entered the tavern and took a seat across from him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Mother kicked me out. She said you needed me more than she did.”
Sterling snorted. For a woman who liked to have her sons visit, she certainly sent them away often enough.
“She also encouraged me to bring you to your senses before it was too late and Caroline was lost to you for good and you were miserable for the rest of your life.”
“I will not be miserable,” he insisted, though he certainly felt that way now.
“Tell me about the ball,” Elliot prompted.
“Why?”
“Because Mother said so.” His brother grinned.
“It was a bloody ball at the Governor’s home.”
“You can do better than that, Sterling. Much better.”
So, he told him what he remembered, and answered questions, but admitted nothing as to his opinion or feelings for Caroline.
Elliot then asked about their visit to Stellenbosch, their penguin watch, the climb to Table Mountain, and then the weeks of harvest. Each time, he asked more about Caroline than anything else, and Sterling found himself answering, knowing full well that their mother had instructed Elliot what to ask, to make Sterling remember again, just as she had manipulated him into remembering an earlier, happier time for their family.
“Do not be like Father, Sterling,” Elliot said quietly. “If I were lucky enough to have found what you have, I would be fighting to win her back, even if it meant groveling and begging forgiveness.”
Sterling stared into his tankard of ale and knew that Elliot was correct, but it wasn’t so easy to return.
If he were to be honest, he was ashamed and afraid.
His mother’s scolding still rang in his mind and he could not help but to ask himself how far he would go to protect those he loved most?
Sterling did not like the answer that echoed through his mind. He would do anything, legal or not, and deceive if necessary.
He had never experienced the kind of love a mother, or even a father for that matter, would have for a child, but he was protective of his brothers.
And he remembered the panic when Livia stood before the cobra and he forced himself to remain calm as he instructed her on how to retreat, then the relief when she flung her little arms around his neck and cried.
Something had shifted inside him and he still could not identify what it had been, but it was a warmth and need to protect.
Sterling did not want to be like his father and he would argue that he was not.
“Do not be like Father and let pride and pain become your shield. The person who will suffer the most will be you.”
As his father had done, they only knew when he was deep in his cups and went on about their mother and that he had been wrong. He had erred and had lost her and it was too late.
“It is not too late for you and Caroline,” Elliot said almost as if he could read Sterling’s mind.
Unlike his father, he was leaving Caroline behind because she had deceived him and he feared that he could not truly trust her.
Except, in his heart, he knew that he could. She had only kept her secrets to protect her family. To protect Livia.
But for me, and Livia, I need you to prepare for a meeting with Wyndham.
If you do not, there is a very good chance that you will be sacked.
If that happens, you will never be able to work with the grapes again.
You will not be able to tend the vines that Mother cultivated.
They will belong to another. We might even be forced to return to England and you will not be able to visit Mother any longer.
Do you understand me? That was what Caroline had been saying to her father when he walked into her home.
It wasn’t simply asking but begging him to do the right thing.
Her father had failed her.
If he sailed home without her, was he just as stubborn and idiotic as his father?
He did not want to turn into a bitter man. He did not want to make the same mistakes his father had. There was more to life than Trade Wynd and heirs.
Was it worth the risk?
Could there be forgiveness?
Could he trust again?
Did he want to live without Caroline?
“What if she is not honest with me again?”
“Do not put Caroline in a position that she must fear for the safety and security of her daughter and you will have no concerns,” Elliot answered simply.
She had only protected Livia, then her father, and lastly herself. There had been nothing malicious in her deception, only fear because she had lost everything once before and was afraid of losing again.
He was a bloody, arrogant fool.
He also understood why she hadn’t told him at first, and why it became difficult. If he’d had a secret that he held onto for so long…
He had. He knew that he was in love with her for two months before he told her. He had been too afraid because of rejection. She’d been too afraid because of what could be lost.
Maybe if he would have confessed what he was hiding, she might have as well.
Except, he would never know.
“It is your future, your happiness, and your trust,” Elliot reminded him.
*
All will be well, Caroline repeated to herself even if it wasn’t said out loud.
She was grateful for what they had, especially in this moment as she sat on the terrace with Livia and enjoyed the biscuits that Cook had just taken from the oven.
They had a home, her brother would be the next estate manager after she finished training him, and her father would take care of his grapes and hold onto the memories of his wife.
She would be happy if her heart didn’t ache so much and she would live with the regret of her poor choices for the rest of her life.
No, she was not going to think about Sterling because she might cry. Tears were for when she was alone and she did not want to explain to Livia.
She was too young to understand anyway.
“I thought he left, Mama?”
Caroline looked at her daughter. “Who, darling?
“The earl.” Livia pointed to behind Caroline.
She slowly turned to find that Sterling was standing just outside the door of his home.
He should have already sailed. At least that was what she assumed. Had he seen his brother and decided to remain? It certainly was not because of her.
He likely thought to come outside but when he saw her, he was not certain what to do. There could be several reasons why he was standing there that had nothing to do with her.
Except, he was staring at her. Making Caroline nervous. Therefore, she stood and smoothed out her dress while simultaneously wiping her sweaty palms on her skirt.
“I am sorry.”
He said three simple words that nearly caused her heart to stop.
He took a step in her direction. “I understand.”
She was afraid to ask what it was he understood, and she did not dare hope.
“I, too, would go to great lengths to protect my family, especially if I had a young child. At least I like to think that I would.”
Her hands started to shake. He kept walking until he stood before her.
“I do not want to be miserable like my father. I don’t want to lose love because of pride. I don’t want to become bitter because I rejected love and was too proud to forgive. Too proud to ask for forgiveness.”
Tears sprang to her eyes.
“It is true that you make me a better man. Or, you had been responsible for until I was a complete and utter unforgiving arse to you. My only excuse was that it came from a place of more of pain and less of anger.” He reached out and took her hands.
“I love you, Caroline. I do not know when it began. I just know that I do, and I swear with everything that I am that I will never treat you poorly but will honor and cherish you every single day. I do not want to return to England without you. Please say that you will come with me.”
All she could do was stare into his blue eyes, warm and sincere, and her pulse pounded as her heart melted. Could she trust that this was true?
“What about me?” Livia asked.
Caroline dropped her chin and tried not to laugh.
“I do not want to go back without you either, Livia,” Sterling answered with a chuckle.
“Okay,” her daughter answered happily.
“Caroline, I am asking you to be my wife, if you will have me.”
“Yes,” she said without even having to think. “I promise that I will never keep another secret from you and I will not even consider a deception. You will always know what is in my heart and what I am thinking. I never want to make that mistake again.”
“I know you will not, and neither will I.” He then placed his palms against her cheeks and kissed her.
It was the sweetest and most wonderful kiss she had ever received.