Chapter 14
WHERE ELIZABETH CONFRONTS JANE.
“To sit there and be subjected to such a spectacle! I cannot do it, Jane! And Mr Wickham!” Elizabeth proclaimed, the anger in her voice irrefutable evidence of her dislike of him.
“We all know what he is, yet our mother continues to flatter and flirt with him as though he has never done anything to wrong our family, to say nothing of the way she spoke to poor Mary, as though Mary is of no consequence whatsoever and Lydia, everything that is respectable and good!”
Blinking back tears of frustration, Elizabeth sank onto a small couch fashioned in the French style, elegantly upholstered in blue and grey silk.
The stains upon her new gloves were unsightly.
No amount of washing would ever restore them.
They would have to be dyed. She expelled an agitated breath at the thought of what her mother would have to say on the matter, then shook her head, too disgusted by all that had transpired throughout the day—nay, the entire week—to care.
She pulled them off and tossed them onto a table.
With a quiet exhalation, Jane claimed a seat beside her.
“It was very wrong of Mamma to speak so callously to Mary, and to you as well. She should not have done it. As for our brother, as disturbing as the situation between Lydia and Mr Wickham was in the beginning, they are married now, Lizzy, and all is well. There is nothing anyone can do to change what came before. It is time to move on. Lydia appears healthy and happy, and Mr Wickham is doting and attentive. Perhaps he really does care for her.”
Elizabeth laughed ruefully. “He has never cared for her, Jane, nor is he likely to start now. Do not allow his insincere smiles and false flattery to fool you a second time. He is capable of caring for none but himself.”
“I cannot believe he is as bad as he once was, not now. He brought Lydia all the way from Newcastle to see us, after all. If that does not speak well of him, I do not know what does.”
“Nothing does!” Elizabeth cried. “Jane, how can you still fail to see him for what he is?
His actions today are exactly why I am determined to think of him as I have before.
Lydia told me he had important business in London for his colonel—business that cannot be delayed—yet here he is attending your wedding. It is not sound!
“I refuse to believe Lydia’s claim that Mr Wickham has authorisation to bring her along on official military business, nor do I believe he has been awarded leave to go so far as Hertfordshire.
Their accounts of their circumstances differ greatly, not only regarding his business and the time he is permitted for leisure, but other details as well.
Why, just this morning Mr Wickham boasted to our mother that he is prospering in his profession, yet, according to Lydia, they are sufficiently low on funds. ”
“Perhaps he is practising economy. Perhaps he is merely concealing the extent of his good fortune from our sister so that he can purchase a house for them. Some day they will start a family, and you know as well as I how careless Lydia is with money.”
“Oh, yes,” Elizabeth muttered resentfully, “but in that, I am afraid they are much the same.”
“I see you are determined to think the very worst of him.”
“And, as usual, you are determined to think the very best, even though it is far from plausible, not to mention more than Mr Wickham deserves. How soon you have forgotten Mr Darcy’s letter! How soon you have forgotten what Mr Darcy’s own sister suffered at Mr Wickham’s hand!”
Jane’s fingers fidgeted with the ribbons that decorated the sleeve of her gown. “It is no more than Lydia has suffered,” she replied, “or any of us.”
“No,” Elizabeth agreed, “it is not, but that does not mean that Mr and Miss Darcy are not entitled to the same empathy and understanding to which we are entitled. You spoke of forgiveness and moving forward just now, but I understand you did not heed your own counsel when Mr Darcy and Mr Bingley came to call yesterday.”
Jane’s eyes widened and, though the moment was fleeting, Elizabeth felt vindicated for having called her sister’s behaviour to the fore. Too soon, however, more painful feelings encroached, and the full weight of her sister’s betrayal settled upon her shoulders like a shroud.
“Lizzy,” said Jane soberly, “it is hardly the same thing.”
Elizabeth could hardly believe her ears.
“How could you?” she said to her, finding it increasingly difficult to keep her emotions in check.
“How could you be so callous? Nay, so spiteful! You had no right, no right at all to speak of my personal business to anyone, especially in public, and especially to Mr Darcy, of all people.”
“I am sorry, exceedingly sorry, you feel injured by what I have done.”
While Elizabeth recognised contrition in her sister’s tone, she detected a note of resentment as well, as though Jane had been the wounded party in this instance and not Elizabeth and Darcy. Elizabeth shook her head in disbelief.
Jane forged onward. “You, more than anyone, ought to understand why I could no longer hold my tongue. To be in the same room with him and listen to him speak of you in such glowing terms yesterday, all the while knowing how he treated you in Kent—without thought, regard, or consideration for your feelings! My feelings on the subject were simply too much to contain any longer. His superior attitude injures people, Elizabeth! He injured you—I know he did—from the very first moment of his acquaintance with us when he dismissed you as being only tolerable. He injured Charles by refusing to return to Netherfield for months on end, and because I love you both so very dearly, his actions injured me as well. You know this! You know this because it is what I confided to you just the other morning. Can you not comprehend why it was finally too much for me to overlook? Why I was tired of simply doing nothing?”
Elizabeth stared at her. While she perfectly comprehended the resentment that Jane harboured towards Darcy for wounding a most beloved sister, at present she found herself far more sympathetic towards Darcy for what he had likely felt in the wake of Jane’s vitriol than what Jane had ever felt on Elizabeth’s behalf in the wake of his.
“Just as you said earlier regarding Mr Wickham and his behaviour, that is in the past and there it ought to remain. Mr Darcy offended me on many prior occasions, but I no longer believe it was consciously done on his part. Since we met last summer, he has been unfailingly gracious and kind despite my poor treatment of him. He does not deserve your disapproval, your censure, or your scorn. He is a good man. In fact, it has been many months now I have considered him one of the best men of my acquaintance. He deserves to be treated as such, by all of us.”
A long moment of charged silence followed.
“Perhaps I was too harsh,” Jane allowed, albeit grudgingly.
“I am sorry that I could not control my temper yesterday. I am sorry I betrayed your confidence. I am sorry for so many things, but God forgive me I cannot be sorry for the way I feel. Perhaps in time I shall be able to overlook all Mr Darcy’s transgressions, but at present they are still too great.
My disappointment with him runs too deep.
My irritation is still too fresh to allow me to fully forget all he is responsible for.
I have no proof, but I believe he played as prominent a role in Charles’s absence last winter as either of my future sisters.
Every time I contemplate it, it makes more sense to me.
Every time I contemplate it, it makes me angrier with him. ”
Elizabeth struggled to formulate a response.
She knew if she told Jane the truth, that Darcy was indeed guilty of such a crime, her sister might very well hate him forever; but neither could Elizabeth lie to her.
“You have accused Mr Darcy of keeping Mr Bingley from Hertfordshire, but Mr Bingley is a grown man and master of all he says and does. If what you say of Mr Darcy is true, then Mr Bingley’s failure to trust his own judgment speaks just as badly, if not worse, of him—yet you welcomed him back as soon as he reappeared upon our doorstep.
Without uttering so much as one word in reprimand, you allowed him to renew his acquaintance with us and his attentions to you.
You forgave him for abandoning you last year and for breaking your heart. ”
“You believe I forgave Charles too easily?”
“The decision to forgive Mr Bingley was yours alone to make. No one knows your heart better than you do but considering the circumstances, you cannot possibly accuse one man of such a crime without also holding the other accountable for his actions in the matter. It is not just.”
“Charles returned to me.”
“Yes, but he returned ten months later, with Mr Darcy at his side. Does that not strike you as more than a mere coincidence? If it were Mr Darcy who prevented Mr Bingley from returning, do you not think it incredible that Mr Darcy would then choose to accompany his friend when he paid a call upon you at Longbourn, effectively offering his support and sanction of Mr Bingley’s attentions? ”
Jane said nothing in response.
Elizabeth said, “I understand how you can feel the way you do but having such an outlook can change nothing of any consequence now. A resentful nature fosters more resentment. It is a lesson I learned only too well in the past year, and I now have nothing but regret to show for it. For the sake of a harmonious future with Mr Bingley, you must let your prejudice against Mr Darcy go. He is Mr Bingley’s oldest friend, and he is honourable and good. ”
“Do you truly think so well of him now?” Jane asked. “Do you honestly believe Mr Darcy deserves your good opinion? That he has earned both it and your forgiveness?”
“I do,” Elizabeth told her feelingly. “He does, and he deserves yours as well.”
Jane bowed her head. “My behaviour yesterday has distressed you. The last thing I intended by taking such action was to cause you unhappiness. As for the rest, I will try to open my heart to forgiveness, but it will take time, Lizzy. I ask for your patience.”
“So long as you extend the same courtesy to Mr Darcy, I shall have all the patience in the world. His good opinion is important to me, Jane. I cannot put it any plainer than that.”
With trembling hands, Jane busied herself smoothing non-existent creases on her gown.
“After what has come to pass, I will understand if you have changed your mind and wish to remain at Longbourn while Charles and I travel to London on our honeymoon. I will hold nothing against you, nor shall Charles.”
“That will not be necessary,” said Elizabeth gently as she covered Jane’s hands with her own.
“If you still wish for me to accompany you to town then, of course, I will join you as planned. I have no desire to punish you or cause you any heartache or discomfort by refusing you something that would please you. I would never do that to you, Jane, especially during the most joyful time of your life. Despite what has transpired, despite the injury your actions and words have caused, both to me and to Mr Darcy, you are still my dearest sister. It may be a while yet until I can forgive you entirely, but I could never love you less.”
“Dear Lizzy!” There were unshed tears in Jane’s eyes as she clutched her sister’s hands. “I am relieved to hear it!”
“Come now,” Elizabeth chided, blinking back her own tears as she embraced her tightly. “Do not cry. It will never do should Mamma and Mr Bingley see you with red eyes.”
“No, I suppose it would not,” Jane agreed as she released her, reached for her handkerchief, and dabbed at her eyes with a tearful smile.
“We ought to return now. There is only so much that my poor Charles and his relations can endure at the hands of our mother and sisters. Not to mention there are surely others who are anxious to see that you are well.”
Though she could not argue with Jane’s logic, Elizabeth was in no hurry to return to a place where she had suffered so much mortification in so little time, and all in the presence of Darcy!
She could well imagine what he must think of her now.
Her family’s conduct, and her own for that matter, was irrefutable proof that none of them had altered their ways.
Darcy would stay for the wedding, then leave.
While he would likely continue his friendship with Mr Bingley, Elizabeth knew he would do all within his power to avoid contact with her in the future.
Though she could not imagine Darcy marrying his cousin, he could have no designs upon her either, not after her family had exposed themselves so deplorably.
He was lost to her forever, and the ache in Elizabeth’s heart was made all the worse.
Her throat felt painfully tight. A lump had formed there, and she swallowed thickly to dislodge it. “I will be along in a moment,” she managed to say. “I am afraid I still require a few minutes to myself if I am to face our mother and the rest of Mr Bingley’s guests with any degree of fortitude.”
Jane hesitated, but Elizabeth forced a half-hearted smile to her lips. It was the most she could offer. She was dangerously close to losing her composure. “I will be fine and shall return before long. Please, go without me.”
Jane kissed her cheek. “Do not linger too long.”
Elizabeth watched her walk towards the door with a mixture of relief and regret, knowing that while they had made their peace with one another in a sense, a thick ribbon of tension remained.
As though Jane sensed it, too, she paused just before the threshold and said, “I will do my utmost to distract our mother, but should she fail to notice the length of your absence, you know very well that our father and Aunt and Uncle Gardiner will not, nor shall Mr Ellis once he arrives.” Then her sister quit the room.