10. Tennant #4
“I’m not your baby brother anymore, Brady.
Fuck’s sake, I’m a man!” I shouted as loudly as I could.
Hopefully the whole city would hear how tired I was of being thought of as a child all the time by my brothers.
“I’m a man who picks who he sleeps with.
I picked Mads. Deal or leave, but there will be no more fists. ”
The room was as still and silent as outer space. I stood between my older brother and Mads, arms dangling at my sides, muscles coiled in case I had to choke Brady down again. He reached up to rub at his throat.
“Since when are you gay?” Brady asked, his voice softer now, weak, thick with emotion and confusion.
“Since forever.” I glanced back at Mads standing his ground as his left eye watered.
“Jesus, Mom and Dad are going to flip when they find out,” my brother muttered.
“They already know. And they acted way better than you did.”
Brady could not have been more shocked if he’d been holding bare wires in his hands.
“Maybe I should leave you two alone to talk.” Mads slipped around us into the kitchen, probably to find some ice or a bag of frozen peas for that eye.
“You told Mom and Dad before me?” Brady seemed to be genuinely stunned and hurt.
“Well, duh.” That was my reply. Brady’s face screwed up with irritation. “I knew you and Jamie would be assholes when you found out. Well, you’d be an asshole. Jamie would probably just be Jamie.”
His shoulders caved in. “You’re gay. Shit, I never saw it.”
“That’s because you never looked. You were too busy trying to run my fucking life, tell me who to date and what team to play on, how to dress and what music to listen to.
Did you ever just once stop trying to be the boss of the world and ask me how I felt about any of the decrees and judgments you passed down from on high? ”
He rubbed absently at his throat, his eyes lackluster. “No, I guess I never did.”
“Then why the hell would I have told you? Mom and Dad were cool. Shit, the team is more accepting than you are.”
“The team knows?”
I shrugged. They had to know right? If the captain had figured it out, surely the rest of the team wouldn’t be far behind.
His hand fell from his throat. “They know about you and Mads?”
“No, not that, but they probably all know I’m gay.”
“Christ, you told strangers before you told your own brother?” He sat down hard. Good thing the sofa was behind him, or his ass would have dropped to the floor. “Does Jamie know?”
“I didn’t tell the team and no, I haven’t told Jamie yet. I was going to tell him when we played down in Florida next week.”
“When were you going to tell me?”
I had no answer for that one.
Brady blew out a long breath, and then buried his face in his hands. “You weren’t going to tell me, were you?”
“Eventually, yeah, because I’d have to.” I walked over and picked up the broken picture before someone stepped on the square of glass.
“Christ. Do you hate me that much?”
I glanced over at him from where I was crouching. He’d dropped his hands. His dark eyes were dewy. Shit. Was he going to cry? I put a knee on the floor while hugging the busted frame that had held a nice shot of Mads and Ryker.
“It’s not that I hate you. I mean, you’re my brother… I love you. But you’re such an elitist prick all the time.”
His dark head snapped up at that comment.
“You are. You’ve done nothing but talk down to me about every fucking decision I’ve ever made.” I stood up and placed the broken picture on the end table. Then I righted the recliner.
“I was only trying to make sure you didn’t make stupid mistakes, Tennant.”
“Maybe I need to make those mistakes, Brady.” I sat down in the chair I’d just gotten back on its feet. “Maybe you need to let me make mistakes.”
“But why would you want to screw up your chances of being the next big name in hockey? You’ve got the talent.
Way more than Jamie or I could ever hope to have.
Why come to Harrisburg? Christ, why hook up with one of your coaches?
” He scrubbed at his face with both hands, and then threw a look at me.
“When the team finds out about you two, it’s going to be a mess.
Why would you choose Mads, of all people? ”
“I didn’t choose him, it just happened. Love just happens.”
Okay. Uh wow. Let’s put this buggy into reverse, Tennant. Love? Really? Shit. Yes. Love. All sorts of love.
“I love him.” That sounded funny—wobbly, and kind of shaky—but man did it feel right. “And if we go down in flames because of us, then we go down in flames. I’m willing to take that risk to be with him.”
Brady stared at me forever. “When did you grow up?”
I snorted at the comment. “I’m not sure I have yet, but I’m working on it.
But see, I have to do it by myself. I have to make my life decisions.
I have to fuck up and I have to figure out how to fix the fuck-ups.
You or Jamie can’t do it for me. So back the fuck off and let me live my life. You live yours.”
“I’d say you’ve done a lot of growing up over the past few months,” he murmured, then glanced in the direction where Mads had gone. “Are you sure it has to be Mads?”
“Yep, I am totally positive it has to be Mads.”
“Right. And I need to apologize to him, yeah?”
“Oh hell yeah,” I said, then jerked my head in the direction of the kitchen. “Why don’t you go try to do that? I’ll clean up this mess.”
“You know I boss you around because I love you, right?”
“I know. You can’t help it that you’re an overbearing idiot. Eldest child and all that. Go talk to Mads.”
Brady gathered himself up, unknotted his tie, shoved it into the back pocket of his trousers, and walked into the kitchen to face Mads.
I fell back into the recliner, stared up at the ceiling, and tried to come to grips with the knowledge that I’d fallen insanely in love with Jared Madsen.