6. Mason
SIX
Mason
I eased out of the hug, aware that if I stayed this close to Xander for a moment longer, then not even my tight cutoffs would be enough to control my burgeoning erection.
He smelled terrible, a mix of stale air and alcohol, his beard was flat, his eyes were bloodshot, but I’d never seen anything as perfect as Xander staring at us as if we’d pissed in his Wheaties.
“The fuck?” Xander said for probably the third time. I think he’d lost the ability to speak.
“My man, Xand!” Dunny yelled and barreled into us, followed closely by Renco who attempted to drag Dunny off from all of us.
Marquis just lingered in the hallway looking unsure of how he should insert himself into things being the new man on the team and all.
“We’re here to party!” Dunny added, just as loudly, and I winced at the way the blood drained from Xander’s face.
It could be a headache or the fuzziness of sleeping on his face which still showed crease marks from a pillow, but he was totally spaced-out and probably in shock.
“Party?” Xander murmured, weakly.
“Girls! Boys! Food! Drink! Swimming.” I clapped a hand over Dunny’s mouth to stop him from listing the supposed pluses in his extra loud booming voice, and he licked my palm, which made him snort a laugh and me cringe at not knowing where Dunny’s tongue had been.
Hell, we’d been in Aruba all of an hour, and he’d already kissed two people that I was aware of.
“Boundaries,” Eli reminded Dunny and then shoved him off me. “Now fuck off and leave us alone.”
Renco dragged Dunny away with a casual wave, his big beefy arm around Dunny’s neck and through all of it, I stared at Xander’s shocked expression because I could.
Marquis gave us one of his regal nods then ambled along with the other two.
Only the moment he turned back to Eli and me, I dropped my gaze and took a step back.
“I’ll let Eli explain this one,” I said with forced joviality. “Nothing to do with me.”
As I walked down the corridor, I thought I heard Xander call my name, but I know that was wishful thinking. Anyway, whatever he said was lost in Eli shoving Xander back in his room and the door shutting.
At least I had my own room, and I headed down the stairs and back there immediately.
I only had my own room because I’d written it on the plan.
I certainly never wanted to share with my brother—I’d had enough of that growing up—and the room came with privacy and a stunning view over the ocean and the endless blue skies above.
There was a bed built for giants, and since I was on the ground floor, beyond the billowing voile at the patio doors, there was a short path down to the ocean.
In fact, the ocean was so close that the soft susurration of the waves filled every corner of my room.
Taking an icy cold water from the mini-refrigerator I went outside and sat on a patio chair and soaked it all in until after an hour or so the stress began to shift.
The agenda I’d created with a lot of thought for what Xander and Eli would enjoy doing started tomorrow, so today was marked with the word arrival and nothing more.
Only who knows what happened to the agenda now we had a big group of other hockey players hanging around.
On the plus side, more people meant it would be easier for me to get out of going anywhere with Eli and Xander.
That way I could avoid him and keep my emotions to myself.
I slid down in my chair, pushing my feet into the sand that started where my patio ended, and waved at Austin and Robbie as they passed by on the shoreline.
I had some privacy here, with huge plants separating me from the patios of the rooms on either side, one Dunny’s, and the other Eli’s.
I’d only booked three rooms, but without me knowing Eli had taken over this entire block of large airy rooms, fucker.
The only upshot was that there would be no one to disturb the NHL stars in their down time, and me, by association.
I closed my eyes and soaked up the diffused rays and tried not to focus on Xander being in one of the rooms above me.
Stop thinking about Xander.
“Hey.”
Well shit. How can I try not to think about Xander when he was standing in front of me?
I opened one eye to check, just in case it was someone else who sounded like Xander, but nope, I wasn’t that lucky.
His hair was wet, and his face finally clean of the playoff beard that had hidden his strong jaw and the cute dimples that popped when he smiled.
Even showered and shaved he still looked rough, but that was probably due to lack of sleep and whatever booze he’d imbibed on the plane.
“Hey, Xander.” Don’t stare at his pillow soft lips. Just don’t.
“Can we talk?” He winced as he spoke and rubbed at his temples. I screwed the cap back on the water and pitched the bottle at him.
“Hydrate,” I ordered as he caught the bottle in one hand and stared at it as if I’d tossed him a grenade.
“I wasn’t expecting all of this,” he growled and frowned down at the bottle, savagely twisting the lid and then gulping mouthfuls of water until the entire thing was empty.
What was it about hockey players and their need to do everything so damn dramatically?
I guess I was lucky he didn’t waste it by pouring it all over his face.
“Hang on, I’ll get more water.” I headed inside, and he followed me, tracking sand onto the thick blue carpet, belatedly realizing this and brushing his feet with his hand which did nothing more than scatter more of it around.
I pulled out two waters but when I stood up again, he was right there in my space.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted and then winced again.
He was probably sporting a doozy of a headache, so I passed him a water and then went into the bathroom to find my personal bag, rummaging for the painkillers I knew were in there.
“I am you know,” he repeated from next to me, and I yelped in surprise.
I never even heard him move. The contents of my bag exploded out and scattered on the marble surface.
Toothbrush, paste, hair gel, Advil, lube, condoms. I stuffed it all back in, hoping to hell he wasn’t going to comment on what he saw because then I’d have to be honest with him and tell him I intended to find a summer fling to work him out of my head.
“Here.” I thrust two Advil at him, and he was as confused by that as he had been by the water.
I pushed at his broad chest because he was blocking me in the bathroom, where the lube, condoms, and two man shower was, and my head couldn’t handle all of that right now.
“Sit the fuck down,” I muttered. He stumbled back then kept going until his knees hit the bed, and he slumped onto it, rumpling the gorgeous dark blue covers.
“You weren’t supposed to be here,” he said then swallowed the tablets and drank more of the water, this time at a more sedate pace.
“I know. I guess you’re pissed at Eli?”
He glanced up at me and gave a wry smile.
“Nah, it was done with good intentions. I’m single.
He’s single, and hell the single guys on the team are here being all kinds of stupidly single, apart from Austin, who is being disgustingly cute.
Hell, it’s a single boys’ vacation. I get it.
” He held out a hand toward me. “I just didn’t want it. ”
I stepped closer and bumped his hand with mine because I thought he wanted me to sympathize, but instead of a casual touch, he closed his fingers around mine and held tight.
“Are you okay?” I asked as he tugged at me.
I didn’t move at first, but then he pulled a bit harder, and I took another step closer.
He widened his legs and encouraged me to stand between them.
My crotch was this close to his mouth, and there was no way in hell I was going to be able to laugh this off or pretend I didn’t want him close to me.
Xander was a casual toucher, the sort to hug me or lean on me, but this time it was different.
He leaned forward and rested his forehead on my belly but didn’t let go of my hand.
“I don’t know how to do this,” he muttered and every hair on my body stood on end at the absolute devastation in his voice.
“How to do what?” I rested my free hand on his head, idly stroking the soft mess of layers, and he sighed with his whole body.
“How to be me.” He looked up briefly, his eyes dark with pain, and then he bowed his head.
I shook off his hold and crouched down in front of him. “Xander, look at me.” I waited until he was staring right at me. “Are you still drunk?”
He closed his eyes then shook his head. “No, I promise, but I don’t even feel right in my own skin. I don’t know what comes next. How do I even be myself?”
God, how I wanted to grab him and kiss him and tell him that I was what came next, but I didn’t.
He’d been hiding who he was for so long that what he needed right now was a friend, not me demanding to know why he hadn’t confided in me.
I just wish I knew what to say because he was clearly hurting, and he needed this two week break without his damn team following him out here.
“I’ll talk to Eli,” I began but his eyes widened in horror.
“What? No!”
I lost my balance in shock at the overheated reaction and tumbled onto my ass on the carpet, which hurt because the carpet might be thick but landing on a discarded bottle was fucking ouch.
I fished it out from under me though I didn’t get up because I was very happy sitting on the floor, thank you very much.
“He’ll understand if I explain it’s all too much, maybe you could get a different hotel and—”
“I’m not letting the team down like that,” he interrupted with what I call his stoic hockey expression—the one he’d used when he’d played three shifts on a broken ankle, and in another game pulled out a wobbly tooth and carried on playing.
Heroic testosterone-driven idiots, all of them, my brother included.
“The team will understand if you wanted two weeks peace from them,” I started, and he stood and crossed to the door, then back to me, and then to the door again. The room was big, but the space was too small for a six-two man to pace. I clambered up and blocked the pacing with a hand to his chest.
“Don’t stop me,” he growled, but I wasn’t backing down from the guy, even if he had six inches and fifty pounds of pure muscle on me. I stared up at him with a level focus and in the end, he couldn’t meet my gaze. He relaxed as he muttered something under his breath about little brothers.
“You said you wanted to talk.” I poked his chest. “I’m guessing about what happened in the pool house and how you owe me an apology, right?” I said the last of it with a smile and expected him to chill the hell down and snark back at me, righting this weird situation we had going on.
“No.”
“No, you’re not going to apologize, or no you—oomph.”
He grabbed me roughly and kissed me hard, softening the kiss after a few moments, then wrapped his big arms around me and held me tight, while licking along the seam of my lips.
I was too shocked to even think about what was happening.
I opened my mouth and welcomed him in, hard as a rock in my pants and scrabbling to get purchase on any part of his muscled body I could reach.
I finally gripped the base of his T-shirt, pushed it up, and rested my hands on his lower back as he kissed me with thorough focus.
I stepped back a little, he followed, one more step, and he stepped as well when I threw him off balance and only stopped when my back hit the wall, and I could think about whatever was happening here.
It’s finally happening. He’s kissing me.
We separated for a moment and I opened my mouth to ask him a “what the hell” question, and then he was on me again, pushing a beefy thigh between my legs and lifting me a little.
I whimpered at the erotic beauty of being held hard between him and the wall.
I pressed down against him, slipping my hands up and under his T-shirt, tracing the muscles of his back as much as I could.
He broke the kiss and buried his face in my neck. “I don’t know how to be this,” he said brokenly.
“Kiss me, Xan,” I ordered, but something had changed, a subtle shift in the way he was standing, and how he held me.
Where before it had been a hard and fiery passion, he was gentling, and I could have cried at the loss.
I didn’t want to be treated with kid gloves.
I was desperate for him to touch me, and I wanted more soul-owning kisses.
“I can’t.” He moved away, and I was left hard and wanting with only the wall holding me up.
“Xander?”
His eyes widened comically, and he pressed a finger to his lips. “You’re bleeding,” he snapped, and I touched my lip and glanced down to see blood on my finger.
“It was one hell of a kiss.” I tried for a smile, but he just looked horrified.
“I hurt you.”
“No, you didn’t, it happens.”
He backed away then, shaking his head. “Eli could have walked in, he could have… he’ll kill me.” His voice cracked.
“Xan… ”
“I’m too rough. I don’t know how to… ”
He wasn’t too rough, rather he was strong and caring, and he held me absolutely still when he kissed me. He could probably lift me up, and God… Xander was every one of my dreams all wrapped up in sex. “Wait!”
He wasn’t waiting. He was leaving but at the last minute he turned to face me, half in and half out the door to the patio.
“I can’t use you for sex!” he whispered loudly then vanished, leaving nothing except me with my waning erection and the absolute certainty that I didn’t understand anything of what just happened.
Xander holding me up like that, his big hard body, hot as hell, stronger than…
I ran out of superlatives for those kisses.
I wished he would use me for sex because if we got sex into the equation, then I could show him I wanted him in a million small ways, and then he’d fall headlong in love with me, and we’d be forever.
Sex was good.
I needed to get him in my bed. Stat.