Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Carrie
I want to pace.
Mom and Ally already had the bullet removed, and Uncle Tate knocked out with pain meds by the time the rest of us got to Aunt Siobhan and Uncle Tate’s house—I’m already thinking of them that way. I always claimed my mom was a bit of a prepper with the souped-up first aid kit in her car and the doctor’s satchel that weighs like ten pounds. Now I understand why. We walked in the house, and she had a miniature surgical theatre set up in the dining room.
We’ve been here for three hours, and no one’s heard from the guys. We’ve eaten and watched a movie. We’ve taken turns sitting with Aunt Siobhan since she won’t leave Uncle Tate’s side. My heart aches for her. Her husband’s unconscious after being shot, and she doesn’t know if her son’s okay.
I understand any sons Shane and I might have are so far down the line of succession I’ll never know—not truly—how she feels knowing her son’s responsible for an organization with thousands of people who depend upon him. I don’t yet understand what Aunt Saoirse and Mam—Breda—it doesn’t feel right to call her Mom in font of mine—experience as mothers either, but I understand how we all feel as wives.
Nothing I’ve done up to this point in my life prepared me for this. I’m holding my shit together, but only because I don’t want anyone to think me weak or to draw attention to myself. I found out Ally’s pregnant, too. The two top men in the organization have pregnant wives, and they’re possibly dead to protect me. Guilt chokes me every time I think that.
Mam—even easier to think than I imagined—guessed my thoughts an hour ago and did her best to reassure me I’m wrong. But I’m not. I?—
“Where’s my wife?”
I don’t know whose voice is whose because all five blend.
“Where’s my mom?” Cormac.
The man’s funnier than you’d guess. I discovered that at Shane’s place while we waited to go to Sean’s house.
Fortunately, Aunt Siobhan and Uncle Tate’s house has a massive foyer. Probably for moments like this. Husbands lift their wives off their feet, and wives cling to their men. Their parents give us space, but I can only imagine how badly they want to hug their sons.
“Daddy.” I exhale the word as he holds me so tightly I struggle to say more. “Greet your parents. Then come back to me. I don’t want to rush.”
“No. Kiss, Wife.”
I obey the command, and it’s like air’s finally pumped back into my lungs. When we pull apart, he nods to my cocked eyebrow. He puts me down, and I step out of the way. Ally and Nikki must think the same thing as me. We move aside as Mam and Da engulf their sons.
She’s sandwiched in the middle as her arms somehow wrap around Sean and Finn with Shane in the middle. Da’s head is above all the others. The sons rest theirs on her shoulders or head. He lays his hand on Shane’s head. I watched it shake as he put it there.
This never gets easier.
That’s daunting and heartbreaking.
I watch Aunt Siobhan hug Dillan before she and Mair lead him to the dining room to see Uncle Tate. Aunt Saoirse and Uncle Kieran hug Cormac and Seamus as Tiernan comes to stand beside me. I like Ally, Nikki, and Mair tremendously already. But I feel drawn to Tiernan, and I hope we grow closer. I wish that with all the girls, but she and I just seem to have clicked.
The husbands and wives drift together after parents and sons reunite. The parents head into the living room, but before I understand what’s happening, Shane and I are following the other couples upstairs. I glance over my shoulder and watch Cormac come out of the kitchen with the vat of potato salad Aunt Saoirse made. He lifts his fork in a “cheers” to me.
“I hope you get a stomachache, greedy guts.”
I don’t know how Shane knew.
“The man is a bottomless pit. I’m certain the shite’s vegan, so no one’ll take it from him.”
“It is. How’d you know?”
“He’s the cleanest eater. He read some article about processed foods when we were kids. He refuses to touch fast food. It’s a good thing Uncle Kieran likes to bake because he had to make all Cor’s birthday cakes. Spoiled rotten.”
I glance back again as Cormac swallows an insanely heaping forkful, then winks and grins at me. I laugh, but everyone else is soon forgotten as Shane kicks the bedroom door shut behind him. We’re pulling each other’s clothes off, leaving a trail of them to the bed. We stop when I bump into it. Something catches his eye because he looks around my shoulder, then at me. I giggle.
“The girls made sure I had an impromptu bachelorette party in the courthouse restroom.” I came up here earlier and spread out the gifts.
He picks up the dildo, shock radiating from him.
“Ally.”
I whisper the name since she’s his sister-in-law. No. Scratch that. Sister. No qualifiers in this family.
“I don’t know if I’m supposed to thank her.”
“Don’t worry. I already did. I have some thoughts about that and a few other things here, too.”
“Oh?”
I reach behind me and feel around for the ball gag. I hold it up.
“Tiernan said she didn’t know it would come in handy so soon, but she suggested I might want to wear this tonight.” I waggle my eyebrows at him.
“She did?”
He’s completely stunned, but he finally shakes it off. Then he looks like a kid in a toy store—an adult toy store. He holds various items up. He even shakes a few in their packaging. His eyes light up at the two pairs of handcuffs. Apparently, Nikki didn’t know Mair had picked out a pair, so I wound up with two.
“Stay here. Shh.”
He grabs his pants and pulls them on as he hops to the door. He opens the door a crack, then sticks his head into the hallway. He disappears, but he’s back two minutes later with a broom. I furrow my brow as he locks the door behind him. He kicks off his pants and rips into the dildo’s packaging. Then the nipple clamps. He looks around, finding what he wants. He snatches the lube and shakes it. But then he freezes.
“Is this what you want, Carrie?”
“Of course. Why else would I put this out?”
“You want this for you, not just for me, right?”
“I want it for both of us.”
“Oh, cailín . The hours I’ve had to daydream about handcuffing you to my bed. Such sweet dreams.”
“Um, there’s something for you too.”
“Isn’t this all for me?” He shoots me a lopsided grin.
“Well—uh—the girls said—they didn’t assume anything—more like they thought it might be kinda fun—um. Shit.”
I hold out a package I don’t think he noticed. That or he purposely ignored it.
“A rooster?”
He splutters as he looks between me and the cock ring that fits over at least part of a guy’s dick.
“It’s ribbed.”
“I see that.”
He points to the package.
XXL.
“Who picked this out?”
“I believe that was a collective effort.”
I peek down at his cock, then the toy named for that part of his anatomy.
“I don’t think it’s going to be big enough. I don’t want you to totally lose circulation.”
“Hmm.”
Shane leads an assault on my neck, licking, nipping, kissing along it until I’m grasping his biceps to keep my balance. When I turn my head, he honors my silent request. His lips meet mine, and if ever the Big Bad Wolf were going to gobble up Little Red Riding Hood, it would be now. I’m growing lightheaded because I can’t suck in enough air. My fingers bite into his arms now. It must register with him because he pulls away.
“Where do we start, cailín ?”
“I want you to pick, Daddy.” Partly because I don’t want control right now, and partly because I can’t think straight.
After what happened today, some wouldn’t understand how I could relinquish more control since it was pure madness earlier. Someone like me would normally have a death grip on any control I could clench. But this is an interlude with my husband. The man I trust above any and everyone else. I want to let go of my fear and know I’m safe now. I want him to have control after a situation where everyone he loves most was in danger. I can’t imagine how he felt.
I know my need’s intensity, wanting to protect him and my parents and caring about my new friends and family. But I don’t know the others the way he does. They aren’t as significant to me yet . A situation like that is every man in this family’s worst nightmare. I want Shane to know my trust hasn’t wavered.
“My sweet cailín , that’s like telling me everything in Santa’s workshop is for me. We may never leave here if I get to choose. Turn around.”
I obey and cross my wrists at my lower back. It surprises me when he pulls them apart.
“No, little one. You’re not my sub. You’re letting me take command, but I don’t want this to be about what only I’ll give and you must accept. I want you to know you can touch me however and whenever you want. I need you to.”
I turn my head to look over my shoulder at him. I understand something I didn’t before this moment.
His control isn’t his strength. At least, not entirely. It’s as much his vulnerability as it is his strength. Or rather, he’s letting me see how vulnerable he feels even when he has control and dominates me. He leads us, but he needs to know I follow because I want this, not because I automatically relent to have this dynamic. That I’m not giving in to please him but agreeing to it as his equal.
“Daddy, you may have unleashed a Stage Five Clinger because I’ll never let go if that invitation stands.”
He kisses the back of my shoulder, then busses a quick kiss on my lips.
“I love you, cailín .”
“I love you, Daddy.”
I place my hands on the bed in front of me and lean forward. I watch him rip the tag off the paddle before he grabs the fuzzy handcuffs. He trails the artificial feathers up my left arm and over my shoulder before drawing them down my back, alongside my spine. The feel is ticklish and erotic. When he gets to my lower back, he sweeps them over the top of my ass. He pulls my ass cheeks apart and glides his cock along the length of the division. His fingers bite into my flesh as he tosses the handcuffs back onto the bed. It’s enough to make me come onto my toes.
“What’s your safe word, cailín ?”
“ Digon , Daddy.”
I think about his attempted Welsh, and it warms me down to my toes. I should have recognized his feelings then. I should have accepted mine. Right now, that doesn’t matter because we’re together.
His left hand presses between my shoulder blades, guiding me to lie on the mattress. He takes my arms and draws them over my head. He cuffs them, tugging them apart to test the cuffs. I watch him pull the key out, and when he moves, I assume he’s putting it on the bedside table. He wraps his hands around my waist, dragging his thumbs up each side of my spine as he raises them until he slides them under my body and cups my tits. He massages them before tugging on my nipples. Pinching and twisting until I shift my weight from foot to foot. He lets go.
His long arms reach past me and snag the ball gag and blindfold.
“If you get too loud, then I’ll gag you. But for now, I want to hear my name. I want to hear you beg Daddy for each orgasm I give you. And you will beg, little one. They belong to me—just like you do—and I decide when I’ll give them to you.” He drapes his body over mine, interlocking our fingers, his voice quieter. “You know I belong to you just as much, right?”
“Yes, Daddy. That’s more precious to me than I can describe.”
“I’ve never wanted this with anyone else, and I’ll never want it with someone else. It’s only ever been you, Carrie. Only you.”
“God, I love you.”
“I love you too, baby.”
He reaches between us and taps his dick on my ass three times. Then he stands and slides the blindfold over my eyes.
“This spanking is for our pleasure. It’s not a punishment. I know you could have argued with me today, and I know you have the training to handle a situation like that. But thank you for not insisting. I wouldn’t have concentrated on anything but you if you’d stayed. That would have endangered all of us. Thank you for understanding that.”
I can only sense when he picks up the paddle, but I don’t know when he’ll start.
Mother trucker!
Apparently, he’s starting now. I stomp my foot as I squeeze my eyes shut behind the mask and clench my jaw.
“Ten spanks, Carrie. Nothing more. I won’t go until I’m tired.”
Thank God because that wouldn’t be until next week. I suck in lungfuls of air through my nose, struggling not to scream. He’s spanked me before, but not with a paddle, only his hand. Sweat drips beneath the mask and would burn my eyes if they were open. I don’t realize how tightly I grip the comforter until my fingers cramp. He’s in no rush, so the fire in my ass has time to burn.
Fuck. That was only six. I’m barely more than halfway. Does he think he’s playing tennis with my ass?
When he lands the paddle across my horizontal crack, I turn my head into the bedding to smother my scream.
“Carrie?”
“I’m—I’m okay, Daddy.”
“Don’t lie to me, or this spanking will have a different purpose. If it’s too much, say so. If I harm you—Just don’t let me harm you.”
“I know, Daddy.”
I can take more, even though the pain’s more than I imagined. I just need to get used to it. When the tenth one comes, he nails my horizontal crack and the meaty part of my ass. Except it feels like all the padding I usually think I have disappeared. I doubt I’ll sit comfortably for a week.
“Carrie, talk to me. Are you all right?”
“Yes, Daddy. Give me a moment, then do whatever you want next.”
He hesitates, and I hear the uncertainty in his voice. “If you say so.”
His hand caresses my ass. Before I met him, I never imagined a man like him could be so considerate. He has been since the night we met. He nudges my legs apart, then he’s kissing the welts and blowing cool air on them. He tips my hips back to him and licks my cunt.
Fucking relief. I moan and want to reach back to press his head closer, but I can’t with my wrists cuffed. He licks and sucks my clit until I’m restless. I open my mouth to ask if I may come, but the words never come out. It’s a scream instead. Not enough to wake the dead or even disturb anyone else, but it’s my reaction to the clit clamp.
He stands and helps me straighten. My nipples are tight and hard, so he easily clamps those too. He turns us, so I know we’re facing the mirror over the dresser. He brings my arms up and loops them over his neck before he removes the blindfold. To get my arms over his head, I must stretch. It pulls my belly taut and pushes my tits out.
I marvel at our appearance together as his hands roam my body. He’s possessive, touching me however he wants, his hold on me keeping me close because he can. Everything about how we stand and how his hands glide over me screams mine . Nothing will stop him from having what he wants. I certainly won’t try to because this is the most arousing experience of my life. I’ve never felt more desirable than I do right now.
“I crave you, Carrie. I will never get enough of you. I will never tire of the feel of you because it’s you.”
He dips his head and kisses my cheek. Then he lifts me and lays me on the bed. He unlocks the handcuffs and moves my arms around, rubbing them to get the circulation back into them. He’s slow—watching me like a hawk—as he brings my arms back up over my head. He leans forward and kisses the bare skin above my pussy. I just got waxed a couple days ago. I’m glad I did.
He flicks the clamp with his tongue, making it vibrate. It sends a shot of need through me that makes my pussy clench. Fuck. I need to get off. I watch as he attaches a set of handcuffs to each ankle before pushing my legs as far apart as I can. The pressure on my ass as it shifts on the comforter steals my breath. I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe through it. He grabs the broom and slides it through the empty manacle on each set. It’s an improvised spreader to keep my legs apart.
He rips open the dildo package and inspects it. He looks around and spots the foaming toy cleaner that came in the same package as the lube. He’s in no hurry as he goes to the bathroom and washes the toy. I love watching him walking away, but it’s even better when he’s walking back. He’s impossibly hard, and I have an overwhelming desire to suck him off. I want to feel the weight of his cock on my tongue. I open my mouth, turning my head toward him as he approaches.
He cups my head with his right hand as his left angles his dick into my mouth. He presses my head forward as he rocks his hips. The pressure is light on my head, just a reminder. But I want more than that. I let go of the headboard I’d grasped and wrap my hands around his chiseled ass. I push, wanting his dick deeper. He draws back and thrusts hard, making me choke, but I don’t ease the insistence I show as my hands tighten around his taut ass.
“I’m going to come down your throat just so I can last through all the things I’m still going to do. It’s the only way I’ll have some restraint, or I’ll fuck you to get off rather than spoil my wife. You are too fucking tempting, little one.”
I suck harder, trying to relax enough to swallow him. I’ve only managed that with a guy once or twice. It’ll take some practice since Shane has way more to offer than any guy in my past. I watch him grab the headboard to prop himself up as his other hand holds my head in place. He thrusts hard one more time, forcing me to fight my gag reflex. Then I taste him. I choke on his cum, and he pulls out, helping me sit up.
“Thank you, Daddy.”
“I think I’m supposed to be saying thank you, cailín .”
“Thank you for letting me have a moment of control and changing your plans. Thank you for letting me do something for you. You could have put my pleasure first and refused me. You could have put your desire for control first and refused me. I needed this.”
He cups my face and brings ours close together. “I will always give you what you need. I love you. I’ll endeavor to give you everything you want, but that I can’t promise.”
“I know, Shane. I’m a simple girl. All I need is a roof over my head, some food to eat and clothes to wear, and your cock in my cunt every day.” I grin.
I lie back against the pillow. He squeezes my right breast before swirling his tongue around the clamp. He tightens each, and I arch my back off the bed. Fuck me. Those fucking hurt. He watches, making sure I’m still all right. I nod. Without preamble, he thrusts three fingers into me. I know he sees how wet I am even though it’s been several minutes since he touched me to arouse me. But sucking him off, and him holding my head in place was arousing as fuck.
He works my cunt until I’m sloppy, and the dildo slides in easily. My sister made an excellent choice. Ten inches for the win, even if it’s still not as good as Shane. He works my pussy with it, drawing me closer to the edge. I want to squeeze my legs shut, trapping his hand and the dildo in place, so I can come. But the makeshift spreader doesn’t allow it when he presses his elbow on it to keep it in place.
“Daddy, please. I need to come.”
He pulls the dildo out and slaps my pussy.
“No.”
We go around and around until I’m thrashing. My entire body burns with the need to get off. Well, my ass burns from the spanking, but the rest of me burns from needing to feel him inside me.
“Daddy, I need to come. I need to feel you inside me. Please, Shane.”
He watches me for a moment before he nods.
“Roll over.”
He helps me get on my hands and knees, then removes the ankle cuffs and puts the broom aside.
“We don’t have any plugs to stretch you. Can you take it if we don’t?”
“Yes.”
He dribbles lube into my ass and over his cock. He’s gentle as he eases into me, giving me a chance to adjust. But once he’s inside me, he grabs the dildo. Fuck. He’s going to DP me with it.
“Can you do this?”
“Yes.” Eager much?
He slides the dildo into my cunt and holds it in place as his other hand removes the clamps from my nipples and clit. Then he’s thrusting his dick and the dildo, and I’m hanging on for dear life. The sensations are building too fast. The blood rushing back into my nipples and clit, my sore ass that’s too full of him, and my aching pussy. All of it makes me lightheaded. I close my eyes to breathe through it, but that only makes it worse. I need something to fix my attention on. I look at the pillow, but my arms shake. Dots dance around the edges of my vision. I wheeze as I draw in air.
“ Digon .”
I fear he can’t hear me, but everything immediately stops. He pulls the dildo from me, but he’s so careful as he pulls out. Then I’m in his arms, and he’s cradling me against him.
“Carrie, what’s wrong? What hurts? What’s wrong?”
He repeats himself, and I think he’s going to panic.
“Daddy, it was too much. I got lightheaded. I liked all of it, but it was just more than I could take.”
“I’m sorry, mo ghrá .”
“What does that mean?”
“My love. I should have thought about everything that’s happened over the past two days. You must be exhausted. I pushed you too hard.”
“I wanted it. I didn’t think about what happened, and how the strain might add up. I don’t regret any of this. I don’t want you to, either. I want all of it again, but maybe when I’m a little more rested.”
His expression screams reluctance. He’s doubting this dynamic. I struggle to sit up.
“Shane, I need us to be this way. You need it too. I’m not upset. I want nothing to change. Yesterday and today were not typical days. Don’t measure our kink and how I handle it by these two days.”
He holds me like the night he carried me out of the construction site. I don’t fear falling as he moves us, so he can lean against the headboard, his legs stretched out. He grabs a pillow and tucks it under my ass, so his legs don’t feel like planks under it.
“I should have gone easier on your arse. I underestimated my strength.”
“But I know you were being careful. We’re learning each other, Daddy. Another day, and it would probably be fine. I see how guilty you feel. Just hold me. I don’t want you to look back on this part of our wedding day with the same shit memories as you will after what happened earlier today.”
His expression shutters. It’s like I just watched a mannequin replace my husband.
“Shane, what happened earlier?”
“I don’t want to tell you right now. Not on our wedding day and not when you had to safe word. But if I don’t, it’ll piss you off that I kept it from you.”
I don’t like the angle I’m trying to see him from. I shift to straddle his legs, and he moves the pillow for me to sit on. I’d rather feel his legs touching me, but my ass hurts too much. He’s being conscientious.
“It wasn’t just about the Poles who came for us. It’s who was with them.”
“Was, as in, we’re talking about something that already happened? Or was like they’re no longer alive?”
He stares at me. He won’t confess to the crime. Not because he doesn’t trust me or wants distance between us. I believe some of it comes from training. I think most of it comes from not trusting I’m really safe from law enforcement or testifying. What I don’t know, I can’t repeat.
“Who was it, Daddy?”
He’s scaring me, and he can tell. He pulls me against his chest and kisses my forehead while running his hand up and down my back. His other hand rests close enough for me to sense a hint of his touch on my ass but not actually on it to avoid hurting me.
“It was Angela, cailín . She was the one who sold you out to your bosses and to Jacek.”
“Angela? That’s—that’s not possible. How? Why? I know you wouldn’t lie to me about this, but that’s virtually impossible to believe. That’s so—that just makes her not the person I thought she was. Then again, I suppose she could say the same thing about me. I don’t necessarily have a leg to stand on for that. Why? Why would she do that to me?”
My thoughts tumble out, some incomplete and others repeat.
“Apparently her brother was involved with the Cosa Nostra , and he made some bad choices about who he showed an interest in. He paid the price for that. They asked more of her family than just him for restitution. They sent her to infiltrate your investigation, and she wound up involved with Jacek.”
“Involved? You mean as in fucking involved?”
“Yes. But it seems, at least for her part, she believed there was some genuine affection with him.”
“That psychopath?”
“She loved him.”
“That says more about her than anything else.”
When he stares at me, it makes me realize he must think he’s at least a little like Jacek. It makes me a hypocrite to love him and accept the things that he does when I can look down on Angela for the things she did.
“Shane, you are nothing like Jacek. You do what you do because that’s your responsibility. You do what you do to protect the people you love. Jacek claimed he did the things he got up to for the sake of his people and for the sake of his family. And maybe that was some of it. But he enjoyed what he did. He was a sick, twisted fuck. You are not. You don’t revel in it. You don’t think it’s a great pastime to torture people. He did. He got off on those things.”
“I know. Angela basically admitted as much about her physical relationship and that she enjoyed some elements of torture.”
“You discussed their sex life?”
“No, not in detail, but just enough to get a sense of their dynamic. And you’re right, it isn’t—or it wasn’t—like ours. But I see much of myself in Jacek, or much of Jacek in me, I suppose.”
“Maybe two sides of the same coin, but not the same. There’s only one person who’s a mirror image of you. And it sure as fuck was not Jacek Nowakowski. If Angela was involved with Jacek, was she the one to feed his doubt? Make him question me?”
“Yes. She was already telling him things about you that caused him to attack you the first time. I’m certain she figured out more about us, or at least sensed something changed in you and told Jacek about it. He would have dug deeper, especially once he saw us together at the lumberyard.”
“But that was entirely coincidental.”
“It was, but I’m certain now he followed us after we left there. He knew about us going to the warehouse together.”
I reflect upon that and remain quiet for a moment as I absorb everything he’s just told me. It’s a lot to comprehend when I realize the betrayal I committed, the betrayal Angela committed, and wonder whether I can find any way to justify hers the same as I justified mine. But I really can’t.
“You discovered she was working for the Italians and betrayed me to the Poles because of her feelings for Jacek or to pass information along to the Italians. I don’t understand that part.”
I know whatever Shane’s about to explain will be complicated. I pray I can follow along.
“The Italians certainly knew what went on and what the repercussions were by sending Angela in once I entered the picture. They could have called it off, or they could have told her to leave you out of it. But they didn’t. Even if they didn’t explicitly tell her to target you, their silence was consent. I’ve made them aware I don’t appreciate that.”
“What does that mean, Shane? You made them aware? How?”
He looks at me again. His expression shutters once more, and I know these are questions he won’t answer. I’m putting him in a shit position, asking and wanting him to. It’s stuff he won’t tell me because I’m not a man. I’m not a mobster. And because he loves me and wants to keep me safe. That’s always been his goal. His motivation all along has been protecting me.
“Is it done?”
“ Cailín , it’s never done. It will never be done. This skirmish might be over, but the war hardly is. I’ve made sure the Cosa Nostra understands I’m not okay with what they did. That you are off limits. We also found out Maria Mancinelli’s pregnant, and it’s high risk. She’s friends with Ally since they’re both doctors and knew each other from residency. Moving forward, we’re going to have to consider what that means for our business deals that involve the Cosa Nostra . We’ve all known Maria since we were toddlers. None of us wants to endanger her by causing her more concern than we have to, but men’s business is still men’s business. I ensured her husband knows he can’t hide behind her.”
“Her husband?”
“Yes, it was Matteo. He was the one who orchestrated this because Angela’s brother hit on Maria.”
We fall silent again as I try to come to terms with all of this. I believe I understand it. Now I have to accept it.
“If you’ve retaliated, does that mean they’re going to retaliate against your retaliation? Does it mean I’ve put you in more danger because you had to prove you won’t back down?”
“No, you did none of this, Carrie. None of this was your fault. If it hadn’t been you, it would have been something else. You’re just the excuse they needed to feck with us. That was part of what made me so angry. There were many things they could have chosen instead of you. They still could’ve had Angela in there messing with Jacek without her feeding information about you to him.”
“What does this mean going forward? I get what you said about Maria and her pregnancy, but what about me? Am I still one of their targets?”
“No. I believe Matteo understands how he feels about Maria is how I feel about you, and how he reacted is how I did. We’re back to our homeostasis of a stalemate.”
I can only nod to that, but there’s more I want to know.
“We didn’t say we love each other until after we got married today.” We married today for convenience because I’d become inconvenient.
“I wish that were different, cailín .”
I hold up my hand to calm him. “I know, and so do I. But that’s not what I’m getting at. We both love each other, and I know how I feel about you is why I ultimately asked you to marry me. And I think how you feel about me is why you ultimately said yes. If we didn’t feel this way, then the need to protect each other wouldn’t be so strong. Now that we’re married, they shouldn’t be able to make us testify against each other, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t still put either of us on trial. It doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of other people who could testify against us.”
“That’s true, but that protection goes beyond they can’t compel us to testify against each other. There’s a reason all of us walk free every day. Who wants to testify against my family? No one who hopes to live to be an octogenarian. While you weren’t entirely off-limits to the Four Families—I hate saying that—but so much worse could have happened if you hadn’t met me. I know a lot of what you went through was because of me. But our marriage gives you protection you wouldn’t otherwise have from other syndicates. The lesser syndicates know better than to test us. They live at the largesse of the Four Families, so they can’t afford to ruin any relationships they have or create trouble where there was none.”
I open my mouth to disagree, but it’s his turn to hold his hand up for me to wait.
“As for the other families, like it or not, for better or for worse, if a woman’s accused of crimes and put on trial, they will step back and not help the government. While we might feed some information to the DAs in order to screw each other, overall, the code among all the families is to never help law enforcement and to never help the government. Even if it means missing an opportunity to knock rivals down a peg or two. As for other people providing evidence to hold against you, I’m concerned. But I’m not scared now that you’re an O’Rourke.”
“But that doesn’t stop the government from pursuing me anyway or using me to leapfrog to get to you.”
“I know, and I need you to trust I’ll take care of that.”
I bite my bottom lip. I know what he means by trust him to take care of it. I don’t want to ask questions. I’m good with not knowing. But I wonder if life will allow me to remain in the dark. I can’t guess the future, and I don’t want to. Understanding what happened today and the weeks leading to our wedding day eases my fear. It makes me appreciate Shane even more.
I don’t know how I became so lucky, but I won’t take for granted the man who loves me. The rest of the world doesn’t matter when we’re like this. When I’m in his arms. Peace settles over me now that we’ve all lived to see another day. Cliché and maybe even trite, but so true. I gaze into my husband’s eyes, and I’ve never meant anything more.
“I trust you implicitly, Daddy.”
“Then let Daddy do wicked, wicked things to his bonnie bride.”
“Mmm. I love the sound of that, and I love you.”
“I love you too, cailín .”