Chapter 6
Lina
Chapter Six
I’ve shared more about myself, my thoughts, and my feelings, than I did at my first confession. I went to the priest with a list. If I was going to be absolved, I wanted to be absolved. Now I’m confused, scared, nervous, and horny. That is a powerful but wholly negative state to be in.
My question hangs in the air, and I would swallow it if I could. But I can’t. This entire situation intimidates me, but my most immediate fear is that I’ve finally pushed too far, wanting Sean to explain his feelings more than he’s willing. He said he doesn’t show emotion even if he feels them. I’m not just asking him to show me. I’m asking him to explain them.
“I don’t know, cailín. I don’t know enough psychology to understand primal attraction, but I think that’s what I feel. Maybe it was pheromones or something that drew me to you. But everything I’ve learned since then makes me want to get to know you more and more. It doesn’t help that whatever this is that we share also brings more danger than either or both of us already lives with. I think it’s heightening all our emotions.”
“I only found out who you are an hour and a half ago. You’ve known since last night. I know I wanted you before we had lunch. I still want you. But what about you? Does knowing I’m a Tremblay and an O’Malley change how you feel about me? Not the situation, but me.”
“About you? No. I’m still as physically attracted as I was before I saw your last name. It’s not that lust is my top priority, but I just proved I desire you. There’s no point in ignoring the obvious. I didn’t keep our lunch date to toy with you. Everything about you impresses me. The way you maneuvered Amanda into a corner and came to my rescue. The way you make me relax when I’m talking to you. Yes, you do. I swear.” He cuts me off before I object. “And the skill and intelligence it takes to keep me out of files I’ve perused countless times is as arousing as it is incredible. But I have been angry and frustrated that we are who we are. I’ve doubted you and me. Doubted this. I didn’t know what I was going to do at lunch. When I arrived to pick you up, I didn’t know how I would feel when I saw you.”
He stops, and I want to know more. I wait for him to continue, but he remains quiet.
“Sean, what did you feel?”
“I saw Nishida leave before you. I knew what that meant the moment I spied him. It pissed me off. I’m angry Ewan put you in danger. Who knows who saw you coming and going from the same building within minutes of each other? I’m angry that Nishida is doing business with your family when my cousin met with him weeks ago. I’m certain he’s playing both of our families. I’m angry that I’m in a position where what I want and what I should do are so vastly different. I’m angry that when everyone discovers which one of those I chose, they’re going to have a meltdown that I’m going to have to deal with.”
He runs his hand through his hair and takes a deep inhale. I know there’s more, so I say nothing.
“I was suspicious about whether you really knew who I was and were stringing me along. I was suspicious that you were using me to get to my family. I was suspicious that you’re making me a target for either side of your family. Then we were alone in the car. I didn’t stop myself from going after what I want. But reality slammed back into me when we got to the restaurant, and I remembered you had a bodyguard following you. I didn’t know if you’d told him to watch me, so he could tell Ewan.”
“Earlier you said, ‘which you chose.’ What does that mean?”
“You. I chose you.”
“And if that turns out to be a mistake? That we aren’t compatible after all? That our families shit mountains of bricks?”
“Then I live with it. I’m thirty-one-years-old. In all the years I’ve been aware of sexual and emotional attraction, no one has affected me like you have in the weeks since we met. You can guess why dating is difficult. You know there are things I can never share. Not even with you. But if I’d really wanted to—if I’d met someone in the past—I would have figured it out. But I’ve never met anyone who even tempts me. I don’t need to date to have sex. I belong to a BDSM club, too. I have for years. I have standing arrangements that are over now. I won’t go back to them. I didn’t miss emotional companionship either because, until four months ago, my brothers, cousins, and I were inseparable. I have a twin. I’ve never truly been on my own since my conception. You make me want something that held no interest for me before I met you.”
“What’s that?”
“A relationship.”
Those two words hang in the air. Not because they anger me or repulse me. They unnerve me. He told me he wouldn’t leave until I told him to. That hinted at a relationship, but it could have been purely sexual. I don’t think that’s what he means. So that shocks me. I didn’t think he’d be interested in a romantic relationship once I knew who he was. I hoped before I did, and I hope so again. But the moment I realized he’s an O’Rourke, I figured that ship had sailed. Fuck. The moment he realized who I was, that ship should have taken on water and gone under.
“I want that, too.”
I watch him, but his expression turned inscrutable when he started explaining. It hasn’t changed since. He’s guarding his emotions. He’s vulnerable, but he’d rather I not realize it. Or at least, he’d rather not make it obvious. We’re laying shit bare. I don’t want him to hide from me.
“Sean, you said we wouldn’t be fuck buddies. I don’t want that either. There’s a shit ton that’s against us already. I don’t know that I can or that we should enter a relationship yet. Not anything official. But I want to work toward that. I want that to be the goal.”
“I feel that way, too. A relationship is what I want. But I don’t think it’s going to manifest because I put it out there to the universe. I want to make my intentions clear.”
“And they’re so honorable.” I grin. He’s so serious that he sounds a bit old-fashioned. I like it.
“Lina, we have today and tomorrow morning. I want to spend all the time with you I can. When you go back to Boston, I’d like to call and text like we’ve been doing.”
His jaw tightens, and he looks away. Once again, I wait, not wanting to put him on the spot. But he volunteers nothing.
“Sean?”
“I’m not considering whether to hide this from you. I’m figuring out if there’s any good way to put it. There’s not. That trip to Canada that got postponed is back on. I have a meeting with your grandfather in a couple weeks. He’ll know by then that we’ve been together.”
“And that’s bad for business.”
He goes rigid. His gaze hardens as he looks down at me. “No. That’s bad for you. I couldn’t give a flying feck about the business end of this. Your grandfather likes money way too much to turn down a deal with my family. I’m worried about how he’s going to treat you.”
Feck. I thought I heard him say fecked-up earlier, but then I assumed I misheard. He’s said fuck plenty of times, but always in the sexual context. Won’t he swear in front of me?
“He’ll be as angry with Ewan as with you. It’ll piss him off that Ewan used me for more than intel. He won’t like that Ewan made me do something in person. It’ll piss him off that you’re anywhere near me, especially to have sex.”
“To date. Sex is part of that. But that isn’t why I want to be with you.”
I can honestly say we’ve gone on a date already but haven’t had sex. We’ve come close three times, and we’ve gone down on each other. But the date was perfunctory to get to the sex. He made it sound like we wouldn’t have sex until after dinner, so I guess that counts as two dates before penetration.
“And it isn’t why I want to be with you. But considering my father got my mother pregnant, then walked away, he won’t be very welcoming. He’s not an idiot. He’ll know we’re having sex if we say we’re dating.”
He stares at me for a long moment, mulling something over. It’s definitely not what I expected. “If it’ll make it easier for you, then we won’t have sex.”
“What? No! My grandfather doesn’t decide who I have sex with or when. He will not be the third person in this relationship. He has no say, and I won’t let either of us worrying about his reaction make us change who we want to be as a couple.”
“I won’t do anything that puts you in the path of your grandfather’s temper. I’ve seen it.”
“So have I, but he’s never directed it at me, my mom, or my grandma. He just wouldn’t. He’s like you—he’d go apeshit if someone spoke badly to me. He won’t do it.”
“Maybe not chew you out, but he can make your life difficult. He could make Ewan’s life miserable, which would make him take it out on you. That’s not something I’m willing to risk.”
“I am. Sean, I want tonight. I want whatever comes of it, and if that includes sex, then I’m down for that. I want to continue to get to know you in person like we said we would. After that, we figure out what comes next. But there will be a next.”
He cups my jaw as he gazes down at me. His expression is open and tender. He brushes his lips against mine before pressing more firmly. I open to him as he pulls the tie from my wrists. I don’t think either of us noticed they were still bound. Once they’re free, he lifts me to straddle him. His cock is between us, and he’s hard as a fucking post. I rub my pussy against him, coating him with how wet I am again.
“There will be a next, cailín. Your fierceness is yet another turn on. I’m glad you want this as much as I do.”
“I do, nounours.”
He chuckles when I call him teddy again. His hands rested on my ass after lifting me onto his lap, but now they squeeze as he helps me rock against him. I ache to feel him inside me. To satisfy my longing and curiosity. There’s so much I still want to know about him and discover with him. I pull back when we come up for air after our next kiss.
“I’m on the pill, and I tested for my membership applications. I can show you the results.”
“I believe you. It’s standard for applicants to send those in. I saw the birth control pack on the counter when we walked past the closet. I could see into the bathroom.”
The stupid circular pill holder. It screams birth control since there aren’t any other medications I can think of that come in a wheel like some types of the pill.
He’s quick to reassure me I’m not the only responsible one. “I have my results on my phone. I can show them to you. I tested a month ago. I’ve been with partners since then, but I’ve never had sex without a condom. Not as a teenager, not in college. You know I wouldn’t at a club.”
Besides the obvious reason that people often have more than one partner—sometimes in a single visit—many require the use of condoms if the people aren’t in a committed relationship and members together.
“If you don’t have anything, I have one in my purse.” I don’t know if he wants to use a condom or not. For the first time, I don’t think I want a guy to. I’ve had boyfriends who used condoms to doubly ensure I didn’t get pregnant. It wasn’t about fear of catching something.
“I have one in my wallet.”
I bite my top lip before I smile. “That’s only two. Um… Only twice?”
He dives in and nips at where my shoulder meets my neck. He flicks my earlobe before sucking. He keeps his breath light, just enough to make me shiver. He stands, and I wrap myself around him as he walks to his pants. I cling to him as he bends over. I know he won’t drop me, and he has an arm around my waist. But it’s still disconcerting for him to lean forward with me hanging on. He pulls out his phone and walks back to the bed. I watch him pull up a food delivery app. He taps on a drug store.
He scrolls to what he wants and taps on the box of condoms’ image. He grins at me, watching me, as he taps his screen three more times. He just added three thirty-six-count boxes of Magnums to his shopping cart. He cocks an eyebrow at me.
“You think we’re going to have sex a hundred and eight times between now and when I fly out tomorrow? A hundred and ten if you include the condoms we already have here.”
“It’s an investment in our future.” He waggles his eyebrows.
I put my hand on his wrist because that makes me think of yet another thing we haven’t discussed but probably should before we bang.
“I’m headed back to Boston tomorrow. You live here. If I come back down, Ewan will want to know which friend I’m seeing. I don’t feel obligated to tell him anyone’s name—friend or otherwise. But he will ask. He’ll assume it’s you because Justin and Haydon probably already told him. If you come to Boston, he’ll find out. It’s not like Montreal is neutral either. Are we going to see each other?”
“Of course. There are any number of places we can meet in Boston or New York that wouldn’t be obvious. We can meet somewhere else. Somewhere in the middle or far away. My family’s jet is at any of our disposal. It doesn’t belong to only one of us. I can get you, or we can meet somewhere and fly wherever we want.”
“Your family will want to know where you’re going, especially if you take the jet.”
He brushes hair back from my shoulder. This time his kiss is gentle when his lips meet my skin. I tilt my head away from him, and he trails feather-soft kisses up my neck. Both hands cup my jaw as he gives me a kiss that makes my heart ache.
“Little one, my family will ask, and they will also understand. My brother’s wife and my cousin’s wife have family connections to the mob that made dating difficult. But through all of it, the one thing that was always certain was my family’s acceptance. No one in my generation or my parents’ or even my grandparents’ chose to be in the mob. We were born into it. We’re in no place to fault someone for who their family is. For better or worse, no one picks who they’re related to.”
“But they pick who they date.”
“We come from mob families, which automatically means not only do we get each other’s families, but the branches we belong to. That’s why my brothers, cousins, and I never planned to marry. Now Dillan and Finn are. I want to date you. My family accepted Mair’s and Ally’s unexpected ties to the mob. They’ll accept yours too. You are not your grandfather, your father, or your brother. They trust my judgement. If I’m with you, then you’re someone they’ll trust. They’ll welcome you because we’ve chosen each other. Feck. I can already hear the guys teasing me that you’re too good for me. They aren’t wrong, but it’ll be annoy?—”
I cover his mouth with my hand.
“We’re about to see if I can roll you over fast enough to spank you. Do not finish that sentence, Sean. Do not say you’re not good enough for me. It’ll piss me off and fast. You don’t want to hear my negative thoughts about my body because you don’t agree. I don’t want to hear your negative thoughts about your worth. I won’t have it. If you were shit, I wouldn’t want to be with you. I’m naked, on your lap, discussing how the hell we deal with our families, and we’ve only had lunch together. You are worth whatever is about to happen.”
I pull my hand away and replace it with my mouth. I’m aggressive. I rise on my knees and press my weight against his chest. He only falls back because he lets himself. I feel the tip of his cock press into my pussy. I sink down an inch. I wait for him to stop me. Our gazes lock. His hands grip my hips as he presses down and thrusts his hips up. I drop onto his cock without his help.
“Shite, Lina. You feel fucking perfect. Goddamn. I might never fucking pull out.”
“Holy fuck, Sean… Fucking hell… Fuck this feels good.”
We lie connected for a moment, marveling at how we fit together as though his cock and my cunt were made to be matching parts.
“Nounours, nothing has ever felt like this. You’re—you’re?—”
I don’t even know what to say. Part of me wants to savor the lingering sensations of him sliding into me. Another part of me wants to ride him hard and fast. I rub my clit against him as the initial pleasure gives way to feeling full to the point of pleasurable pain. My hips are narrow to go along with my thin frame. But I’m muscular from being a long course swimmer.
I’ve been with endowed guys before, and it’s never felt like I couldn’t take them. Sean is longer and thicker than I realized. He feels big enough to split me in two, and I love it. I’m so fucking wet that he slid in without trouble. But his groan as I rock on his dick makes me wonder if I’m too tight. That I’m hurting him.
“Sean?”
“You’re going to squeeze the cum out of me, and I’m going to embarrass myself a second time because I can’t last more than a minute.”
“You shouldn’t have been embarrassed when I sucked you off. I loved—I mean really fucking loved—making you come that fast. I thought I hurt you.”
“No. Just the opposite.”
We move together, stopping when we need to, to keep from orgasming too soon. We want it to last. We both enjoy the denial. But he takes over when he senses my restlessness. He rolls us and stands, drawing my legs over his shoulders.
“You are going to come. And you’re going to do it more than once. Do you know why?”
“Because you said so?”
“That’s right. I decided it’s time for you to get off. I am going to get you off. You are going to do as you’re told.”
“Yes, Sir.” I smile as my eyes close. I must look ridiculous because I’m giddy at the thought of an orgasm with Sean inside me.
He thrusts over and over. I open my eyes because I don’t want to miss any of this. His muscles flex, and I want to touch and lick every part of him. His body is utter perfection. He’s chiseled and lean. His chest is broad but tapers into a perfect V. He has those sexy hip grooves like the ones models have when their pants hang too low. Like arrows to his dick. When I kneeled on his lap a few minutes ago, my thighs pressed against the hollows on the outside of his hips. Really his ass. I want to lower my legs, press my hands into those notches, and hold on.
“Lina, come.”
I stop flexing my hips like I was, making his pubic bone rub against my clit. I barely keep myself from screaming. The last thing we need is hotel security breaking in because they think he’s murdering me rather than fucking me. I claw at the bedding and grab the blankets and sheet. I refuse to get housekeeping while I stay at hotels. I don’t like strangers near my stuff. I don’t totally make the bed each morning like they would, but I straighten up. The nasty—and this is a five-star hotel, so it’s all relative—comforter is pushed down to the foot of the bed.
I move again as the tremors subside. I want to bring him the same pleasure. I raise and drop my hips over and over, but it’s only getting me closer to coming again. He seems to have found his restraint. It spurs me to try even harder to get him to come. I’m moaning and trembling. I’m so close again.
“Cailín, come in five… Four… Three… Two… Now, little one. Fucking come.”
I’ve never come on demand like that before. But it’s fucking hot as fuck to hear his commands. My body reacts with perfect timing.
“Sean!”
He pounds into me harder, barely letting me catch my breath from my second orgasm before he’s pushing me into my third. I pull my legs back, grasping my shins. I open my knees wide, and he leans forward. He kisses me, and I feel him thrust and still. His hips rock in shorter, faster movements. I know he’s coming. He’s the only man who’s ever done that. The only man I’ve ever let risk getting me pregnant. Abstinence is the only guarantee. That’s obviously not happening.
He leans on his forearms as he kisses me. I lower my legs and run my hands over his chest, ribs, and back.
“Little one, that was sublime.”
“I know.” This time, my smile is pure bliss.
He stands up, once again holding me as I cling to him. He pulls back the covers and sits with me on his lap. He’s still inside me.
“Sean—”
I don’t get more than a word out before we hear someone banging on the suite door.
“Nicolina, open the damn door.”