Chapter 20
I talked to Finn half an hour ago, and I feel a lot better. He wouldn’t give me any specifics— of course —but he alluded to him reminding Corey my family and I are untouchable. He said Corey was already on his bike and headed back to Boston. I don’t think I’ve ever had such a deep sigh of relief. I’m not convinced things are over with Corey, but at least he isn’t in the same area code as us anymore.
Sean and Cormac are really sweet. They both got me food when their shifts ended. Shane’s the one in the waiting area now. I wouldn’t have eaten much more than the candy bars Sean got me if they hadn’t. It’s a full moon, and LD has been crazy. Was it a full moon forty weeks ago? It’s been a while since Labor and Delivery has had almost all their rooms occupied. Fortunately, I was only called in twice. The other neonatologist was called in once. That’s what I call a good shift. Every once in a while, I go an entire twelve hours without a single call. I count those as miracles. They are few and far between.
I’m reminded every day of what a blessing it is to have a healthy baby when there is so much that can go wrong. It honestly is the miracle of life. I’ve never been opposed to having my own family, but this job certainly gives pause to that idea. I like the thought of having a family with Finn one day. I haven’t met another man I seriously entertained that idea with.
However, the moment I contemplate it, I remember I wouldn’t just get Finn. I’d get the mob too. The O’Rourkes would be wonderful in-laws, from what I can tell. But I don’t want to imagine raising children in that world, knowing any sons would follow in Finn’s footsteps. It’s a bucket of ice over my head when I remember that. I want Finn the man, not Finn the mobster as the father of my children. That begs the question: will I sacrifice having kids to have a life with Finn? Right now, the answer is yes. Will it be the same in six months or a year? I don’t know.
I know I’m getting way too far ahead of myself, but I have time to let my mind wander. I’m in the doctors” on call room and scrolling social media mindlessly. There are two other doctors asleep in here, so I’m remaining quiet. I needed a change of scenery from the LD unit and the postpartum one. Just a few minutes to breathe. I haven’t received any more inexplicable texts, and I’m grateful for that. It was freaking me out more than I wanted to admit.
When I spoke to Finn a little while ago, I admitted that. I know it bothered him that I’m still scared, but I felt better telling him. Not because I want him to worry more. Just the opposite. I don’t want him to think I’m na?ve and believe this isn’t a big deal. I want him to know I trust him to take care of me and keep me safe. He also understands I need to relinquish that worry to him, so I can focus on work. I can’t control what’s happening, but he can.
I hit accept when I see an incoming call pop up. It’s a colleague who’s off today. He left a few hours ago. He was the other neonatologist who only had one baby to attend. I step into the hallway to keep from disturbing the two sleeping doctors.
“Hi, Drew.”
“Hey, Ally. I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”
“I’ll try. What’s up?”
“My in-laws just surprised us with a trip to Pittsburgh.” Oh, I hear the excitement.
“Sounds—”
“Miserable. I like my mother- and father-in-law. It’s the rest of the family that drives me batshit. But we’re supposed to leave in two weeks for six days. I know you’re on right now. I was wondering if you’d swap your shifts until I leave. I’ll cover everything you have now, and you’d cover the days I was supposed to be on while I’m gone.”
“Sure.”
That’s a no brainer. Finn wanted me to take time off right now, and frankly, hiding out at home sounds perfect. A bubble without the outside world would be terrific. I know I’m not entirely untouchable since someone put a brick through my window and fucked with me yesterday. But the brick happened before Finn gave me a security detail. And I had guards yesterday.
“Great. I can be in, in an hour. Does that work?”
“Do you want to sleep before you come back?”
He hesitates. “Yeah. But only two. The more hours I can cover for you now, the less I have to hear from Deena’s family about me rushing back to work. They think big money for a doctor. They don’t think patients who need their doctor.”
“Sounds familiar. I get it.” Sounds like Corey.
“Great. You’re a lifesaver.”
I chuckle. “No problem. It’s actually great timing.”
“Oh? Is everything okay with Skyler?”
The only time I’ve really taken off for more than a day or two is when Skyler’s had procedures.
“He’s doing really well right now. I’d like to spend the time with my boyfriend.”
“Tony?” I hear his disdain.
“No. He and I broke up a while ago. That was a mistake. I’m dating someone else now.”
“Cool. Well, I’ll see in a couple hours.”
“Great. See ya.”
“Bye.”
Me
A doc just asked me to switch shifts with him for a few days. He has to see family in two weeks. He wants to cover for me now so I’ll cover for him then. He’ll be here in two hours.
Finn’s the first person I think of. I’m excited to tell him. Not for any other reason than I hope we can spend more than a couple hours together at a time. When I think about it that way, I’ve barely spent much time with him. But when I have, it’s always intense. He’s intense. It always feels like longer, yet never long enough.
Finn
That’s great. I’ll pick you up. Come out when you’re ready. I’ll switch with Shane.
Me
I don’t want to make you miss work
Finn
You’re not
He sends me the kissy emoji. I send him the hearts for eyes one.
Me
Do you have a driver today?
Finn
Yes I plan to say hi to my cailín properly.
Me
I like that Daddy
My pager buzzes. I check it and know I have to go.
Me
Duty calls see you soon
Finn
I’ll be picturing you in your scrubs and white coat SO HOT
Silly man. But it makes me feel great that he values what I do. That part of his attraction is that I take care of other people. Take care of babies. He values my intelligence and character as much as he does my personality and body. No other man has made me feel that wholly appreciated. I never felt like I was missing anything. But now that I have it, I want to cherish it.
The next two hours go by as I do my rounds, checking on the newborn they paged me about first. I signed off on releasing three babies today. It’s been a one-eighty from yesterday. Things are looking up. When Drew arrives, we do the hand off. I hurry to change, then I push open the doors to leave the unit. Finn is on his feet immediately. Then I’m in his arms.
He gives me a soft but quick kiss. I’m still at work. He takes my bag and wraps his arm around my waist. I’m not shocked when I feel his gun as I encircle his. I rest my head against his shoulder while we walk to the elevator. I want another hug when we step on. I want to burrow against him. But again, I’m still at work. I have my badge on, and there’s always the chance of running into people I know.
All bets are off once we’re in the car. The ride from the hospital to SoHo isn’t that long. But it’s long enough. Our pants are around our ankles before Joey has the car in drive. When Finn moves to run his fingers along my pussy, I grab his wrist.
“I don’t need that. I’m ready.”
He guides me onto his cock, and we both sigh. I’ve always enjoyed the feeling of a dick entering me. But with Finn, it’s like a spiritual experience. It’s divine.
“I think you’ve missed me as much as I’ve missed you, little one.”
“So much, Daddy.”
Our kisses are sloppy as I ride him. It only takes a couple minutes for me to come. I can’t get enough as he continues to bounce me on his cock, alternating it with the rocking I love. I want to make him come just like he did me. I want to know I do that for him.
“Fuck, Thea. I can’t last.”
He presses me down, pinning my pelvis to his. I know he’s filling me with his cum. He’s mine because only I get this. I’m his because only he gets this. Our kiss is slower, less frantic now. His hands roam over me. The back of my thighs, my ass, my back, around to my tits. All of me.
“Thea, I want to spend the next sixty years doing that.”
I gaze at him, and he’s not saying that figuratively or in the throes of passion. He means it.
“I want that too, Finn. If we’re really going to think about doing that, we need to talk more about what our future would look like.”
“You work with infants all day every day. You’re worried about what will happen to our kids.” Will not would.
“Yes. Mind reader.”
“No. It’s just what I’ve thought about ever since I met you. Daughters would only know it as something their father does. They would never be in the middle of the things I know you’ve guessed. I can’t be sure about sons. It’s not as simple. None of us wants to pass this life on to yet another generation. But to walk away means to turn power over to rivals we’ve dominated for generations. It would be a death sentence for all of us. There’s nowhere in the world we could go that’s untouchable. Especially not with the red hair. A fecking curse.”
“A curse that makes you fucking hot as fuck. But yeah, I get it.”
“I’m scared to bring kids into this world.”
“Scared enough that you don’t want kids?”
“I don’t know. You?” I appreciate his honesty and can relate to his uncertainty.
“I don’t know either.”
“Maybe we never do, but could you picture the possibility that we would?”
I pause to consider that. I’ve been thinking about this, but now that he’s posed the question, I don’t have an immediate response.
“I can picture the possibility. I want a future with you, Finn. I want all the things that can go along with that. Kids are a maybe, but I’m nearly in my mid-thirties. It’s something I only have a few more years to safely consider.”
“At least we’re equally unsure together.”
I press another kiss to his lips before kissing his cheek. “We are.”
“Do you have stuff you need to get done while you’re off? Stuff you want to do?”
“Besides you? No.”
He tickles me, and I can’t help but giggle. I feel so lighthearted now that I’m with him. When he smiles, tiny lines form around his mouth. They’re invisible when he’s not, but they’re slow to fade. I like it. He appears youthful because they aren’t wrinkles, but it shows he smiles a lot. If he can find things to laugh and kid about despite what he does, then I’m relieved. I’m glad his mob life isn’t so oppressive that he finds no joy in life. I worried about that when I first realized who he is.
We arrange our clothes as Joey pulls into the underground garage. Shit. I don’t have any clothes besides two dirty sets of scrubs and what I’m wearing right now. I didn’t think about going home first. I didn’t even think about my place as where I want to spend time with Finn. A while ago, I wanted to curl into a ball and use my home as my protective bubble. Now I want to be wherever Finn is. Not just so I feel untouchable. I feel the weight of the world— life, work, family —lifted from me. He’s my bubble.
“Little one, we never grabbed any of your stuff from your place. We can head over there.”
“Mind reader. I just realized that, too.”
“What do you want to do? We can go there. We can order what you want, and I can have it here in an hour.”
Apparently, he’s not shopping Amazon Prime if he can get one hour delivery rather than one day shipping.
“We can also walk around the boutiques near here. There are plenty.”
Plenty is an understatement. SoHo has some of the best shopping in NYC since it’s a commercial neighborhood. But I’m not a boutique shopper. I’m more order online or go to a department store. I can’t rationalize boutique prices.
“Next day shipping will work. I’m certain I can find something online.”
He nods and doesn’t press me. Joey opens my door, and I slide out as Finn gets out on his side. I smile at Joey because I missed him while he was gone. I’ve gotten used to him as my shadow. I like his brothers and Ted, but Joey’s kinda goofy. I know he’s there to protect me, and I feel almost as safe with him as I do Finn. But he makes it feel like I’m walking with a friend rather than a detail. Ted, Simon, and Fallon come across as bodyguards. It makes me feel a bit self-conscious. I don’t get the sense I stand out when Joey is with me. When the elevator doors close, Finn pulls me against him. As soon as we move, he presses the stop button.
He presses me against the wall as his hand slides under my shirt. He finds my nipple and pinches as he kisses me. When I try to touch him, he snags my wrist with his free hand. He moves it behind my back and keeps it there. I slide my other between my back and the wall. He lets go of my wrist, so his fingers can travel up my ribs, squeeze my breast almost mercilessly, then wrap around my throat. He doesn’t squeeze. It just rests heavy.
“If I were a jealous man, I might wonder if you like Joey more than me. But I know my cum is in your pussy right now. I know there’s going to be a lot more there and in your arse.”
I know he’s not serious. We’re slipping into a dynamic I crave. I love that he’s an alpha. He’s not my Dom, and I’m not his sub. But I enjoy being sexually submissive in moments like this. I’m curious what he’ll do next. What pleasure or pain he’ll offer. What ecstasy or denial he’ll give me.
“Daddy, are there cameras in here?”
“No.”
“Are other people waiting for it?”
“Don’t care.”
“I want to suck you off right now. Right here.”
His hand tightens around my throat, and he presses me against the wall to where I can’t move. I feel how hard he is, so I dare to slip my left hand from behind my back— difficult to do with my weight trapping it. I cup his cock and run my hand down it until I feel his balls. I squeeze ever so slightly, and his hips thrust forward. He nips at my lower lip, tugging with his teeth. I stroke his cock through his trousers. He steps back, and I drop to my knees. I waste no time getting his cock out.
I lick the length of him until he’s wet before I flick the underside of the head. Then I slide my mouth down it. I close my eyes, breathe through my nose, and tell myself to let my throat relax. I gag, and he pulls back. My hands fly to his ass and press him until I’m practically swallowing him. I glance up and see he’s leaning against his forearms as he watches me.
“Fuck, Thea.” I barely hear him as I continue to bob my head.
But it’s not enough. Yes, this is a submissive act because I’m on my knees. But I’m the one who has him so hard that he’s going to come soon. I could stop and leave him with a hard on and no relief but his own hand. I usually like knowing I still have that control when I’m giving blowjobs. But that isn’t what I want tonight.
“Daddy, fuck my throat. Fuck it like a porn.”
He groans as his hand comes to the back of my head. He doesn’t press hard, letting me go at my pace as I slide my lips down his cock again. Then he holds me there. I remind myself not to panic, not to gag. He pulls back, then thrusts. He does it over and over, sometimes holding my head pressed to his pelvis in between. But he’s not rough. He’s not using me like he doesn’t care about anything but getting off. He’s enjoying it. There’s no doubt about it. But he’s not taking advantage of what I’ve offered.
“Thea, unbutton your shirt. Hurry.”
I fumble but do as he says. I’ve barely got it open when he pulls out and fists himself. We watch as he sprays my tits. In a porn, the guy would have put it all over my tits and face. I even have my mouth open, but he doesn’t aim for that.
He’s panting when he finishes. He’s staring at my chest, and I’m not sure what he’s thinking. I slide my index finger through his cum and lick, then suck. He seems to only half notice that. He helps me to my feet. Then his kiss is almost too much. I was unprepared, so I didn’t inhale. I’m pressed back against the wall like before. I don’t know where this aggressiveness came from, but I love it because I know he’s not doing it to hurt me. It’s almost desperation— like he wants more of me or from me, but there is nothing more to give or take.
“When we get inside, I want you in our room, naked. Immediately, cailín. If you take too long, I will rip your clothes off you and leave them in shreds. Then I will have you naked for as long as I want. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
He presses the start button, and the elevator lurches back into motion. His hug doesn’t match the command he issued a moment ago. He’s loving and gentle now. He kisses my temple before tucking himself back into his pants and making himself presentable. Though, I don’t know why since his place is the only one on the floor, and he has biometrics to get into it. The elevator pings, and the doors slide open. Once we’re in the condo, I kick off my shoes by the door and make a beeline for the bedroom. He called it our room, didn’t he? I didn’t catch that at first.
I’m pulling off clothes as I go. My shirt and bra get wadded under my arm as I unfasten my pants. I’m kicking them off as I walk into the room. An arm snakes around my waist and yanks me back. His hand squeezes my ass hard enough for me to go onto my toes.
“Such a good girl to not have any panties on.”
“You told me not to wear them anymore.”
“You didn’t plan on seeing me today. You might have worn them, thinking I wouldn’t know. You could have disobeyed me.”
“I could, but I don’t want to.”
He lets go of me, but when I step away, his hand lands across my ass. Hard. I glance over my shoulder. Surprised and unsure what to do next. I turn to face him, then he prowls forward, backing me into the footboard.
“My cum dripped down your tits and dried on them. I could have come down your throat, made you swallow. I could have forced myself to slow down and wait until we got in here, and I could fuck your cunt or your arse. But I didn’t.”
“Why not?”
“I wasn’t sure until after I’d done it.”
“Why weren’t you?”
“Because I had to see it to understand some primitive desire. You were being so perfectly submissive. Not because I told you to be. Not because that’s how you are in everything. You did it to fulfill something you wanted or needed, but you did it for me, too. You wanted me to take control. Do whatever I wanted because I could. It doesn’t take a psychologist to know I marked you as mine. But it was more than that. Seeing my cum on you did more than just confirm you’re mine to protect and to pleasure. You were wearing the very essence of what makes me a man. You have all of me. You have me in a way no one else and nothing else can. I want you to have that. Recognizing how deeply I want that was heady— exciting —arousing. I don’t remember the last time— if ever —I’ve wanted something so much.”
That’s a lot to take in. It shifts something in me. Something primal, too. Our relationship isn’t solely about sex. But sex is our love language. It’s how we’ve communicated things too deep to say since the very beginning.
“I have the next six days off. I have nowhere else I have to be, and nothing I have to do. Daddy, you have free use.”