5. 다섯 ‘dasot’
It’s finally Monday. I can’t wait to go to the post office today and see if I’ve received my first pen pal letter. I haven’t been this eager in such a long time. The adrenaline of knowing something I’ve been waiting for is arriving makes me feel younger and I love that.
Oh, to be a teenager again…Being an adult sucks most of the time. I know being a teenager isn’t always easy, and I certainly do not want to return to all the high school drama, but times were simpler. I miss simplicity.
‘Hello,’ Elisa says, walking inside the bakery.
‘Just you this time?’ I grin.
‘I came from the gym, but yes, today it’s just me. Elijah is grounded.’ Her firm tone tells me she hasn’t forgotten yesterday, and even though it didn’t happen with her, I appreciate how supportive she is of me. How supportive she’s always been.
I watch her walk away from the door. The blue matching sports bra and leggings she wears pinching in all the right places. Elisa’s shape is amazing, but I know she worked hard for it, as she goes four times a week to the gym to lift weights on top of doing yoga every day. Her golden skin glows from the sun outside, and a few of her curly strands frame her face while the rest is in a bun.
Instead of going down the rabbit hole of comparison, I remember her words of bad days, bad thoughts. They don’t reflect our life but are a trigger to recognise what’s wrong in our mind and life so we can improve it.
Returning to reality, my eyes catch Elisa sitting at her usual table, looking out the window.
‘I’m sorry, I got distracted…The usual?’ I ask her and she nods.
A few more people walk into the shop, and my thoughts focus on work. Work is always the best way to not stress about the little voices in my head.
Right before I close for lunch, two very familiar faces come by the bakery for a few cupcakes and a latte.
‘You are seriously the best baker I know, Delilah!’ Becca says with a mouth full of chocolate and flour.
‘That’s impossible; I’m no Master Chef.’ I look down and take a small breath in.
‘No, you are a five-star Michelin,’ she responds, making my head lift and the breath I’d just inhaled to be expelled as a chuckle.
This small, red-headed girl always makes me laugh. Her Scottish accent helps with the enthusiasm.
Jeremiah has been silent since he came into the shop. He’s looking at his latte, swirling it with the straw as he stands behind his sister, closer to the cream wall.
Does he remember our conversation? There was something about the way he walked towards me that felt different, although I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe it’s just my imagination, now that I’m more focused on him. Maybe he’s feeling a bit blue today.
‘We have to make a collaboration again soon,’ Rebecca says, shifting my gaze from her twin brother. ‘Everyone loved your desserts in Greener’s and it was a full week we had.’
‘Indeed, I got more clients that week.’ Many of my now-regulars came from the week I collaborated with the twins a few months ago.
Their restaurant has a lot more movement than my shop, since many people try to stay away from sugar but never skip meals. I’m trying to incorporate healthier goods in my bakery for those who avoid sugar and flour, but it’s already all vegan, so that checks the lactose-free box already.
I need to think of more marketing strategies to bring people here.
‘Then it’s settled. Let’s talk about a menu this week and prepare things to make it happen. Maybe a two week collab instead of one?’ The small woman getting up from her table bats her eyelashes.
She comes to the balcony with their plates and cups, and I say, ‘Sounds good. And you didn’t need to do that.’
‘I know, but I also know what it’s like to work in places like this, and you already have many to pick up.’
While she pays, her brother steps outside without a word.
‘Is something wrong with Jeremiah?’ I nod towards him, and she turns her head nonchalantly around to his location.
‘Honestly, I don’t know.’ She sighs. ‘He has been quiet for the last few days. I even joked that he looked like he had been through a breakup, and he didn’t even flinch. It’s so weird.’
Bloody hell, he remembers.
I’ll have to do what I dreaded: face him.
I stay silent and watch as they pass outside the white-framed window. Jeremiah’s eyes glance to the side and meet mine before he disappears through the frame.
Maybe if I give him a few more days, he’ll get better and things will get back to normal.
All my regulars came in today, and Ms Josephine even came with her husband.
I love this little piece of the world I created in the bakery. My own little world. Most customers are quite nice, and the neighbours as well.
London is huge, and this street is not very well-known—most visits are from locals; we don’t get many tourists—and that’s why advertising gets a little rougher.
***
I have a letter!
I can’t believe it, I actually have a letter.
I’m at the post office, smiling from ear to ear. My excitement bursts enough power to light up a Christmas tree.
Despite the temptation, I refrained from coming here during lunch hour. I wanted to do it, but I also wanted to enjoy reading in the tranquillity of my room.
The post office is closing soon, so I’ll send my first pen pal letter during lunch hour tomorrow. I wonder how long it takes for them to receive it and respond. Since we are in the same city, it will most likely be a shipping day, but the sensation I get from holding this grey envelope in my hands transports me to a film where I have to wait weeks or even months to receive a letter from my beloved one.
When I get home, I don’t even check if Elisa is home. I run straight into my room, close the door, throw my purse towards the bed, and sit at my desk .
The letter is quite simple on the outside, the only pop of colour coming from the London stamp on the right hand corner. On the front, written with a bold black handwriting, my username covers the paper in a pretty script.
I try to not ruin the envelope by opening it. I want to preserve this letter.
After unfolding the white A5 paper inside, I read it.
“Hey there Delilah,
The first time is always the hardest. Therefore, let’s play a game to break the ice.
I was going to ask you your name, but let’s not know each other’s name for now. First, I want to know what you like. Let’s find something in common.
Here are some things I enjoy:
Art
Music
England
Rain when I’m inside reading
Irish bomb (no clue what else start with I…and yes, the drink)
Cooking
trAveling
daNce
fOod
This was harder than I thought…Good luck!
From your new pen pal,
Daldust”
I had nothing in my mind about what to expect, but this was better than anything I could have imagined.
They sound funny. I look forward to getting to know more about Daldust.
‘Lilah?’ A voice calls from the hall. ‘You home?’
More voices mumble around the house, but I can’t figure out what they’re saying.
A few seconds later, a knock sounds on my door, and I hide the letter under a book about The Secret to Make your Bakery Rise , a joke for bakers because we always have trouble making cakes rise well in the beginning.
‘Yeah?’ I say, and the door opens as my voice still sounds through the air .
‘Great, you’re here,’ my flatmate says. ‘There’s someone who wants to talk to you.’
I tilt my head, wrinkling the skin between my eyebrows. She moves away from the door, and Elijah shows up in her place.
My heart skips a beat when I see him. He’s wearing tight denim jeans and a white T-shirt, black ink covering the rest of his arms. I can see his dark hair growing in the back as he pushes back the front. He stays at my door, looking down at the floor.
Never in my life have I seen Elijah shy, or whatever he is right now.
I stare at him—it’s easier when he’s not looking at me—but decide to speak soon after. ‘Come in.’
He finally looks up, and my eyes move elsewhere. I hate this annoying inability to look someone in the eyes.
‘I’m sorry.’ He exhales, walking into my room. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he just stepped foot inside my room. ‘I’m sorry for the other night.’
I keep quiet, my eyes still avoiding him.
‘I was an arsehole, and I ruined the night despite how much I was enjoying it. You are a lot different from what I anticipated, and I just went all evil on you.’
I clear my throat, trying to push the nervousness away. ‘I was enjoying the night as well, and I’m sorry if I offended you in any way.’
‘No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for offending you when you did nothing to me. I just…Honestly, I don’t know why I acted that way, but I promise I’ll behave from now on.’
‘I-I accept your apology. And don’t worry, I won’t speak Korean again unless I already know it fluently.’ I bite my lower lip and glance up at him, flinching when my eyes meet the ones still looking at me.
For years I wished he looked at me, and now he’s staring, bluntly, in my room. It feels surreal.
‘Please, don’t. Speak all you want. You can ask me if you need any help or just someone to practise with.’ The corner of his lip lifts, and I nod.
‘We are actually ordering Korean food tonight. Do you want to join us?’
‘Only if you have japchae and gimbap ,’ I say as a joke. There’s a sense of fingers wrapping around my lungs after I speak.
I’m not funny. I’ve never been the funny type. Sometimes I question why my humour is so weird and now I just showed my weirdness to the last guy I should be weird in front of.
But when his expression lifts, wrinkles showing at the sides of his eyes, and he chuckles, the hand holding me hostage softens. ‘We’ll have that and a lot more.’
‘I accept. I just need to finish up some things and I’ll meet you outside,’ I say. He leaves, closing the door behind him.
The moment I’m left alone my hand reaches for my chest and I exhale as if I’ve just got out of a corset—not that I’ve ever worn one, but from what I see in shows, that’s the closest comparison I can think of.
I move to my bed and lay down, stomach up, looking at the ceiling.
Did I just have a full conversation with Elijah Park? I even made him chuckle.
I must be dreaming.
Please don’t let this be a dream.
It’s just Monday and I already have so much to talk to Ms Julie about.
But first, let’s respond to the letter.
I’m even happier now.
It’s hard to leave my comfort zone, but the rewards do make it worth it. I wish this feeling never ends.
I grab my pen and paper and start writing.
“Hi!
That’s not fair! My name is in my username, so you already know it. What am I supposed to call you? Daldust?
Okay, Daldust, let’s play games. I see what you did there, but I don’t like coffee.
Honesty
bOoks
Tea
Cooking
eartH
k-pOp
Cake (especially when I bake it)
my bedrOom
Lilac s
Animals
kiTchen
dancE (but can’t do it well)
1st thought before filling the letters: I’m fucked…why so many repeated letters??
Final thought: H’s are hard, oh look, an H word…
What game is next on your agenda?
Delilah”
I tap my phone’s screen to check the time and realise it’s been half an hour since Elijah left the room. Time flew as I wrote the letter.
I leave my room and walk towards the living room.
‘Didn’t you apologise?’ I hear before stepping inside the room.
‘Yes, I did. She said she would come,’ another voice sounds.
I don’t let them continue the conversation and step inside.
‘Sorry, I took so long,’ I say.
My eyes glance at the table and see that the food has already arrived. I was so focused that I didn’t even hear the bell.
‘No worries. Join us,’ Elisa says and hands me a plate to serve myself.
‘Do you drink? We brought soju ,’ Moon Hee asks, and I acknowledge him for the first time today. He’s always so quiet, I sometimes forget he’s in the room.
Is that how people feel about me?
‘Yeah sure.’ I’m not much of a drinker, since I don’t have many friends and I don’t like to drink alone, but I enjoy a drink once in a while.
‘Well, let’s get this party started!’ Elijah says, raising his glass of soju .