24. 스물넷 ‘sumulnet’
‘You got a letter,’ my roommate says as I walk into the living room.
‘A letter?’ Daldust doesn’t send me letters home. I wonder what she’s talking about.
‘It’s on the kitchen table.’ She presses play on the show she’s watching and her undivided attention remains there.
The beige envelope with the gold foil letter brings back childhood memories. These were the invites my parents would send out for their Christmas gala. The funny part is they told me I couldn’t take part until I became of age and by then I was out of their house.
But they never sent me an invitation. Why now?
Maybe it’s a farewell party before they leave for Beverly Hills?
This whole thing gave me an idea, in fact. I walk back to the living room and stand in front of the TV, making sure Elisa listens to me.
‘What do you think of us hosting a Christmas dinner?’ I ask.
Her eyes swiftly rise to mine. ‘A dinner? You want to host a dinner?’
‘A small gathering, just you, me, the boys, Sofía, Rebecca and Jeremiah, and if any of you want to bring someone you can, but just let me know so I can make food for everyone.’
‘I’m still stunned. I never thought I would hear you say you want to organise a party. You. Being around people.’ The woman gets up and hugs me. ‘I’m a proud mama.’
I laugh. ‘I’ve been happier lately, and being around you guys doesn’t scare me at all. I can’t say much about everyone else, but you, I’m actually eager to hang out with.’
‘It sounds perfect,’ she says, stepping back from the hug, smiling. A moment later, her eyes deviate to the kitchen and she frowns. ‘But where will we put everyone? We only have a small kitchen table, no dining room.’
‘I have an idea, but first I need to talk to the boys. I’m getting my tattoo today, so I’ll ask them there. Now I need to go to work. Bye!’
‘Can’t wait to see what the tattoo will look like!’ she says as I walk towards the exit door in a rush.
Arriving at my street, I peek at the tattoo parlour to check if the guys are there already, but it’s still closed.
As I’m organising to open the bakery, my phone rings. I glance at it and a name I haven’t seen in a while pops on the screen.
First the invite and now my mum is calling? Who’s dying?
‘Hello?’ I say, turning off the ringing.
‘Lilah? It’s mum.’
‘I know. I saw the name on the screen.’
‘That’s good. I didn’t know if you had it saved.’ Her condescending tone is making me regret having picked up the call. ‘Did you receive our invitation?’
‘Yes. It was surprising. I’ll admit that.’
‘We figured it was time. This little tantrum of yours has been going for way too long, Lilah. Your father misses spending time with you.’
Misses me so much he’s moving thousands of kilometres away.
I scoff. ‘There’s no tantrum going on, mum.’
‘Well then, why don’t you ever call?’
‘Why don’t you?’
‘Because you always have a mocking tone whenever I do.’
‘I wonder why…’ I say, taking a deep breath before she ruins my mood for the day.
‘It’s impossible to speak to you. I thought being twenty-seven would mean you were a bit more grown up, but you’re the same as you were when you were seventeen.’
‘That’s where you’re mistaken. At seventeen, I had to answer to you. There was no escaping because you were my guardian, even if it was Nana who took care of me most of the time. At seventeen, you had me on a tightrope, unable to act outside of your rules. You wanted me to be the younger version of you, but being you was my worst nightmare.’ I’m appalled at myself, but I can’t stop. ‘And it took me almost five years after leaving that place to become my person. Bloody hell, it’s taken me ten to heal.’
My eyes burn as I continue to pour my heart out. ‘When you trap a child into behaving only a certain way, caring too much about other people’s opinions, to be in constant awareness of the world around them and to make sure they smile through all of it, for they would not want to cause their family any disgrace. When you cling so much plastic wrap around them, you make them unable to breathe. The moment they find a tiny little hole that won’t make them feel as if they’re drowning with every day that goes by, they fight their way out. It might take a while to be free of all the cling wrap, but bit by bit comes off, and when it all does, there’s no going back.’
‘I’m not going back, mother. And I don’t have to answer to you any more, even if that makes you look bad in the eyes of the Elite.’
‘Delilah Scott, that’s no way to speak to your mother.’
‘You’re right, I shouldn’t be speaking to you at all. Please, wish Dad a marvellous Christmas.’
I hang up the call and fall on the chair behind the counter. It’s amazing how a year of healing that seems to only be doing minor improvements can show all at once.
A call that would have ruined my day before now makes me smile. I laugh like a crazy person, crying streams down my face, and for the first time in a long time, I actually feel proud of myself.
***
‘Lilah, Lilah, my beautiful blank canvas, Lilah,’ Elijah says as I enter InkPark .
‘Someone is happy.’ I smile.
‘You have no idea how eager I am to corrupt that silky skin of yours.’ He rubs his hands together as if he was planning something mischievous.
The owner of the parlour walks closer to me and lowers himself enough for his mouth to stop near my ear and whispers, ‘In a way I haven’t already corrupted it, I mean.’
‘Your flirtiness will be the bane of your existence.’
‘Unless you become it first.’ His words sink into my heart. This phrase would have made me the happiest a few months ago, but now it only brings a gut-wrenching guilt.
‘Elijah…’ I say.
‘I’m joking. Being flirty, like you said.’ He gives me a small smile, but I know there’s truth in what he said. He’s not joking .
‘Hey.’ Moon Hee enters the shop, giving me a breach to lighten up.
‘Hey,’ I say, avoiding his gaze. It’s been over two weeks, but I still can’t believe I said those things to him…
You’d be constantly checking your messages if I did that . What was I thinking?
‘Do you have the drawing?’ Elijah asks his partner and he nods.
‘You drew my flower?’
‘I hope you like it. I had an image when you talked to me about it and wanted to try to draw it.’ He hands me the paper.
I stare at the white page with black ink on it. He used a fountain pen.
It’s stunning. The way the trace thickens and thins in all the right places; strokes of a professional.
‘It’s better than what I had imagined. It’s beautiful.’ My mouth can’t close with such astonishment. ‘I had no idea you drew this well.’
He looks down and in a low tone says, ‘Thank you.’
‘Let’s get it started. Onto the chair, Ms Scott,’ Elijah demands.
I enter his office and sit on the black leather chair.
‘Oh, before I forget. I have something to ask you two,’ I say. ‘I was thinking of doing a Christmas dinner and wanted to know if you’re available and if I could use your dining room, since the only table we have is too small.’
‘My parents are probably going to your parents’ dinner,’ Elijah says. ‘So I’m in.’
‘Can I take my mum?’ Moon Hee asks.
‘Of course! I would love to meet the woman who raised such an amazing person as you.’
Not again, Delilah. I should just keep my mouth shut.
Elijah looks between us, lips tight.
Fuck.
‘Let’s get me corrupted or not?’ I ask him, attempting to divert his attention.
‘Let’s do it,’ he says, before turning to his colleague. ‘Can you watch the front?’
Moon Hee nods and leaves the office. Elijah closes the door behind him and places himself in front of me, my legs between his.
‘Elijah?’
His hand tucks my hair behind my ear, and he nips my earlobe. ‘It’s been a while, and I’ve pictured us so many times in this chair.’
‘Elijah…’
‘I told you I didn’t want the benefits to end. Do you?’
Do I?
‘It’s a bit weird, no?’ I ask.
‘Not for me. Before feelings were involved, there was an attraction that hasn’t changed.’ He starts a trail of kisses on the side of my neck, knowing exactly how in the mood that puts me.
‘But this is your workplace…’
‘I get it disinfected constantly, don’t worry.’ He smirks, grabbing my waist and pulling me to the edge of the chair.
He brings his lips to mine and caresses my breast with one hand while the other unbuttons my jeans. The wet feel of his tongue in my mouth gets me drooling down there and at the spark of his fingers with my clit I lose all temper.
I take off his shirt and down his bottom wear as he trails kisses over my collarbone and chest line.
My hand fills with his cock and I stroke gently, getting him harder.
‘You really know how to make a man beg for more,’ Elijah whispers in my ear, taking off my shirt and underwear.
He places my legs above his arms and lifts me up. I hold on to his neck as he enters me while standing.
Every time my body lowers, he gets deep inside me and, as much as I’m trying to control myself, there’s only so much I can take. His moves quicken and a loud moan comes out of me. From then on, his mouth doesn’t leave mine, muffling all my audible pleasure.
Elijah sits me back in the chair and turns me around, pushing me down flat, only my ass up.
This time his hand is the buffer, pushing my head back, while his other holds my waist, making sure every thrust is as intense as the stare he’s giving me.
I always love it when he’s rough, but this time there’s more to it. I’ve never felt him so possessive. And I don’t think it’s only because of how he feels about me. I think he’s catching on to the vibes between me and Moon Hee.
He already told me he thought I liked his flatmate, but even I’ve noticed a change in us. Perhaps that’s what’s putting him off.
A few moments later, he comes on top of me, giving me a kiss on the shoulder before stepping back to get some tissue to clean my back.
‘This was fun,’ I say, faking a smile while putting my clothes back on.
‘It sure was.’ His eyes don’t meet mine and I feel awful.
‘I don’t think we should keep doing this,’ I admit.
His head swiftly lifts, staring at mine. A few weeks ago, I saw his eyes shining before he cried. This time, the look in his eyes doesn’t come from tears. In fact, it’s the lack of shine that shows me how hurt he is; not from me not wanting to have sex with him anymore, but that I don’t want us to be more.
‘You’re right, we shouldn’t.’
I walk closer to him and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. ‘Can we still be friends?’
‘I’m not going to lie and say it won’t cost me at first, but I care too much about you,’ he says. ‘But I think you should ask Moon Hee to tattoo you. He drew the flower, so I’m sure he’ll do a better job than I would.’
‘The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. You know that, right?’
He grabs my chin, lifting my head to gaze at him and smiles. ‘I know.’
I nod and leave his office.
Behind the entrance desk, Moon Hee sits writing something down.
‘Hey,’ I say.
‘Lilah.’ His eyes widen. I don’t know how soundproof those offices are, but I’m praying he didn’t hear me. ‘How’s the tattoo?’
‘Oh, something came up for Elijah. Do you think you can do it?’
‘It would be my pleasure.’
He leads me to his office. It’s identical to Elijah’s, the only difference being in the art hung on the wall.
‘These are beautiful,’ I say, checking the framed drawings before sitting on the chair. The fountain pen strokes stand out to me. ‘Did you make them?’
‘Yeah.’ He looks back at me before returning to gather the materials.
‘You really are talented.’
‘Thank you,’ he says, scratching the back of his head.
Watching Moon Hee in his element is hypnotising. I close my eyes for a while, allowing him to work; both for me and him because seeing him this close to me gets my heart pumping faster than it should when you’re dealing with needles.
But I can still feel his touch through the black rubber gloves, his breath on my skin as he gets closer, his grip on my arm to steady me. Even with my eyes closed I’m pulled to him, and when I open them his sole focus remains on the tattoo.
I never knew being focused could be such an attractive look on someone.
After a couple of hours seeing him in the zone, I could tell how much he enjoys what he does. He’s a creative and a bloody good one.
‘How is it?’ he asks.
‘Beautiful. I couldn’t have asked for better.’
‘Can I ask why the lilac?’
‘It’s a long story, but it has a deep meaning for me.’ I smile at the flower now forever engraved on my skin.
‘Well, now that you have your first tattoo, come back whenever you get the bug for more.’ He winks.
‘Trust me, I will! And we still have to figure out one to do all together.’
‘We have time.’ He tilts his head, eyes deepening into mine, and I nod, leaving the shop before I get even more in my head about how much I shouldn’t be feeling what I am.
Before I walk back into my bakery, I stop by Greener’s.
‘Hello, my favourite twins,’ I say to Jeremiah and Rebecca.
‘I bet we’re the only ones you know,’ Becca jokes.
‘You’re not wrong.’ I chuckle.
‘How’s the bakery been? The restaurant has been full,’ Jeremiah says.
‘These collaborations sure give us a bigger audience. It’s better every time we do it.’ I grab a seat to eat.
‘Late lunch?’ the woman with copper locks asks.
‘Yes, I closed the shop for a three and half hour lunch time because I went to get my first tattoo, and now I’m starving because I haven’t had lunch.’
‘First tattoo? Wow, can I see?’ Rebecca asks before turning to her brother. ‘Table nine is calling.’
He nods and leaves with a smile.
My long-sleeved shirt is too tight to roll up. It was awkward enough to tie it around me while doing it, so Moon Hee wouldn’t be staring at my black bra. But as the professional he is, he didn’t even comment on it.
‘It’s in the back of my arm, a bit tricky to show with this shirt without flashing everyone in here, so I’ll show you another time.’
‘Understandable. Not that I don’t think some customers wouldn’t appreciate the show.’ This woman is such a joker and I love her for it. If there’s anyone able to lighten up the mood, it’s her. In a way, she reminds me of Elijah for that.
‘Oh! But I wanted to invite you and Jeremiah for a little Christmas dinner I’m having at home, if you’d like to come and don’t have any plans for the holidays.’
‘Our parents are back in Ireland this year, so we would love it! I can’t believe I’m finally going to see your house after four years of being business neighbours.’
‘I guess it was about time.’ I smile, thanking Jeremiah for bringing my plate.
‘I have to ask,’ she says. ‘Will the cuties you hang out with be there?’
‘Cuties?’ I laugh. ‘If you are referring to Elijah and Moon Hee from InkPark , then yes, they’ll be there.’
‘Great! The one with the tattoo sleeves is always a sight for sore eyes.’
After that my friend leaves to help her brother and it gets me thinking.
Elijah and Rebecca…That would be an interesting pair. Both are playful people, with a bright smile and so much love to give. He’s a lot more reserved than her, but I have no doubt she would break down his walls.
***
Arriving home, I remember I haven’t responded to Daldust. With the collaboration, Sweet Delilah has been so hectic I always arrive home exhausted. I must write to him today so I can send the letter tomorrow, otherwise another weekend will get in the way and it will take longer to receive more letters.
“You couldn’t have prevented it. If she was as in love with her boyfriend as you said she was, nothing you could have said would’ve prevented her broken heart. Some things in life just can’t be helped and one has to accept them to move on. I’ve learned that the hard way. And I know you will find someone as special or more than her. You will share your happiness.
We will meet one day.
Delilah”