Chapter Twenty-Two
Vincenzo
I SIT AT my desk, sipping my morning coffee, every part of me concentrated on the sound of the helicopter outside on the lawn. It should be leaving any moment now, taking my Caterina away to her new life.
It was the right thing to do, the only thing to do. She wasn’t meant to be here with me, her beautiful spirit slowly fading the way my mother’s did, trapped in a life she didn’t want, with a husband she never asked for.
My chest aches, a nagging dull pain that doesn’t go away no matter how many times I rub it.
And I can’t get away from how she looked yesterday, standing in front of me so naked and beautiful, telling me she wanted to stay.
Telling me that she loved me. Then the brush of her fingers against my cheek…
The pain in my chest intensifies. I drain my coffee then shove my chair back, because the helicopter is still there, it hasn’t left yet and it should be on its way. I need it to leave so I can get her out of my head, and get back to the business of planning my crusade.
I go to the door and fling it open, mentally preparing myself to find out what the delay is, only to find Caterina on the other side.
She’s still wearing her nightgown and her hair falls over her shoulders in a black waterfall.
She blazes like a torch. Her green eyes meet mine and before I can open my mouth, she slaps her palms on my chest and shoves me back into my office.
Then she steps through the doorway and slams the door after her.
I draw myself up to my full height, every muscle rigid. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I demand. ‘You’re supposed to be leaving—’
‘No,’ she interrupts. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’ She’s standing with her shoulders square, her hands now in fists at her side, and when she speaks, her voice is fierce. ‘And if you think you can get rid of me that easily, you’ve got another think coming.’
The pain in my chest gets worse, my fury rising. ‘You’re leaving,’ I say, trying to keep a hold of my temper. ‘Get on that fucking helicopter. Do as I say!’
Her chin lifts, green eyes full of fire, a warrior about to do battle. ‘Make me.’
And I want to put my hands on her hips, toss her over my shoulder, carry her to the helicopter and put her in it, except I know the moment I touch her, I won’t be able to. I’ll want to grip her and draw her close and keep her. Keep her forever.
‘You can’t, can you?’ She stares furiously up at me. ‘Because you don’t want me to go.’
It’s not a question and my jaw tightens. ‘Odd. That must be why I arranged all those documents for a new life for you in—’
‘Vincenzo,’ she says and before I can move away, she’s lifted a hand to my cheek the way she did yesterday, her fingers brushing my skin. ‘I’m not leaving you.’
Something twists hard in my chest, an agony blazing as bright as her eyes.
‘You have to,’ I force out through gritted teeth. ‘I won’t keep you trapped here with me. I won’t keep you in this life you never wanted.’
‘But what if I do want it?’ Her palm is warm against my cheek. ‘What if I want you?’
My hands close into fists as I try to keep them from reaching for her. ‘You can’t,’ I say forcefully. ‘I killed my own father. I shot him, Caterina. And there are many other things I’ve done, so many things—’
‘I don’t care.’ She stares right into my eyes, seeing into the heart of me. ‘You’re trying to change things, trying to make things better.’
‘If I keep you here,’ I grit out, ‘I’ll be just like him.’
‘You were never like him, Vincenzo.’ She’s suddenly fierce.
‘Never. You saved me and you tried to save my mother and brother. You showed me how strong I really was, and you made me feel wanted for the first time in my life.’ There are tears in her eyes now, even though her gaze still burns.
‘And that freedom I wanted? I found it with you.’
I can see the emotion that lights up her face, pure and bright, making her even more lovely than she already is. Dio, she’s always fought for what she wanted
And now she’s fighting for you.
‘You shouldn’t,’ I hear myself say, my voice full of gravel. ‘You deserve better than me. You deserve more than—’
‘You don’t get to tell me what I do and don’t deserve,’ she interrupts yet again, her thumb stroking across my cheek. ‘I decide that and I’ve decided that what I deserve is to be your wife.’
I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be letting her touch me like this. I shouldn’t be letting her say all these things, each word eroding my resolution bit by bit. Eroding my certainty that what I’m doing is right. Eroding my resistance to her.
I thought I was strong enough to let her go, but I don’t think I am after all.
‘It won’t be the life you want,’ I say, trying to make her see reason.
‘I don’t know how long it will take to bring the families under my control, and they’re not going to go quietly.
There’ll never be peace, which means there’ll never be peace for you. ’
She steps even closer, the warmth of her body and her scent surrounding me. ‘Don’t give me excuses, Vincenzo,’ she murmurs. ‘You don’t have to be afraid.’
I want to tell her that I’m not afraid, that I’m not afraid of anything, but deep inside, I know that’s not true.
I am afraid. I’m afraid I’m not worthy of her.
The scent of her is making me dizzy, making me want to reach out and pull her close, crush her mouth under mine. ‘I can’t love you,’ I force out, knowing even as I say it that it’s an excuse. ‘I told you. Love is the one thing I can’t give you.’
‘It’s okay,’ she says as if it’s nothing at all. ‘I have enough love for both of us.’
I stare down into her face and a certain exhaustion winds through me as I think about what it would be like if I made her get on that helicopter.
If I made her leave. There would be no more fights, no more challenges.
No bright, fiery woman to come home to or to argue with.
No touches or kisses, or her warmth in my arms. No seeing that emotion, that love in her eyes.
She needs more from you than that.
I take a breath, but I can’t seem to get air, as the wolf fights and claws its way out of the cage I’ve put it in. It wants her, it always has, and more… It loves her and the man…
Loves her too.
‘Caterina…’ My voice is hoarse and I don’t know what I’m trying to say. It feels as if a bucket of ice water has been emptied over my head and I struggle to breathe through the shock. And I know it’s true, it’s always been true.
I fell in love with her the moment I saw her in the pool, floating on her back, like a mermaid. Or maybe even before that, when I married her, and I realised the worth of the woman I’d just kidnapped.
I thought Stefano had killed all love and light in my life, and yet it’s here in my stone of a heart, a new tendril curling hopefully towards the sun. And as I accept that it’s there, it comes to me.
It was never sending her away that made me not like my father.
It was loving her. Because he didn’t know the meaning of the word.
But Caterina taught me what it meant and what it felt like. Love was her kissing the scars on my back and that look in her eyes and everything she is. Love is the warrior spirit within her, the perfect match for the wolf in me.
Love is the way she’s looking at me right now and refusing to leave me, challenging me the way she’s always done right from the first.
And me… I can never resist her challenge.
Without a word I turn from her and go to my desk, pull open a drawer and take out the box I had in there for safekeeping. Then I turn back to her. She’s watching me, still fierce, her posture tense as if she’s expecting me to keep fighting.
But I’m not. I’m done. My little gattina has won.
Keeping my gaze pinned to hers, I go down on one knee and hold up the box. ‘Caterina Salvatore,’ I say formally. ‘Will you do me the honour of being my wife?’
Shock flickers over her face. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m tired, gattina. I’m tired of fighting, tired of pretending. I’m tired of trying to escape the shadow my father cast and I’m tired of being afraid.’
Her eyes widen. ‘Vincenzo…’
‘I’m afraid I’m not worthy of you, Caterina,’ I say, suddenly as fierce as she is. ‘But I want to be. And I realise that you’re right, I’m not Stefano, and I know I’m not him, because he didn’t know what love is. But I do. Because you showed me.’
She swallows, staring at me and I see the tears that fill her eyes.
I rise to my feet, open the box and take out the emerald rings that are still in there. The rings that were always meant for her. And I take her hand and slide them one by one onto her finger. ‘I love you,’ I say quietly. ‘Be my wife. Stay with me. Don’t ever leave me.’
She doesn’t speak, giving me her answer as she goes up on her toes and presses her mouth to mine.
This time when I reach for her, I don’t let her go.
And I never will again.