Chapter Four #2
She should have told her couple of good friends in Perth, but she’d avoided it so far.
She’d have to tell them sometime, but the thought of going through it all via long-distance calls deterred her.
She kept hoping she’d wake one morning to discover the amnesia gone.
Besides, they were busy with their own challenging careers.
‘Here we are.’ Conall turned into the private parking for her building. ‘I’ll see you up.’
The sensible thing would be to thank him but reject his offer.
Greer didn’t feel sensible. Music danced in her head, as light and frothy as the bubbles in tonight’s sparkling wine. The warm evening air caressed her bare arms and she was tinglingly attuned to the strong, charismatic man beside her.
What harm could it do, letting him walk her to the door? It would give her another few minutes to pretend they were something other than work colleagues.
Then after he left, she really would find a way to conquer her inappropriate feelings.
‘Thank you.’
She unbuckled the seat belt and opened her door.
By the time she grabbed her purse and got out he was there, hands shoved deep in his trouser pockets.
He looked big and broad and delicious and she had to focus on the hint of a stain on his shirt to stop herself doing something daft like reach for him.
Greer opened her mouth to say he should soak the shirt as soon as he got home. But he was an adult. He could look after his own laundry. Besides, he probably had a housekeeper.
You’re not his keeper.
Abruptly, the evanescence in her blood faded, her pulse became a dull rhythm. ‘This way.’
Avoiding his eyes, she led the way. They walked in silence. Every step made her aware of his physical presence. The heat of his body. The intriguing cedar and leather scent of his aftershave. The swing of his arm so close to hers. And with every step her yearning intensified.
Finally they reached her flat. But instead of being relieved, Greer felt wound too tight. As if one unwary move would shatter her composure.
‘Thanks for seeing me to my door.’
She was going to add that it was a long time since anyone had done that, when her throat closed with the realisation that she didn’t even know if that were true.
There was so much she didn’t know.
It hit her anew with such force that she wobbled on her high heels and ducked her head, pretending to search her tiny purse for her key.
‘Greer, what is it?’
Conall moved closer and she froze. Another centimetre and they’d be touching. She feared that might unleash the longing she worked so desperately to conceal.
‘Nothing. I just need to find my key.’
She drew a steadying breath, willing the moment of acute devastation away. But when she lifted her head to fit the key in the lock she was aware of him scrutinising her features. What did he read there?
With a twist of the wrist she unlocked the door and pushed it open, for good measure taking a step into the darkness beyond. Spinning on the ball of her foot she turned and lifted her head, looking at him though avoiding his eyes. ‘Thanks, again, Conall. It was a brilliant night.’
Instead of responding with words he took one long step over the threshold that brought him tantalisingly close.
‘Something’s wrong.’ His voice was hard. ‘You’re trembling. What can I do?’
Hold me.
Greer bit her bottom lip rather than let the words escape. She was stronger than this. She’d had to be.
Yet tonight of all nights, with Conall here to witness it, her nebulous fear that something was badly wrong in her world combined with her fear that her memory loss would be permanent. Then there was the aching need for him.
‘It’s nothing. Really.’
She shook her head and took a backward step into the dark apartment, reaching for the door, needing to close it before emotion really got the better of her.
Conall stopped her with one easy movement. The barely there touch of his knuckle brushing her cheek. ‘Talk to me, Greer. I want to help.’
Whether it was the tenderness of his gesture or the soft intensity in his voice, she felt something crack inside and messy emotions spill out. Fear, doubt and the incredible exhilaration that was her body’s response to his caress.
‘I don’t need your pity!’ Her voice was sharp and overloud.
‘It’s not pity, Greer. It’s something much stronger.’
‘What are you saying, Conall?’
He shook his head, yet he didn’t immediately drop his hand. Instead he traced the line of her cheekbone then stroked down to her jaw, as if learning the shape of her face. It was all she could do not to let her eyes flutter shut in bliss.
His husky voice abraded her senses. ‘All that matters right now is what you want.’
In the darkness she couldn’t read his expression. All she had to guide her were his stillness and his touch.
She wanted to tell him, again, that she didn’t need his sympathy. Yet the words clogged in her constricted throat. Her eyelids grew heavy, beginning to close as she breathed in his rich scent and his aura of solidity. Certainty. Strength.
How she wished for that strength, and so much more.
She listed forward, like metal to a magnet. She only barely managed to stop far enough to keep a tiny distance between them.
‘Greer?’
She’d never heard that one word, a single syllable, carry so much emotion. To her hyper-alert senses it seemed imbued with regret and doubt, with something like longing.
How exhausted she was from second-guessing everything! Every event, every word and feeling. She just wanted to let go instead of repressing and guarding every emotion.
Which was why she tilted her cheek, nestling it against his big, calloused palm. She was barely even aware of lifting her hand to plant it on his chest, pushing aside the lapel of his jacket to feel the rhythmic thump-thump of his heart. It was reassuring in its steadiness, but exciting too.
She barely even registered the whisper of common sense reminding her she worked for his man. That this was a line she shouldn’t cross.
All the tiny hairs on her body rose as her skin tightened. Now she heard the change in his breathing, felt the quickened rise of his chest.
His voice was a low murmur as he shifted closer. ‘Is this what you want, Greer?’
His arm slid around her waist, his palm settling at the base of her spine, drawing her forward, so she stepped up against all that lovely heat and hardness.
‘Yes. That’s exactly what I want.’
No tremor in her voice, no uncertainty now. Maybe tomorrow she’d regret her honesty, but she could no longer hide the truth.
Conall moved in, his encircling arm tightening, wrapping further around her, bringing her up against his body. Greer leaned closer, as if she could drag his essence into her by osmosis.
His thighs were as solid as a wall and between them, pressed to her abdomen, was a rigid weight that sent her yearning into overdrive. She slid both hands up his chest and cupped the back of his neck, sculpting herself against him.
Just as she was thinking she’d have to ask for more, his hand left her cheek to curve around her head and bring her to him. His head dipped. Paused.
Her breath hitched audibly, every cell throbbing in anticipation while outwardly she froze, all the better to absorb each sensation.
The waft of his breath over her mouth, a delicate caress that made her lips tingle. The charged atmosphere as if the very air grew heavy with the expectation between them. The absolute rightness of his touch, as if he’d held her this way before. As if their bodies were made for each other.
And finally, finally, the taste of him. The dark, rich, spicy tang of maleness. His lips brushed hers and every muscle in her taut frame relaxed in relief.
One touch was all it took to smash through old protective barricades and newer doubts. One brush of his mouth and her lips were moving, seeking, eagerly moulding to his.
His kiss was slow, restrained, and while it was the best thing she could remember, it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.
Greer rose, seeking more, inviting him deeper, pushing up against his hard frame because she needed…
Everything. That was what she wanted from Conall. Tenderness but passion too. Warmth and respect but also fire and intensity.
‘Please.’ Her voice was muffled against his mouth but he must have heard. Or he felt the same way, because now his embrace was tight, drawing her up his body so she could feel his taut muscles, hard bone and thrumming heart.
His tongue swept into her mouth and she clutched the back of his head, angling for more, meeting his caress with her own. Fire exploded behind shut eyes as sensations she’d once known but forgotten blasted her to the core.
In his encompassing arms, his mouth claiming hers, she felt a swelling heat, brighter and more intense than anything she remembered. Heat and need. Carnal need so intense she shook with it.
She’d wanted comfort and connection. Had wanted to be seen and appreciated. Held close, so that for once she didn’t feel alone.
But now Greer discovered that was just the tip of the iceberg.
In Conall’s embrace she came alive. These last few weeks she’d been going through the motions, working, completing chores, holding conversations, yet through it all there’d been an air of unreality.
As if she were separated from other people by a glass panel.
She felt of the world but not in it. Physically near people but not connected.
Not anymore. Now everything was so vivid it overwhelmed her. Her fingers dug into warm flesh and crisp hair. She tasted his growl of pleasure, swallowing it as she kissed him back desperately, inhaling his rich, male scent.
Stretching taut against his tall frame was at once paradise and pain because though her body cleaved to his, it wasn’t close enough.
Even the way he held her, dominant yet supportive, tapped into a longing she’d tried and failed to stifle.
She shifted her weight, trying to align her achingly empty pelvis with his, and felt her shoes drop as he hoisted her higher.
Something snaked through her then, an uncoiling thread of rapture that made her breasts swell and her muscles clench.
The kiss changed, Conall lifted his mouth a little but before she could protest she felt the nip of teeth against her bottom lip and something exploded in her brain and deep, deep inside her body.
‘Greer.’
His voice was almost unrecognisable but the wanting she understood.
His palm moved from the back of her head, down her back, over her hip and lower. One large hand fastened around her thigh, lifting, drawing her leg up over his hip, leaving her open to all that lovely hard heat.
Conall bumped his hips forward, pushing them together and Greer melted inside.
‘Conall, I…’ They felt so perfect together. She stopped and had to clear her throat because her larynx had seized up.
Greer looked up into the darkness that was his face, outlined against the exterior light outside. Neither of them had thought to close the door. She wished she could see him properly. Did she imagine a change? Did his head pull back?
Yet his hands were firm on her body, one at her waist and one now on her buttock, holding her against his erection so only their clothes prevented the ultimate intimacy.
‘Greer.’
Just one word, but again invested with so much feeling. Regret? Or could it be embarrassment? Shock dowsed her.
There was no question about his meaning though as he lowered her to the floor, large hands anchoring her as he stepped away.
Bemused, it took a second to realise her hands still clung. She forced them to drop, her sawing breath so sharp and deep, pain pierced her chest. Even then hope was slow to die because his hands remained, warm on her body.
As if reading her mind he took them away. Pride alone kept Greer standing tall, chin high.
‘We shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be doing this.’ His voice was one she recognised from negotiations. His final word on the matter. Conall had made up his mind and nothing would change it.
‘Why not? We’re consenting adults.’
You know why. You’re his assistant. He pays your wage. What working relationship could you have if this went further?
Yet Conall surprised her by not mentioning that. ‘You’ve been unwell. You need looking after, not…’
His hand lifted but instead of reaching for her, he ploughed his fingers through his hair in a gesture so familiar it made her stupid heart clench.
Was that what this was? Her clinging to him out of familiarity? Wanting more of Conall because he was the one sure, steady thing she knew in her life? Because she was scared of the blank space where her memories should be?
Even as she thought it, she knew tonight had been about far more than that.
‘What don’t I need, Conall? You weren’t seducing me. I wanted that kiss.’ She wanted a whole lot more than a kiss. ‘What happened? Were you trying to make me feel better and went further than you wanted?’
Though it had felt as if he wanted her every bit as much as she wanted him. She shook her head, confused and upset.
‘I only want what’s best for you, Greer.’
Her hands found her hips. ‘And you know what’s best for me?’
‘I’m just saying you’ve been through a lot. Physically and emotionally. You need time to recuperate.’
‘You think I don’t know my own mind? That I don’t know what I want?’
She didn’t know which was worse, being kissed out of pity, or being treated with kid gloves.
‘You know what, Conall? I’m suddenly very tired.’
‘Greer, I—’
‘Thank you for the evening. It was an interesting experience.’ She reached to the side, groping for the door, relief coursing through her as she gripped the handle so hard her fingers went numb. ‘And thank you for your concern. I know you mean well.’ She almost choked on the words.
In the gloom she saw him draw himself higher, his broad shoulders settling somehow wider, as if he prepared himself to take up a challenge.
‘It’s late and I’m tired. I’ll see you on Monday.’ Greer swung the door slowly forward and relief filled her as he stepped back, over the threshold.
He said something, murmured it in a low voice that tugged at something deep inside her. Fortunately, she couldn’t make out the words over the pounding of her pulse.
She shut the door, double-locked it and stumbled into the apartment. She didn’t turn on the light to search for her discarded shoes, because she didn’t want to risk catching sight of herself in the mirror.
Greer found the sofa and sank onto it, drawing her knees up and wrapping her arms around her legs.
What had she just done?
And how could they come back from this disaster?