Chapter Nine #2
The ceremony was like a dream, with Alessandro’s warm, large hand the only thing tethering her to reality.
When it was time to recite their vows, she found that promises of love fell from her lips like drops of truth she wondered if he could hear.
And when he spoke the words of love, she let herself hope that he meant the kind of love that came with time and closeness, not duty.
Just for today she could hope, she told herself, because he was looking at her with brown eyes, so dark and solemn that she wondered if he was thinking the same.
And when he kissed her, his lips lingered on hers, and under the ever-present heat, she felt something stir between them, something she could believe in. Just for today.
Alessandro sat at the long table, lit by candles, gazing at his wife. His wife. Every time that thought ran through his head, it made the tenuous armor of his control crack, breaking too fast for him to repair. And yet he couldn’t stop himself from repeating these words, over and over. His wife.
He should return to Milan tonight and get control of himself, the way he had every time in the last month that the intensity of being near her had gotten too strong.
They were married. His task had been accomplished.
And yet he could not make himself leave.
Even this morning, leaving her for a few hours had not sat well, even when it was to drive to his grandmother’s house so Ann-Sophie could have pieces of the Carandini family jewelry.
Alessandro had counted on her mother’s arrival as a distraction that would ease the sting of his departure.
He had arranged for Margarita Svensson to fly on a private jet, timed perfectly for the morning of their wedding, and yet, she had not shown up.
It had shaken him, despite the fact that Ann-Sophie knew nothing about this plan.
He, too, had not expected his own parents’ presence, despite the fact that Masimo had mentioned the wedding to them the week before.
Both he and Ann-Sophie had been forged by these parental relationships, and they would serve as guide on what not to do, he told himself.
He was also counting on this to mean that Ann-Sophie would accept the limits in their own relationship because he would not abandon the child.
But those moments in the church today had not just been about the child.
He had felt something stir inside him as he looked into the endless rivers of her eyes and spoke his promises of love.
For a few, beautiful moments at the altar, as his end goal played out, he found he was not thinking of goals or next steps or any of the tactics he used to keep himself in safe territory.
It was hard to make sense of what had happened there, as he spoke his vows.
Everything that drove him seemed to fade, and it was only Ann-Sophie.
Now, as he sat in the formal dining room of the villa, lit by candles, he knew he should take this as a warning sign. He knew he had to leave. And he would.
After the night was over.
Alessandro focused on Ann-Sophie as she talked with Catarina and Massimo, so comfortably, and something about that made the turmoil inside grow stronger.
So he rose to his feet and looked from Catarina to Massimo. “We’ll see you in the morning.”
Ann-Sophie’s cheeks turned a delightful pink, and she glanced at Alessandro, then back at his brother and his wife. “Please excuse this man’s manners. I don’t know where he got his reputation for being a smooth talker.”
Massimo let out a little bark of laughter. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
Ann-Sophie’s amused smile turned hotter as they started through the halls and climbed the ancient stairs.
But instead of leading her to the bedroom they had shared, he turned down a different hall and led her to the very end of it.
When he opened the door, he felt a surge of satisfaction at the catch of her breath as Ann-Sophie took in their surroundings.
The room was much larger than the one they had stayed in.
It was the master suite that his grandparents had occupied for a time before they gave the villa over to his parents, and it was covered with flowers.
Olivia and Cinzia had spent the morning gathering tangles of rambling rose in white and every shade of pink, and the room sighed with the heavy scent.
The flowering vines hung from the tall windows and twined around the balcony.
The French doors were open, letting the warm breeze blow new life into this place, pushing out the ghosts of the past. Bouquets of wildflowers from the hillside sat on the bureaus and tables, and the room was bathed in the glow of the sunset.
Alessandro didn’t speak. He simply led her along a path of rose petals to the enormous bed, covered in a billowy cloud-like duvet.
A sudden rush of joy overtook him as Ann-Sophie stood in front of him.
His wife. Her smile was warm and intimate, and he ached with a desire that he didn’t fully understand, and a thought ran through his head, one he realized had been building inside him.
Maybe this could work. Maybe he could change.
Maybe she and the baby would change him and these emotions that bubbled inside him would no longer lead to anger and destruction.
He let the temptation of these thoughts guide each touch.
Slowly, he undressed her, memorizing the way it felt to run his hands up her growing belly as he lifted the dress, tracing the fullness of her breasts and the dip of her collarbone.
He kissed every one of these places, closing his eyes and memorizing them with his lips.
When he finished, she lifted his hand from his own shirt, silently insisting that she undress him, too.
She removed his cuff links, studying his hands, and unfastened each button on his shirt.
His muscles tensed as her hands explored.
Her blue eyes were focused, as if she was discovering something new.
It all felt new, as if she was uncovering the layers he kept between himself and the world.
Suddenly he was being exposed, and yet, he didn’t stop her.
He gritted his teeth against each flash of desire and let her take her time until they both stood naked, facing each other.
He traced a line up her arm, over her shoulders and up her slim neck until he was cupping her jaw. And then he kissed her.
His body was on fire and his instincts told him to bring them to the ecstasy they both craved, but he held back, just kissing her with the aching desire mixed with something else he wasn’t going to contemplate.
Her hands explored his body, a whisper over the planes of his chest and the ridges of his abs, until it was too much.
Wordlessly, he pulled back. And they stood there for a moment, gazes matched, until that became a different kind of too much.
So he led her to the bed and he fixed the pillows so she was comfortable.
And then he kneeled before her and entered her.
Her eyes met his as she let out a gasp, and he clenched his teeth against the insatiable need to lose himself in the pleasure, in this one place he allowed himself total abandon.
But tonight she held his gaze, and tonight he couldn’t look away.
Slowly, he began to move, tilting his hips, finding the angle that made her gasp, then luxuriating in that angle with hard, long thrusts.
Still, her gaze was on his, open and vulnerable, and he had no idea what she saw in his, but she didn’t look away.
The pleasure between them grew until she gasped and moaned and fell over the edge of bliss.
As he followed her, he could have sworn that he saw tears well in her eyes before she closed them, and it felt as if something had torn inside of him, something that felt ominously irreparable.
He lay beside her in silence in the aftermath, touching.
She stroked his cheek and ran her hand over his biceps, and he flexed his muscles playfully, teasing out a smile from her.
They hadn’t spoken a word, and yet it felt as if he had somehow bared his soul to her and she had done the same. And neither of them had looked away.
He had no idea when they drifted off to sleep, but sometime in the early morning, Alessandro started awake.
He sat up in bed, looking for whatever had startled him.
An uneasy feeling washed over him, and yet when he looked next to him, there was Ann-Sophie with a sleepy smile.
A flicker of relief cut through the unease, but as he bent down to kiss her, a voice floated through the open window, so sickeningly familiar.
It cut through all the hopes that had run through his mind and exposed them for the lie they were. Nothing would change.