CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER EIGHT
His calls were rare , but they still made it a gold star day, and her reliance on them still troubled her.
‘How are the rehearsals going?’ he asked one evening.
‘Intense.’
She lay there on the crimson bed. In a couple of days he should be here—though according to Susie it was doubtful he’d even come.
According to her heart, he had to.
But then he’d be gone again.
‘Am I interrupting?’
‘No…’
She yearned for these moments.
They never referred to his brief trip to Lucca, but she wished he would. They were simply polite and a little formal.
Maybe there had been other women for him?
Perhaps that was why he had stopped kissing her when he had, and all these anguished thoughts were pointless ones. He’d return and not lay a finger on her—as agreed.
‘How’s work?’ she asked. ‘I looked at the photos.’
He’d sent her images of a scaled-down version of the new structure and it made her stresses about rehearsals seem small.
‘It’s incredible,’ she told him. ‘Well, it will be…’
‘We’re in the final stages of pre-construction,’ he said.
She made herself ask. ‘You are coming to the memorial?’
‘Yes. Dante called and told me that Rosa’s family are all going to be there, so he probably thinks I won’t show, given what I’ve told him. He said that Gio would never have invited them if he knew.’
‘Will you tell him?’
‘Maybe someday, but not now. I’m sure you don’t want to see the De Santises and the Casadios all kicking off at the cathedral…’
‘No…’ He always made her smile.
‘Gio wants speeches—I’ve told him no. You were right. You don’t need to hear me giving a speech about how I miss Rosa.’
‘I don’t care what you say.’ Juliet sat up. ‘And I do get how tricky it is. Please don’t worry about me.’
‘I’ve told Gio no speeches, but I’ll do a reading at the cathedral.’
‘I won’t be at the cathedral. I’m staying back and setting up the instruments at the house. I think everyone else is going, though.’
‘It’s going to be big,’ he agreed. ‘I just want it over and done with. I’ll come from the airport that morning and head straight for the cathedral. Then I’ll stay for an hour or so at the drinks.’
‘What if your flight’s delayed?’
‘Fantastic! Then I’ll skip all that and spend the little time I have in Lucca sorting out your “first time” list. I still haven’t wined and dined you, after all.’
‘We had dinner in Forte dei Marmi and we danced.’
She smiled as they returned to personal conversation…as he soothed her fears. It would seem they were still on. And she didn’t care right now if it was just for one more night.
‘Oh, no,’ he said. ‘You’re going to be fully wined and dined.’
‘Good! But can I change my list?’
‘Of course.’
‘I don’t want a picnic.’
‘Believe me, you don’t have to worry about that happening. I don’t want one either.’
‘I thought maybe…’
‘What?’
‘You haven’t called much.’
‘I’m trying to let you focus on your rehearsals. I know how important the opera is, and I don’t want to land all my stuff on you.’
‘There hasn’t been someone else for you?’
‘Why would you think that?’
‘Because you came back and we didn’t… I know you were doing the right thing—I mean, not just dropping in for sex, or whatever…’
‘It wasn’t just me doing the right thing.’
‘No?’
‘I didn’t have any protection with me.’
‘If you’d told me that then you’d have discovered that I’ve gone on the Pill.’
‘Damn,’ he cursed. And then he laughed. A low laugh, so seductive it was as if his breath was on her ear. ‘I wish you were here…’
‘I do too.’ She was on fire just hearing his voice.
‘Do you?’
‘Oh, yes…’ She tried to rein herself in. ‘But it’s impossible. I know that…’ She let out a sliver of her heart. ‘I can’t wait to see you.’
‘And you shall—in about thirty-six hours.’
‘Yes.’
‘And we can do all the things we haven’t yet done. And perhaps we can talk. You know…ask each other questions we don’t have to answer, but can if we want to.’
She took a shaky breath. Was she about to be told it was all too much effort for too little reward? Or…?
‘I hope you get some decent practice in,’ he said now.
‘I will.’
‘And I shouldn’t say this, but I’m glad you’ll be there. Even if it’s going to be a hellish day, I’m pleased you’ll be there.’
* * *
Was she just a diversion?
Something to look forward to for getting through the memorial?
It didn’t feel that way.
She wandered around the house, knowing she wouldn’t be there soon, loving every wall.
She thought of all the time he’d given her, even while they were apart.
This summer, even when she was without him, she had felt as if he’d been right by her side.
* * *
She’d hoped perhaps he’d change his flight and arrive in Lucca the night before the memorial.
He didn’t.
Walking along the walls, listening to the church bells calling the congregation to the service, she heard a text land on her phone. It told her he was on his way to the cathedral.
She didn’t know whether to send him a thumbs-up or a heart. So she sent both, watching the little pink heart zip off to his inbox while trying hard to hold on to her own.
Letting herself in at the staff entrance at Gio and Mimi’s, she smiled as Cuoco came out of the kitchen in his chef’s whites.
‘You’re not going to the service?’ she asked.
‘I am,’ he said, seeming a little flustered as he looked around the kitchen, which had dishes laid out and covered, and notes hanging and timers ticking. ‘Me and my team are all coming back straight after communion, but Gio wants us all to be there until then. There may be a little bit of chaos when the guests arrive, but I think we’re ready to go.’
‘Can I help?’
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘Don’t touch anything.’
‘I shan’t!’
‘ You get to just sit and play,’ he grumbled, being cheeky about her easy job today.
But then he took the cover from one of the beautiful plates and held it out to her.
‘Ricciarelli!’ She groaned when she saw the little Tuscan almond biscuits, so delicate and pretty. ‘You’re forgiven,’ she said, sinking her teeth into one. The orangey tang as it melted on her tongue was sublime. ‘I promise I’ll only touch these,’ Juliet said.
‘You seem much happier,’ he said.
‘Yes…’
And it wasn’t just because she would see Sev today. It was as if the pause he’d allowed them had meant she could catch up. Even if they said goodbye tomorrow, it had still been wonderful. That looked-after or looked-out-for feeling had stayed with her since Susie and Dante’s wedding day.
It felt a little odd to be alone as she set up the instruments, though it had happened a few times, and it felt very odd to be alone in the home Sev had grown up in.
After collecting some of their equipment from the under-stairs cupboard, she walked through to the dining room and out to the portico.
It was too hot to be playing outside, really, and she wasn’t thinking of her fair skin, but more of the instruments. She’d brought her old faithful violin, rather than the beautiful one, as had the others.
She carried things through, bit by bit, trying not to look at the floral displays and memorial portraits. But every time she passed it felt as if eyes were upon her.
She was being ridiculous. And almost to prove it, Juliet turned around to be met by the eyes of Rosa.
And, yes, it would take a better woman than her not to be curious, so she walked over and really looked at the other woman.
Oh, she had been gorgeous, with black eyes and beautiful black hair, and she was smiling, so happy and alive. Juliet understood that Sev couldn’t be cross with her, that he still wanted to protect her even in death, because it was so cruel that she was gone.
Had she loved him so much that she’d been willing to lie?
It stung to look at Rosa, so she moved on to the portrait of Sev’s parents. His father had been as dark-haired as his sons, and she thought he was wearing the cufflinks Dante had worn on his wedding day. Their mother had been blonde, her smile subtle, almost curious, and Juliet thought of her blowing kisses to her son in his school play, embarrassing him a little.
It was a fond thought. It made her eyes fill. And then Juliet heard the hitch of her breath—for it suddenly felt as if she knew…
Knew what?
That you love him.
No . Juliet shook her head as if to clear it, tried to deny what was being said in her head and in her rapidly beating heart. I don’t.
Then she looked at Rosa, whose smile seemed a little mocking now.
Of course you do.
And then it was as if the golden feeling he triggered inside her had received its hallmark and was stamped right there, under the dark eyes of Rosa.
She loved Sevandro Casadio.
Juliet walked briskly from the dining room, her eyes a little misty, her face one burning blush, scared to fully admit, even to herself, how deep her feelings ran.
Her hands were shaking as she turned the key to the storeroom and stepped into the dark space. She leant against the wall, as if escaping the scrutiny of his parents’ and Rosa’s gaze, wanting to hide in there for ever.
She’d thought playing here today would be okay…that she could hold on to her feelings until he’d gone.
She was so wrapped up in her own realisation that she didn’t even hear the front door, only footsteps, and she panicked that guests were already starting to arrive when she hadn’t even set up.
Then she heard a male voice.
‘Go and lie down.’
It was Dante.
Susie’s voice when it came sounded strained and teary. ‘I can’t just disappear…’
‘Go and have a rest in my old room. They won’t be back for a while yet. Gio’s going to be busy greeting people…you can have an hour. I’ll be up soon. I’ll arrange a drink…maybe something light to eat…’
She heard Susie’s footsteps on the stairs, clipping above her, and then Dante calling for a maid.
‘They’re all at the service,’ Susie called back.
It was a little awkward. Juliet would have stepped out straight away, except she could feel her damp cheeks. Of course she’d escaped to the cupboard to cry, to weep alone.
She wiped her tears, and was about to locate the light, when she heard Susie’s footsteps as she came back down the stairs.
‘Dante, maybe try to talk to him?’
‘Susie, let’s not do this today.’
‘Then when? The baby’s due in six weeks.’
‘And your blood pressure is high. The doctor said to keep things calm. Go and lie down.’
Juliet screwed her eyes closed, wishing to God she’d stepped out sooner as this rather private discussion took place.
If it had been just about work, then overhearing things wouldn’t have mattered.
It wasn’t about work, though.
And it mattered very much.
‘You can’t clear the air unless you tell him.’
Susie was teary again. Juliet put her hands over her ears, because she didn’t want to hear this.
‘It was once !’ Susie snapped. ‘You slept with her once, and it was long before they were a couple. Rosa tried to trap you too—’
Her voice halted abruptly as the bell at the main entrance rang.
Never, ever, wish to be a fly on the wall.
Juliet stood in the darkness, her heart hammering. Not in fear of being caught, but in dread at what she’d heard.
Oh, she’d known on the day of the wedding that Susie had been holding back, but she truly hadn’t wanted or needed to know—still didn’t.
Only now she did.
Dante had slept with Rosa. And from the sound of it she’d told him she was pregnant too.
She’d stumbled into a secret—just as she had when she’d found out about her father—and she wanted never to have found out. To reach into her mind, into all her senses, and somehow erase what she had heard.
But it was indelibly there.
People were arriving. She could hear Cuoco shouting orders and the waiters getting busy. Almost on autopilot she found the light and dragged Louanna’s cello out of the storeroom.
No one noticed when she emerged. If they did, no doubt they assumed that she had arrived with the catering staff.
‘They’ll be about fifteen minutes,’ Dante informed her, coming over to help.
She tried to act as she would have done if she hadn’t been here all along…ask the right questions. ‘How was the service?’ she asked.
‘It was…’ Dante thought for a moment. ‘Tough.’
‘Where’s Susie?’ Juliet asked—as if she didn’t know. ‘Still at the cathedral?’
‘She’s having a rest.’
Louanna and the others soon arrived, and as the catering staff took care of the last details the groundsmen opened the gates on the walls as they did their final tune-up.
Before the guests had even arrived, they commenced their playing. And Gio’s choice to have the ensemble in the grounds was right for the ambience, if not the instruments, for as they walked along the walls it was as if the music invited the guests in.
The music was ambient, apart from a couple of more sombre selections, and when she saw Sev arrive her heart soared. She fought not to put her instrument down and go over, but then her heart plummeted when she recalled what she now knew. Instead of smiling to him or attempting to meet his eyes she focused on the score ahead and the sounds the group made rather than look up. But of course she could not entirely look away. He was shaking people’s hands, thanking them for being there, and then he was standing with a tearful couple, and something told her they were Rosa’s parents.
He was doing this for Gio.
And for his late wife.
Sevandro was the strongest person she knew.
She looked at both brothers, standing talking, and knew that if Dante told him it would surely finish them…
So it was time to forget what she’d overheard.
They commenced Pachelbel’s Canon . Louanna played the same sombre notes on her cello over and over as the other strings played their own separate parts. Yet it was the cello that made the piece so achingly beautiful.
Dante and Rosa had once slept together .
Like the notes Louanna played, the words repeated in Juliet’s head, over and over.
It didn’t shock her—but knowing the secret scared her. She was terrified of blurting it out in the same way she had with her mother.
Yet how did she keep it?
How did she lie in bed with someone she loved while holding on to a secret?
Two secrets…
After all, he didn’t know the depth of her feelings…
* * *
Sev could see that Juliet was struggling—so too was he. He would far prefer her to be by his side today. He was exhausted from playing the grieving widower, yet of course he would never bring a casual date to such an occasion.
They needed to work out what they were.
He didn’t want to add pressure. He was more than aware that she was staying in his house, and he did not want the home advantage.
Nor to mess up her rehearsals.
He did not quite know what to offer or to say.
He just knew that it could not continue like this.
Susie followed his gaze. ‘The music’s lovely…’
‘Yes.’
Sev took a breath. The sun felt too bright, but he offered a small smile for his grandfather, who had made his way over.
‘It is all beautiful, yes?’
No.
‘Sevandro, Rosa’s parents are here. You have to make a speech.’
‘I told you no speeches, Gio.’
But Gio was very old school. ‘Do the right thing.’
* * *
Gio made his own speech, talking about his son and his beautiful wife and their gorgeous daughter-in-law. Then he called for Sevandro…
Juliet glanced over, saw the set of his features and knew he’d been landed with this. And she really didn’t want to hear it, or make it worse.
‘Louanna, I need to…’
‘Go.’ She nodded. ‘There are headache tablets in my bag…’
They worked together a lot, knew when the other was off kilter and covered for each other—and anyway it was just the speeches…
Bloody speeches .
She was angry as she punched out two headache tablets and gulped water. Everything was spoiled. She didn’t know how to get through tonight.
But as she went to go back she saw Sevandro going into a room. The same one he had that first night.
She stood there, thinking how she’d wanted to go after him that first day. The pull towards him had existed even then.
Don’t tell him…
She said it over and over as she crossed the entrance hall.
Don’t tell him…
She repeated it in her head as she pushed open the door.
‘Sevandro!’
‘Come here.’
His kiss was dark and passionate. His scent was familiar and the effect instant. She was undoing him even as he peeled down her knickers, and she hadn’t known anything could be this desperate or instant.
His back was to the door and he was almost kneeling, but he was still too tall so he lifted her instead.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Tonight she was meant to be wined, dined and romanced. But the power of him stoked her own, and she wouldn’t change a thing.
‘Never again,’ he said, his voice hoarse with suppressed anger. ‘I’m out of here.’
She could feel his fingers digging into the flesh on her hips and knew she was moaning. She was grateful when his hand came to her mouth and she could sob into his palm as she came, and the groan he gave as he released himself into her shattered her again.
They were in a library, she realised as she looked over his shoulder. And although she should be blushing as he let her down, tumbled and shaken by the strength of their unleashed desire, she felt calmer…
‘Okay?’ he checked, and she nodded.
‘Yes.’
‘I didn’t say much.’
‘I don’t need to know much.’
She didn’t. And he didn’t need to know what she’d overheard earlier.
They didn’t kiss, or say how nice it was to see each other again, or that they were looking forward to tonight.
That was separate from this.
‘I ought to get back,’ she said.