CHAPTER FIVE
SHEHADBEEN lying low the past couple of weeks, slowly beginning to feel like her strength was coming back. Slowly shutting the symptoms of both her pregnancy and the pregnancy loss. The heaviness of everything was still there. But she felt... A sense of purpose, anyway.
She was thankful for James and his handling of things at Katrakis. Her phone call where she’d had to tell him about the miscarriage had been much harder.
I’m so sorry.
You don’t have to be sorry, Ariadne.
But the baby mattered so much.
Not for the company. Not only the company. Because it had been part of Theseus.
Of course it did. But so do you.
I’m trying again but I know for you it won’t be the same.
I still want to be involved.
Of course.
James was one of her best friends. How could she not love him when meeting him had changed everything for Theseus? After a lifetime of isolation James had truly brought him to life.
It was the one comfort she had. That Theseus had been in love when he’d died. That he’d had that joy. That he’d had hope.
But they should have been able to have a life together.
That had been the plan.
She thought of Theseus’s ashes, safely kept at their home, because right now choosing a resting place for them felt wrong when...when what would be written on the stone would have to be a lie.
When James couldn’t be mentioned.
James and Theseus had met and fallen in love when James had taken a CFO position at Katrakis—as it had become clear neither Theseus nor Ariadne were a fit for the role. The connection had been instant.
Ariadne had encouraged it. She’d never seen Theseus so happy.
He’d been with James for three years when he’d told Ariadne he couldn’t keep his sexuality a secret for the rest of his life.
Lavender marriages are so Victorian, Ari.
As are we, Theseus.
What if we weren’t? What if after we have a baby, after the inheritance is set, we divorce. And I... I could marry James and you could marry whoever you like.
That had been the plan. And when they’d started trying to have a baby the plan had also included James coparenting that child. It was why he shared in the loss too.
Everythingwasn’t lost. She refused to let herself feel like it was.
Because she and Dionysus would find their way through this. They would... They would have a baby.
Well, she would.
She needed to get out of the house. She had been babying herself indoors, only venturing out to the patio at the side of her room, which was a lovely grotto with rock walls all around it, and vines growing down the sides of them.
There was a little table and chairs there, and she felt secluded within the walls.
But she felt... A restless spirit beginning to rise up inside of her. Because she had been free here once. She had been a child, filled with hope and joy.
She had found a sort of joy in her life in the time since.
But she had never been as happy as she was here. The summers that she had spent roaming around with Dionysus had been the happiest. And yet...
She had given him up.
She pushed her guilt aside.
He had never made any declarations toward her. They had been friends. He had kissed her, and she still didn’t know...
He wants what I have.
Theseus had said that, angry after Dionysus had kissed her.
She wondered if that was true. Dionysus had never acted jealous of Theseus, not in her presence, but maybe he was. He was the younger brother, after all. He wasn’t going to inherit anything. He had had to make it on his own, and maybe that had caused more strife between them than she had realized.
He made light of it, even now. Using it as a trinket to hold up in front of her, to bait her. Goad her. If it had mattered to him at all he wouldn’t have done that.
She felt like he’d done it...she had never understood why.
She was his friend, she always had been. And there had been moments of tension between them. But if he’d had feelings for her...he’d certainly never said. Dionysus seemed like a man who would say.
She’d wondered if it was a joke. She’d always been secretly afraid it might be. Though, she didn’t know if the alternative was better.
She rummaged through the clothes and found a bathing suit. It was shockingly brief, bright orange with triangle shaped cups that had a ruffled edge. The bottoms barely covered her bottom, and she squinted at herself in the mirror. She looked... Disturbingly good. She didn’t like clothes that were overly sexy, because it... It implied a desire to attract attention. And she was never comfortable using her body in that way. She liked to look nice, of course. What woman didn’t?
But she tried to look classy. Not...
She was alone on an island. Well. Mostly alone. A disquieting feeling went through her, and she felt a strange sensation between her thighs.
She wasn’t really alone.
She sucked her breath in through her teeth and then grabbed a white dress and put it over the top of the bikini.
It suited her skin tone, and made her eyes look even brighter green.
When she slipped outside, the air was sultry, and it made her feel... Younger. Like she belonged here.
Like a wood nymph.
As she began to walk down a path that led to where, she didn’t know, she felt some of her burdens rolling off of her shoulders. She let herself forget.
Who she was. What had happened to her. She let herself forget all of her pain. Everything.
She looked at the trees, at the flowers.
And she remembered. Everything had been so beautiful here. They hadn’t been carefree. No. They had been something even more poignant. More intense. They knew how difficult life could be. And they had appreciated the glory of having this place. Having friends.
That almost made her want to weep, because it was such a simple sentiment.
And yet so real. So true.
She kept on walking until sweat beaded on the back of her neck, and she was beginning to wish that she had some respite from the heat. And that was when she heard running water.
It was the waterfall. She knew it. She was thrilled that she had somehow directed herself toward that familiar place, even though it had been so long since she was here. Even though she was disoriented by the change in landmarks.
She paused for a moment and tried to orient herself. The waterfall was in front of her somewhere, which meant that her parents’ house was behind her when it had stood.
But somewhere past where Dionysus had built his home.
From there, she could figure out the direction of the beach. The direction of some of their favorite caves.
A thrill went through her. She began to move more quickly, that feeling of being unencumbered moving with her.
She moved nimbly over the rocky path, and when she came to the waterfall she stripped her dress off without thinking about it. And she dove straight into the clear blue pool.
The water was cool and clear. Perfect.
This had been their place. Their blue lagoon. Where she and Dionysus had gone to get completely away from the adults. They had talked about their hopes and dreams. They had talked about what a monster his father was, and what a useless fool hers was. He had talked about his car.
It made her smile.
He had kept the car. He had bought the island.
He was an extraordinarily sentimental person for all that he pretended not to be. For all that he pretended that no one and nothing meant much of anything to him.
But then... Who had he had in his life?
He was right, he and Theseus had been distant. She didn’t think that Theseus had held onto his anger over the kiss, but perhaps he had.
At the very least, he had been afraid to be too close to his brother. For fear that Dionysus would realize that the marriage wasn’t everything that it seemed.
But it was so difficult to get him to open up on that topic.
She submerged underneath the water, and she let those thoughts float away. She let herself think of nothing but the moment. But the cool of the water, the sound of the waterfall. She treaded water, kicking her feet to keep herself afloat.
And then she heard a splash come from behind her.
She turned, just in time to see Dionysus surface above the water.
“How did you know I was here?” she asked.
He grinned, and her heart clenched painfully.
It was... It really was like being in the past. And she wanted to cling to that. She wanted to leave all of the baggage, all of the pain, somewhere else.
“This is where you always are,” he said.
Her heart lifted.
“It’s my favorite place on the island.”
“Completely unspoiled,” he said.
“A good thing neither of our fathers ever explored beyond the confines of their very comfortable houses. Or they might have figured out that they could monetize it, and then it never would’ve stayed unspoiled.”
“True,” he said.
“I finally felt like getting out,” she said.
“Good,” he said.
The sun reflected off the water, casting a glow on his face. It made him look younger. More carefree. It added to the illusion.
“Tell me about your business. Why did you decide to do... Delivery.”
“I thought it was amusing. Because I thought that it was rather like shipping. But on a smaller, more personal scale. It turned out that people were ready for the convenience. It has been good for me.”
“Poking at your father even while you separated yourself entirely?”
“I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.”
“No. I guess you wouldn’t.”
“My father was very hard on Theseus.” His expression went remote. “He demanded absolute perfection from him. In a way he didn’t for me. But if I acted up enough, I could draw fire. And if I can keep him distracted, then he left Theseus alone.”
“Poor Theseus,” she said, her chest clenching. “It was always hard for him.”
“Yes,” said Dionysus, though his voice went hard.
She swam nearer to Dionysus, but he moved away. And she couldn’t help but feel as if she had missed something. As if... She had done something wrong. But she didn’t want to ask. She wanted to bask in good feelings. And nostalgia. She didn’t want to turn over rocks or dredge up skeletons.
They had had a rather unhappy childhood. Except for this.
“Remember when you told me that fairies lived here. And that the water was enchanted.”
“Did I tell you that?”
She studied him closely. “Yes. I don’t believe that you forgot it either. Because I don’t believe you forget anything.”
“That is possible,” he said.
“More than possible.”
“All right. I do remember that I made up a story. But to be fair, I heard a bit of it from the cook. It was a legend about this island. That it was enchanted. That’s why it’s so lush. Even though it can get dry here. It is different. Unlike any place else.”
“It is,” she said. “I know I was never as happy when we were in the States. In New York I felt so lonely, even surrounded by thousands of people on every street. Here, I was often alone, and yet I never really felt by myself.”
“It’s the land. I feel connected to it too. I always have.”
“What was it like? When you weren’t here?”
“Surely Theseus must’ve told you.”
“He told me what it was like for him. What was it like for you?”
“My father was exacting and cruel at times. He took pleasure in setting tasks he knew were relatively impossible so that he could punish us. He said that was how life was. That good enough didn’t exist. And you must always strive, even knowing that there will always be a punishment waiting.”
“What did he do to you.”
“He particularly liked to isolate me. He tried fists, but at a certain point I hit him back.” His expression went hollow. “He realized that threatening Theseus had a far greater effect on me than that. That was why I never did it again. It wasn’t worth it. Because he would see Theseus punished, and I could not... I couldn’t stand that. What he began to do instead was separating us. Isolating us. He made me worry for him. I don’t know what he told Theseus about me.”
“He told Theseus that you were away. Partying.”
His face went sharp. “What?”
“That’s what Theseus said. He... He was angry about that. He felt like you left and got a reprieve, and that your father was hardest on him.”
“That bastard. No. I spent that time locked away in an attic. Until I figured out how to scale down the house, but even then, I wasn’t off pleasing myself. I would just go back into the woods behind the house.”
“Oh, Dionysus...”
“Don’t,” he said. “No wonder my brother thought the worst of me.”
“He didn’t. Yes, he had some issues. But... He loved you.”
She moved closer to him, and suddenly realized her mistake. Because he was looking at her, intent in his dark eyes.
“Do you remember when it was just us?” And she didn’t know if he meant that first few moments of the conversation they were just having, or if she meant the time in the pool when he had captured her in his arms. She could remember how strong his body was. She had been laughing. He swam to her then, and she realized why he had moved away before. Because there was something powerful throbbing between them, and it was unwelcome.
But she didn’t move. She stayed there like that, entranced.
“Here we find ourselves,” he said, his voice filled with wonder.
“Dionysus...”
But everything, all her words, her intent, died on her lips just then.
He moved to her, and then he reached out and touched her face, moved the water droplet away from her cheek, his thumb over her lips.
“Ariadne. Don’t you know if there was anything enchanted here, it was always you. Just you.”
For the moment, everything stood still. There was nothing but this. Nothing but him and her. And the silence between them.
“I wasn’t the only one who thought so.”
His voice was rough. He moved away from her abruptly and she felt...bereft.
She knew why he wouldn’t close the distance between them. And she should be grateful.
Instead she felt a kernel of something close to anger building in her chest.
Theseus wasn’t here anymore. Yet she still felt...tied to him. To his legacy. To what they’d built together. How could she abandon it all now?
How could she undermine it all with Dionysus.
It was her turn to jolt.
She swam toward the bank and climbed out of the water, moving toward her clothes. She’d lost herself for a moment. She’d lost her focus.
She had let herself go too far back in time.
She’d lost herself.
She had to remember what mattered.
Theseus’s legacy.
When she got back to her room she felt cold.
“Theseus is dead.” She said it out loud.
Theseus was dead and she was still here. And in spite of herself, the anger she’d felt when Dionysus moved away from her continued to burn.