CHAPTER SEVEN
TAKINGAbrEAK from the sketch she had been focused on for the last forty minutes, Rae savoured a sip of her cool water and, leaning back in her seat in her favourite corner of the palazzo’s courtyard, tilted her face towards the sun, enjoying the heat that kissed her cheeks. However, she had no sooner closed her eyes than Domenico loomed at the forefront of her mind, just as he had numerous times since the previous night, forcing her to snap her eyes open again to keep her thoughts from wandering too far off the beaten track.
The previous evening had been...unexpected. After the kissing incident at the gala she’d been nervous about being so close to him again and had expected that the night would be edged with the tautest kind of tension, an expectation that had seemed on point when Domenico had been quiet, almost distracted, when they’d set out from the palazzo. But then he’d amazed her by asking about Imogen and from then the conversation had unfolded with incredible ease. Admittedly, he had stayed true to form and redirected the conversation when he hadn’t wanted to say any more on the topic of his birth mother, but it had surprised her how candid he’d been about his shattering experience as a young boy.
Having waited so long for answers about his past, any answers, it had been hard for Rae to not be greedy, to refrain from pushing for more information, but she knew how difficult it was to draw him out to speak about his memories and she hadn’t wanted to scare him into shutting down entirely and so had let him change the subject, content that he had opened up at all.
Rae couldn’t remember a time when he had been as open with her. As they’d walked home, he had even offered up details about The Ricci Group, but it was what he had revealed about himself and the past, which he carried like an albatross around his neck, that had stuck with Rae the most.
Learning that his mother had actually lived in Venice had astonished her, because she’d never been given any indication that there had been any contact between him and any of his immediate family members. Hearing that she had completely ignored his presence had rendered Rae speechless, heartbroken for Domenico that he’d been forced to face such callousness and livid with his mother at the same time. It was a good thing that she no longer lived in Venice because, now that she was privy to that information, Rae was certain she would not be able to cross paths with the woman and hold her tongue. Of course there could be circumstances that Rae wasn’t aware of, but, regardless, Domenico had deserved better than that. He’d deserved some acknowledgement of his existence at the very least.
She’d watched the pain flicker like a dying ember in his eyes as he’d recounted their encounter and the added admission that he’d crumpled the memory into something small and buried it away had torn at her heart whilst also explaining so much. If that was how he had handled any painful experiences over the years, he probably had a whole mental trunk stuffed with negative emotion that he never wanted to open again, hence why he’d resisted her every attempt to get him to open up. Perhaps he was afraid that once he let one thing loose, the rest would come tumbling out in an overwhelming tumult that would bury him.
It definitely cast his actions in a new light. In the past, Rae had taken his rebuffs personally, the rejection weighing heavy on her heart because she’d felt that he didn’t want to share his secrets with her, that he didn’t trust her enough to open himself up. But maybe his reluctance had always been more about his own fears. Maybe if she’d pressed harder, as she had last night, rather than backing off when he’d made it clear he wanted her to, they could have achieved that small breakthrough long ago.
Not that it mattered any more. The past was gone and their future extended only as far as the next six months, and, even if that deadline hadn’t existed, Domenico still didn’t possess the emotional openness that Rae wanted in the man she chose to share her life with. She wanted a partner whom she could talk to about anything, a partner who would be supportive and encouraging, who would meet her where she needed to be met, a partner who could share his feelings as easily as he shared his bed. That wasn’t Domenico.
Their conversation last night had been good, and had reassured Rae that once she changed she could encourage change in those around her, but it certainly didn’t mean that he had changed in any meaningful or permanent way.
Since a future together was not a viable option—and it absolutely wasn’t—where was the sense in rekindling a sexual relationship that would only blur the lines of their arrangement? She knew with every rational breath she drew that it wasn’t a good idea, yet...yet last night’s kiss was playing over and over in her mind, like a song on repeat.
That hot, searing, purposeful claim his mouth had staked on hers had been like something from a dream. Tender but powerful. The full force of him had been contained in that encounter, making her feel as if the earth was shifting beneath her feet and she couldn’t help but wonder if there was another man on the planet who could be capable of making her feel so much. Not that she was thinking about a relationship with anyone else. Her sole focus, for the moment, was on herself and creating the life she desired. When she’d left Venice, Rae had assumed that in time Domenico’s mark on her would fade, but the more time she spent with him, the more confused she became because she realised how deeply her physical senses still belonged to him. Yearned for him.
It had taken far too long for her body to settle last night. ‘Think about all the ways you know I can satisfy you,’ Domenico had said, and Rae had certainly done that. She hadn’t been able to stop herself from thinking about it.
Those aching throbs low in her pelvis had continued to strike long after she’d showered and climbed into bed and, as sternly as she had ordered herself not to, Rae had yearned for Domenico to return and satisfy her in a way she hadn’t ached for anything in a long time, even though she knew that was a path she must absolutely not go down.
But the tentative emotional connection that had threaded itself between them like a silken web had only made that physical yearning all the deeper. Because the time they’d spent together had highlighted how he could be a perfect partner. He’d listened so attentively to her concern over her sister and his response had been thoughtful and wise. After their conversation, the worry she’d been nursing had been somewhat allayed, his reassurance calming her.
She wasn’t used to having someone to share her concerns with and it had dawned on Rae that perhaps that she hadn’t always been the best at sharing her feelings or concerns either. Since losing her parents, she’d had to carry her worries alone. Her sisters had had more than enough to contend with in their grief and she’d never wanted to burden them more. Over time it had become her habit to keep things inside and to steady her fears herself.
So maybe if she had been better at sharing...matters would have unfolded differently. But there was no point in dwelling on that either. She couldn’t alter the past and Rae knew that she had made the right choice in leaving. That was proven by the giant strides she’d made in building her own bridal collection in only a few short months. If she’d still been in Venice, still been a full-time Ricci wife, there was no way she would have had the time to outline her whole collection, source materials and design and produce nearly a dozen bridal and bridesmaids’ gowns.
Her mother had made the choice to abandon her dreams of running her own catering company once she’d become a corporate wife. She had given over all of herself to the demands of Rae’s father’s busy professional life, and they’d enjoyed an enormously happy relationship, but where had it left her mother? She’d been devastated by her husband’s untimely death and, without anything other than him to anchor her, had been swept away by a tide of grief and loneliness. Rae refused to follow her there. Refused to leave herself in a position for that to happen.
Whatever she was feeling for Domenico, she was unequivocal about that.
‘I should have known I’d find you out here. It always was one of your favourite spots.’
Rae started, taken unawares by the low thrum of Domenico’s voice, almost as if the strength of her thoughts had conjured him home, and as her eyes jumped to where the voice had come from, her heart leapt high in her chest.
‘That’s one thing that didn’t change, I guess.’ She smiled, her eyes rapidly sweeping over him, hungry to take all of him in all at once. In looking so close, Rae noticed how tired he looked. His dark eyes were ringed by even darker shadows, strain leeching out of his gaze. ‘Were you working all night?’ she asked with an undisguised note of concern.
She knew he hadn’t returned by the time she’d fallen asleep in the early hours because her ears had been straining to detect any sign of his return. Upon waking that morning, she’d wondered if he had returned with the dawn to change his clothes before returning directly to the office, but, judging by this suit, which, although immaculate, was the same one he’d been wearing last night, Rae guessed that hadn’t been the case.
‘Pretty much.’ Domenico rubbed at his jaw, dusted with uncharacteristic dark stubble, and Rae had the sudden urge to be close enough to feel it scrape against her skin.
‘Did you manage to save the deal?’
‘No. But I did get their CEO to agree to meet me in person to work out the problem.’
‘Is he coming to Venice?’
‘No. I’m going to him.’ An alert sounded on his phone and he glanced at it, his fast fingers tapping out a reply in seconds. ‘He has a luxury estate in Majorca and he’s invited us to stay for the weekend.’
Having been ruminating on his absence over the weekend with a somewhat strange feeling spreading across her chest, it took Rae a second to process what he’d said.
‘Us?’ she repeated with an arch of her brow. Her pulse picked up as he began a slow stroll towards her.
‘Sì. He invited me to bring my wife along and it would look odd if I showed up alone, don’t you think?’
Her head started to spin as he drew closer, the scent of him hitting her first, and then the closeness of his body—forbidden, but welcome, oh, so welcome. Rae couldn’t help but admire the outline of his chest through his shirt, the definition of hard muscle, coaxing her to touch. With superhuman effort, she dragged her eyes up to his, just in time to see the small smile playing around his lips.
‘It also means we will have the opportunity to continue our conversation from last night.’
Rae knew that was her moment to tell him that conversation was closed. That it had started and ended last night. But, for some reason, her mouth wouldn’t move and the words wouldn’t form. And then his eyes were tracing over her face, pausing when they moved across her lips, and his fingertip was weaving a feather-light trail across her cheek and Rae was so close to forgetting her own name as she ached for him to lower his mouth to hers, to have the taste of him on her tongue.
‘But later,’ he drawled, leaving her lips still aching for that kiss as he dropped his hand. ‘Right now, we both need to pack. We’re wheels up in ninety minutes.’
Rae stilled, her heated thoughts draining away with the cold bite of reality.
Ninety minutes.She couldn’t do that.
So far, there had been no conflict between Domenico and her growing business. She worked on her designs during the day when she was left to her own devices and Domenico had—unsurprisingly—never asked what she did with the hours she was alone. But she was going to have to tell him now.
He was already walking away and Rae took a deep, fortifying breath. ‘I’m sorry. I can’t leave in ninety minutes.’
He stopped, turning his head over his shoulder and a look of incredulity swept across his smooth features. ‘You can’t?’
‘No.’ Rae warred to keep her voice steady. ‘I have an appointment.’
‘Can’t you cancel it? Rearrange it?’ he asked too easily, too quickly, and it chafed at Rae in all the same ways and same places that it used to. Why did he always think her plans were of a lesser importance? That they could be rearranged? That she should jump whenever he clicked his fingers?
‘No, I can’t,’ she said on a deep breath, making an effort to keep tight hold of her frustration, because an argument wasn’t going to make this conversation any more palatable. ‘I made a commitment and it would be rude and unprofessional of me to cancel at the last minute. Not to mention, the meeting is important to me.’
He stared down at her, his dark eyes rich with thought and his arms crossed over his broad chest as he considered her. ‘What is this important meeting?’ he demanded to know.
Rae mirrored his stance, folding her arms against her chest and meeting his assessing regard. ‘It’s a video call with a client.’
‘A client?’
Rae nodded, acutely aware that this was a conversation she had shied away from having in the past—she shouldn’t have, and wouldn’t do so now. Her work was important to her. It was a priority, and Domenico would have to accept that, the same way she had always accepted his commitment to The Ricci Group.
‘Yes. I’ve started designing a bridal collection.’
Picking up her sketchbook off the table, she handed it to him, holding her breath for him to accept it and start to flip through the pages. His eyes moved over each sketch, absorbing every detail with the same steady but indecipherable expression.
‘Why didn’t you mention this to me sooner?’ he demanded, and there was something brusque about his tone that filled her with that old instinct to retreat.
But she wouldn’t.
‘You didn’t ask, for one thing,’ she pointed out sharply. ‘But you’re right, it was an error on my part to not tell you about it before now. Because this is very important to me and for the past number of months I’ve been working incredibly hard at it. My video call appointment this afternoon is with a bride who would like to talk to me about designing her wedding dress. She’s seen others that I’ve been working on and is impressed.’ Rae was aware that she was speaking to him in a way that she never had before, with unapologetic directness and clarity and as though she was his equal, and she sensed him regarding her in a new way in return. ‘I understand the trip to Majorca is important, but so is this. So I’m sure there’s a way to compromise. How about if I fly out later this evening to join you?’
‘No,’ Domenico decreed after a moment’s thought. ‘I’ll push the flight back so we can leave after you’ve finished your appointment. Arriving a few hours later won’t make that much of a difference.’
‘Really?’ Rae struggled to hide her surprise that he was being so...amenable. ‘That’s... Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome.’ He nodded, before turning on his heel and walking away and Rae could only stare after him, unspeakably proud of herself and unspeakably shocked by Domenico.
Rae was occupied for most of the flight to Majorca, her head bent low over her sketchbook, her hands moving fast and furiously. Domenico watched her, curiosity smouldering in his gut. She’d come off her video call with a bounce in her step and a sparkle in her eyes that he immediately knew had been absent during her final weeks in Venice with him. He hadn’t noticed that change in her at the time but, having taken a hard look back, he could see now that she had lost something of herself back then, and that was making him question exactly how great a factor her desire for a career had been in her decision to leave him all those months ago.
He had planned to spend the flight working, preparing for his meeting over the weekend, but instead he spent it deep in thought, being plagued by questions to which he didn’t know the answers.
And he loathed those types of questions. He had enough of them haunting him already.
As Rae sat back and surveyed her work with a critical eye, her lips curling up with a small smile of satisfaction, Domenico saw his chance to indulge that curiosity.
‘May I see?’ he asked, moving to a seat opposite her.
After a small hesitation she nodded, turning her sketchbook towards him. He cast his gaze over the beautiful sketches, taking in the care, the attention to every detail and her unique flair that he’d noticed immediately in the designs she’d shown him back at the palazzo. He’d undertaken a quick internet search earlier—something he’d started to do so many times since she’d walked out on him, only to always stop himself because doing so would indicate an attachment and interest that he’d refused to acknowledge in his all-consuming anger—and had quickly noticed the growing awareness around her name. After seeing her work, Domenico could see that she deserved every word of praise being sent her way.
‘You’re making your bride two dresses?’
‘Yes. One for the ceremony, another for the reception.’
He forced himself to listen, even though all he wanted to do was grab her and not let go until she’d given him the answers he craved. That burning need he’d repressed for the past weeks and months had escaped its confines and was spreading like wildfire through him.
‘This is the ceremony dress. All of it will be Alen?on lace: very luxurious, very romantic. It’s also very expensive, but it shapes beautifully and is durable enough to accept the beading she wants.’
‘It’s beautiful, Rae. All of these designs are.’ He raised his eyes to hers, his stomach tightening as he saw it again, that gleam of unbridled joy and fulfilment. Given that he had once been responsible for that happy sparkle in her eyes, that he had been the man she’d wanted to share her life with, he couldn’t fathom why she hadn’t shared any of this with him. ‘I have to admit, I’m curious how this all came about,’ he said, sweeping an elegant hand over the book and the designs and keeping his voice more steady than he felt.
Rae hesitated again, her slim throat moving nervously and the tip of her tongue darting out to moisten her lips. The innocent act had desire firing to every corner of his body even as his mind was focused on getting answers.
‘Do you remember Nell Parker—I was in Venice for her wedding when we first met? I’d helped redesign a dress for her...’ He manged a stiff nod, coiled tight with anticipation, sensing answers were on the horizon. ‘Well, she runs her own investment firm and she was so impressed by my design that at the time she said that if I ever had an interest in striking out my own, she’d be interested in investing in me. I called her a few months ago to see if the offer still stood, and it did but, coincidentally, she’d been trying to reach me too because her sister was in the middle of her own wedding crisis. Her reception gown and bridesmaids’ dresses hadn’t turned out how she wanted and she remembered loving Nell’s party dress and so wanted my help. So I helped. And then, after her wedding, more people wanted my details. So I’m taking commissions whilst building a collection to show Nell before we make any partnership official. I figure that if I already have a client base and I can prove that there’s a demand for my designs then I’ll seem like an even better prospect for investment.’
‘That’s smart,’ he commented, impressed at the savviness with which she was approaching the venture. ‘Obviously, I knew you worked as a consultant at the bridal boutique back in London, but I wasn’t aware that you wanted to design your own collection or have your own brand. You never told me,’ he said, failing to keep the small quiver of accusation from his tone.
‘I know.’ Rae’s eyes briefly met his and she swallowed nervously. ‘The truth is I was afraid to. Afraid that a wife with career ambitions wasn’t what you wanted.’
‘You thought I wouldn’t be supportive of you wanting a career?’ he demanded, searching for clarification of what she hadn’t said.
‘Not really, no,’ she admitted, and an uncomfortable heat swarmed into Rae’s cheeks as she spoke that truth into the taut air between them.
Domenico’s mouth dropped open. He was unable to understand what foundation she had to base that unflattering assumption on, because he had always been incredibly supportive of her. He’d...
But the silence in his head as he tried to root out examples to prove his point was deafening and as vehemently as he wanted to argue his case, he knew he could not.
‘You liked our life the way that it was, Domenico, with me being available to you most of the time,’ she expanded into the silence. ‘I didn’t think you would be eager to see that change, not when you had made it very clear early on in our relationship that you liked having me by your side and with you as much as possible.’
‘And that’s something I should apologise for?’ he demanded, more agitated than he wanted to be, but the failings he’d just been awakened to were weighing heavily on his chest and her words had ripped through him like bullets. Because everything she said was right. He had wanted it to be exactly as she described. The pleasure and security of having her always by his side, always within reaching distance. Against all the odds, he had found someone he cared for enough to let into his life, someone who’d cared for him in return, who had wanted him to be her present and her future, and he’d wanted to hold on to her as tight as he could. It had never occurred to him that’d he’d been holding on too tight. ‘You were my wife, Rae. Of course I wanted us to be together all the time. That was the point of us getting married, wasn’t it?’
‘Yes.’ Her blue eyes glittered, brimming with too many emotions for him to discern any of them. ‘But I didn’t realise that marrying you would mean surrendering all of myself to you. I thought it would be a partnership.’
‘It was a partnership,’ he insisted, even though he was starting to see that there had been some inequalities, for which he bore a heavy responsibility.
‘Perhaps from where you stood. But for me... I was so busy living your life with you, I didn’t have any time to live my own and I needed that,’ she said, looking very close to tears. He had realised it already, but those shining pools of emotion in her eyes made it clear that this had been no trivial matter. He only wished he better understood why. ‘I needed to have a life of my own, Domenico.’
Looking across at her, Domenico’s throat felt too tight and too dry, his heart squeezing as if being tortured by invisible hands. He considered himself an astute reader of people, but he’d never seen, or even suspected, that Rae felt that way and he hated that he’d been so blind. So ignorant. That he’d failed her as a husband.
Failure had never been an option for him, not in any area of his life. Even as a young boy, long before he had learned the truth of his birth, he’d always known he was incredibly fortunate to have been taken in by Elena and he’d always felt the weight of that fortune, felt the need to prove himself, to make sure she had no reason to turn her back on him. So he’d made sure he was always as close to perfect as possible. He’d mastered every task, every skill, studying long into the night to overcome his learning difficulties and excel at academics, understanding all there was to know about the workings of The Ricci Group.
Upon marrying Rae, he had adopted the same mindset. Be the best man and husband possible. To him, that had meant formalising their relationship as soon as possible, claiming her as his wife in all the traditional ways and taking care of her financially, showering her with luxury.
Only that hadn’t been enough, because it hadn’t been right. That hadn’t been what she wanted or needed from him and he hadn’t known that because he hadn’t taken the time to ask, to understand.
‘I never knew you were unhappy with how things were,’ he forced out, unable to keep the tremor from his voice as feelings twisted his insides.
Rae’s blue eyes bored into his. ‘You never asked.’
‘And you never told me,’ he shot back, suddenly as annoyed with her as he was with himself. Because he might have been ignorant, but she had been silent. She had known and hadn’t given him a chance to fix the issue and make it better. ‘If you ever needed or wanted anything, Rae, you only had to talk to me, to tell me.’
Didn’t she know that he had only ever wanted to make her happy? To give her everything he possibly could. To make up for all the pain she’d had to endure in losing her parents at such a young age and selflessly and unwaveringly taking on the care of her two younger, grief-ridden sisters. Hadn’t he shown how flexible he would be that afternoon, changing their flight arrangements so as not to disrupt her work engagement?
She gave a short laugh. ‘Except every time I tried to talk to you about anything, you shut it down. You shut me down,’ she exploded emotionally. ‘In the end, there was no point in trying any more, because I knew what would happen. You’d walk away or you’d kiss me and we’d end up in bed and we’d never go back to the conversation. And if we couldn’t talk about things, what kind of marriage did we really have?’ She paused on a sad and heavy sigh, squeezing her eyes shut as though she had the power to blot out the painful memories. ‘In the end, it was easier to leave.’
Domenico stared back at her, adrenaline pulsing through his veins and thoughts spinning through his mind, but unable to find any words in response. Unable to find his voice. Because Rae was holding up a mirror and forcing him to take a hard look at his own behaviour, and what he saw he didn’t like at all. He’d made her feel shut out and disregarded and unsupported, and she had left because of that.
Because of him.
The realisation boomed in his mind like a roll of thunder, and on its heels frustration and guilt and self-recrimination tore through him, that conflagration of emotions so strong he felt as if they might burn him alive.