CHAPTER SIXTEEN
VASILISTOODAT the door to a modest cabin nestled amongst tall dark trees. Though he could hear the sea, he couldn’t see it. He looked over his shoulder at the path he had driven up. The blacked-out SUV looked almost garish in the serene forest.
So much oppressive, insulating greenness.
Helia had retreated and it was his fault, but he would make it right. He had to.
Vasili knocked, and sent up a silent prayer that she would listen.
The door swung open and there she was. In jeans, with her hair piled messily on top of her head, without a scrap of make-up, and she was by far the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
Vasili finally breathed a breath that didn’t feel as though it had been forced through a fissure in his chest.
‘Hello, Helia,’ he said.
‘Vasili...’ Shock rippled across her face. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘May I come in?’
He could see the doubt within her. And, as much as it hurt, he didn’t blame her for being uneasy about letting him in.
‘Please. I just want to talk.’
He watched her take a breath and stand aside, allowing him to pass through the door. From the entrance hall he could see the sitting area, the kitchen and the dining table. A glaring reminder of Helia’s past life and how different it was from his.
And against the wall was a packed bag.
‘Join me?’ he asked as he took a seat at the table.
It was a reminder of a different time when he had asked the same of her. Except then he had laid down the rules and expected Helia to follow. Now he would give her the choice.
‘I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Vasili. I don’t know why you’re here, but there isn’t much left to say.’
‘There’s plenty to say. Starting with I’m sorry.’
Helia scrunched up her eyes, wrapping her arms around herself as if she needed protection from him, and it made Vasili furious with himself.
‘Please don’t. It’s not going to change anything.’
‘That’s where you’re wrong. Everything has changed. Let me explain, Helia. I beg you.’
He could hear the rawness in his own voice and wondered if it was his obvious brokenness that convinced Helia to join him at the table. Close enough to touch. But he would not do that until she allowed him to.
His eyes drifted to the bag. ‘Are you going somewhere?’
‘I’m leaving Thalonia. There’s nothing here for me. I need a new start.’
That was the last thing he wanted to hear. Thalonia needed her. He needed her. He wouldn’t let her leave without a fight.
‘How did you find me?’ she asked softly. ‘I left instructions not to tell you where I was.’
‘I know. That’s why I paid a visit to Giannis Demetriou.’
Vasili slid an envelope over to Helia and placed a vibrantly purple iris on top of it.
‘What is this?’
He heard her voice catch as her eyes filled with tears.
‘That, Helia, is every cent of your inheritance. The start in life your father left you. After we’re done here today, if you still wish to leave, it will help you. As will I. I’m not going to abandon you.’
‘I don’t know what to say...’
‘Then let me start.’
Vasili could bear it no more and reached for her hand. The spark of her touch restarted his heart, which had grown cold and empty without her. He took a deep breath, trying to find the words. The only thing he could tell her was the truth, but he needed to start somewhere. He needed to lay himself bare to this woman, which was a terrifying thought, but there was no longer room in his life for fear.
‘I was scared. I have been afraid for a very long time. Afraid to expose my heart to anyone. I’ve come to realise it was I who kept Leander away, not the other way round. He tried, but I wouldn’t get close. Not when I had been warned away. But I was wrong. I loved my brother a great deal, and I see that now. I also see how grieving him only made me want to wall myself off further.’
Vasili let out a shuddering breath. Felt his throat closing up with the ache of his loss. Helia said nothing, but the squeeze of her hand was support enough.
‘I wanted my parents to love me, and when they didn’t—or appeared not to—it hurt. But I had Sophia. And then, when she was gone, there was nothing to stop me pushing everyone away. It’s why I didn’t love anyone. It’s why I never had true friends. And it’s why I tried to keep you at arm’s length. Because you, Helia...you were a danger to me from the start.’
‘Me?’
‘That day in the library I was lost to my grief. Drowning in it. In my anger at what was being asked of me. My mind was loud, roaring with frustration, with the injustice of it all. But then I looked at you, and for a moment it was peaceful. And when I kissed you, I was lost in it. Moved in a way I had never been. And I knew if you had that power with a simple kiss, you had the power to destroy me. I couldn’t let that happen. So I selfishly chose myself over you and I hurt you. I’m so sorry.’
‘Why are you telling me this?’
Helia’s voice was rough through her tears. Tears he knew weren’t just for herself, but because of his own anguish.
‘You were so brave to stand up to the King and Queen from such a young age, Vasili, and yet you were a coward when that rebellion led to something real and powerful.’
She was right. He had been a coward. Even though it had been a fight not to fall in love with her, he had done so anyway. And still he’d tried to keep her away from his heart. There was no bravery there.
‘I was. And it took you walking out for me to realise what a fearful idiot I have been. You took control. And because of you I can see things so much clearer. Because of you I can finally own up to my feelings. That morning when I woke up and realised you had left...’
Vasili swallowed hard. Swallowed down those feelings that now returned. Anger at himself. Hopelessness. His eyes had been opened that day.
‘It broke me. In trying to keep you from destroying me, I’d made it happen.’
‘So why are you here now? What do you want?’
‘I want you back. I want you in my bed. I want you in my life. I want to change this kingdom with you! I love you, Helia. I love you so goddamn much that I ache with it.’
There they were. The words Helia had longed to hear. And they made her want to run into his arms and stay there for ever.
But his admitting the truth didn’t change their situation. Would he still want to end the monarchy, which meant she would never have a family? Was he prepared for the kind of life she wanted?
‘I have waited for those words, Vasili. There was something about you even when I didn’t know you that drew me in, and when I did get to know you I couldn’t help but fall in love with you. But loving each other isn’t enough. I need to know what’s different now.’
It took a moment for him to respond.
‘In my mind, if the people meant to care for me couldn’t, how could I be worthy of it from anyone else? From you? But here’s the thing... I know I used that as a shield. It came from fear, and I have no room in my life for fear any more. That’s what’s different. I’m done with shields. With keeping everyone away.’
‘But we want different things. I can’t return with you now only to have my heart broken later.’
She’d had the strength to leave once, but it had gouged at her soul to do so. She didn’t want to do it again. She couldn’t. Just thinking about it nearly paralysed her.
‘Tell me what you want and it’s yours. Anything.’
She could hear the desperation in his voice.
‘I want a family. I want children, and a husband who isn’t afraid to give me his whole heart. I don’t want to be lonely any more.’
Her voice broke on that last word. Her stomach dropped as the chair scraped loudly against the floor as Vasili dragged her to him and cradled her face.
‘You have my heart. My soul. And with time we could have a family.’
Helia tried to pull away. ‘Don’t feed me false hope. We both know how you feel about children.’
‘You know, I believe I still owe you a thought,’ he said, not letting her go.
Their honeymoon seemed as if it had been eons ago, but she would never forget that night she’d offered to leave. When he’d said he didn’t want her to go.
‘I dreamt of it once,’ he said. ‘Our children...with curly hair and your smile. I craved it but I pushed it aside, thinking that life wasn’t for me. I was so convinced I knew what would happen to my children that I wanted no part of it. But then I read a letter my father had left in Leander’s care, to be given to me in the event of my brother’s death, and I know now that he loved me. He chose not to show it, because that’s what he thought he needed to do in order to be a good king. I have said it before. I am not my father and I believe that now. I have made different choices. And that life I dreamt of with you... I want that too.’
Helia could see the sincerity in Vasili’s eyes. It made what was left of her resistance crumble, because the picture of life he’d painted was exactly what she was leaving Thalonia to find.
‘I hate it that you didn’t get the love you needed growing up. I hate it that your parents made such awfully bad choices. And I especially hate it that those choices made you believe that you weren’t worthy of love. That they made you stop loving yourself. But you need to know I will always love you. No matter what happens. I will always be yours, and I know that your people love you, Vasili.’
‘Helia...’ he whispered brokenly.
‘Do you know what I saw after our wedding? Happiness. I saw smiles on every face in the crowd. They were happy for you. Happy to have you as their king. The man who treated everyone in his palace with kindness. You think I didn’t notice the way you spoke to everyone? You think that was a secret or overlooked? It wasn’t. I paid attention. I saw what you didn’t.’
He leaned his forehead against hers. ‘I wish that I’d met you sooner.’
‘Then tell me you want me. Tell me it’s not a mistake for me to go back with you. That you won’t get scared again and push me away.’
Because Helia wanted to go with him. As much as she was hoping for the life she deserved, she knew there was only ever one man she would love like this. Only one man who would ever make her heart pound and set her blood ablaze. Her eyes fell on the envelope. Only one man who had ever fought for her. And after these two weeks of constant heartache and never-ending tears, in Vasili’s embrace she felt hopeful. Lighter. Happy. As if a light had been turned back on.
‘I want you,’ he said. ‘I want you every day. I want you when you’re cranky in the mornings, and I want you in my arms at night. I want you for the rest of our lives and then some. You’re it for me, Helia. I promise that I will never push you away and that you will never know another day of loneliness. Neither of us will.’
‘Then give me your ring.’
Without hesitation, Vasili handed his gold wedding band to Helia, who gave him hers.
Taking his hand, she said, ‘Vasili, I promise to love you every day. I promise to remind you to love yourself when you forget, and to love you harder when you can’t. I promise to be the friend you deserve and the partner you can count on. I promise to always be honest with you, and I promise I will never be taken from you.’
She watched his eyes glisten as she slid his ring back onto his finger. These vows were so different from those they’d made last time. There were no secret messages or hidden feelings. These words felt sacred. This union was divine.
‘Helia, I have a lot to work on, and I promise to work on being better, on being the man you deserve. It might take a while...’ he smiled when she laughed ‘...but we will get there.’ He twirled the ring in the sunlight. ‘Maybe I always knew it would be you. Maybe I was fighting a truth that already existed. You and I—we’re inevitable. And here is your proof.’
Helia looked down at the ring he held, noticing for the first time the Latin phrase engraved on the inside of the thin band.
‘It means My salvation...my eternal.’
‘Vasili...’ Helia breathed.
Tears ran down her cheeks and he brushed them away with the backs of his fingers.
‘That’s what you are, and I promise to show you as much every single day.’
Vasili slid the ring onto her finger and then, in a crash of limbs and bodies and lips, they kissed. They kissed without restraint. They kissed as if they had been reunited after an eternity apart. And they kissed as if this was their start.
‘Well, then, Your Majesty,’ Helia said as she pushed the envelope back to him. ‘I believe this should go to the orphanage. The Queen has little need of it.’
‘As you wish.’ He smiled. Bright and glorious. ‘Let’s go home.’
And it felt right. As if a part of her soul had healed. For Helia had found her home. It was here, in the arms of her husband. A man she loved so much. And now that love didn’t make her feel alone—instead it made her stronger and more hopeful and blissfully happy.