Chapter Eighteen #2
‘I found him,’ he goes on, ignoring me. ‘He was in the study. He didn’t even have the forethought to shoot himself somewhere else where I wouldn’t have to see it. No, he did it in his study and I found him by his desk.’
There is so much fury in his voice. It makes my throat ache.
‘My mother was devastated. She loved him so much, but in the end, her love wasn’t enough to make him stay either.
She had to sell herself after that, just so we could get by.
’ His gaze sharpens like razor blades. ‘And not long after that, they found a tumour in her lungs. She died very quickly, which was the only mercy she found. But love didn’t save her.
Love didn’t pay our debts or put food on our table.
Love was only a terrible pressure, that ground us both into dust, and after she died, I decided that love would never be part of my life ever again. ’
I don’t know what to say to that. All I have is my own truth. ‘Love saved me,’ I say simply. ‘Ulysses saved me.’
‘And he trapped you, too,’ Rafael says. ‘Because he loved you. Why would you willingly give yourself up to that again?’
Again, I have no answer. But even if I did, he wouldn’t listen anyway so what’s the point?
Another silence falls once more. It’s suffocating.
Then Rafael moves, stepping up to me, looking down into my face. ‘We don’t need it, dragonfly,’ he says roughly. ‘Not when we have this.’ His hands land on my hips, his fingers curling into the fabric of my dress, pulling it up.
My heartbeat is already racing, my skin sensitised, and I can feel the pressure build between my thighs. I don’t protest as he pulls my dress up, raising my arms so he can pull it off and over my head.
I should stop him, stand my ground and demand what I want, but I’m tired of demanding that too. I’m tired of fighting, of not being listened to. Maybe he’s right. Maybe we don’t need love. Maybe the way he makes me feel physically is all that I need.
‘I won’t trap you,’ Rafael murmurs in my ear as he reaches around to unsnap the clasp of my bra. ‘I won’t be like him.’ He pulls the straps down my arms and off, then he pushes down my knickers. ‘I’ll set you free.’
His hands slide over my bare skin, taking away all the constricting fabric binding my body, and as it slides away, I realise he’s right. He does set me free. Because that’s how I feel now, naked but for my wedding ring. So, do I really need more than this?
He sweeps me up in his arms, carries me over to the sofa and puts me down on it, then, with calm and methodical movements, he strips off his own clothes until he’s finally as naked as I am.
Then he stretches himself over me and I’m spreading my legs, welcoming him as he settles between them.
I slide my hands up his muscular arms, caressing his smooth, velvety olive skin, moving up to his wide, strong shoulders and stroking them too.
He looks into my eyes, easing one hand between my thighs, touching me, stroking me, testing me.
There are black flames in his gaze and they’re all-consuming, and a small part of me, the one that still doubts, feels a spark of fear.
Wondering if it’s too late for me. Too late not to want more. Too late for my heart to remain mine.
I’m afraid for the heart that beats so hard every time he looks at me. For the way I feel when he touches me, free and powerful and strong.
His intensity and his passion are a magnet I can’t escape, a light I’m irresistibly drawn to like a moth to a flame, and I don’t have the strength to fight it, not any more.
His dark gaze searches my face as if he’s imprinting it on his memory, noting every change of expression as his fingers stroke me, exploring the wet folds of my sex, making me shiver and gasp. ‘You chose me,’ Rafael murmurs. ‘Didn’t you, dragonfly? You chose me.’
‘Yes,’ I gasp as he slides a finger inside me. ‘Oh…yes…’
‘And you’ll never leave me, will you?’ He adds another finger, stretching me, driving me insane. ‘Not ever.’
‘No…’ I lift my hips, my thinking beginning to unravel. Everything beginning to unravel. Why would I leave him when he can make me feel this good?
‘You don’t need anything more than this,’ he whispers, his hand moving slowly, in and out, making me writhe. ‘Only me, touching you.’
I shudder, the smoky, musky scent of him filling my head, his touch everything, and I know he’s right. All I need is this, his hands on me, his body close to mine, and pleasure… Pleasure everywhere.
He takes his hand from between my thighs and raises it, easing his fingers into my mouth.
‘This is how you taste when I touch you,’ he says, his voice rough velvet.
‘No one else can give you this. Only me, your husband.’ He removes his fingers and licks them, his gaze a hot knife right through me.
‘You’re part of me now, dragonfly.’ The words are a soft growl.
‘You’re inside me and you can’t ever escape. ’
But I don’t want to escape. I don’t ever want to. I want to stay right here with him.
He shifts, pushing inside me, going slowly, methodical and careful now. He slides deep, making me gasp, then he pauses, looking down into my eyes.
He’s deep inside me, surrounding me, his shadowed gaze the whole world, then he slides his hands behind my knees, lifting them over his hips. I wrap them around his waist, holding him even as he holds me, allowing him to slide even deeper.
‘I will give you everything,’ he murmurs, and I can hear the vow in his voice, see it in the glittering of his onyx eyes. ‘I will never hurt you, I promise. You’ll always be safe with me.’
He means it, I can hear his fierce will burning in every word, yet that voice in the back of my head is whispering again. Whispering that I’m not safe, that he will hurt me at some point, because it’s too late. It’s too late to walk away from him, too late to escape him.
He was right when he said he wouldn’t trap me, that he’d set me free. He did, only I didn’t leave when I should have. I stayed and now it’s too late, because I have a horrible feeling that I’ve trapped myself.
Because I’m falling in love with him.
But I can’t think about that now, not now he’s moving inside me and making me gasp. Making me clutch him, dig my fingers into his strong shoulders. Making me scream his name as we go down together in flames.