Chapter Three
So much for forgetting that night had ever happened, Serena thought eight weeks later, the heavy bumps of her heart echoing all the way up in her throat as the small strip in the centre of the plastic white stick she held in her trembling hand turned a bright and unmistakable pink.
She swallowed, the panic that she had so far managed to hold at bay erupting in her chest as the truth sank through her like a chill. Pregnant.
She’d been feeling unwell for weeks now, but had attributed it to the stomach virus running rampant through her office.
Even as those around her had recovered within a week, Serena had clung to that explanation, willing it to be that simple, because the thought that the universe had dealt her the fate she most feared after a single act of intimacy in five years was too much to bear.
She hadn’t thought about that night since.
She hadn’t wanted to remember the humiliation as Caleb had probed her level of sexual history, or the sting of rejection as he’d dismissed the night as a mistake because of her lack of experience, and it had seemed safer to not recall how heavenly it had felt in his arms. She had just put it from her mind and continued on as though it hadn’t happened.
But now…
Dropping her head into her hands, Serena cursed herself for stupidly believing that she could seize that one night of pleasure and not suffer any consequences.
Life had never been that kind to her, and now that uncharacteristic moment of abandon had invited the past to repeat itself with a pregnancy that she was terrified to want in case it all went heartbreakingly wrong again and she was left to lament her failure once more.
Because the miscarriage had to have been her fault, didn’t it?
Something she had done or had failed to do?
That was the only option. The doctors hadn’t been able to provide any other definite answer.
Serena had still been reeling from the shock of discovering that she was pregnant and the agony that her boyfriend had deserted her within twenty-four hours of learning the news, when she had miscarried.
Knowing that something was wrong, that the sharp pains stabbing her stomach were abnormal but that there was nothing she could do to stop it had been excruciating.
It had been one of the worst moments of her life when the sombre-faced doctor had entered the room and explained to her what was happening—having to contend with yet another loss and to do so without anyone there to support her.
But like everything else she had been through, Serena had survived and it had made her stronger.
Helped her to learn to stand on her own two feet and rely on herself for support and salvation.
She would need all of that and more now.
She would find no grace or support from her stepmother.
All she had proven was that Marcia’s accusations and criticisms of impulsivity and carelessness were spot on, and more than anything that was a vindication she couldn’t bear giving the older woman.
But she would have to, wouldn’t she? Her stepmother made it her business to know everything, and by Serena’s reckoning she was nearly eight weeks pregnant.
She’d thrown up every day for the past fortnight.
How long before her stepmother put the pieces together?
And when she did, Serena knew what would happen.
Marcia had been horrified by the scandal of her first pregnancy and, fearing for her own reputation, had made it clear that Serena and her illegitimate child were not welcome in her home. This time would be no different.
For a moment Serena was paralysed by the familiar feeling of powerlessness, of life being swept out of her control again, and she had to remind herself that she wasn’t a child this time, nor was she helpless.
She would be fine on her own. Emotionally she’d been on her own since her father had died, but it was what it meant for Kit and Alexis that troubled her most deeply.
The chances were, Marica wouldn’t allow her to still see them, but perhaps Serena could sit down with her stepmother and appeal to her better nature…
Oh, who was she kidding? Marcia didn’t have a better nature, definitely not where Serena was concerned, and Serena knew she was partially to blame for that.
Although it had been over two years since her mother’s passing when her father introduced Marcia, Serena had struggled with having a new woman in their lives, especially one so different from her mother.
It hadn’t helped that whilst Marcia had made every effort to bond with the twins, her treatment of Serena had been more lukewarm.
Serena had realised why when she overhead Marcia talking to her friends, lamenting how closely Serena resembled her mother and how difficult she found that.
Her father had insisted that with time they would get used to one another, but time didn’t make things easier.
Serena’s struggle only intensified once they married and Marcia adopted the twins—a fate she flatly refused for herself—and it seemed that making room for Marcia in their lives meant erasing nearly all trace of her mother.
It was only through the refereeing of her father that their relationship remained relatively peaceful, but once he was gone there’d been nothing to temper their resentment of each other, and relations had deteriorated quickly.
Had it not meant leaving Kit and Alexis behind, she would have left and not looked back, but walking away from them was unthinkable.
Only now she was facing exactly that.
As hard as Serena looked, she could see no way to keep it from happening. The only way would be to quickly and quietly terminate the pregnancy, but Serena recoiled from that thought as soon as it formed.
She may be terrified, but she wanted her baby.
It wasn’t what she’d planned—she hadn’t been sure she’d ever want to try for a child again after what happened last time—but there was no question how precious the little life nestled inside of her was.
Her only wish was that it didn’t have to upend everything else and once again she cursed herself for getting so carried away by Caleb’s touch…
Caleb.
His name reverberated through her like a punch.
She’d been so preoccupied with the consequences closer to home that she hadn’t even considered him, but of course she would have to tell him about the pregnancy.
He had every right to know. Only the thought of sharing that news with him sent her blood pressure skyrocketing, because how was she supposed to tell a man she’d only met once that their passionate encounter had resulted in a baby?
A man who had been very clear that he had zero desire for a family or to make a commitment longer than a night to anyone.
A man who had made it clear that he regretted making love to her at all.
That shouldn’t have happened. You should not be here right now.
The brutal words sounded in her mind, bringing the sting of tears to her eyes and causing her stomach to lurch with the same violent rejection she’d felt in his suite, the very same feeling as when she’d realised Lucas had deserted her.
Would Caleb tell her that the child they’d created was a mistake also?
That thought made her angry enough to do something she would never have expected and question if she needed to tell him at all.
She hadn’t hesitated all those years ago to tell Lucas that she was pregnant, but he’d been her boyfriend.
She’d thought they were in love and would weather everything together; never had she anticipated that he would run from her and his responsibilities.
Caleb Morgenthau was another story. She had no reason to expect him to be pleased about the news.
Wouldn’t it be a kindness to spare herself another brutal rejection?
Or the crushing disappointment of another man making it blindingly clear he had no interest in the child he fathered?
Never mind that the worst could happen still and it would all be for nothing…
but no, that wasn’t a possibility that Serena would give any willing headspace to.
She would think positive thoughts only. The doctor at the time had reassured her that there was no reason to believe she wouldn’t conceive and carry successfully in the future, and she really wanted to believe that.
As for telling Caleb, it was the right thing to do.
She’d never be able to face herself in the mirror again if she didn’t.
After scouring the internet, she located a public email address on his website and composed an email.
Serena was surprised at how easily the words came and how few were needed to share the news.
But she wasn’t asking him for anything, so that made it straightforward.
Hitting Send, she turned off the laptop and sank onto her bed, seeing no reason to wait for a response because there wasn’t a single part of her that expected one.
Not after seeing all the tabloid gossip surrounding Caleb online, referring to him as Australia’s Untameable Bachelor and documenting the exploits that never included the same woman twice.
After Lucas left the way he did, Serena had sworn she’d never again waste time waiting for what others had no intention of giving.
It hurt to remember how pathetic she’d been back then, so sure that he wouldn’t have abandoned her and desperate to hear from him, checking her phone for a message as soon as she woke up, leaping every time she received a new notification.
Only none of them had been from him. She had only prolonged her own agony and wouldn’t make the same mistake with Caleb. No, her eyes were wide open this time.