Chapter Eleven
Content.
That was what Serena felt when she woke the following morning.
It had been so long since she’d felt anything close to it that it took a moment to identify, but she smiled as she did.
Because she was happy—as happy as she could ever remember being.
Over the years she had learned to draw fulfilment from what she was fortunate to have in her life, like her brother and sister, and her evenings painting, but she hadn’t been happy.
But now it seemed as if her life was falling into place.
Kit and Alexis were happy and cared for, her pregnancy was on the verge of entering its second trimester where the risk of miscarriage lessened, Caleb was proving to be a wonderful partner and she had just been offered her dream job.
She’d wanted to tell Caleb about the offer as soon as Roberto had made it, but she’d been wary—what if he didn’t like the idea, after all she knew it mattered to him that their child wasn’t left in the care of others?
But he had been so supportive and encouraging, and that had touched her heart in ways she couldn’t even explain.
Stretching out to find his warm body, she was disappointed when she didn’t, only then remembering that the beach club was having an inspection and so he was leaving earlier than usual.
He emerged from the dressing room, straightening the cuffs on his jacket, and Serena threw back the bedcovers, rising to wish him luck, but Caleb had gone still, his eyes fixed on something on the bed.
‘What is it? What’s wrong?’
She turned to see what had frozen his expression and felt ice course through her own veins as her eyes took in the red stain on the sheets. Blood. Her heart lurched and slowly, terror twisting its way around her, she lowered her eyes to her legs, gasping at the streaks of blood there too.
Her heart listed in her chest.
It was happening again.
The wait to find out what was happening was interminable.
Fear rattled in Serena’s chest with every breath that she drew, the worst-case scenario unspooling in her mind on a loop as the jagged memories that had finally been fading from her mind returned with furious vengeance.
Was this another baby she was destined to never know, another loss to be etched on her heart?
The only thing stopping her from falling apart completely was the pressure of Caleb’s hand around hers, the knowledge that she wasn’t on her own and didn’t have to navigate the nightmare alone, as she had last time.
He hadn’t wasted a second to spring into action back at the villa, guiding her to the car and driving to the hospital as if hellhounds were on his heels.
He hadn’t left her side, hadn’t once let go of her hand, even as all she could do was stare at the blank wall opposite, her mind trapped somewhere between the past and the present and too scared of what the imminent future could hold to want to get there.
For a moment there she had been really, truly happy. Excited for all of her tomorrows…
But wasn’t this why she was so wary of happiness? Because she knew it never lasted. That eventually it always came crashing down.
A tear rolled down her cheek, and before she could swipe it away, Caleb did, moving from his chair to sit on the edge of the bed, taking her face in his hands. ‘Hey. We don’t know that there is anything wrong. There is every chance that everything is fine…’
‘Please don’t say that.’ She couldn’t hear those words. Couldn’t let that injection of hope into her mind or her heart, not when she knew how hope turned so easily to ashes. ‘Please don’t tell me that everything is going to be OK, when you can’t possibly know that.’
‘OK.’ He nodded, his eyes serious. ‘How about I just tell you that whatever is happening, we’ll deal with it together.’
Would they though?
Even as she sank into the warm, cocooning embrace of his arms, comforted by his strong presence and grateful for it, she couldn’t help but fret over how long she would have him if the worst was happening.
They had only married because she was pregnant, so what would happen if there was no longer a baby?
Would the fact that they had grown so close hold any power?
She knew he cared for her. She’d felt it…
but as much as he gave with his body, he’d offered no words or promises to back up the actions.
He had been clear their marriage was not an emotional affair and was primarily to safeguard their child’s future. So, if there was no longer a baby…
It was on the tip of her tongue to voice her fears when the door opened and the doctor entered. Caleb held her hand tightly in his as she was examined, holding her eyes with his own, promising that she wasn’t alone. But for how long?
‘You and your baby are perfectly fine, Madame Morgenthau,’ the doctor announced after a series of tests.
‘You’re sure?’ Caleb demanded of him urgently, leaving no doubt that he had been as fearful for the well-being of their baby as she had.
‘Perfectly.’
‘But how?’ Serena questioned, stunned to hear those words, because she had convinced herself the news would not be good. ‘How is that possible? I was bleeding.’
‘Bleeding is actually very common during the early stages of pregnancy,’ he explained patiently.
‘One in every four or five women experience it, and the majority go on to have a healthy pregnancy. At this time, I’m seeing nothing to suggest that cannot be the case for you too.
’ The words prompted a flicker of joy in her heart.
She was relieved, most of all, that the baby was OK, but also that her relationship with Caleb was not under imminent threat.
‘You can see for yourself, if you like,’ he offered, angling the sonogram screen that he had been studying intently moments ago so that it faced them.
‘That right there is your baby.’ He smiled, pointing to a small curled shape in the centre of the screen.
‘And this pulsing is his or her heartbeat, which you can hear is steady and strong.’
‘Oh, my goodness.’ Serena launched herself into a sitting position to better see the image, mesmerised by the tiny shape and the sound of its beating heart.
Relief and delight poured through her, the image of her baby—safe and there—scattering the remainder of her fear the way light banished shadows.
‘There you are.’ She touched her fingertips to the screen, the tears that now fell solely of delight. ‘My precious little one.’
‘That’s incredible,’ Caleb whispered. ‘Our baby.’
‘I never got this far last time,’ Serena told him quietly. And it was all the more wonderful to share it with him, and smiling into his eyes, it hit her how deeply she had fallen in love with him.
She didn’t know how she hadn’t realised it sooner.
She’d certainly been aware of her feelings for him deepening.
Her favourite time of day was when he returned home, and her heart fizzed and stomach overflowed every time he looked her way and delivered that slow smile before drawing her close for a kiss.
She loved how he always asked about Kit and Alexis when he knew she’d spoken with them, and she loved how he made her feel so safe and cared for that she didn’t always feel as if she had to be superstrong.
Only weeks ago, the thought of falling for Caleb had filled her with dread, but now she felt stronger for loving him.
For having opened up her heart and letting him into it.
He’d healed her, in so many ways, given her back so much of her life, showing her that it was OK for her to need someone and to lean on them.
But would he be willing to give her what she most wanted? A life with him.
Because he had told her explicitly that he didn’t want love in his life, and Serena had promised that neither did she, so how could she now tell him that she had fallen more in love with him than she had ever thought possible?
But how could she not tell him?
Serena had agreed to a half life at eighteen because she had been vulnerable and scared, and doing so had kept her with Kit and Alexis, so she didn’t regret it.
But she’d had to repress so much of herself, her desires and dreams. She didn’t want to deny herself again, and with her fears conquered and her past behind her, now was the time for her to start living a beautiful, full life.
Settling for less was no longer an option
Satisfied that Serena was resting after the ordeal of the morning, Caleb left the darkened bedroom and shut himself in the quiet privacy of the study, leaning back against the door and exhaling the ragged breath that he’d been holding all morning.
Never in his life had he been as scared as he was in that hospital, seeing Serena so pale and frightened, and unsure if he would get to meet his child, and his relief had never been as profound as when he watched the life force of his child pulsing steadily on the small screen.
All of that and more still thudded through his chest.
It wasn’t a surprise to Caleb that he cared.
Of course he did. How could he not? Living in such close proximity, it was impossible to not develop human feelings, and he had already recognised his arrogance in imagining that he could manage his emotions for Serena and the pregnancy in the same clinical way he handled all else in his life.
Even the pretence of a family required some degree of attachment.
But caring for them, her, was one thing. It was acceptable. Just.
But the feelings pounding through him were more than that.
They were violent and chaotic, desperate and fearful—everything Caleb had never wanted to feel again.
The emotion he had spent his whole life avoiding after the pain of his childhood.
The agony and the yearning. He didn’t like it. He didn’t want it.