Chapter Eight
Katherine found herself in the entertainment room, an inviting warmly coloured space. She ran her fingertips along the edge of the polished pool table. Picked up a ball, testing the weight of it.
She had left a sleeping Lukas in front of the fire. In the aftermath of them having sex, she hadn’t been able to rest. She couldn’t stop thinking about how crazed they were for each other. How perfectly they fit. How he had been the best she had ever slept with. How frantic they had been.
And then she couldn’t stop thinking about what he said.
The pill wouldn’t make a difference anyway.
She didn’t know what that meant but it made her think about her own choices. She didn’t want love and children and sacrifice.
She fetched a wooden triangle with rounded corners hanging on the wall and brought it to the table. One by one she placed the coloured balls inside, but kept looking at the door as she did so.
‘Get a grip, Katherine. The man is asleep.’ But she wished he wasn’t.
She wished he was in this room with her and that was exactly why she needed a space to think.
She stood back and looked down at the perfect J the solid balls had formed, then picked up the cue ball and took it to the top of the table.
‘So this is where you are.’
She swivelled her head to find Lukas leaning against the door-frame, hands crossed over his bare chest—well, she was wearing his sweater. His jeans sat low on his hips but the button was open. His golden-brown hair was mussed from sleep and sex.
‘I thought you were asleep,’ she said, turning around to lean against the table.
‘I was, but then I needed something and the one I needed it from was missing.’
‘Oh?’
Lukas pushed off the door-frame and stalked towards her. One hand went to her face, tilting it up to him, the other grabbed her hip.
‘I need this,’ he said before kissing her.
Instantly, she was returning it. The passion from earlier that had lowered to a simmer was at boiling point again and she couldn’t get enough of him.
Couldn’t pull him close enough, or touch his skin enough.
He was utterly intoxicating. A drug made for her.
A thought that made her panic and slow the kiss to a stop.
She broke away from his lips but not out of his hold.
He smiled. ‘I like the way my shirt looks on you.’
She liked the way it felt on her, yet she didn’t welcome the feeling.
She strived to keep her romantic partners at arm’s length, but she was already breaking that rule with Lukas because they were stuck together and she couldn’t help learning things about him.
Connecting with him. Wanting him. Wanting to know him.
Like what he said earlier.
She needed to know, especially since they had been physical.
‘Can I ask you a question?’
Lukas shrugged but there was caution in his eyes.
‘What did you mean earlier when you said the pill didn’t matter?’
That look of caution cleared away, but Lukas still took a step back and shoved his hands into his pockets. She tracked the movement, knowing she should pay attention but his physique was distracting. She forced herself to look him in the eye as he explained.
‘It wouldn’t matter if you were on the pill, Katherine, because I’ve had a vasectomy.’
Well, that wasn’t what she was expecting.
‘You don’t want children?’ Katherine’s heart was racing now. Nearly everyone in her circle criticised her choice but maybe Lukas was like her in yet another way. It made her hopeful but also wary because she really didn’t need to see more ways that they were alike.
‘No.’ His answer was unequivocal, and it made Katherine want to cry because someone could understand her.
‘I don’t either,’ she said through a lump in her throat.
He nodded, coming closer. ‘I understand.’
‘You don’t need an explanation?’ she whispered.
‘No.’ He brushed her hair behind her ear, a soft look on his face. ‘You’re an adult. You know best what you want and need. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Ever.’
Acceptance. It broke her apart and put her back together in a different way. A happier way. Now she wanted to explain to Lukas because he hadn’t asked. He didn’t feel entitled to tell her how to live her life, and she wanted to confide in him.
‘My mother doesn’t understand that. I don’t want to disappoint her.
She wants grandkids and is pressuring me for them, but I never want to be like her.
I don’t want to settle for a life that is only partially fulfilling.
I don’t want to give up friendships and I don’t want to sacrifice my dream, my career I’ve worked so hard for, for a family and children that don’t even appreciate or understand the sacrifice.
And that’s what a relationship is to me—a sacrifice.
A threat to everything I’ve built. I don’t want that.
I don’t even have pets. My plants are made from building blocks.
I want a life where I’m free to go anywhere.
Travel with Alpha One and then some more outside of it.
I don’t want to be tied down. But I also don’t know how to make her anything but disappointed in me. ’
Lukas shook his head as if he could make the words less true.
Katherine wished he had that power. There was a softness in his grey eyes that offered her comfort but also reflected no small amount of hurt.
He stood so close to her that they were all she could look at.
He blocked out the room, standing between her legs as close as it was possible.
‘My parents’ divorce was entirely my fault,’ he said.
‘If it weren’t for me and my racing, my mother would never have left.
I know that. And I know she blames me. I try to financially support her to make up for it but I know it’s not enough.
And when the divorce and my relationship with her became news, I was confronted with that every time I switched on the TV or went online.
It’s why I can’t let the media in. Because then people would see how selfish I am, that I sacrificed my father’s happiness for my own gain.
I’d rather stay private so no one else has to know that but me and my mother. ’
Katherine brought her hand up to touch his cheek and her heart soared at his infinitesimal lean into her caress.
She’d bared a part of her soul to Lukas and he didn’t judge.
He didn’t offer unsolicited advice or tell her she was wrong.
He’d shown her that he understood what a complicated relationship with a parent was like.
That he saw her vulnerability and offered a piece of his own.
And now she understood why he hated the media so much.
They didn’t often look at him like a human.
He was a celebrity. A public commodity for them to pry into and he was afraid that people would see him like he saw himself.
They both had proud fathers and disapproving mothers, and she had to admit, she would hate for people to uncover that about her.
It would hurt every time someone spoke about it.
Katherine realised how different the real Lukas was to the person the media portrayed him to be. She liked this man.
She kissed him softly on his lips. Her body tingled at the connection.
‘Lukas,’ she breathed and was met with a ferocious kiss. A kiss that made her mind go blank and her body light up like a Christmas tree.
‘I have to confess something,’ he said in between kisses.
‘That day three years ago in the paddock, I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I walked away because I didn’t want to talk to you.
I didn’t want to hear your voice or risk being charmed by you.
I’d just had a relationship fail despite how much we loved each other, because I was so set on every part of it being in private.
I couldn’t be attracted to you when I was in a bad place.
When you were the last person on earth I would ever consider being with. ’
She rested her forehead against his. ‘Because I’m a journalist.’
‘The media has never been my friend, Katherine. I don’t need the world prying into my life, analysing everything about me.’
They were so different. Wanted different things. Trusted different people. And as long as she was a journalist he would never trust her.
And she was never going to sacrifice her career for anyone. Least of all him.
‘I don’t know why you’re so against the world getting to know you, Lukas.
Everything I see makes me want to know you even more.
Everything I uncover blows me away. I’m glad we got stuck here.
I’m glad I’m getting to know you like this.
You’re extraordinary, why do you want to hide?
You’re not the one who needs to feel guilty or apologise, but your mother should. She owes you an apology.’
‘That’s not why I’m telling you this.’ He cupped her face, urging her to listen carefully.
‘I can’t be with you, Katherine. I value my privacy too much, that won’t change.
I gave up on a relationship because of the media, and after losing her, I won’t enter into another relationship while I’m in the spotlight.
Your career will always be in the way, but you’re a drug and I’m addicted to you. ’
He was right, on both counts. Their chemistry wouldn’t be ignored. ‘So we can have this time. Just until we’re rescued and after that…’
‘I’ll go back to my life and you go back to yours,’ he said.
So for now, she could just pretend.
Pretend as if everything was perfect so she could enjoy their chemistry. The pleasure. It would be a momentary distraction.
‘I like the sound of that.’
The words barely left her mouth when Lukas lifted her and placed her on the pool table. A sudden rush of cool air greeted her most intimate skin and she watched him kneel in front of her. His eyes glinting wickedly as his mouth closed over her core. Feasting on her like a starving man.
She could definitely agree to their terms for this.