CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
A T FIRST , SHE ’ D CONTEMPLATED sending him away. Their conversation from the day before was still running verbatim through her mind, had been torturing her all night. She wasn’t ready for round two.
But she needed to see him. She needed to prove to herself that she could see him. Yesterday, she felt as though the world had stopped spinning; today she needed to show herself that this was not the case.
He was just a man.
True, a man she loved.
But she was strong. She would conquer this: starting now.
She took her time checking her appearance. It was important to Rosie that she look poised and perfect—not broken, like she was inside. She coiled her hair tightly into a bun, inspected the suit she wore for lint, slipped her stockinged feet into a pair of heels then walked with a confidence she didn’t feel towards her office, where Laurena had installed Sebastian.
At the door, she took a deep breath before pushing it inwards. He was standing, hands on hips, and every single pretension of poise fell to her feet.
Her breath escaped her in a single whoosh.
He looked so perfect.
Utterly, desperately perfect, but it wasn’t about that.
She loved him.
And while she knew she would have to conquer that feeling, she could only look at him now and imagine a lifetime without him, without their intimacy, without him to talk to, and she wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.
She didn’t though.
Outwardly, she kept her features in a neutral mask of curiosity. Inwardly, she trembled all over.
‘Listen, Rosie,’ he began as though they were halfway through a conversation, as though he’d been having this conversation with himself before she’d come into the room and was just bringing her in on it now. ‘There’s something you need to understand about me, something I should have explained yesterday, but honestly, I don’t know if I even connected the dots then. Not consciously. It’s not like I made a decision, at any point in my life, not to fall in love. These things happen in the background of your life, don’t they? I do know that at some point, I decided that relying only on myself was the safest and best way to live my life.’
He moved towards her, his features taut. She held her breath. She wasn’t strong enough to be close to him, but nor was she strong enough to back away. ‘My own father excised me as though I were a gangrenous limb. My grandfather did the same. It didn’t matter how much my mother or Mark loved me. Or maybe the more they loved me, the more I became paralysed by the fear that they’d one day stop. Nothing could ever make up for the sense of rejection I’d experienced, for believing on some fundamental level that I wasn’t worthy of love. That I wasn’t enough to be loved, no matter what.’
She sucked in a small breath, digging her nails into her palms to stop herself from reacting. She wanted to comfort him but was hurting too badly. Besides, he was unburdening himself in a way she suspected needed to continue unchecked.
‘Maybe that’s why I never felt a damned thing for any of the women I was with in the past, why it was always so easy to keep things light and simple. I think on some fundamental level, I just decided I would never again risk loving someone who might cut me out of their life.’ He closed his eyes, his lashes dark against his tanned cheeks, drawing in a deep breath as though steeling himself for something important.
‘Or maybe it was that I just hadn’t met you,’ he conceded quietly. ‘Maybe there is just one person on earth after all who could make me love even when I know the flipside of that. Even when I know the pain of losing that love.’ He pinned her with his gaze, and she trembled. Though they weren’t touching, it felt as though every part of her was on fire.
‘Yesterday, when you told me about your mother, all those old instincts wrapped around me, protecting me from the prospect of losing you, pushing you away before anything could happen and I was forced to live without you. Because if I chose that, it would hurt less, wouldn’t it?’ He shook his head at the rhetorical question. ‘But you were so, so right. This isn’t a choice. This is real love, the kind that takes hold of you without your consent and refuses to let go. My God, how did we spend five months married with no concept of what we’d lucked into? Rosie, you are my everything, and I know I stuffed it all up yesterday, but believe me when I tell you that I feel exactly the opposite of what I said.’
Her eyes filled with tears. She wanted to go to him, but she was too overwhelmed. ‘Sebastian—’
He was quiet, respectful, waiting for her to speak.
‘I didn’t mean to blindside you yesterday, when I told you about my mother.’
He shook his head. ‘I should have known then, how much trouble I was in. I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. Just the thought of anything happening to you scared me senseless, but then the idea that it would be because I’d asked you to have my baby—’ He dragged a hand through his hair. ‘I should have known, and perhaps I did. Perhaps how much I love you is why I pushed you away so hard. I was terrified, Rosie, of a life without you in it.’
‘Then let’s not live that life,’ she whispered, holding out her hand.
He took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips. ‘Rosie, my darling, cara mia . My wife...’ His voice rumbled with passionate possession over the last word. ‘Will you move in with me?’
She pretended to think about it. ‘On one condition.’
‘Name it.’
‘Can we go back to the island first?’
His eyes swept shut on a wave of relief. ‘How soon can you be ready?’
‘Oh, Sebastian. I’ve been ready for this my whole life.’
It was three days before they surfaced from his bedroom on the island for long enough to have a conversation more serious than to debate what they’d like to eat, but finally, as the sun set one evening, and the breeze grew cool, Rosie reached for his hand, forcing herself to be brave.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ Rosie said, her heart beating faster.
‘Oh? Have you had time to think? Then clearly, I am not doing a very good job at seducing you senseless.’
She laughed. ‘Oh, you’ve done an excellent job of that, don’t worry.’
He kissed her hand. ‘What are you thinking, my darling?’
Her heart rolled over. ‘About our baby,’ she said, teeth pressing into her lower lip.
‘I’ve been thinking about that too.’ His expression was wary. ‘Rosie, I want you to have everything you want in life. If that means a baby, if you really want to do this, then of course we’ll start trying again.’
She expelled a shaky breath.
‘But first, I want you to see some specialists. I want assurances, as many assurances as we can get, even knowing absolute guarantees are impossible.’
She nodded. It was so like Sebastian, and so indicative of his love for her, that she couldn’t help but agree.
‘Except—’ His eyes turned down a little, his features serious. ‘What if we waited a little while?’
She tilted her head to the side.
‘I know it’s selfish, but I’m not ready to share you. I love you. I love everything about you, and yet still I feel like there’s so much more I want to know. Every day I learn something new, and I want to keep learning about you , exploring you, loving you, worshipping you, building our life together as a couple before we become a family. What do you think, my love?’ He came to crouch in front of her. ‘As always, this decision is yours.’
Her heart soared. ‘I thought you needed an heir,’ she said with a lift of one brow.
‘I need nothing but you.’ He was now adamant. ‘You tell me your heart’s desire, and I’ll make it happen.’
She sighed with contentment. Rosie knew that a child was in their future, but in that moment, she also knew that Sebastian was right. They had just found their way to one another, and she wasn’t ready to share him yet either.
She pressed her forehead to his. ‘I love you,’ she said, simply, and in those three words, there was a lifetime of promise and hope.
It was an accident, in the end, and one with serendipitous timing. A few niggling symptoms in the weeks leading up to their first wedding anniversary had Rosie beginning to wonder. This time, when she dispatched Laurena to buy a pregnancy test, she expected it to be negative. They hadn’t been trying. Sebastian had been emphatic about using protection, despite the fact every test under the sun had shown Rosie to have no increased risk factors. She took the test as a matter of course, glanced at it quickly before intending to toss the thing away, only to be stopped in her tracks by the appearance of a very dark second line.
‘Oh my,’ she whispered, lifting a hand to her mouth, her smile broad. Her other hand pressed to her stomach. Her heart soared.
A baby!
And a baby that had simply decided to swim into their lives no matter what they’d intended. It was as though the fates had pulled all the strings, shaped the stars, done whatever they could to gift this to the royal couple.
Although it was news Rosie felt bursting out of her, she didn’t tell Sebastian right away. She felt a hint of guilt at confiding in only Laurena, but she needed her help to discreetly book appointments. Before she broke the news to Sebastian, she wanted to have every assurance she could give him: she knew he’d need that before he could celebrate, and when she told him, she wanted him to be happy.
And so appointments were organised with the royal obstetrician, scans completed, more tests undertaken, and though Rosie couldn’t be exactly sure, when she worked back the dates in her head, she became convinced that they’d conceived on the island, whilst celebrating Sebastian’s birthday, two months earlier.
Their first wedding anniversary was marked with a formal dinner. Many dignitaries were in attendance, but it was notable to Rosie because the dinner also included Maria and the king, and for the first time, she witnessed them have a private conversation. Concern frayed at the edges of her mind, because Maria had looked pale and walked out quickly afterwards, leaving the function for almost ten minutes. Rosie, as the guest of honour, had been unable to follow and make sure she was okay.
Sebastian only had eyes for his wife and hadn’t noticed the conversation.
For her part, Rosie wanted the formal event to be over, so she could be alone with her husband, and finally tell him their news.
At the first opportunity however, she excused herself and went to her mother-in-law.
‘Hello,’ she said, taking a seat beside her and smiling.
Maria smiled back. ‘You look radiant, my darling, utterly radiant.’
‘Thank you,’ Rosie frowned though. ‘Maria, I wanted to make sure you were okay. I thought you might have been upset earlier.’
Maria waved a hand in the air, but her lips trembled, and her gaze travelled across to the king. He was locked in conversation with the prime minister.
‘I hadn’t realised until tonight how much I needed it,’ Maria said, her voice soft.
‘Needed what?’
‘His apology.’ She shook her head. ‘I had given up all hope of hearing it, and then tonight, out of nowhere, he told me how much he’d missed me. How much he regretted his decision. He said he’d been wrong, and if he could undo any one thing in his life, it would be his failure to stand by me. He said it had been like the knocking over of a domino that had tracked through the rest of his entire life, and that he will always be grateful to Sebastian for finding a way to bring me home. To bring Sebastian home.’ Maria squeezed Rosie’s hand. ‘Can you imagine how I felt to hear these things, darling one?’
Rosie’s mouth dropped. ‘I had no idea he was going to speak to you.’ She had pulled back from her official duties in recent months, seeing less and less of the king, and working instead on her key charities.
‘He has asked me to stay here for a while, to spend time with me.’
‘Are you going to?’
Maria sighed softly, her eyes shifting then to Sebastian’s. ‘I will never forgive him for what he took from my son,’ she admitted. ‘But then, he has also given Sebastian the greatest gift in life. You.’
Rosie’s cheeks flushed pink.
‘On balance, I am inclined, I think, to let bygones be bygones.’
Rosie wanted to cry with happiness, but she didn’t. She smiled instead, and in her heart, she felt a lightness that spoke of a bright future and a truly happy family.
The plane touched down on the island a little after midnight, and it was ten minutes after that before they were at the villa on the edge of the water, but Rosie wasn’t tired. She was buzzing and humming, almost incapable of believing that after weeks of waiting, she could finally reveal everything to her beloved husband.
‘We need to talk,’ she murmured, draping an arm casually around his waist and drawing him onto a balcony that overlooked the ocean. The evening was cool, and the moon was high and silver like a shiny coin.
‘About my mother?’
‘You saw?’ she asked, surprised.
‘He spoke to me too.’
Her brows shot up. ‘Did he really?’
Sebastian turned and wrapped his arms around his wife. ‘He told me you’d made him see the error of his ways. Or rather, that the only way to fix things was to admit his mistakes.’
Rosie’s cheeks flushed. ‘I didn’t intend to get involved, but when he asked me for my opinion, I had to give it.’
‘Of course you did,’ Sebastian agreed, with a kiss to the top of her head.
‘What did he say to you?’
‘That he recognised his behaviour was impossible to forgive, but that he hoped we could forge some kind of relationship. He said he would never be able to make up for what he’d taken from both of us, but that he wanted to at least know me.’
Rosie held her breath. ‘To which you replied?’
‘That my own instinct has long been to walk away from him. However, as we both cherish and adore you, it makes sense for us to try—for your sake—to forge an easier path.’
Rosie shook her head. ‘You don’t have to do this for me.’
‘Yes, I do. And what’s more, I want to. For my mother, as well. If there’s any chance of establishing a peaceful relationship, I want that. I will never agree with his decisions, but that’s not to say that I can’t learn from him. As you’ve pointed out, time and time again, he loves this country and has spent a lifetime governing it with grace.’
Rosie’s smile was beatific. ‘I’m so glad. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.’
‘No?’
She shook her head.
‘Then what, my dear wife?’
‘Well, you know how we talked about waiting to conceive?’
‘Let me guess,’ he said, squeezing her tighter. ‘You’re ready to start trying?’
‘Well, yes and no.’
He arched a brow. ‘You want to wait even longer?’
‘Well, the thing is, the decision has sort of been taken out of our hands.’
His expression gave nothing away, so she blurted out, ‘I’m pregnant, Sebastian. It wasn’t planned, obviously.’
‘You’re pregnant?’
His smile was instantaneous, but he sobered a moment later. ‘How did this happen? How do you feel? When did this happen? When did you find out? Are you okay?’
‘So many questions,’ she laughed. ‘Let me start at the beginning.’ And she began by describing the few niggling symptoms that had started to add up in her mind, to the pregnancy test she took just to know for sure that she wasn’t pregnant, only to get the shock of her life in discovering that she was in fact expecting.
‘I knew you’d worry, and I wanted to be able to offer you reassurances when I told you, so I’ve been seeing an obstetrician and I’ve done a heap of tests and scans. Sebastian, everything’s fine. Everything is just as it ought to be, and he has a plan for managing the later stages of my pregnancy to keep the risks as minimal as possible.’
‘Good God,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I can’t believe it. I feel as though it’s a miracle, Rosie.’
‘Oh, you haven’t heard the rest of it,’ she laughed, taking his hand and pressing it to her no longer super flat stomach. ‘It turns out, it’s twins.’
‘Twins,’ he practically spat the word. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘I know. Twins. Who would have thought?’
‘Two babies—’ he let out a low whistle. ‘How do you feel?’
‘Actually, I feel great. Excited. Nervous. But mostly, just...so blessed.’
He drew her closer and pressed his brow to hers. ‘We’re both blessed, my darling.’
And they were. Six months later, via an early, scheduled caesarean, Her Royal Highness Princess Rosalind al Morova was safely delivered of a son and a daughter. They both had dark, spiky hair and pale blue eyes and even as newborns, their hands seemed to reach for one another, linking their tiny little fingers as if in a pinkie promise that they would be best friends, always.
The pregnancy was mostly without complications, and the delivery went as planned. Not the least afraid, once the babies had been born, Rosalind was swept up in such an intense rush of love for her little ones, her husband, her country, and also her mother, to whom she now felt an irreplaceable bond. In that moment of cradling her twins, she knew for sure that she and her mother had shared a similar experience, had known a similar sense of overwhelming love, and it would join them for all time.
They named the children Antonio and Emilia, two lesser-known names from Shakespearean plays, a subtle tilt of the cap to Rosie’s mother, who was always and forever more a part of their family.
Far from reliving her mother’s terrible health fate, however, Princess Rosalind went on to have three more children, in three more healthy pregnancies, and the king lived to see all five royal descendants arrive.
He was a doting great-grandfather. It was as if he recognised that he’d been given the most valuable of all second chances in life and was determined not to waste it. Bit by bit, over time, and with effort, his relationship with both his daughter and grandson improved. The king was nothing if not stubborn, and once he’d set his mind to making amends, he spared no effort. At every opportunity, he did what he could to show how much he valued his kin, and gradually, love won out. There was no going back and fixing things, but time helped heal a wound that had at one point cut very, very deeply.
Sebastian never saw his father again, but in becoming a father himself, he overcame something else he’d been unknowingly terrified of all his life: that he wouldn’t know how to love his children. That he wouldn’t know how to put himself on the line for them. As it turned out, Mark had taught him all he needed to know on that front, and in addition, his heart had been ignited by his love for Rosie, and there was no switching it off again.
Seven years after Rosie and Sebastian’s marriage, after a family dinner with much food and laughter and happiness, the king died peacefully in his sleep. Death is, of course, always sad, but in his passing, all who’d loved him could say with sincerity that they had no regrets. The king had erred, but in recognising that and finally making amends, he’d also showed humility and forged a family connection that would prove lasting and valuable.
King Sebastian and Queen Rosalind were by then beloved figures in Cavalonian society. Far from Sebastian being considered an outsider in any way, his people had claimed him with a ferocity that at times made him laugh. But he was proud—oh so proud—of this country, his people, his family, his life and most of all, his commitment to make things better for every single person who lived in this land. To this end, both he and Rosalind worked tirelessly, lobbying the government, and using his considerable personal wealth to build state-of-the-art schools and hospitals in areas that were financially disadvantaged. Their goal to create one of the most educated and literate societies in the world was something they worked towards all their lives, and which they instilled in their children.
At the start of their marriage, both Sebastian and Rosalind would have laughed at the very idea of fairy tales. They were just make-believe stories for children, after all! Except they weren’t. As it turned out, they’d stepped into their very own fairy tale with a big, bright happily-ever-after, and they never stopped appreciating that. With every breath, every smile, every sigh, they lived and they loved and enjoyed the life they deserved—side by side, for all time.