CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SIX
M ATIAS TOOK HIMSELF to his study while his team went to work on Augusta. She had looked deeply irritated with the whole thing, and he thought it best to let nature—by which he meant his well-paid team of experts—take its course.
He decided to make a phone call to his father.
“Hola,” he said. “Como estas?”
“Is that you, Matias?” his father asked in Spanish.
“ Si . I had wondered when we might connect again. What a shame it has to be under these conditions.”
“The conditions that you have been stealing from my company?”
“A neatly fabricated fairy tale,” Matias said.
“I do not think the information the whore sent to me is wrong.”
Matias bit back a growl of rage. “No Father, don’t hire a woman to do a job and insult her because she did it well.”
“Don’t say I never gave you anything.”
“Perhaps I cannot say that. But you took something from me. And I will never forgive it.”
“If you are still upset about your sister, you must understand. There are people who are disposable. They will not amount to anything. Your sister might have lived ten more years, but the path she was on, she would’ve died young. On that you can trust me. Absolutely.”
“You can say that about your own daughter?”
“I do not have a daughter.”
Rage poured through Matias’s veins. “I would never steal from you. Because you have nothing I value. Let us make that one thing exceptionally clear.” It cost him then, not to make threats. Not to tell him exactly what he wanted to do to him. How what he really wanted was to wrap his hands around his father’s neck and squeeze tight until the life left his eyes. No. Because he would be recording the conversation. Of course he would. He would want evidence that Matias was every bit as dark and damaged as he was accusing him of being. It was true.
“My life is going well,” he said. “I’m on the cusp of a personal triumph. You can try to spread lies about me, but they will not prevail. How could they? I am well-liked, well-regarded, and more famous than you will ever be.”
“You also behave as if you don’t have a brain in your head. And people truly do love to uncover the sins of nepo babies these days, don’t they? That is what they call it. What was once a legacy is now seen as an unfair advantage. And if they thought you steal directly from your father...”
“I think you’ll find there are more interesting stories for them to read about this week.” He paused for a moment. “I only want one thing from you, really, Father.”
“And what is that?”
“When you get to hell, give me a call and let me know how hot it is.”
Matias hung up the phone, not entirely satisfied with his discretion, but at least it hadn’t been a literal threat. He considered that something of a triumph.
When he made his way back out into the living area, the flurry of activity was gone. It seemed as if they had all melted away now that their jobs were complete.
He stood there for a moment and looked around the ornate space. It was not to his taste at all. It was overly luxurious, overstuffed, over comfortable. It was made to be a haven for someone else. Someone who didn’t exist.
He heard a door open, and he turned.
And there she was.
She was extraordinary.
Her glossy brown hair fell past her shoulders in sleek waves, a deep side part held fixed into place by a sparkling diamond flower. She was reminiscent of a Hollywood actress from the golden age. Her dress was strapless, her shoulders bare. The color a sort of electric orange that he would not have thought would be fetching on anyone, but was astonishing on her. Her matching lipstick and nail polish added to the effect. But it was the massive diamond ring on her left finger that truly drew the eye.
That was the point of all this. Not the way the dress shaped lovingly to a body that was curvier than he had realized, not the way her legs looked, elongated by the brightly colored pumps that she wore. No. The ring was the star of the show, and he could see it from across the room. A stunning display. That would call attention to itself instantly.
“Perfection,” he said.
Her face shimmered, and while he was certain it had to be makeup, it seemed to come from deeper as well.
“And you say that I’m the Scarlet Pimpernel,” he said.
It was like he had forgotten that anyone else was standing there.
“What does that mean?” she asked.
“Surely you must know what it means.”
“I wouldn’t have asked you if I knew,” she said.
“Come,” he said. “We will go downstairs and get in the car.”
“Thank you,” she said, turning around and facing the team. He did not bother to issue a thanks. They were well compensated.
“What happened to your famously good-natured demeanor?” She asked that question as soon as they were in the elevator. He could hardly recall having a good-natured demeanor.
“I just had a phone call with my father.”
She blanched. “Oh. That doesn’t seem like the best idea.”
“Don’t worry, I resisted the urge to transform into a mustache-twirling villain.”
“Well, while that is good to know, it does seem as if perhaps it was ill-advised timing on your part.”
“I will see to my own timing, thank you.”
He looked at her profile, at the gentle slope of her nose, the sharp curve of her cheekbone. She was an exceptionally beautiful woman, but beauty was a common thing. It didn’t feel common just then.
Her beauty cut through the rage he felt now. The anger at his father. His anger at himself.
He was caught, just then, suspended between the reality of what he was, the role he played in the world, and the truth that was Auggie, and what she made him feel.
That she made him feel at all.
She challenged him. She unearthed parts of him long buried. He hadn’t asked for that. He didn’t want it.
She was silent for a moment. “But what did you mean by that? That I was the Scarlet Pimpernel.”
It was her words that sliced through him. Cutting his normally impenetrable facade to ribbons. He wanted to return the favor.
“You have always seemed a perfectly pleasant looking woman, but you have a way of hiding yourself. You are more beautiful than any woman I’ve brought on the plane in your time there, and yet, you found a way to sort of blend into the background.”
Her cheeks went red. “It’s my job,” she said. “Also, I am not so beautiful.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because the only time a man has ever put a ring on my finger it has been for a ruse?”
“I’ve never been engaged either, and yet it is a truth universally acknowledged that I am extremely handsome.”
“And very modest,” she said, smiling up at him overly sweetly. Her complexion was clear, her brown eyes addictive. He wanted to keep searching for other layers of color in their depths. But that was a foolish thought. One perhaps that more matched a man who would’ve chosen that particular decor for his penthouse. And not who Matias truly was.
They got into the town car again, and were whisked to the trendiest part of the city where it was an absolute certainty that they would be seen and photographed. And that her ring would be noticed.
“We likely won’t be set upon by paparazzi,” he said. “Not until after this story breaks. This will be the calm. This will be the moment where we spark the imaginations of those around us.”
“What is it like inside your head?” Augusta asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I have never thought that my mere presence would spark the imagination of anyone.”
“And why not? You are stunning. Your mere presence could incite whole volumes of sonnets.”
She looked away. “You’re too good at that.”
Was he? Was that what he was doing? His same old sort of display. He didn’t think so. But then perhaps it didn’t matter.
Perhaps all that mattered was that it had accomplished his goal. She looked happy. And they would look believably a couple. What else could he possibly want?
They arrived at the restaurant and when he opened the door, he reached out toward her. “It is time,” he said.
She took his hand, and he pulled her out into the night. Into his world.
She had to remember not to get lost in this. Admittedly, she was kind of entranced by her own appearance. She had never looked like this. She had never looked so... Beautiful before. She had never really thought of herself as beautiful. She had thought of herself as someone who had an adequate canvas, she supposed. She knew how to fix herself up, though nothing like the way she had been fixed up today. She would never have chosen this color for herself, and yet it highlighted her pale complexion to perfection, it made her hair color seem deeper, more exotic—which was not what she would normally refer to the mousy brown as.
Indeed, nothing about her seemed mousy now. She was more than just Auggie from Oregon, who had lived a quiet life, learning to pay bills and manage medical visits before she had learned how to drive.
She felt... Special. She felt like she was sparkling. Nothing had ever been like this before, and it was tempting, so tempting, to let herself get lost in the fantasy.
To let herself get lost in him. Especially when he closed his large, firm hand around hers and pulled her out of the car.
His touch made her flutter. She couldn’t deny that.
And then he looked at her and she... She melted. Inside.
She knew that it was a game. They’d just talked about how they both had the ability to hide themselves when they needed to. It should reinforce that this was fake and so were they, but it made her feel closer to him.
This man who was...only a day ago he’d been her boss. She’d watched him touch other women, but never her.
She’d never even let herself fantasize about it, and now here she was.
He was a force. It wasn’t a mystery why women flocked to him, but there was something more in this moment. In being next to him and being so aware of the heat of his body, the masculine scent of him.
And how this had never been her before.
She was the one who took care of people. Who arranged things. Organized them. She was like a very accomplished stapler.
She didn’t feel like a stapler, or wallpaper, or like a girl who had been stuck in her house for years taking care of her mother.
Right now, she felt like a woman.
That it was a game didn’t change that. If anything, it heightened the way she felt.
So far away from the girl she’d been. A woman who was sophisticated enough to play games with the world’s most renowned playboy.
She didn’t feel like Auggie, not right now.
She was Matias’s date.
He reached for her hand, and as his fingers wrapped around hers, her breath left her body in a gust.
She found herself relishing the feel of his touch. Rough hands, strong. His walk was sure and certain as he led her down the sidewalk to the restaurant. She looked to the left, and the right, she could see people taking photos of them with their cell phones. She didn’t see any paparazzi, as he had said.
“If there are official photographers it will take them a while to arrive. Though I have deliberately taken us to a high-profile place. Where there are certain to be many celebrities out and about, which means there will be paparazzi.”
Of course. It was a game, she knew that. In her sort of jack of all trades type of work, she had managed schedules, images and a great many other things. She didn’t know how every sausage was made, but the fact was, she knew that the world was primarily comprised of complex sausage. It didn’t just make itself. There were whole teams that were in charge of cultivating images, and making sure people were elevated in the right spaces and places. She just wasn’t used to being the sausage.
That metaphor had run itself out. But she was trying to distract herself. Trying to get a handle on her emotions. Because this wasn’t real.
Anyway, she had never wanted this. She had never needed this kind of fantasy. It wasn’t her. She didn’t harbor secret dreams of being Cinderella. She didn’t need that sort of thing.
Not even a little bit.
But it was a heady thing, feeling like she was part of this, even for a second. Having a man that looked like him on her arm. Yeah. It was a little bit more intoxicating than she would’ve imagined. She suddenly understood. Why women did this, even for a night. Nothing could’ve made her feel more beautiful than standing next to him, and she would’ve thought that it was quite the opposite. But no. To be seen as someone who was worthy of his attention... It was like a drug.
Powerful.
She hadn’t realized that she was susceptible to such things. She truly hadn’t.
But here she was, high on it and him. On feeling beautiful and shiny because she was in his orbit.
“You must endeavor to look happy,” he said.
It was funny that she didn’t look happy, because she was actually enjoying herself. “I am happy,” she said, looking up at him and smiling.
She knew that she had a very convincing smile, even when she was feeling other things. But she did feel happy now. It was just an enormous sort of happy that came with a weight, and an end point, and it made the happy feel weighted down. Sad at the same time as magical.
“You look very worried.”
“I’m not. I’m only just... This is outside my experience.”
“It won’t be. Not in a couple of months.”
Months. Two months of this.
“No.” But it would be over then. Of course. That was the truth of it.
Her mouth filled with a metallic tang, and she chose to ignore it.
They walked up into the restaurant, and were ushered into a glorious, well-appointed corner. It was an old-style place, dark inside, rather than bright and modern like so many of the newer restaurants tended to be. It had a classic British menu, and she found herself charmed by it.
She found herself forgetting that they were on display.
What if she just pretended? What if just tonight she pretended that she was on a date with a beautiful man. What harm could it do? Anyway, it would allow her to be all that much more natural.
“I really never dreamed that I would travel the world,” she said.
Sometimes it still shocked her to realize that she had. Sometimes she would count through all the countries she had been to—many of them since she had started working for the constantly in motion Matias—and she had to pinch herself.
“You didn’t?”
“No. I’m from a small town. People don’t really travel. I mean, sometimes they go to Disneyland, because it’s not a very long drive. Only twelve hours.”
“I forget how intrepid you Americans are with driving.”
“The West Coast particularly is big. The states I mean. They’re quite vast. So if you want to go to another state you have to drive.”
“Like countries here.”
“Yes. True.”
“Where you from?”
“Oregon,” she said.
She looked around. People were making conversation in the restaurant, and there was music. No one would be able to hear exactly what they were saying. They simply looked like they were engaging in conversation.
“A place I have never been.”
“You should go. It’s beautiful.” She thought maybe it was a little bit of a silly thing to say to a man with a private jet who could fly absolutely anywhere. But she did stand by that. She had been to so many places now, and she still thought her home state was one of the most beautiful places she had ever been to. Someday, she would probably go back and live there. Someday.
It would be different to live there if she wasn’t stuck.
“It is cold there, isn’t it?”
“Not as cold as some places in the US. And if you’re thinking of all the rain, you’re thinking of the northern part of the state. It actually gets very hot where I’m from.”
“That would work for me,” he said. “I’m used to Spain and I did a significant amount of business in London.”
“Do you prefer London to Spain?”
“You would have to be a fool not to prefer Spain. In my opinion.”
“You don’t spend a ton of time there.”
“I have memories there that are far too complicated.”
She nodded. “I understand that. I mean... I remember feeling trapped. Trapped in a small town. Trapped in my life. I didn’t think it would ever change. I didn’t think I would ever go anywhere.”
“And what changed?”
“My mother died.” Unexpectedly her eyes filled with tears. It had been so long. It didn’t usually hit her like that. And yet, it was always so complicated. So many layers. Her own trauma, her own pain. Her own sadness. Her own gratitude. She was swamped by all of it then.
“Did your mother not want you to travel?”
“Someone had to take care of her. She was terminally ill for most of my childhood. And... We had to make it seem like we had it all together, otherwise Child Services would’ve gotten involved, and I didn’t want that. But you know, she was a single mother. A little bit older. I had to make sure that she was able to get to her fusion appointments, and she took her medication. I had to help her manage the symptoms of both her illness and her treatment.”
“How did you go to school?”
“I finished at home. I... I didn’t mind it. I didn’t. She was my mother, I loved her very much. There was a time where I couldn’t see past it either. And the truth is, when you start to wish away the burden that comes with care like that, you realize that you’re wishing the person away too. And that is a horrible feeling. One that I... I never really wanted to contemplate.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said.
And she thought maybe he even meant it. She had told him already that her mother had died, but not about this.
“I learned to be organized, meticulous. I learned to look like I had everything together even if I didn’t. I learned to smile. It actually set me up for my job. Better than school ever did. And when she died I had a bit of money, and I used it. I sold the house, all the things. There was some insurance, and I went to school, met my work wives, and we decided that an adventure in London would be the way to go. Connect us with the world a bit more.”
“Work wives?”
“That is what I call them. Irinka, Maude and Lynna. They really are about the only family I have.”
She knew that it was a performance, she wasn’t foolish. She knew that this was the kind of thing that he did every day of the week, and even though there was some more heft to this performance than usual, it was just a regular Saturday night for him. For her it was something singular. She understood why they did it, in that moment. All these women that had fallen to his charms, she understood it. Because this was intoxicating. He knew exactly how to make you feel like you were the center of attention. Like there was no one else in the world and never had been. She felt beautiful, in a way that she never had. And perhaps, most outrageously, most unfairly, she felt like she was the center of everything.
This beautiful man looked at her as if he had nothing else to look at.
She hadn’t even realized that she craved this until this moment. Until she felt the intense magnetic pull of his gaze.
What would it be like to surrender and have one beautiful night with him?
“You really shouldn’t look at me that way,” he said.
“Like what?” She felt breathless. She knew that she was tempting something by asking him that question. She knew it.
“Like you’re considering violating the terms of the agreement.”
“Neither of us have signed anything yet.”
“That is true. There is still time to revise.”
He was a shameless flirt. It was confusing, though, because she had seen just a little bit of the real him. Because she had seen beneath the facade. So why bother now? Was it simply because he didn’t know another way to be? Or maybe... Well, he was a man. She supposed it was possible that his sex drive was simply that healthy. Yes. That was definitely possible.
“I don’t know about that,” she said.
Irinka had warned her. About how people would see her. About what clients would think. And she understood something brilliantly true in that moment. It didn’t matter whether she slept with him or not. People would think that she had.
And so, was it so outrageous to consider the possibility of getting something out of that?
She was a virgin. Not because of any strict morality on her part. Not because she was waiting for somebody. Because she had never been swept off her feet. Because nobody had ever inspired her to do something, to want something, other than what she had.
The idea of a lover felt like an interruption. But Matias Balcazar had crashed into her life like a freight train. They were trapped together. And if they were going to be the toast of the town, the delights of London, New York and every other city, why shouldn’t she know what it was to have his hands on her body, his mouth on her neck? She had seen him kiss other women, touch other women.
She had also seen the way that he looked at those women. He thought she was beautiful.
But if he just feels the same about you as he does everyone else, is it really special?
You don’t need it to be special.
No. Of course she didn’t. Why should she have a need to be special? Special was... It wasn’t important. Special didn’t signify. Not if this was just a ruse. Something to help them pass the time.
“You’ve probably never been celibate before,” she said.
He chuckled. “You don’t think that I was a late bloomer?”
“Somehow no.”
“You would be wrong.” His dark eyes searched the vicinity of the table, as if he was making sure no one was eavesdropping. “I was my father’s minion, remember. My behavior was above reproach. Until it wasn’t. I stayed away from the pleasures of the flesh until I was twenty.”
That was like a small hand grenade thrown into the center of the table. She had imagined he’d been a libertine his entire life. Yet, she’d known that there were parts of him that didn’t match his exterior and this gave her a window into that which almost felt...wrong to have. Illicit in a way.
It made her mouth dry. It shouldn’t.
It was just the subject of sex. When she wanted him, no matter how she tried to pretend she didn’t.
The subject of virginity when she knew full well the status of her own.
“Wow,” she said. “I would never ever have guessed that you were a virgin until you were twenty.” She shifted in her seat, being a virgin at the ripe old age of twenty-five and feeling quite rude for calling him out for holding on to his virginity for a mere two decades.
“Twenty-one,” he said. “I didn’t immediately jump into bed with a woman in the throes of my grief.”
“And you spent all the years after making up for lost time?”
“I don’t know that I would put it that way. What I did, I suppose, is decide to be different. In every way. From what I had been before. From what my father had tried to make me.”
His eyes were dark and sharp, and they collided with hers. She felt something grow taut in her stomach, at the same time her limbs began to loosen.
She wanted him. It was outrageous. They were sitting here talking about their lives. Having a fake date that felt more real by the moment.
She shouldn’t be thinking about sex. It was a performance. But she wanted this man. This man whose father had wounded him so deeply it had scarred him forever. This man who had fashioned himself into a libertine as a form of revenge, not because it was who he was.
This man who, she had known from the beginning wasn’t what he seemed, because she had just...known.
Because she knew what it was like to have the potential for who you could have been stolen from you by life, by tragedy. Even when it wasn’t something another person did to you on purpose, she knew.
She could never know who she would have been if she hadn’t had a sick mother.
She could never know what she might have done if she’d been born into a happy, carefree life. Maybe she wouldn’t be here. Maybe she wouldn’t be a virgin at twenty-five.
But she was. And she was here.
She’d said she wouldn’t sleep with him. She’d promised her friends.
She wanted to break her promises. Because for a moment she just wanted to be Auggie. Stripped down to her deepest, most basic needs. And she wanted to have those needs satisfied.
She had stopped being careful around him that day in Barcelona. She wasn’t going to be careful now.
She was going to ask for what she wanted.
“Do you want me?” She had to know the answer to that question.
His dark eyes flickered over her. “You’re very beautiful.”
“You’ve been with a lot of beautiful women. Beautiful women that I’ve seen. More beautiful than me. So if that’s the only thing that matters...”
“You fascinate me,” he said. “And that is the very reason that I should tell you I don’t want you. I cannot afford fascination. Nor do I want it. I don’t need a woman to be special. I treat her like she’s special, and in that moment she becomes my world. But when I decide that she is no longer my world, I walk away. I create the intrigue. I do not succumb to it. You intrigue me. Without my permission. And I’m not quite sure what to do with that.”
She loved that. That she was destroying his shields in the same way he did hers. That she wasn’t alone in this.
A heady rush of need filled Auggie. She wanted to be the focus of that. For just an evening.
She looked down. “I’ve never been with anyone. I spent all those years taking care of my mother, and then... Then I just tried to get away. I tried to put as much space between myself and the old world as I could. I tried to be somebody different. I... I never stopped. I never wanted to take care of anyone ever again. Just myself. And so I have. But it’s a very lonely sort of existence. Sometimes I... Okay, that’s a lie. I was going to say sometimes I want to connect with someone. I don’t. I never have. I have my friends, and that’s been enough. Right now I’m wondering. I’m wondering if I want more. If I need more.”
“Are you propositioning me?”
“They’re going to call me a slut. I might as well be one. If I can’t control the way that people are going to see me when all of this is over, then perhaps I should get something for my trouble.”
“You’ve never been with anyone?” His dark eyes were alight with a terrible fire that excited her, that thrilled her down to the soles of her feet.
“No one.”
“You realize that’s a rare and precious thing to offer to a man like me. I don’t traffic in the rare and precious. I am very good at what I do.”
“What is it you do?” She leaned in, tenting her fingers, resting her chin on top of them.
“Little girl, don’t push me.”
“Tell me,” she said, the tension inside of her rising up to unbearable levels. The temptation to throw everything away, everything but this, everything but her need.
“This seems very out of character for you,” he said.
“It is. But all of this is. It’s an incredibly foolish thing. But I’ve never played with fire before, and I’m sort of enjoying the idea of it.”
“What I do, is I give women pleasure. But then I forget about them. And you must never lose sight of that. At the end of this time together, I will never think of you again. I can’t anymore.”
“I know that you’re not a silly playboy who doesn’t feel anything.”
He took a breath. “I’m worse than that. I’m a monster who puts on a playboy smile, and charms everyone around him. But I feel very little.”
She didn’t think that was true. She’d seen him shimmering with dark emotion on more than one occasion. She thought he felt too much.
He would never admit it, though. But she knew it all the same.
She didn’t know where her boldness came from. She got up from her seat, and moved to the one next to him, her heart pounding heavily. “Do you feel pleasure?” she asked, her mouth inching ever closer to his.
“Auggie,” he said. The first time that he had ever said her name out loud like that. August, that was what he normally called her. And she didn’t mind it, but hearing him say her nickname did things to her.
“What?”
“I’m attempting to warn you off. I’ve never carried on a two-month affair with anyone in my life.”
“It doesn’t need to be two months.”
“We are going to be in each other’s vicinity, and you honestly think that if we sleep together, once will be enough?”
“Maybe it will be. I don’t care about the future. And all I have ever cared about is the future. But I want... What I want is this fantasy. This one. Where we are both beautiful, and nothing else matters.”
There was a look in his eye in that moment that she couldn’t quite define. A desperation. Like he wanted to claim that for himself as well. Like he wanted to believe in the facade too.
“Why can’t we?”
“All right,” he said. “My beautiful fiancée.”
It sent a shiver down her spine. This wasn’t her. It was a character she was playing. But it was glorious all the same. She loved it. This was the sort of dangerous game she would never allow herself to play under any other circumstances. This was the luxury of touch, of being desired, being wanted that she had always denied herself, because she never wanted to be needed, not ever again. Not emotionally. She could be needed at her job, but it was different.
But this was only a game. He couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t want anything from her.
And all she could want from him was this.
Her friends would be appalled. But they would understand. They all worked so hard. They all had their own issues, their own demons. Their own hang-ups when it came to men. Surely they wouldn’t resent her trying to reclaim some of what had been lost to her.
“Take me,” she said.
“I will. Don’t you worry.”