Chapter Nine #3
She looked out, to the sun high in the blue, blue sky and the blinding gold of the dunes and she was not gritting her teeth. Instead she was gripping on to the shifting sand by her side.
‘Why do you fight me?’ he asked. ‘Even now, you pull back from my touch.’
She said nothing.
‘You never pulled back when we were together that time.’
‘Things were less complicated then. I thought we were two single adults.’
‘We are.’
‘But not for much longer,’ she said, gazing up to meet his eyes. ‘I know you’re softening me up.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘I know you’re going to marry Yara.’ They were staring at each other. ‘And I know,’ she said, ‘that it doesn’t stop you wanting me.’
Rafiq liked her directness. ‘Our ways are complex,’ he said, his fingers or thumbs pressing into her soles quite firmly. ‘I remember looking forward to learning about the sex edicts.’
‘What are they?’
‘Rules,’ he said, carrying on the massage. ‘Khalid laughed, he warned me I’d be disappointed.’
Odd, but out here, with Liliana, he could speak more freely about his brother. It made him want her here more. ‘I asked him if he thought our father had a mistress.’
‘Does he?’
‘I wouldn’t know,’ Rafiq said. ‘There are a lot of rules on discretion…’ He pressed his thumbs in and wasn’t sure if it was pleasure or pain that pinched her expression.
Both.
The pleasure of his touch.
The pain of his words.
She was pulling her feet back, her thighs shaking a little.
No pedicure had ever done this!
He pulled her a little closer, her feet high on his lap, her toes aching to curl, to press into the robe.
And she just lay there, listening to the urging of his words, to just relax, to give in.
‘If he does have a lover,’ Rafiq said, ‘I’m sure she is treated beautifully.’
She pulled her feet back, denying the damp and the pulse between her legs. ‘And I’m quite sure your mother hates it.’
This time, Liliana tied her own straps.
They made their slow way back, and with the tent in sight really all she’d found out was the depth of her want, but it just wasn’t enough.
He, the most beautiful, sexy, incredible man, wasn’t enough.
Not for her needy heart.
She knew that.
But she would try one more time.
Try to get closer before she must leave.
‘What did you mean that night?’ She knew it was a touchy subject. ‘When you said Khalid betrayed you.’
His stride faltered. Rafiq, a trained warrior, showed how much her question had swiped him.
It felt as if they were back in bed, when his hand had paused mid-stroke, when she’d worked out he’d given up running when Khalid had died.
‘You don’t ask that.’
‘Why not?’ she said. ‘I’m sure there are things you’re planning to ask me. I just want to know what happened, how you escaped.’
Rafiq resumed walking, completely comfortable ignoring her question. ‘Rafiq.’ Liliana stopped, hating how he chose only parts of his life to share with her. Omitting the important parts. Yara, his captivity, whatever had happened with Khalid.
‘Rafiq?’
‘You don’t ask questions like that uninvited.’
‘Oh, yes, I do!’ She would not be shut down. ‘You’re different here.’
‘Of course I am different. Liliana, there are things I shall never talk about, and what happened during my capture is one of them.’
‘What sort of a relationship is that?’
‘I told you on the night we met that I don’t do relationships.’
‘Why am I here then?’ she demanded, anger making her bold. ‘Why not just tuck me away in a hotel until it was sorted?’
‘You’re here because we like each other’s company, because I think, that despite obstacles, we could be together at times.’
‘So just sex?’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘Yes, you did, you just said you’ll never talk about certain topics, never let me get close…’
‘I don’t do all that.’
‘But you did that night.’
‘Enough!’ he shouted.
‘But Rafiq, surely…’ She reached for his hand, grabbed his arm, desperate for him not to shut the conversation down, but he pulled back, looked down.
‘You were right,’ he said, taking her back to their first night. ‘You are annoying.’
Yes, that was cruel, yes, that took away the sweetness of their conversation where she had skipped by his side, trying to make him smile, but it was better than let her get too close.
Love was dangerous.
It was by far too dangerous.
For months he’d been engineering this and finally the moment was here.
More than weak, barely able to walk, they had made it to the car…
‘Where’s the blanket to cover the crown prince?’ He could hear Balach talking to his wife, his voice panicked. ‘Give me your wrap to cover him.’
‘Are you sure we can trust him, Balach?’ she asked her husband, taking the wrap from her shoulders.
For the first time Rafiq saw the baby.
She was tiny. Painfully thin with sunken cheeks, her complexion was dusky and she lay limp in her mother’s arms.
‘Of course we can trust him,’ Balach said. ‘He is going to take care of us. He gave us his word…’
There was barely anything in Rafiq’s stomach but he thought he would throw up.
Oh, and this attempt to escape was by far too dangerous.
‘Get in,’ Balach said. ‘Stay quiet, especially at the border.’
He was in the trunk, covered in a wrap that would do nothing if the trunk was opened at the border and they all knew it.
The car bounced over bumps as they neared the bridge and they knew they would be stopped to show their papers, but if they went to open the trunk…
Rafiq had told Balach to just drive through the hail of bullets.
He’d hoped that way there’d be a chance to live.
Now he’d seen the baby…
They were both silent as the sun slid behind the desert abode and the oil lamps were lit.
Both angry.
Both wanting.
The low table had been set and candles had been lit, and when she walked into the seraglio, she saw a deep red velvet gown that Fatima had laid out for her, as well as flowers placed on her pillow.
Then music filled the tent, and it was sensual and low, and she lived again for a few seconds the dance they had shared at the ball. Barely touching, but so into each other. Even days later the memory took her breath away.
And she was not going to sleep with him here.
On that Liliana was decided.
She’d meant what she said about not turning into her mother, and while Yara hung over them, she would not be sleeping with Rafiq.
As well as that, she was worried she was starting to show.
That Rafiq’s knowing eyes would pick up on the changes to her body.
But even without Yara or the baby, there was something bigger troubling her. Rafiq didn’t want a relationship in the same way she did. He didn’t like entanglement. And with every passing moment she felt as if he drew her closer into his golden web, and yet she had to prise out details.
Rafiq seemed to think he could ask about her, know any given thought.
She wasn’t allowed though to get too close to him.
She came out of the seraglio just as he was on the way to his sleeping area and he frowned when he saw her.
‘Do you need Fatima?’
‘Need Fatima?’
‘Just pull the cord in the bathroom.’
‘Why?’ She frowned, knowing damn well what he meant. He was off to change for dinner and clearly expected her to do the same.
Well, she’d meant what she said about not choosing from the selection of robes, and more to the point she didn’t quite trust her own willpower tonight. Rafiq was looking sinfully sexy, all unshaven and moody, and perhaps it might be more sensible to take dinner in the seraglio.
And leave tomorrow.
She’d been right that first night.
Liliana was on the very edge of telling him her truth, that she was scared she might be pregnant, scared what that might mean for them…
He picked up a handful of grapes and ate them from the bunch and somehow made it look sexy.
‘Pips,’ he said and ran his tongue between his teeth and God help her it made her stomach feel weak. ‘I am going to bathe,’ Rafiq told her. ‘How about you?’
‘Pardon?’ She startled, and then realised he wasn’t asking her to join him.
‘We shall be eating soon, and you need to change.’
‘What happened to the man I met and his impeccable manners? Am I not tidy enough for you?’
‘No, you’re not. You’re wearing the same clothes that you had on yesterday,’ Rafiq said, ‘and not only have we been at the stables and walking all day, but frankly, you look uncomfortable. I want you to enjoy dinner…’ He gave her a thin, somewhat impatient smile. ‘So shall I call Fatima for you?’
‘Am I to go to the Chamber of Adornment and ready myself for you?’
‘No.’ Rafiq came over. ‘Because you’ve made it very clear you don’t want sex. If anything, you seem determined to pick a fight.’ He might have seen her go a little red, because she was certain there was a hint of a triumphant smile as he voiced her thoughts. ‘Is that so you can flounce off to bed?’
‘No,’ she lied, even though that had been her plan.
‘Wash or don’t wash,’ he told her. ‘Dress however you want. You are beautiful whatever you choose to do.’
She bit her bottom lip from a smart retort; he could be so bloody rude and also so kind, all with the same words.
He headed off to bathe and she sat there, her skirt digging into her, and all hot and bothered, and of course it was a relief to head to the Diwan Al-Zayn.
It would seem she didn’t require an everything night… A deep bath had been drawn and it was wonderful to slip off her clothes. There was an angry red mark where her skirt had dug into her waist, and somehow, she knew that her skirt would not be going back on.
Was it possible to be bigger than this morning?
Slipping into the bath, she felt a dreadful knot of anxiety. Really, she didn’t need to do the test to know she was pregnant.
She felt scared to be here.
Nervous of Rafiq finding out and with no clue as to what his reaction might be.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the fragrant water.
There was no question—she would be keeping the baby. The very real question Liliana was asking herself was whether Rafiq had to know.
She didn’t want the hell of custody battles and really what chance would she have against a crown prince?
Or worse, if he simply wanted no part in their child’s life.