Chapter Six #2
She had seen her own shock reflected in his gaze, as well as a fury she didn’t understand.
His eyes had blazed, his whole body drawn tight with tension, even after that orgasm.
She’d had no idea what to say, no idea how to bridge the distance that had abruptly sprung up between them, and he hadn’t given her any hints either.
He’d merely issued a stiff invitation to eat, before turning round and making his way back up the steps.
Her emotions felt raw, as if her nerve-endings had been exposed and every little breath of air caused them pain, and she wasn’t sure if she should be furious with him for walking away or glad that he’d given her privacy to process what had happened between them.
You’re not angry or relieved. You’re hurt.
A lump rose in her throat as she walked slowly back up the steps, every muscle feeling shaky and sore, and no matter how many times she blinked there were still tears in her eyes.
She didn’t want to be hurt that he’d walked away. She didn’t want to feel anything but mildly pleased about losing her virginity. But no matter how many times she told herself that, an ache behind her breastbone gave the lie to her rationalisation.
He’d turned her world upside down in every single way there was, and then, after only a cursory question about whether she was okay or not, he’d walked away as if what had happened between them had meant nothing.
Zoe angrily swiped the tears from her eyes as she neared the villa, before swallowing the rest down. She was not going to cry about it and she was not going to cry about him either, not when she’d shed so many tears over him already.
They’d had sex, yes, and it had been amazing, but now that was out of the way, they could get on with their separate lives.
It didn’t have to change anything, and she would make sure that it didn’t.
Not that there was anything to change. They didn’t have any kind of relationship these days except their on-paper marriage anyway, so there was really nothing to be upset about.
Once inside the villa, Zoe headed up to her bedroom and then went straight into the bathroom. She ran herself a nice hot bath with a little bit of the gorgeous--smelling bath oil, since she was a little sore, and once the tub was full she slipped out of her dress and into the water.
Then she lay back and stared up at the ceiling, letting the warmth of the water and the scent of the bath oil soothe her aching muscles and any lingering soreness.
The lump in her throat refused to go away, though, and her brain refused to stop replaying the feel of him inside her, his hands on her skin, his hot mouth on hers. And then that shocked look…
Zoe blinked as something occurred to her in that moment. Yes. He’d been shocked. As if he hadn’t been expecting that to happen as much as she hadn’t. Almost, even, as if he’d been so overcome by desire for her that he hadn’t been able to help himself.
She blinked again, heat moving through her that had nothing to do with the temperature of the water, and with it came something else.
Wonder.
She didn’t like admitting how powerless she’d felt over the years, held to ransom in a way by her own sense of loyalty to Banks, and to a pain that had been sitting unacknowledged in her heart for a long time.
She’d always thought that her hacking skills were her special power, but even those were in service to someone else, and she’d often wondered what Banks would do if she ever lost them for some reason.
Would he get rid of her? Abandon her? She’d never wanted to test the theory, so she’d stayed.
Because at least she still meant something to Banks.
But it came to her suddenly that she wasn’t powerless, not here and not with Archimedes, because she had the power to unsettle him. She had the power to affect him, to shock him, to make him lose his control, and that was something she’d never anticipated.
And she had. At dinner she’d needled him, making him shift in his seat, making anger flicker in his gaze.
Then she’d made him come after her and the moment he’d laid a hand on her she’d made him lose all control of himself.
He’d had her on the table with only the modicum of forethought with the condom.
The tight sensation in her chest eased, the lump in her throat slowly disappearing. She’d hadn’t realised that tonight she’d been testing her power over him, with her dress and her body, and all his self-command had come crashing down, so…why not do more with it?
Why not torture him with it? Get him back for all the years he’d tortured her. Make him burn the way she’d burned.
Are you sure that’s a good idea? Sounds like a recipe for disaster if you’re not careful.
Yes, that was true. It would be better if she could remain unaffected, but she had enough insight to know that wasn’t the case. She was as much at the mercy of her desire for him as he was for her, and this plan could very well backfire on her if so.
Then again, her plan backfiring would only mean surrendering to her own hunger, and that would end up being very pleasurable for her, so why not?
She’d missed out on a lot growing up, since Banks had been very strict and she hadn’t wanted to do anything to upset him in case he sent her straight back into the foster system.
So why couldn’t she take a little something for herself?
She had to live here for a year, and sure, she could ship some guy in, but it would be so much easier to have the guy already here.
The one guy she trusted enough to give her body to, at least.
A thrill of excitement arrowed through her, and she nearly got out of the tub, ready to go and find him immediately. But no, she shouldn’t rush this. She had to leave him to his shock, and while that might mean he’d be on his guard around her even more now, it would be interesting to test it.
He was surrounded by the impregnable firewall of his own control, but she was good at getting past firewalls. She was good at finding weaknesses, at slipping through the cracks undetected, and she was sure she could find his.
Zoe smiled at the ceiling then slipped under the water to wash her hair.