Chapter Thirteen
ASTRID STARED WITH shock at the small velvet box, taking a panicked step backwards as Apollo opened it to reveal a ring…a ridiculously large and expensive-looking ring.
‘Astrid Lewis…you disappeared from my life nearly eight years ago and came back into it with the most amazing gift.’ His voice was low and gravelly as his gaze met hers. ‘I don’t want to wait another second without you by my side. Will you marry me?’
Her eyes flickered from the glittering cluster of diamonds to Apollo’s expectant face and for a moment she wondered if maybe she had fallen and hit her head on a rock on the climb up here earlier…
if perhaps everything about the past couple of hours had been a dream.
She tried to speak and failed, fear and emotion clogging her throat.
‘I picked this up last week. I’ve been waiting for the right moment to give it to you.’ A frown marred his brow and he held the box up closer for her perusal. ‘I chose emeralds…but, if you’d prefer something else, we can change it.’
‘No, it’s beautiful… I just…’ Astrid swallowed hard. ‘I need a moment.’
She didn’t know what to say. Her chest tightened as she turned her face away from him, trying to regain some kind of composure.
Her treacherous mind showed her a movie reel of another moment in her life—another proposal she’d initially been excited about, only to find out it was built upon a foundation of convenience and expectations.
This was not the same as it had been with Ian, she told herself, and yet…she couldn’t shake the sense of nausea in her stomach as the anxiety took hold.
‘Are you okay?’
‘Am I okay?’ She half-laughed, forcing the words past the lump in her throat. ‘Apollo…you’ve just asked me to marry you after one date.’
‘It might have been our first official date, several years late, but I’ll take you on a million more to make up for the wait. We haven’t done things the conventional way so far; why start now?’ He took her hands, a deep line furrowing his brow. ‘Look, I understand that perhaps it’s a little fast—’
‘A little?’ Astrid choked on a horrified laugh as she realised this was really happening. He was completely serious, and he was looking at her with such intensity it made her stomach flip. She made to turn away, only for him to hold her tight, caging both her hands against his chest.
‘Would you expect anything less from me?’ He flashed one of his trademark dimples and Astrid fought the urge to smack it away.
She stood up from the bed, wrapping a sheet around her body in lieu of her dress, which she was pretty sure Apollo had strewn along the stairs behind them after peeling it from her body in one smooth move.
But it wasn’t just the absence of clothing that made her feel bared and raw.
She felt…adrift. The mindless fog of their love-making had lifted the moment he’d dropped to one knee and asked her to marry him and from the way he looked at her so expectantly, as if she was the one acting strangely by not throwing herself into his arms. They didn’t know one other, not the way that a couple entering into marriage should.
He was a notorious bachelor who never intended to settle down.
She should know; she’d been the one who wrote his media scripts. Unless…
‘Are you thinking that an engagement would be a great distraction for the media? Because I think a sudden union between us would have the opposite effect, Apollo.’
‘You think I’m considering the media in all this?’
‘It’s not the worst idea. It’s utterly ridiculous and unnecessary but I can see why you would…’ He stepped in front of her, barring her from moving any further.
‘Whatever whirring of possibilities is going through that beautiful mind of yours…stop. I want to marry you, Astrid. I want a wedding, not fake an engagement to improve the optics.’
‘Why?’ she asked softly. ‘Why not ask me to date you, to try things out? We’re already in the eye of a media whirlwind; flying home and immediately planning a wedding will seem far too convenient.’
‘What’s wrong with convenience?’ he asked.
And there it was. Astrid closed her eyes, trying not to be surprised that he wasn’t suddenly overcome with romantic love and the need to have her as his wife. This was about tidying up their situation in a quick fashion—a convenient marriage.
‘We have years of lost time to make up for and we already know we’re exceptionally compatible. Why should we wait for some arbitrary length of time before making this official?’
‘Official,’ she repeated blankly. ‘Tell me that this proposal has nothing to do with your need to claim your son quickly and efficiently. That it has nothing to do with your philanthropic playboy reputation currently being torn apart in the media.’
Tell me that you want me, she silently pleaded. Her breath caught painfully in her throat as Apollo’s brow furrowed, the ring in his hand glittering between them like a lit fuse.
His dark eyes narrowed. ‘We both know that our situation is unusual and doesn’t follow any of the regular rules you might have laid out in your orderly life plans. We’ve been put in a pressure cooker, Astrid. And you know what? It was exactly what I needed.’
She balked but he didn’t notice, so intent was he on persuading her.
‘Can’t you see how good we would be together? All three of us, living under one roof? I want us to be a family.’
‘We are a family. Luca is already your son,’ she said, her voice taking on a higher pitch. ‘I don’t see why we need to be married in order for you to cement that fact. This…us…it was only ever meant to be just one night.’
He stared at her long and hard, his brow furrowed with the effort of not saying whatever he so clearly wished to. It was as though he were carved from granite, his jaw like steel as he turned to gaze out of the windows into the inky night beyond.
‘Apollo… I know this seems simple to you. But to me, marriage has to be about more than just appearances. I don’t care what the public think of me, of how we came to have a child together.
I spent long enough struggling with the shame my parents put on me as a single mother and recovering from their disownment of me; I can handle a little gossip. ’
His gaze softened at the mention of her lack of family, of the mother and father who had tried to force her to abort her son to protect their fragile, small-town reputation.
She had survived the worst kind of abandonment and come out stronger; she didn’t need to prove her son’s legitimacy to anyone, not even to Apollo.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t marry you,’ she said with finality.
Apollo was silent on their journey back to the house, the roads empty as dawn broke over the island.
She didn’t argue when he said he’d like to take Luca down to the beach without her, giving Jem the day off.
Astrid wandered around the empty house for most of the day, her overactive mind not quelled even by taking a long swim in the pool.
Not even the entire tub of ice-cream she ate for dinner satisfied her as she paced the veranda, scanning the beach and road for signs of their return.
It was late evening when she realised she’d left her phone on silent from the day before and had multiple missed calls and voicemails from Apollo.
He’d texted first to ask if she was having a nice day, then a second text asking if she’d seen the first one.
Then he’d left a voicemail to say that they’d be eating dinner at Leona’s if she wanted to join them.
Then another text just with a question mark.
A few moments ago he’d called and left a voicemail to say he was on his way home and Luca was already asleep.
She sat heavily into a recliner that overlooked the bay, the orange and pink sunset mocking her with its romantic beauty.
Was this how life would be, once they returned to normality—Apollo taking his own time away with their son, leaving her alone to wonder where they were and wishing she was part of it, wishing they were all together?
She closed her eyes against the burst of emotion she felt rise within her. How could she have grown so used to Apollo being part of their little family unit after so short a time together? How could she walk away from that?
She wrapped a linen throw blanket around herself and let the tears come, her longing and uncertainty pouring down her cheeks as the evening sun began to wane.
She didn’t even notice Apollo’s arrival until she heard her name on his lips and smelled the warm scent of his cologne on the breeze.
She opened her eyes as he came to kneel in front of her, his strong hands cupping her cheeks and wiping at the wetness he found there.
‘You didn’t answer my calls,’ he said, worry marring his brow. ‘What happened?’
‘I missed them, because I was so busy missing you,’ she said simply, too tired and too raw to say anything else.
‘I missed you too so much.’ He leaned in as though to kiss her, then paused, his eyes meeting hers. ‘I messed up last night. It was too much, too soon. But, if you think my proposal was just about duty or tradition…you’re wrong.’
Astrid took a deep breath to try and calm the frantic beating of her own heart. ‘I can see how it seemed logical.’
Strong arms bracketed her against the back of the recliner. She looked up, her breath catching at the sheer intensity in Apollo’s gaze.
‘Logical?’ he demanded. ‘There has never been anything logical about the way I feel about you. To call it compatibility or chemistry is nowhere near enough.’
‘Apollo…’ She shook her head sadly, staring down at her lap to avoid the heat in his gaze and how that instantly made her want to forget every argument she’d mustered. ‘We can’t base an entire marriage on great sex.’