Chapter Eight #3
He studies me then, and it makes me feel hot, and not only because of the things I’ve been imagining. It’s as if he can see straight into me, and I’m not sure I like it.
I know I don’t. But I also know it goes both ways. I remind myself of that as he regards me for yet another moment, and it does not feel like a two-way anything.
“It is a smaller world than I think you realize,” he tells me.
Eventually. I get the strangest notion that he is trying to…
protect me from understanding what I can’t have known—especially back when I started—about the kind of clientele I wanted to attract.
“For some, who could never dream of attending any such event, it might seem that there are too many of them to count. But the truth is that there are only so many that count at all. And everything else is filler, or focused on outward-facing celebrities. These are not the same kind of events and everyone who belongs in these circles knows it.”
He is trying to protect me. From my own ignorance of the very, very wealthy. After all this time.
A great tide of warmth rises in me, but I don’t think this is the time or place to show it.
I clear my throat, carefully, and hope my eyes aren’t too bright as I gaze up at him. “So what you’re saying, I think, is that you have a secret club.”
I’m certain his lips curve in one corner, but he turns before I can confirm it.
“The club isn’t secret but what it is, I’m afraid, is tediously exclusive.
And so I began to wonder how it was that everyone seemed to think that this famous detective was at all the same events that I went to over the course of several determined years, yet was never present when I was.
And once the idea took hold of me, I could not let it go. ”
“I would accuse you of being obsessive,” I say. “But that is actually a compliment in my line of work.”
Taio inclines his head. “I began to look into the actual agency itself. And there you were.”
Something runs through me as he says that, another kind of electricity, maybe. It’s that look on his face—
But he turns again. He paces until he is standing on the other side of this small study, filled with so many books and cozy places to read them. He has his back to a set of doors that, given the brightness pressing in from the other side, I suspect lead outside.
I ought to feel trapped. But I don’t.
Because looking at him reminds me of the way we exploded into the universe together, far-flung and yet stitched together like a spell the stars cast themselves.
I do not feel trapped at all.
“I watched you,” he tells me, with that same intensity. “For some time.”
I sit up straighter, a different sort of shivery thing working its way all over me. I’m fairly certain it is delight . “You are the Most Excellent Taio de Luz, Eighteenth Marquess of Patrias,” I say in mock astonishment. “Are you saying that you are also a stalker?”
“I believe that in your parlance it would be called surveillance,” he replies. When I only lift a brow, he continues. “I only saw you and your secretary. And so, eventually, I decided to risk it. You know the rest.”
It’s tempting to linger here. More than tempting. “But your timing was specifically planned to get us to that masked ball,” I say instead. “That was the point of the whole thing.”
“Not entirely.” Something shifts in his expression, though I can’t read it. He begins to look almost angry. “There were also things I needed to do in New York.”
“I tracked her there, too.” He looks almost… relieved when I say it. I don’t understand, but I keep going. “I can tell you when she arrived in New York, but I don’t know what happened to her afterward. The law firm in Nice is certain she died. They didn’t tell me how they came to that conclusion.”
He considers me for a moment. “I do not believe she died. I believe she married, changed her name, and made sure she could not be tracked. And I do not blame her.” His expression darkens.
“Much as I take pride in this family and all the things I believe the de Luz name means, I think that she was clever indeed to put it all behind her.”
“But you talked to that law firm yourself, didn’t you?” I ask. “Did they share your suspicions?”
“They had a great many theories, but mostly, they don’t know. They performed a very specific task.” When I stare back at him, he blinks. “I thought you knew. They helped her emigrate to the United States.”
“That makes sense.” And it does.
Meaning, it makes sense that someone would use a law firm like that to do such work. What doesn’t make sense is how the apparently lowly servant girl managed to hire that kind of high-level firm to do it.
But I don’t ask him about that, because he rubs a hand over his face. And when he pulls the hand away he looks as weary as I’ve ever seen him.
And when his gaze meets mine, it is something like…torn. Sad, even.
It makes my heart break all over again.
“In the end,” Taio says quietly, “I could not come to any kind of definitive conclusion. So I remain in the same limbo. I live under a shadow. No one can prove that I am not the heir that I was raised to be. But they can still question it all they like. My existence has become a stain on my family’s name. ”
Too many things seem to be whirling around inside of me. I can hardly catch a single one of them. But I can feel the weight of my belly, solid and real.
And I know that some things are true no matter if there are stains or not.
My child will not be a scandal. My child will not be caught in a trap not of its own making. Not like I was. Not like Taio still is.
I will not be the kind of parent who lets my child suffer.
I will not create that kind of suffering in another person, no matter how little I like to think my childhood affects me now.
But by the same token, I don’t want either this child—or me—to add to Taio’s suffering now, caught in this spiral he can’t seem to escape.
I can see only one way forward. “I came here because I wanted you to know that what happened between us resulted in this baby,” I tell him, and it hurts to keep my voice even, but I manage it.
He wanted to protect me, and about something so small.
I can protect him, too. “Now you know, Taio. But this does not have to complicate your life. This does not have to add to the stain.”
His eyes darken near enough to midnight. He doesn’t move, and yet it seems as if he expands . Until it’s as if he’s taken up all the space in this tiny little study, and all the air, too. His eyes blaze at me.
“I beg your pardon?” he asks, very quietly.
Possibly too quietly, because the question seems to sneak over my skin like a lick of a new flame, but I ignore it.
“I’ll sign whatever you like,” I assure him.
“I’m obviously perfectly capable of taking care of this child on my own.
You don’t have to be involved.” I hold my hands out, though I’m not entirely sure why I feel the need to act the part of the supplicant.
“No need for any further stains on your name. My name is completely unremarkable. No one cares if it’s tattered or torn. ”
I can’t tell if what I hear now is the blood in my ears or that clock, still ticking away while we stay where we are. Too still when it feels as if we’re sitting on some kind of volcano.
It’s hard to swallow. My throat hurts.
I can’t look away from him.
“I think you have mistaken my meaning,” Taio says, and I realize that the only way to describe his voice is dangerous .
“I do not believe that I am illegitimate, Annagret. I do not accept it. What I do know is that no child of mine will be born without the protection of my name. This I can assure you.”
My lips feel chapped. “What are you talking about?”
“It is very simple.” He lifts a brow, every inch of him the Spanish aristocrat, lord of all he surveys, including me. Maybe especially me. “We must marry at once.”