Chapter Nineteen
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Tap tap.
The knock on the glass door to Jasmine’s office was far gentler than Jenna’s, and before she even glanced up a frisson of recognition ran down her spine.
Emilio was standing at the door. Every cell in her body wanted to leap into his arms. But she didn’t. She stayed exactly where she was.
He was as beautiful as ever, but she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. His hair was mussed in a way that made her think he wasn’t really taking care of himself. Clearly, she wasn’t the only one suffering.
‘Hello, Jasmine,’ he greeted her softly as he opened the door.
‘I don’t want to see you, Emilio.’ A lie, but she didn’t know what to do with the truth. She still hurt.
‘I need to talk to you, belleza . I’ll wait all day if I have to.’
Hearing him call her that made her want to weep. Made memories of their time in Italy return in full force. She so desperately wished she could return there, but it was in the past. There was no regaining the trust he broke…was there?
But if he hung around her office all day it would be torture, not to mention a distraction for everyone. She doubted he’d make a scene, but still…
Her desk phone rang loudly, and she looked at the flashing light on the keypad. She was genuinely busy. She could ignore Emilio or send him away. But for weeks she had missed him. She wanted to talk to him.
‘Not here.’
‘Come with me, then,’ he said softly, his palm outstretched. ‘Please, Jasmine.’
She looked at his hand. Every cell in her body screamed at her to take it, but she couldn’t.
She would, however, go with him. Hear him out.
‘Fine . ’
They made their way down to the street. The Maybach she’d expected wasn’t there. Instead, Emilio walked up to a large white SUV and opened the door for her.
‘You drove?’ Emilio never drove anywhere. He didn’t trust himself enough to do so and yet, when he opened the door, she spotted a child seat already fitted in the back.
She had seen this car before. It hadn’t been her mind playing tricks on her that morning after she’d returned from Italy. It had been Emilio.
‘I did,’ he said cautiously—caution at her reaction, she realised. So she stepped forward and climbed into the car.
‘Where are we going?’ she asked when they pulled out into the traffic.
‘Home.’
‘Then you’re going in the wrong direction.’
‘We’re going to mine. I didn’t know if you’d want me at yours. And I need you to know that, no matter what happens after we talk, the penthouse will always be your home too.’
‘Belleza, my home is our home. Our child’s home.’ That was what he’d said at the gallery, before everything had gone up in flames.
When they finally arrived and entered his penthouse, it felt as if no time had passed since she’d last been there. Since their wedding. She could still picture getting dressed in the guest room. Could see her mother witnessing their signatures as they’d stepped into the living room.
Jasmine swallowed thickly. No matter how badly she missed Emilio, she had to remain strong. ‘Say what you need to then I’ll leave.’
‘Will you take a seat?’
‘No,’ she replied defiantly. She wanted to be here too much. If she got comfortable, she might not want to leave. ‘Now, talk.’
Emilio didn’t join her. He kept his distance, standing with the coffee table between them. She saw his hand twitch towards her but he stiffened his arm at his side. She knew how that felt. It was the same for her.
‘I know what I did was wrong,’ he started. ‘Both when I was young and now, with you. Sleeping with Gia is the thing I am most ashamed of in my life. It’s never far from my mind, and I know it can never be undone. I deserve to pay for it.’
Jasmine didn’t disagree with him—what he had done to Enzo was awful—but she would be lying if she said she didn’t hear his self-loathing in those words.
Emilio began pacing, as if it would help the words flow; Jasmine didn’t comment on it, choosing instead to watch him. This honesty was what she had wanted from the start.
‘For so long, I was jealous of my brother. I saw the relationship he had with my father, the manner in which he was favoured, and I craved it. Craved a relationship with him too, but when it didn’t happen it was easier to hate him.
But now, after talking to him, I realise that he was no better off than me. ’
‘You spoke to Enzo?’ Jasmine was shocked.
‘I imagine he’s still in my office making a nuisance of himself.’ Emilio huffed a laugh.
He was making jokes about his brother now… Was he making actual, healthy changes to his life?
You saw the car.
She had. That was a large part of why she was here right now.
‘See, the thing is, I had no one to show me what life was really like for him. All I knew was that Gia was someone important to Enzo and she’d chosen me. However briefly, she’d chosen me.’ His eyes scrunched shut.
Jasmine could tell the words were being ripped from deep within him. Could see the hurt and shame.
‘You always want what you can’t have,’ she said, remembering watching other kids at school, kids whose parents used to take them on vacations and drop them off in fancy cars.
Mothers and fathers in the audience during recitals.
She’d known she couldn’t have that, but she’d gone to bed thinking about it every night.
Emilio nodded. ‘I was hoping to be loved and I think that’s why I connected with Gia. Even though now I know how ridiculous it was. I didn’t love her, and she certainly didn’t love me.’ He looked at the floor. ‘I just wanted to be chosen.’
It sounded as if he was saying it more to himself than to Jasmine. Maybe he realised, because he cleared his throat and continued. ‘But, after I slept with her, I knew no one ever would. I knew I wasn’t good.’
He covered his eyes with his hand, but she could see the frown on his forehead. Could see the agony in his downturned lips.
‘Maybe my father had always known that.’
Jasmine couldn’t take it any longer. His pain felt like her own. Her eyes welled up. She went to him, pulling his hand away so he could look into her face.
‘That’s not true,’ she said. ‘I’ve seen the good in you.’ It had all been good. Right up until the point it wasn’t. She ought to step away, but she couldn’t see him in agony. Her body sang when his was close.
She was torn.
‘I don’t want you to comfort me, belleza .
I deserve to feel this. I just want you to understand why I couldn’t tell you.
I knew that I didn’t deserve you—was convinced that, if you knew everything, you would never be able to care for me in any way.
I already knew you couldn’t love me, but I loved you.
I do love you. I wanted to hold onto you despite all of it.
And, even if you walk away from me today, I will go on loving you until my last breath.
I will always be there for you and our baby. ’
‘Emilio.’ She swallowed past the lump in her throat. ‘That night in Venice… I didn’t want you to tell me you loved me when I felt so betrayed, but I have come to realise I love you too…’
‘You do?’ Emilio cupped her face in his warm hands. Hope sparked in his brown eyes.
‘Yes. But, if you could do that to your brother, how badly could you hurt me? Hurt our child?’ Jasmine still felt stuck on that point.
He had healed so much of her. He had such goodness in him, but had he changed enough?
She put her hands on his chest, unsure if she wanted to push him away or clutch him tighter.
‘I want to believe in you. God knows, I do. I’m just scared. ’
As the words left her mouth, she realised that she still trusted him enough to put aside strength and show him her vulnerabilities.
‘Then let me tell you who I am. I am a man who loved his mother, who was ignored by his father, who was jealous of his brother and unfairly hated him because of it. I’ve done two terrible things.
I slept with my brother’s fiancée—I have since asked for his forgiveness, which he gave to me.
I don’t understand it. And I hid my actions from the woman I loved—something I regret so deeply.
‘It was selfish. I was scared of losing her, but I should have given her the choice to stay. I am a man who wanted so desperately to leave a De Luca legacy for my child, but that’s impossible, because the vineyards were never my mother’s.
My father lied to her just like I lied. I have never been so disgusted at myself. I never want to be him.’
He’d lost the vineyards… Jasmine’s hands fisted in his shirt. She wanted to comfort him but she stopped herself from saying anything, doing anything further, because she needed Emilio to continue.
‘I am a man who wants to mend the relationship with his brother, and I am a man begging his wife, the love of his life, for a chance to show the real him. I’m flawed, Jasmine; I make spectacular mistakes, but I am not the person I was back then.
I vow to be honest with you. To be worthy of you.
To be someone you can trust—not just with your heart but with your worries and anxieties.
I want to be the person you feel yourself with. ’
‘Emilio . ’ Tears streamed down her face.
He wiped them away with his thumbs. All she had wanted was this honesty.
For him to be open with her. ‘Emilio, you already are that person. From the start, I was nothing but myself with you. It had been such a long time since I was able to do that, and the longer we were together the easier it became.’ She looked at the ring still twinkling prettily on her finger, then into his eyes.
‘All I ever wanted was for you be open with me. Just like this.’
‘You make me a better man, Jasmine.’
‘No, I don’t. You were always good.’ She felt the truth of it to her soul. ‘You just did a bad thing.’
He rested his forehead against hers and, just like that, the weeks of agony lifted. It felt as if she belonged in his embrace.
‘I’m scared too,’ he said softly. ‘I’m terrified that you’ll reject me.’
‘I don’t want to,’ Jasmine admitted.
‘Then will you give me another chance?’ Emilio whispered. ‘Will you forgive me?’
‘Yes.’
His lips were on hers in an instant, his kiss desperate.
His relief palpable. And when she kissed him back his moan ignited her blood.
Her arms went around his neck pulling him closer, and the embrace, already uncontrolled, became a storm of all their love.
All their passion. His taste, his scent… they were so familiar. It was home.
‘I couldn’t let you go.’ Jasmine breathed against his lips.
‘You’ll never have to. I promise, belleza . I’ll be worthy of you. I love you.’
‘I love you too.’ She smiled, her heart lighter than it had ever been. There was nothing between them now. They could finally be together. Be a family. ‘I really love it here, but what would you say to coming home with me?’
‘You want me to move in?’ He stiffened under her touch. She could tell he was holding his breath.
‘I’ve had more than enough time without you. I refuse to do it for one more night.’
‘ Amore …we can go right now.’